What do you consider to be your hard limits & how have they changed over time?

[HotheadKali]

My hard, hard limits still stand at anything to do with human waste (pee, poop, or vomit), injuries that cannot be readily treated in the home, people who are underage, incest, and anything involving animals.

Some of my older limits have been broken, however.

I never thought I'd do anything with knives--and now knifeplay is one of my favorite things to do and have done to me.

I never thought I'd draw blood--that changed too when my sub and I would mark each other whenever we parted for a time.

Most of all, I never thought I'd do anything in public. That changed last night--I was strapped to some sort of sitting horse and flogged on a stage in a fetish club. And you know what? It was an amazing rush. I loved it, and I love the bruises that it left.

All of these things I thought I'd never do, but when I did them I did them with confidence and health, and I have no regrets.

 

[ataxia.girl]

I'm filled with a bit of wonderment about this. You say that it never could be total surrender and then in the next sentence you say you want to believe you can. I'm curious if something has changed between BD and your current daddy? Has there been a significant change in your life that would allow you to fully surrender to your daddy? If there hasn't then I fear you are setting yourself up to be unsuccessful again.

Total surrender means that nothing and noone else in the world matters and you can totally give 100% of yourself to that person. Can you honestly say that things have changed enough in your life that you can now give 100% of yourself to someone without holding back anything?

For you to truly do that it doesn't matter what they ask, it only matters what you are willing to give.

I just don't want to see you fall into the same issue that you say you ran into before. Sometimes the worst lies are the lies we tell to ourselves.

No i cannot give 100% to anyone, i do not have 100% to give but as a little girl yes i absolutely need to BELIEVE i can which means what?

Its up to Him not to ask for more than He knows i can give. i need to be able to trust Him. i need to not have to be the one that decides what i can give and what i cannot.

There is simply no question that i cannot give everything. i am not in a situation that allows that nor shall i ever be.

 

[Kathykitten]

No i cannot give 100% to anyone, i do not have 100% to give but as a little girl yes i absolutely need to BELIEVE i can which means what?

Its up to Him not to ask for more than He knows i can give. i need to be able to trust Him. i need to not have to be the one that decides what i can give and what i cannot.

There is simply no question that i cannot give everything. i am not in a situation that allows that nor shall i ever be.

You know, I feel exactly the same way. Nice to see I'm not the only one
At times I end up feeling rather insufficient or mediocre on these boards, because there's no way in hell I can ever be as devoted as some of those on here. Or manage to give as much as they can.
But then in a way I think I just have to accept that we're all wired differently, and that has to be alright to.

 

[ataxia.girl]

You know, I feel exactly the same way. Nice to see I'm not the only one
At times I end up feeling rather insufficient or mediocre on these boards, because there's no way in hell I can ever be as devoted as some of those on here. Or manage to give as much as they can.
But then in a way I think I just have to accept that we're all wired differently, and that has to be alright to.

yea... just because your Daddy doesn't ask you to do things that are bad for you doesn't mean you are less devoted.

That's kinda how i look at it.

 

[Wolfspet]

My hard limits are shit, vomit, and permanent damage. (And this precludes a lot of asphyxia and breath play for me. No snuff either, please. ) No prepubescents, no corpses.

All else seems to depend on the person(s) involved and the situation.

 

[intothewoods]

You know, I feel exactly the same way. Nice to see I'm not the only one
At times I end up feeling rather insufficient or mediocre on these boards, because there's no way in hell I can ever be as devoted as some of those on here. Or manage to give as much as they can.
But then in a way I think I just have to accept that we're all wired differently, and that has to be alright to.

Yep, and I don't feel like it's a question of devotion, seriously. Don't take it personally.

 

[Kathykitten]

Yep, and I don't feel like it's a question of devotion, seriously. Don't take it personally.

mm yea, it just makes me end up feeling fairly inadequate quite offen. But I suspect that is just the nature when one is a switch, can never be 100 % neither one nor the other.

 

[BiBunny]

mm yea, it just makes me end up feeling fairly inadequate quite offen. But I suspect that is just the nature when one is a switch, can never be 100 % neither one nor the other.

Yeah. Kind of. It sucks, LOL.

 

[Kathykitten]

Yeah. Kind of. It sucks, LOL.

Wish that was a way to feel not quite so below the standard though, but it just isn't doable to twist into something you are not.Hpefully we rather just find acceptance for what we are, and meet others that are open and understanding about those "half-way" needs to

 

[Loose_by_name]

I walked out on my first Dom when he slapped my face TWICE - how times have changed, nowadays face slaps set my subspace. Someone else used the phrase "the four C's" Children Critters Corpses and Crap ...I agree.

Some things arent limits as much as 'why would I bother' like being spanked *yawn yawn LOL*

My own personal hard limit is no strikes to the head - Ive had neurosurgery so to allow that would be just plain stupid on my part - but otherwise pushing limits and boundaries and increasing my threshhold is what Im all about sub-wise

Lucy

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

The 4 Cs.

That descriptor I like, as it pretty much fits me as well.

Early on, I had a number of other things on my list as well, including breathplay, choking, watersports, humiliation, electrical play, knife play.

Having actually tried a few of those things, I've struck the rest of them from the "no" list as well, because they weren't as bad as I had feared. Trying a couple opened my mind to the possibility of trying a few of the others.

 

[jaga7337]

mine have but it is because i have become a little more jaded as i get older

 

[LadyC]

I have no limits which are set in stone. There are many things I would not consider doing to either Billy-boy or Kay, more taboos than I care to list at this time, there is nothing to say how my desires may change in the future. Therefore, neither of my minions can be so completely sure of what sort of punishments I might inflict on them that they might disobey.

 

[intothewoods]

mm yea, it just makes me end up feeling fairly inadequate quite offen. But I suspect that is just the nature when one is a switch, can never be 100 % neither one nor the other.

Switches have a tough time in a lot of bdsm circles. I'm not a switch, but I've heard the "you think you're a submissive? pfft" line from a few people. Eh, whatever. In the context of my relationship, it's not an issue. In terms of casual play partners, I've focused on what I want and am allowed to do with others, and then looked for people who like that sort of thing. It's helped.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

My own personal hard limit is no strikes to the head - Ive had neurosurgery so to allow that would be just plain stupid on my part - but otherwise pushing limits and boundaries and increasing my threshhold is what Im all about sub-wise

Master and I have similar caveats in place. I'm epileptic (waiting for neuro-surgery, oh joy ) and blows to the head are therefore a bad idea. We also no longer engage in breathplay (even though we both love it ) because cutting off the blood/O2 supply to my brain is inadvisable.

Although I no longer have a safeword in order to impose limits on how he uses me, there are rare occasions when I need everything to halt without hesitation for medical reasons and that is the only circumstance in which I will safeword.

ETA: Btw, reading back this has developed into a really cool thread. I'd just like to take the opportunity to thank everyone for their insightful responses. Kudos.

 

[CutieMouse]

mm yea, it just makes me end up feeling fairly inadequate quite often. But I suspect that is just the nature when one is a switch, can never be 100 % neither one nor the other.

Ya know I spent a looooooooong time in a very complicated LDR that required the ability to switch. The argument presented was that these sorts of relationships are power exchange based, and one cannot "exchange" power if one person is always the PYL and the other always the pyl. Non switchy D/s [M/s] relationships were presented as flawed, fake, pretend.

I tried. Ye gods I tried. I read books, I surfed websites, I communicated until I was blue in the face, I worked up scenarios in my head, I wrote things down, tried things out [as best one can LDR]... and discovered I can actually be kinda good at the PYL stuff - but it doesn't "work" for me.

I actually ended up feeling inadequate because I'm not a switch. He had me convinced for a while that not switching was selfish of me - it messed with my mind. A lot. I hated myself for being submissive, I couldn't climax, etc. I didn't feel inadequate because I was a switch - I felt inadequate because I wasn't.

My [long winded] point here is that there will always be someone out there who thinks their way/their kink/their whatever is better than yours, but it isn't. It's just different.

 

[Netzach]

yea... just because your Daddy doesn't ask you to do things that are bad for you doesn't mean you are less devoted.

That's kinda how i look at it.

This is quotably awesome.

I feel more "real" whatever that is, these days, at near nonexistent levels of badass.

 

[Kathykitten]

Switches have a tough time in a lot of bdsm circles. I'm not a switch, but I've heard the "you think you're a submissive? pfft" line from a few people. Eh, whatever. In the context of my relationship, it's not an issue. In terms of casual play partners, I've focused on what I want and am allowed to do with others, and then looked for people who like that sort of thing. It's helped.

that line is just so respectless, hate hearing such things. They have jsut as little respect as those who disrespect their own lifestyle.

I actually ended up feeling inadequate because I'm not a switch. He had me convinced for a while that not switching was selfish of me - it messed with my mind. A lot. I hated myself for being submissive, I couldn't climax, etc. I didn't feel inadequate because I was a switch - I felt inadequate because I wasn't.

My [long winded] point here is that there will always be someone out there who thinks their way/their kink/their whatever is better than yours, but it isn't. It's just different.

Really not very nice of him that. It is as you say; can't really change who you are. But I guess we CAN change what we want to feel bad about and not. And if we will let the naysayers affect us.

 

[ataxia.girl]

This is quotably awesome.

I feel more "real" whatever that is, these days, at near nonexistent levels of badass.

you always make me blush Net.

i have more limits now than i used to i think (although i couldn't name them), more because Daddy has built me up. i just have no idea what they are because Daddy decides and He doesn't tell me. He doesn't need to. The crazy extreme stuff i have done with others He just doesn't seem to be interested in. For the first time i don't feel like i am on some sort of escalation ride that can only end badly.

i trust Him. i cannot think of anything He could ask that i would refuse because He would never require anything of me i shouldn't do. i have no need to question His judgment.

A lot of Dominants equate Dominance with pushing limits. It doesn't have to be that way. my Daddy is very "Badass" in my book and He is nothing but sweet to me.

 

[SlaveNano]

I've certainly had things that were hard limits that I now embrace - needle play and bi-play being two obvious ones, though there are others. These limits have been stretched by suggestion, by Goddess hinting at things that might happen to me and then gauging a reaction before introducing me to them. I think a lot of this is down to trust. I don't really think about it, I just implicitly know that I trust Goddess to know what is right for me and that she is a better judge of that than I am.

 

[the_mgp]

blerg

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

It's kinda funny how things can change with time.

Very true

It takes a lot of trust, a bit of patience and a bit of time to get past the fear and/or doubt and push those boundaries.

 

[Kathykitten]

you always make me blush Net.

i have more limits now than i used to i think (although i couldn't name them), more because Daddy has built me up. i just have no idea what they are because Daddy decides and He doesn't tell me. He doesn't need to. The crazy extreme stuff i have done with others He just doesn't seem to be interested in. For the first time i don't feel like i am on some sort of escalation ride that can only end badly.

i trust Him. i cannot think of anything He could ask that i would refuse because He would never require anything of me i shouldn't do. i have no need to question His judgment.

A lot of Dominants equate Dominance with pushing limits. It doesn't have to be that way. my Daddy is very "Badass" in my book and He is nothing but sweet to me.

This was a sweet little thing to read ^^ I love when there are doms who hold full control, but still only does things that are overall really sweet for both involved.

 

[CutieMouse]

Really not very nice of him that. It is as you say; can't really change who you are. But I guess we CAN change what we want to feel bad about and not. And if we will let the naysayers affect us.

Mmmm... not necessarily nice or not nice, IMO. I wasn't experienced enough when I met him to know 100% for sure I was what I'm most comfortable being [submissive]. It was my choice to participate in the relationship, my choice to try, my choice to explore. It didn't end well, but just as much of that has to do with the pressures I placed on myself/how I internalized certain things, as how he expected the relationship to be structured.

 

[Kathykitten]

Mmmm... not necessarily nice or not nice, IMO. I wasn't experienced enough when I met him to know 100% for sure I was what I'm most comfortable being [submissive]. It was my choice to participate in the relationship, my choice to try, my choice to explore. It didn't end well, but just as much of that has to do with the pressures I placed on myself/how I internalized certain things, as how he expected the relationship to be structured.

Yea.. ending up trying to map out how HE should be feeling and doing as well, in our own insecurity to try and make things as they should be. Or how we think they should be.