What lead you to the BDSM life style?

[catalina_francisco]

The Australian publication must have had a very different cover from the U.S. version! My parents had The Story of O when I was growing up, I never read the whole thing at the time (just went straight to the good parts when they weren't home), but the cover was absolutely dull. This was the version my parents had:

Oh yuk, mine had a pic from the movie I think it was of O naked in shackles and cradled against Rene with his arm around her and her back resting against his propped thigh. Found a pic of it on a DVD cover...mine is the pic at the bottom without the background. Rather battered these days and held together by tape etc.Cover

Catalina

 

[arashi]

I met another woman in a writing circle on line and fell in love with her. She and I are a perfect match. We are both sure it was destiny that we met and are very hopful for the future. I serve her as best I can as a slave. I am married and have a family, so it makes it a bit difficult. She has been teaching me about the BDSM lifestyle since we met and to tell you the truth, I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skinm knowing that their are others like me.

 

[FallenAngelsSlut]

Hmm Porno, sex store, wife ...lit

 

[myinnerslut]

Oh yuk, mine had a pic from the movie I think it was of O naked in shackles and cradled against Rene with his arm around her and her back resting against his propped thigh. Found a pic of it on a DVD cover...mine is the pic at the bottom without the background. Rather battered these days and held together by tape etc.Cover

Catalina

i never read that book... i keep hearing things about it though, so mabye i should

 

[FurryFury]

Hmm Porno, sex store, wife ...lit

online role play, cyber, research into power exchange, discovering my needs were not the worst sin in the world and BAMM, kicked it up a few notches.

Fury

 

[Byakuya]

discovering my needs were not the worst sin in the world

I think that this is exactly what my wife needs to realize! if I may ask, what made you come to that conclusion?

 

[FurryFury]

I think that this is exactly what my wife needs to realize! if I may ask, what made you come to that conclusion?

When I finally began to share my shameful fantasies and was met with, instead of revulsion, praise and, excitement, that helped. Being older and more accepting of myself also was useful. Finding out that BDSM covers many of my desires was good. It told me that there are quite a few others with various desires, some of which were not unlike mine.

Fury

 

[unknooown]

Backgammon. ;-)

haha. that was really cute.


and since i'm putting off writing a paper right now, i'll answer the question as well. i don't know if i'm qualified to, however, since i'm not technically a part of the bdsm lifestyle...but whatever.

i'm new, by the way. so hi.

anyway.

when i was little i realized that i had trouble telling the difference between pleasure and pain. for example, on the playground i didn't mind so much if a little boy pushed me down, whereas the other little girls would cry or scream or whatever. i don't think anyone else really noticed, especially since, once i realized i responded differently, i did my best to conceal it.

as i got older and increasingly interested in boys and sex, i, for some reason, felt like it wasn't ladylike to have those feelings. at the time i thought it was really strange, because i wasn't raised in a religious household and my mother was always completely honest with me about sex and sexuality, and she was pretty liberal and understanding. in retrospect i think it was because my sexual desires were "deviant," but i didn't recognize that at the time. i was really interested in boys and sex, but i still wanted to be a good girl, and good girls say no to those kinds of things. so, i decided, i needed to find a boy that wouldn't take no for an answer. that way, i could experience all that i wanted to experience without being a slut.

when i was 16 or 17 i started dating this guy who was pretty dominant, but more than anything i think he was actually just kind of a controlling jerk. we fooled around pretty innocently, but i did notice that he got off on hurting me (pinching nipples, pulling hair, spanking). after awhile he wanted to have sex, but he was huge and i'm a tiny person, so told him i wasn't ready. his solution was to, as he said, "loosen me up" and he proceeded to "finger the shit out of" me (again, his words), and wouldn't stop if i told him it hurt or whatever. later that night we went to a party at our friends apartment, and he was trying to get me to have sex with him there and i refused, and we got into an argument and he dragged me into the bathroom and pinned me against the wall and was yelling at me. and i'm standing there, thinking about how this is pretty much what i wanted all along, and how it was stupid to be scared of it hurting because that's what i wanted also. while these thoughts were going through my head i wasn't listening -- obviously, because i was thinking -- which made him furious, so he slapped me across the face. at that point i was pretty much like, "ok, hey, let's do it," but before i could say anything he let go of me and ran to the toilet and threw up, then apologized over and over for being a jerk like his dad. we didn't end up having sex that night -- or ever, actually -- and we broke up pretty soon afterwards, because not only did he continue to be a jerk like his dad, but i realized that it wasn't a mutual and respectful relationship: he would hurt me when he liked it, regardless of whether or not it was good hurt or bad. he never new that i liked pain -- i never told him because i was afraid he would stop hurting me if he knew. but there were times when i really wanted him to stop doing something and he wouldn't...that was when i realized that in a situation like this, the relationship has to be mutual and respectful. i didn't trust him, not for anything, and i knew that was also dangerous.

so that was when i realized that there are mutual, respectful, and trusting relationships like that, and i started to look into it. i've only ever been in vanilla relationships, though.

my friend just yelled at me to write my paper.
i guess i should do what he says...

 

[Byakuya]

When I finally began to share my shameful fantasies and was met with, instead of revulsion, praise and, excitement, that helped. Being older and more accepting of myself also was useful. Finding out that BDSM covers many of my desires was good. It told me that there are quite a few others with various desires, some of which were not unlike mine.

Fury

we actually had a conversation about this just today that went very well. she had a somewhat religious upbringing, so I asked her if she thought it was wrong to be kinky with her husband.. she said "well, I don't think we should be hanging each other on meathooks or anything" to which I replied "well duh!"

we both agreed that our beliefs do not mean that we must have a boring sex life.. if anything the Bible encourages couples to submit to each other.. we agreed that the biggest issue is consent.. for example, we don't believe it would be morally wrong for us to have anal intercouse, but we do believe it would be wrong for me to hold her down against her will and rape her in the ass while she's screaming for me to stop..

anyway, it was nice to know we're on the same page in regard to balancing our beliefs with our sex life.. I'm so glad we've started communicating more openly about sex.. I keep saying this, but Lit has been a really valuable resource for me!

 

[FurryFury]

we actually had a conversation about this just today that went very well. she had a somewhat religious upbringing, so I asked her if she thought it was wrong to be kinky with her husband.. she said "well, I don't think we should be hanging each other on meathooks or anything" to which I replied "well duh!"

we both agreed that our beliefs do not mean that we must have a boring sex life.. if anything the Bible encourages couples to submit to each other.. we agreed that the biggest issue is consent.. for example, we don't believe it would be morally wrong for us to have anal intercouse, but we do believe it would be wrong for me to hold her down against her will and rape her in the ass while she's screaming for me to stop..

anyway, it was nice to know we're on the same page in regard to balancing our beliefs with our sex life.. I'm so glad we've started communicating more openly about sex.. I keep saying this, but Lit has been a really valuable resource for me!

Sounds like things are going well! I'm glad for you both! I agree wholeheartedly about the consent thing. I leave religion out of my life though some here would agree with you about all that I think.

Fury

 

[Byakuya]

Sounds like things are going well! I'm glad for you both! I agree wholeheartedly about the consent thing. I leave religion out of my life though some here would agree with you about all that I think.

Fury

Yeah, things are going very well! I've learned that I need to have patience though and take things very slowly. Saturday is probably the best day for us to try new things because we don't have the pressure of work and we're usually in a pretty good mood on Saturdays.


Warning. Religious tangent. Don't read any further if this is something you aren't interested in hearing about:

I'm very non-traditional when it comes to religion. I can't stand it when I'm flipping through the channels and I come across the 700 Club or something similar. It makes me cringe. The image of stuffy-looking old white guys wearing suits and ties is not what I picture when I look at the foundations of my faith.

I hate going to a church and being judged based on how I dress. One of the biggest things I've gotten from my religion is that it's wrong to be judgemental of others. The Bible warns that we will be judged based on how we judge others. So I take that to heart and I try to never judge other people. I'm definitely not here to judge anyone who makes the choice to keep religion out of their life! I hate it when people try to shove their religion down someone's throat. I also hate that it gives people like me a bad name.

My wife and I actually don't go to a church in the traditional sense. We meet at the house of someone who broke away from the church because he didn't agree with how they run things. We typically wear jeans and sweatshirts when we get together on Sunday mornings. It's very laid back.

 

[SpectreT]

What led me?

Something about that question doesn't parse, for me.

I've always been into bondage, long before I had a name for it. I was always trying to wrap myself up tight; as a kid, I'd tie myself up with my socks, I had this Batman utility belt that came with cheesy plastic handcuffs. I spent months playing Houdini with those. Looking back, a babysitter of mine seemed to know a lot about how to tie someone up...

But that's all manifestations of an urge that was always there, as far back as I can remember. My first "adult" relationship involving any measure of kink was due to an article in a womens' magazine about "spicing things up". we wrote down a bunch of our fantasies, put them in a hat, and read them out loud to each other. That started the spanko phase of the relationship; we eventually got around to the tie-up games. But that relationship is long since dead and buried. Some years later, I stumbled into the original thread here on Lit. Found some other places to do my research as well.

 

[JMohegan]

What lead you to the BDSM life style?

Ballroom dancing lessons during my Junior High years.

That's a straight answer.

 

[marieR19]

Ballroom dancing lessons during my Junior High years.

That's a straight answer.

How about an elaberation? That sounds interesting.


I had little twinges of submissive feelings when I was young, but the first time I remember actually realizing it as "submissive" was in 6th grade, thanks to a soap opera storyline of all things. It was over that summer that I realized it was also a sexual thing for me, and then that next year that I realized the masocist (sp?) part.

Of course, looking back at some of the stories I wrote when I was in 4th and 5th grade, I realize that the thoughts were there even then, but it wasn't until 6th grade that I could put a name to it.


Heather

 

[FurryFury]

Yeah, things are going very well! I've learned that I need to have patience though and take things very slowly. Saturday is probably the best day for us to try new things because we don't have the pressure of work and we're usually in a pretty good mood on Saturdays.

<snip>

Taking changes such as these slowly is often an important thing IMO. It's hard sometimes when you want to go faster and do so much but if you hope to take your partner with you, one has to be patient and careful how to do so.

That's of course, only what I think. I'm sure many will disagree with me. I only speak from my own experiences, opinions and beliefs on these matters. What I think won't be right for all. That's one reason why a board like this can be so useful. You can get a bunch of different POV's and shit can the ones that don't seem right or workable for you.

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

How about an elaberation? That sounds interesting.

Here you go.

I had little twinges of submissive feelings when I was young, but the first time I remember actually realizing it as "submissive" was in 6th grade, thanks to a soap opera storyline of all things.

Really? A show on regular TV?

I am interested to know how they portrayed D/s, and what year was the broadcast?

 

[marieR19]

Here you go.


Really? A show on regular TV?

I am interested to know how they portrayed D/s, and what year was the broadcast?

Ohhh. Interesting dancing experience.

It wasn't a real D/s relationship on the show, it was a blackmailing storyline where the blackmailed woman mainly ended up the other's servent, and gosh I wished I was in her position.


Heather

 

[catalina_francisco]

I've always been into bondage, long before I had a name for it. I was always trying to wrap myself up tight; as a kid, I'd tie myself up with my socks, I had this Batman utility belt that came with cheesy plastic handcuffs. I spent months playing Houdini with those.

LOL, lucky you, I used to get naked at night and use my PJ's hence a couple of quick 'oh I don't know what happened mummy, I must have been dreaming and got all tangled up' explanations to a startled mother finding a naked 5-6 yo in bed with PJ's and nighties in extraordinary uses other than standard clothing when she came to check through the night I was alll tucked in....oh, and I loved to be tucked in really tight so the blankets felt like they were strapping me to the bed with no chance of escape.

Catalina

 

[Lydia_Trent]

Let hear the story that lead you to the world of BDSM.

Mine all started when I decided to buy a computer.................................

that's funny that's exactly how i started too, with my lap top, I have yet to actually do it outside the computer , but interested. Iwent on a website basically to police my daughter and her friends, cause some other parents were concerned, i had to check for myself, made her give me all her passwords and everything so i could read all her pms and what have you, she's only 12, so I can.

anyway, to make a long story short a friend that i'd made on one of the forums invited me to rp in a school thread, i did it was fun, but then someone i was flirting with (ok they only thought i was 25) cybered me, omg, it was intense. so being a newbie i had no idea: 1) that you could actually have such intense feelings over the internet 2)no idea what bdsm was 3)how intense a D/s relationship could be.
so i had 15 rps going 4 D/s rps and i burned out and got fed up when i realized iwas actually jealous of my subs. so i quit the whole list tellin gthem i was 48 and gave them my pic and said i was married well all the subs and a few regulars said we dont care please dont leave us.

But i backed off a little bit feelings wise but some of them want to meet me , which means of course they expect me to dom them which i would like also , so here i am XD. its funny they actually like me more now that they know im 48 then when they thought i was 25. up til i told them about myself it was not real, and so i really didnt take in to account the age thing, just fantasy after all. i normally dont look at younger men (meaning younger than 40), so im a little weirded out, they are all around 19ish. so just looking to transition from rp to online, to real life.

 

[knkycva]

.....

 

[Domsheena]

Let hear the story that lead you to the world of BDSM.

Mine all started when I decided to buy a computer.................................

I first went to a BDSM group gathering and found it very interesting and was really impressed with it all. I loved it.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i've always been submissive, just didn't have a name for it. i dont have a 'great' story to tell or anything like that. i've just always known that something was missing out of my life that kept making me make bad choices in men.....then..one night..on AOL.....i was left alone....in a room.....with a guy....we chatted for a while, He sent me one of His erotic stories He'd written and well that brought up the conversation of the 'lifestyle' i told Him i think i'd like to do it in the bedroom only, wasn't sure if i could submit outside of there *giggles* long story short, we've been together for 3 years in a LDR D/s relationship in and out of the bedroom.

 

[Inconsequential]

LOL! Did your parents know?

My mother picked out my first leather bustier for the first event. My father, "didn't need to know" according to the adult females. So I don't know if he ever got the clue or not.
Years later tho, he found out I was stripping when he was invited to a bar after work from friends. Tipped me $15 before he realized it was me. *laugh*

 

[Inconsequential]

i never read that book... i keep hearing things about it though, so mabye i should

Definitely! It's involving and if you're sub, it's almost captivating. I really recommend it. That, and "Different Loving" are on the top of my recommended reading list.

 

[Inconsequential]

we agreed that the biggest issue is consent..

You would really be surprised at what a ~Large~ umberella Safe, Sane, and Consensual is. There are soo many things out there that can be explored under it and so many feelings that can be intensified with it. As long as you are communicating and things stay safe sane and consensual the world is yours. Good luck bringing your wife more into the world, I think it's great you're making the journey together.