Travellin' South - The Dominant Kiss?

[Netzach]

It's really interesting to be with a switch with an oral fixation. I think part of the fun is flexing my muscle and squeezing my thighs around his head or grabbing his face when I can tell that the "vibe" is changing to one where he's asserting himself via my incapacitation and enjoyment...or not. One picks her battles. Sometimes being held down knowing you'll just be pegging that ass later is just dandy.

Comparing that to M who's definitely into it but with much less agenda, much less "me boy, stud, top rrr" brain wiring to trip and it's really interesting. Because you'd think that without the ability to just kick back and relax I'd never get off, but no, both scenarios are equally as lovely to me.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Hopefully I am not repeatng a previous topic, but to date I could only find its opposite discussed as a thread topic. As part of my journey of submission, the topic of Dominants and their willingness or desire to perform cunnilingus or fellatio on their submissive/s has at times become an interesting discussion with a variety of responses I think are worth exploring. There seems to be those who do, those who don't, and those who do or don't for a specific purpose especially during play. For now I am choosing not to list the variation of reasons and thoughts which have been shared with me in the interests of encouraging an open discussion not foreshadowed by any previous statements.

I think from the submissive, especially female, POV it is often a misunderstood or gray area of the sexual relationship which is not always that easily raised for discussion with their Dominant, or welcomed, depending on the circumstances. While I am aware some may not see it as a specific BDSM related issue, I know for many the whole act is related to the Dominant's perception, and at times the submissive's also. I would love both Dom/mes and submissives to share their thoughts and experiences in the hope we may all learn a little more about the life we choose to live, and those who share our choices.

Catalina

Maybe it's that I'm a switch, but my slave and I have never viewed oral sex as being Dom or sub....those are connotations from which I try to liberate oral sex acts....and I believe that she agrees with me here...it's a label that is based on the misconception that doing something to please your sub is being insufficiently dominant...as if you're somehow supposed to be selfish all of the time as a Dom...I just don't see it that way...but that's me...

 

[myinnerslut]

i love it when someone goes down on me. A knows that and thus uses it as a reward. a very hard to earn reward at that. i only earned it once in the past six to eight months.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Maybe it's that I'm a switch, but my slave and I have never viewed oral sex as being Dom or sub....those are connotations from which I try to liberate oral sex acts....and I believe that she agrees with me here...it's a label that is based on the misconception that doing something to please your sub is being insufficiently dominant...as if you're somehow supposed to be selfish all of the time as a Dom...I just don't see it that way...but that's me...

you are not alone in this thought. Master and i do not think oral sex is submissive or Dominant either, and i think you are right in your thoughts about how too many think that if the Dom 'pleases' His submissive that He is less Dominant.

 

[catalina_francisco]

you are not alone in this thought. Master and i do not think oral sex is submissive or Dominant either, and i think you are right in your thoughts about how too many think that if the Dom 'pleases' His submissive that He is less Dominant.

LOL, no such problems here...he demands I feel pleasure and show it.

Catalina

 

[lil_slave_rose]

LOL, no such problems here...he demands I feel pleasure and show it.

Catalina

same here

 

[Netzach]

One of my bottoms, the same one I don't mind asserting himself orally, is also someone who has done so much physical pain in his regular life that using pain to get him to zone or react strongly takes so much more effort than I can stand. And I can stand a bit of effort. I admit I have a lot more emotional investment in this one, and on some level, failing to get reaction or have success with the kinds of sensation that other people react to feels too much like a kind of rejection or failure for me to really fixate on those games.

But I can totally flip him, make him crumble and melt, with pleasure as the means. It's really amazing how that gets the big reaction. Which I think, ultimately, is what I am after. Whatever the "big reaction" is, that's when I feel like I've got the control, got the person completely. It's especially sweet if he's cognizant of that, and of the dynamic, and of the flip, which this one is. If it's just some guy really really enjoying being blown, been there done that, whatev.

 

[BiBunny]

It's really interesting to be with a switch with an oral fixation.

Ditto. I love giving and receiving oral, male or female, top or bottom. When I'm on top, I love to give oral while doing something quite painful at the same time, making it perfectly clear that if the sub wants the painful stimulus to stop, the pleasurable one's going to stop, too. It's amazing how long a person can last.

On bottom, it's definitely a way to control me because I'm so unbelievably sensitive. After just a few minutes of having my clit licked, it gets uncomfortable. Being forced to cum even when it hurts is, well, super hot.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

you are not alone in this thought. Master and i do not think oral sex is submissive or Dominant either, and i think you are right in your thoughts about how too many think that if the Dom 'pleases' His submissive that He is less Dominant.

Glad to know that I'm not alone there.

 

[Laura0605]

Here i was kind of bored and wandering through the BDSM boards when i come across this topic.....of which i have been thinking so hard on!!! While i am collared to my wonderful Master(and his wife) this is something that i have been extremely confused by. my Master very rarely goes down on me but i happen to know this is something that He does with my Mistress quite often as she loves it! When our relationship started, i too was a little uncomfortable with oral sex (the receiving only, i adore giving) and had mentioned this to him. At one point i asked him if he thought that he withheld that act with me because he felt that he should keep that as something 'special' to do with his wife he said...'maybe so'....and so a few months later when he did end up going down on me i felt like....oh my gosh, i have really been accepted! And i genuinely adored it and was shocked at how quickly i came! Then...about a month later he meets a new sub that he has found online and he and his wife go to lunch, etc....with her to meet her and get to know her. The lunch goes so well that it leads into dinner and shopping...and then my Master takes the sub back to her hotel room where he says that he 'tests' her, which i believed to be something different. The night I meet her and we are all expecting to play together, i find out through an off the cuff comment from her that He went down on her at her hotel room, on that very first night of meeting her. It is not that act that really bothers me....it is knowing that he did this with her on that first night when it had taken him months to do something like that with me. I was crushed....and unable to discuss it. Since then, it is something that does not happen often and when it does it is not done for a very long period of time, which confuses me. I don't know if this is something that is normal or not....or if it is just me....and not something he enjoys with me.
So...thank you for bringing up this subject! It has opened my eyes a little.

 

[tzigane]

Laura, I'm afraid I don't know quite what to tell you. Oral means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, and the meaning can even vary by situation. The only thing that I can say is that if you feel truly uncomfortable with what is going on, you should say something.

With regards to the original question...My experiences with oral and men, up until my current relationship, were quite vanilla and on the whole pretty ambivalent or entirely unpleasant. Oral is, in theory, "safer" than penetrative sex - so if I wanted to hook up with someone but wasn't quite comfortable enough for sex, it was an option. That resulted in some pretty mediocre, rather drunken encounters, both giving and receiving. I also had a boyfriend for a while who absolutely refused to go down on me...told me it tasted too bad to handle. Don't know why I kept him around for so long. He definitely gave me a complex. After him, I was pretty anti-oral on both sides of the game when it came to men.

Women, on the other hand - I still fantasize about the first time I went down on a woman. I was definitely in control of that situation, now that I think about it, and there was something indescribably intense and erotic about the way it felt when her hips jerked with pleasure against my mouth and my hands. And she tasted so good...

Now, my current SO, before I met him, had formed a cunnilingus fan club with a few of his supremely masculine friends. Despite this, I was rather reluctant to let him go down on me. (Thanks, ex. I was sure he'd be grossed out by the way I tasted and two men thinking that would be too much for me to deal with.) However, after numerous repetitions of how good I taste and many, many, many orgasms, I have to say - the man has a gift. One which I appreciate more every day. And he's verbally/audibly responsive enough that I really believe he enjoys what I'm doing when I go down on him, so I've taken to teasing/tormenting/pleasing him with it much, much more often.

All of that said, I don't think that oral is inherently submissive or dominant. It depends very much upon the situation. If he's holding my hips so hard I bruise and won't stop licking no matter how hard I squirm or how many times I come, he's dominating me; if I'm squeezing his head with my thighs or pulling his hair to direct his movements, I'm the one on top even though I'm on my back.

That was longwinded. And now all I can think about is oral sex. Grrrr...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oral is, in theory, "safer" than penetrative sex - so if I wanted to hook up with someone but wasn't quite comfortable enough for sex, it was an option.

Not exactly sure in which way you mean it is safer, but if meant in terms of STD's I would rethink the safety aspect as many of them, including HIV, Herpes, Chlamydea, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis can be passed on through oral sex. There is more information if anyone wishes on the Our Bodies, Our Brains thread.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

It is not that act that really bothers me....it is knowing that he did this with her on that first night when it had taken him months to do something like that with me. I was crushed....and unable to discuss it. Since then, it is something that does not happen often and when it does it is not done for a very long period of time, which confuses me. I don't know if this is something that is normal or not....or if it is just me....and not something he enjoys with me.

I can imagine how you are feeling. The only option you have is talking openly with him about this and asking him to be honest with you about his reasons. Often what we imagine is a reason for a particular behaviour is far worse than the reality. Apart from that though, as i said in the above post, casual oral sex is not safer than any other form of unprotected sex, so be careful you are not being exposed to STD's through his ease with participating in oral sex with people he is not in a long term relationship with and does not know well enough to know they are safe unless they produce proof of STD testing and a clean result...and that he knows they have not had unprotected sex since testing.

Catalina