Up Your Vocabulary with MG - A Daily Contribution

[A7inchPhildo]

Now I feel hung like a Chinese mouse. All those persons laughing at me. I did not know, I was suppose to just view and not post. I thought all the other posts were for just viewing.

Good thing I have a low self esteem it can't drop much farther. LOL

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by A7inchPhildo I did not know, I was suppose to just view and not post. LOL

Dear APhi,
It's perfectly okay to post. I don't own this thread. You could lose the "LOL." though.
MG
knob . n. Penis; prick; John Thomas.

knob cheese n. 1. Smegma. 2. Foreskin feta found underneath

Kojak’s turtleneck (qv) and around the banjo (qv) or cheese ridge. Also knob Stilton, knob yoghurt, Helmetdale (qv).

knob chopper n. Precariously balanced lavatory seat which falls down while a man is having a piss and therefore must be held up manually.

knob jockey n. Someone who sits on a door handle whilst the door is in motion for sexual gratification.

knob shiner n. Someone who is always prepared to polish a pink oboe (qv).

knocking shop n. Brothel; rub-a-tug parlour; pub or club where women go to be picked up; meat mart.

knock one on v. To have sex (with a partner).

knock one out v. To have sex (with yourself).

Kojak’s roll-neck n. Foreskin. Based on the slap headed lolly sucking 70s TV detective.

kosher dill n. Circumcised salami; Kojak minus the collar.

 

[MathGirl]

Weekend Edition

Kuwaiti tanker See merchant banker.

kebab n. abbr. Labia kebab. Vertical bacon sandwich; fur burger.

labia lard See fanny batter.

labrador lipstick n. Stalk; erection.

Lady Chalk of Billingsgate n. Thrush; yeast infection of the vagina. Candida albicans. “I regret to announce that Lady Chalk of Billingsgate is visiting at this present time”.

Lake Wendouree n. Aus. Ejaculation, e.g. “Oh my God... Uuughh! I’m in Lake Wendouree!” From the lake at Ballarat (qv) Australia. Meaningless term; slipped in due to MG's inattention.

langball n. Type of dangleberry (qv) which attaches itself to John Wayne’s hairy saddlebags (qv).

langer n. Penis.

langered See lathered.

lamb cannon n. An arms development dating somewhere between the mutton musket (qv) and the bacon bazooka (qv).
MG

 

[MathGirl]

lapper n. Pink oboe (qv) virtuoso; hairy pie eater.

last meat supper n. Final fling before marriage. It’s all fish suppers (qv) thereafter.

lathered adj. Pissed; plastered; palatic; drunk.

launch your lunch v. To laugh liquidly. See liquid laughter. Speak to Ralph.

lavatory n. Smallest room; little house; loo; water closet; convenience; place of easement; crapper; privy; bog; latrine; cackatorium; temple of cloacina; toilet; kharzi; thunder box; comfort station. From the Latin lavus (shit) and torum (house).

lavender n. Male homosexual.

lavender marriage n. Any matrimonial coupling about which there is a whiff of lavender (qv)..

lay a cable v. Build a log cabin; grow a tail; drop a copper bolt; bee emm. See also cable laying.

lay-and-display n. A type of European lavatory where the stool lands on a dry porcelain surface prior to being flushed away.

lazy lob on n. Semi erect penis; dobber
MG

 

[MathGirl]

Sunday school

lead in your pencil, to have adj. To be with big beef olive rather than loose sausage meat (qv).

lead the llama to the lift shaft v. Point Percy at the vertical sandwich.

leg lifter n. Benefactor (qv). Somebody who breaks company (qv).

leg over n. A sausage and donut situation (qv). As in “Did you get your leg over?” “No, but I got tops and three fingers”.

left-footer n. Gay or catholic person, but ideally one who is both.

length n. A vague unit of sex, as is often “slipped” to a woman by a man. See also one.

lepidopterist n. Person who collects butterflies e.g. Val Doonican.

lesbiany (lez-bee-uh-nee) adj. Appertaining to lesbianism. For example, in a rub-a-tug shop (qv) one might enquire “Any chance of you and your mate doing something lesbiany?”

lesbo n. Tuppence licker; bean flicker; carpet muncher;

lickalotapus; dyke.

let off v. To fart; blow off; launch an air biscuit.

let one go v. The pre-planned release of a fart into the wild.
MG

 

[Jenny _S]

Re: Sunday school

let one go v. The pre-planned release of a fart into the wild.
MG

Dear MG,
My question is, does one "pre-plan" and exceptionally good ripper?

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Sunday school

Dear MG, My question is, does one "pre-plan" and exceptionally good ripper?

Dear Jen,
I only list terms here for the edification, elucidation, and education of my readers. I'm afraid I'm not qualified to comment on any of the subjects. Besides, I do not launch air biscuits.
MG

 

[Jenny _S]

Re: Re: Re: Sunday school

Dear Jen,
I only list terms here for the edification, elucidation, and education of my readers. I'm afraid I'm not qualified to comment on any of the subjects. Besides, I do not launch air biscuits.
MG

Dear MG,
Nor do I (except for the occasional "sneaker" popped off on elevators while glaring at the person standing next to me).

But, while educating the masses, surely you must have done some "field experimentation" to verify the accuracy of your entries.


Perfumably,

Jenny

 

[MathGirl]

Dear Jenny,
I suggest you take that up with Gauchie. He's the one who has mentioned that he finds no humor in passing wind. Therefore, he would be able to speak to the subject in an unbiased manner, with no prejudices.
MG

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Okay. I like this one:

perseverance soup n. orig. Japan The tiny tears from the hog’s eye (qv) which precede ejaculation; clear secretion which lubricates the glans; that which comes out of the kitchen before the main course. See also dew on the lily

Reminds of something that's not listed: the disappointment drips, known to most male teens.

---dr.M.

 

[MathGirl]

Pee soup

Dr M picked an excellent term. We haven't gotten to the pees, however. I should mention that Dr M is really responsible for this thread. He guided me to the site from whence these gems are taken. He deserves all the praise and also the abuse. MG just works here.

let Percy in the playpen n. Consent to intercourse; allow Percy (qv) into the tunnel for a shunt.

let rip v. Fart; blast off.

lettuce n. Piss flaps.

lettuce licker n. Lesbian; bean flicker; tuppence licker.

lezzo boots n. Any clumpy, unfeminine footwear worn by women. Comfortable shoes. The opposite of fuck me shoes.

lickalotopus n. Scientific name for a tuppence licker (qv) of prehistoric reptilian proportions.

lick both sides of the stamp v. To drive on both sides of the road; travel on both buses; switch hit; AD/DC.

lid n. Bit above the brim (qv).

lifting the cheek v. The sly behaviour of a cushion creeper (qv).

lingam n. Ancient Hindu Penis. One of a pair, the other being yoni (qv).

lip reading v. Observing women in tight pants who have the camel’s foot (qv). As in “If she bends over any more I’ll be able to read her lips from here”. See also Twix lips, mumblers.
MG

 

[A7inchPhildo]

lip reading v. Observing women in tight pants who have the camel’s foot (qv). As in “If she bends over any more I’ll be able to read her lips from here”. See also Twix lips, mumblers.

Camel's foot? I like a good toe, the whole foot sounds scarey big to me.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Re: Pee soup

Dr M picked an excellent term. We haven't gotten to the pees, however. I should mention that Dr M is really responsible for this thread. He guided me to the site from whence these gems are taken. He deserves all the praise and also the abuse. MG just works here.

Not me! Someone else posted the link to the Pornosaurus in another thread, and I can't remember who it was. They deserve to take a bow though.

This is a British list though, and so they miss a lot. For instance, no mention of The Gap. This refers to that little triangle of daylight you can see between the tops of a woman's thighs when she puts her bare legs together as when wearing a bikini. Checking out the Gap was a favorite adolescent occupation.

Likewise they ommitted "Gash", one of the great horrible words for a woman. Dates back to the '30's, I believe, a a part of such descriptors as "gash hound" for sex addict and "bashing the gash" for going at it.

---dr.M.

 

[MathGirl]

Britishisms

Dear Dr M,
I think you protest too much, and it's unlike you to eschew duly earned accolades and/or abuse. Yes, the terms are very British, and I think that's good. We USicans need to experience the rich usage of language of our English cousins.
MG

lip ring n. A lipstick line around the pork sword (qv) showing how far it has been swallowed.

lipstick lesbian n. Glamorous, feminine female homosexual, as found on the adult channel but rarely down the pub.

little death n. French In a male, the post bonk feeling of shagged outity.

living in the Pavilion v. Intensifier of bowling from the Pavilion end (qv). As in “He doesn’t bowl from the Pavilion end, mate. That one lives in the fucking Pavilion”.

lobcock n. A large, flaccid penis such as could be lobbed onto a pub table by its drunken owner.

log n. Bum cigar; brown trout.

log cabin See build a log cabin.

loon pipe n. Anus. Chocolate starfish.

loop the loop v. To order a vertical bacon sandwich (qv) to eat out and a drink on a stick (qv) for the lady; No.69 on the menu.

loose at the hilt adj. To have diarrhoea; the thin dirties; crop spray (qv).

loose sausage meat n. Flaccid penis which cannot be funnelled into a condom. As in “Sorry love, my sausage meat seems a bit loose”. See also stuffing the marshmallow.

 

[MathGirl]

Nobody cares!

I can see that my two day absence has gone completely unnoticed. It's wonderful to know I have such a loyal bunch of fans.

love juice n. That liquid produced in the Billingsgate box (qv) upon which the skin boat (qv) sails. Often referred to as luv jooz in 1970s scud literature.

love socket n. Vagina; entry point for the main cable (qv). Also

rocket socket, serpent socket, spam socket.

love puff n. Gentle air biscuit (qv) launched in the direction of your partner in bed, often the morning after a curry, in an attempt to cement the intimacy of the moment. See also Dutch oven, Greek sauna.

love sausage n. Banger served with love spuds (qv).

love spuds n. Root vegetable found in the shreddies (qv).

love tunnel n. That place in which Percy (qv) the small engine shunts his load.

lucky Pierre n. In botting (qv) circles, the busiest botting link in a three man bum chain (qv); the filling in a shirt lifter sandwich.

lunchbox n. In British tabloid journalism, that conspicuous bulge which appears in athlete Linford Christie’s shorts; packet.

lunchbox lancer n. archaic Mediaeval term for a cocoa shunter (qv) or fudge packer. First used by King Oggbashan to describe the Sumerian army. He said: “Fear not the the Sons of Sumer, for their knights are without heart, and their King without wisdom. But keep thine backs as to the wall, for amongst their number thou shalt find more than a few lunchbox lancers, I can tell you”
MG

 

[Jenny _S]

Oh Yes, MG

We did miss both you and the daily chuckle

 

[MathGirl]

Extra bonus makeup lesson"

Originally posted by Jenny _S We did miss both you and the daily chuckle

Dear Jenny,
Oh, sure. Now you tell me.
MG

luncheon truncheon See spam javelin.

lunching at the Lazy Y v. Dining out cowboy style, on hairy pie (qv), beans and coffee.

lychees n. A sweeter, more exotic knacker-speak alternative to plums (qv).

mac in the bath n. English overcoat; French letter. In the same vein wellies on the beach.

mack n. Penis; tadger. Tonker.

mackerel n. Pimp; controller of prostitutes.

Madam Palm and her five sisters n. A wank. As in: “I’m nipping off to bed with Madam Palm and her five sisters”. See also Palmela Handerson.

main cable n. Your live seed (qv) feed into the love socket (qv).

make a bald man cry v. Masturbate. As in “Have you seen page 3 of The Sun today? It’s enough to make a bald man cry”.

make babies v. To go bone jumping; horizontal jogging.

make like a Chinese helicopter pilot v. Masturbate; grin like a wanking Jap (qv) whilst polishing the joystick (qv).

makes your shit hang sideways adj. Is annoying. As in “That guy makes my shit hang sideways”.

 

[Seattle Zack]

Someone sent me this link a few days ago, it's the Random Masturbation Synonym Generator. Comes up with such colorful euphemisms as "Spending some quality time with the purple-headed custard chucker." Just the thing to spice up an otherwise mundane onanistic tale.

 

[MathGirl]

Woo woo woo

Originally posted by Seattle Zack Someone sent me this link a few days ago, it's the

Dear Z,
How nice for you. Thanks for sharing.
MG

mammary dandruff n. Morning after residue from a sausage sandwich (qv); remains of a pearl necklace (qv). Compare muffdruff.

manfat n. Semen. Also man milk.
manging See minging.

mangoes See jelly water mangoes.

man mayonnaise n. See manfat, gentleman’s relish.

man trap n. Female genitals; hairy love pit, one-eyed trouser snake snare.

mapatasi (ma-pa-ta-zee) n. Aus. Minge. As in: “Show us yer mapatasi, Sheila”. abbr. Map of Tasmania. From the similarity in shape of said island to a muff.

map of Africa n. The unfortunate stain left on the bed sheet and often the mattress below after an exchange of bodily fluids. Also map of Ireland.

 

[Guest]

Dear Maths,

I am only here because someone told me you were including geography in your latest offering. I like "mapatasi", but I must verify it with my Aussie friend. Carry on.

regards, Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

Oh, sure.............

Originally posted by perdita I am only here because someone told me you were including geography in your latest offering.

Dear Perdita,
Yeah, right. And you only use your vibrator to relieve muscle spasm in your sore back.
MG

maracas n. Knackers; clackers; those that swing beneath tallywhackers.

marge n. A loose woman. origin. Margarine, which ‘spreads easily’.

marmalade madam n. 17thC. Tom; doxy; flapper; laced mutton.

Marmite driller n. Workman on the Marmite motorway (qv).

Marmite motorway n. Anus; arse; back passage.

Marmite stripe n. Brown stain or skidmark (qv) found on unwashed shreddies (qv). See also russet gusset.

Mary n. 1. Sponge; pillow biter; angel. 2. Bean flicker.
mattress muncher See pillow biter.

meat and two veg. n. Pork sausage and love spuds (qv).

meat flute See bed flute.

meat injection n. An inoculation against virginity; the taking of girl’s internal temperature with the pink, hot, mercury spitting thermometer.

meat seeking pissile n. Penis; love torpedo. See also ICBM, guided muscle.

melons n. Female breasts. Also available from the double entendre fruit stall large pears, have a banana, nice plums, luv-er-ly bunches of coconuts etc.

melvin v. To grab by the balls.

 

[raphy]

mangina: n. A male in real life who impersonates a female online.

 

[MathGirl]

merchant (banker) rhym. slang Wanker. Kuaiti tanker (qv)

merkin n. Manmade mapatasi; a stoat syrup; pubic Irish.


mezoomas n. Pink velvet cushions on which the family jeweller prefers to display a pearl necklace (qv).

Michaels rhym. slang Piles. From the 1970s TV game show host Michael Miles. As in “These nylon trollies don’t half chaff me Michaels”.

Mickey n. Irish. Dick.

middle leg n. Penis. Also middle stump, third leg.

milk the snake v. Snake, as in one eyed trouser. Milk, as in the creamy stuff delivered by the milkman (qv).

milkman n. Spurt Reynolds (qv); John Thomas.

milk the milkman See milk the snake.

milk race n. 1. Adolescent wanking game for two or more public school children. 2. A barrack room toss-up to decide who eats the last cream cracker.

mince medallions n. Dangleberries; kling-ons.
MG

 

[MathGirl]

ming 1. Scotch v. To emit a foul smell. As in: “Hoot mon, Angus, it’s minging in here!” 2. v. To exude ugliness. As in: “In the 80s Peter Beardsley’s perm was minging”. 3. The bill 4. The evil Emperor in Flash Gordon.
minge (minnnn-j) n. Fanny; quim.

minge binge n. The frantic fish eating spree of the gash gannet.

minge mat n. Mapatasi; velcro triangle.

minge winker n. 1. Strip tease artist. 2. She who flashes her gash, e.g. whilst folding her legs.

mink n. A more up-market name for the wife’s beaver (qv).

minnie moo n. Minge.

Miss Lincolnshire n. Any woman with spaniel’s ears (qv). See also Dutch Alps.

mohair knickers n. Large, unruly minnie moo (qv); one with spiders legs (qv).

moist and meaty adj. Alliterating adjectives used extensively to describe the female and male genitals respectively, as well as dog food.

monkey n. Vagina. As in: “Does the monkey want a banana?”
MG

 

[MathGirl]

Shabbat

monkey’s chin n. Twix lips; beetle bonnet; prominent mound of Venus. As in “Check the fucking monkey’s chin on that!”

Montezuma’s revenge n. A term for diarrhoea not appreciated by Mexicans. Also the Tijuana cha-cha (qv). Thin dirties.

moose n. Boiler; steg. Often a feminist with hairy armpits.

moped n. Fat woman. Fun to ride, but you wouldn’t tell your mates about it.

more tea vicar? Faux farcical attempt to distract clergyman after the launch of an air biscuit (qv) now widely used to diffuse post fart tension. One of many popular postflatulus remarks including sew a button on that, catch that one and paint it blue, good health!, pin a tail on that and there goes the elephant.

morning glory n. The appearance of a tent pole (qv) first thing in the morning. See also dawn horn.

moss cottage n. The ideal home for John Thomas.

mott n. Minge; mapatasi.

mound of Venus n. Craggy outcrop above salmon canyon (qv) usually hidden by a dense covering of bush (qv). Also beetle bonnet, monkey’s forehead.
MG