What lead you to the BDSM life style?

[Lorelei_11]

A bottom could also be described as someone who has stuff done to them, rather than doing the stuff. They are the person to receive the whipping, the flogging, the fucking, etc. It may or may not include being submissive to the top...not all bottoms are submissive.

Its a bit complex. Thanks, I would have never guess that.

I still haven't had a chance to check out the link above. I don't have as much time on lit as I used to.

 

[Master_n_Mentor]

Hmm, I thought that was failry common knowledge about D/s etc., type chat rooms..one of the reasons I never bothered wasting my time visiting one.

Catalina

catalina,

I tend to have this bad habit of not learning from others actions, but I must crash into the wall, stick my fingers in the electrical outlets, etc., to know... "hmmm... Don't Do that!!!" Thus, I learned that chat room Dom's are rarely Doms in R/L...

I guess I'm what might be termed an Experiential (or Experimental) learner as opposed to an Observational learner. I'm guessing the ones that learn from observing have less scars, but when I learn a lesson it is deeply, physically, mentally, emotionally (and some time literally) engrained... LOL

 

[Master_n_Mentor]

I'm afraid I don't understand, could you clarify?

It is actually a very long story, but allow me to summarize and see if that helps you understand. As an adolecent I decided that I wanted to fit into "normal" society here in these United States. Coming here from Argentina where life was totally different I tried to aculturate myself and to dismiss my upbringing as "it does not apply here".

Many, many years of denying my true nature put me deep into denial. We'll when the right time came, and the right maturity was attained, I realized that I had to follow the path that I was brought up in, and not the one I had forced upon myself to fit into the American "normal" society.

It did not work for me, so here I am, happier than I've been in too many years to count.

Hope this clarifies that short comment for you.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Research is very important for me, I tend to read and think and then I like to bounce those ideas off of others. Over the next few weeks I’ll put several site references up so that others who read this will enjoy the ability to learn more and more about the D/s lifestyle.

It’s important that as you read this, you understand that this is not a sexual kink for me. This is a lifestyle that I was born into and raised in, till my adolescent mind chose to take me in a different – less fulfilling direction. I read several sites online that talk about BDSM and I went to various chat sites to discuss the topic with those who claimed to be real Dom’s. It was very distressing to realize that they were part time Dom’s. The simply enjoyed telling women what to do, to have Their name in caps, and the sub’s names in lower case letters. They tend to enjoy the Sir treatment they got, but when pushed to understand and to explain, they seem like thin facades.

Not once did I talk to an online Dom that could explain it well enough for me. In the many years since then I’ve spoken to R/L Dom’s who have very kindly mentored me, but at that time, it was very frustrating. So, I tried talking to the submissive. The sub’s knew what they wanted. They seem to always know who the real power is in the D/s relationship, and they also know the responsibility that a Dom must take on to be a good one. The transfer of power granted to a Dominant by his submissive is clear. In our case she clearly gives me the Dominant position and welcomes the submissive role. But what that meant to me, I had no clue early on.

It all came clear to me, when many years ago I spoke with a close friend online. We had been spending time talking online and we met as couples occasionally at a club in town. The trust she and I developed allowed me to open a conversation that turned out to be the key conversation of all my research. It was only after that conversation that I knew what to ask others and they all kept validating what I discovered. A Master, master’s himself first and foremost and then he can begin to accept the submission of others.

For me, I'm traditional, and so I like a dominant man. I would like to be tied up or spanked, but as you said, its not just a sexual kink to me.

I'm about to read the link that cutie mouse put here for me. I'm in the process of learning. I'd be interested in the information you have.

Whoops. Cutie mouse didn't leave a link to a site, its a referral to a book.

 

[Cop4u_69]

It seems that this has taken off pretty good

 

[Cop4u_69]

Cop4u_69:
"Let hear the story that lead you to the world of BDSM."

I followed the yellow brick road.

While I did alot of watching and listening, I was yearning to meet people face to face. So I joined an on line dating site for BDSM people, thinking that this would be a great way to meet people and not have to worry if we were on the same page. Well another great learning mistake that was.

So here I was learning all this new stuff about myself and not having anyone to chat with face to face. So of course, like a fool I went back into the chat rooms to least chat with someone even if it was only cyber space. I have to say this time was a bit different, I could tell the bs'ers from the real people a bit better than my first try in chat.

Now I had a few cyber chats under my belt I was feeling a bit better about the knowledge I was obtaining. I even ment a few women that want to chat by phone ( much better than the chat room thing). So now I am chatting by phone with a few women and learning much more than you can by just reading......

 

[leeroy jenkins]

It seems that this has taken off pretty good

You can never tell what type of thread will work with this crowd.

 

[Inconsequential]

Are you implying that you were exposed to your parents' D/s lifestyle? That is what I am getting from this post, and I have not known a single kinky couple that was interested in exposing their kids to it - hell, pretty much any parent keeps their own sexuality private, whether it is vanilla or otherwise.

Or was it that your dad was in charge, and your mom was the obedient wifey type? (Or vice-versa, I suppose.) I wouldn't say that this was the same thing as being exposed to BDSM and kink in general, not at all.

Your post has got my Spock eyebrow raised high...can you explain this in more detail?

I'd be glad to. It was actually from my mother and my aunt, my parents were divorced and I only lived with my dad for a very short time. I was exposed to watching my aunt's slaves clean the house, or do yardwork since a young age. I had heard both my mother and my aunts and an uncle order various subs around the house all my life. At first they were called "the housekeepers" but about the age of 9 I figured out they were more than just the housekeepers. Just because they wore jeans instead of their leather play clothes it didn't make them less of a sub, just made it easier to keep nice clothes. I was given my first leather bustier when I was 15 and had a big sign that said "Service OFF limits" and started serving drinks and food at parties. My aunt had me serving drinks at various "demo's" for floggings, spankings, girls and guys being tied to St. Andrew's crosses. I wasn't exposed to the sex that happened after a scene until I was almost 19. By then I'd been doing the sex thing after scenes for at least a year that they didn't know of with my own various boyfriends.
I wouldn't say my dad was in charge of anything, including his own life. Or my mother the obedient wifey. I agree with you, I wouldn't consider that BDSM either.

 

[marieR19]

I was given my first leather bustier when I was 15 and had a big sign that said "Service OFF limits" and started serving drinks and food at parties.

.... I find your post very interesting, and more then a little strange... I can't imagine growing up in that environment (not saying there's anything wrong with it, it's just strange to me). However, the above sentence made me wonder... When this first happened, were you told what was going on, given an explanation of any sorts? Did your aunt ask you if you wanted to do that, or did it just kind of happen? More simply, did she approach you to do it or did you approach her? Or what? (Sorry for all the questions, just very curious).


Heather

 

[lil_slave_rose]

.... I find your post very interesting, and more then a little strange... I can't imagine growing up in that environment (not saying there's anything wrong with it, it's just strange to me). However, the above sentence made me wonder... When this first happened, were you told what was going on, given an explanation of any sorts? Did your aunt ask you if you wanted to do that, or did it just kind of happen? More simply, did she approach you to do it or did you approach her? Or what? (Sorry for all the questions, just very curious).


Heather

i'm curious also, as my daughter is 13 right now and i would never in a million years put her out there 'serving' guests that were at my house for a 'lifestyle' type of party. i'm not saying it's wrong either, just not something i will expose my young daughter to, we're all differet. i did find the story very interesting and it left me with questions also, but i didn't want to sound like i was being negative toward what her aunt did.

 

[Etoile]

My Spock eyebrow is still way up there...I dunno.

 

[southernsky]

I saw a movie with a rape scene in it when i was about 14 i guess, and it turned me on beyond belief. I didn't think much more about the implications of that until I was older, but by then i realized that i liked pain a little more than some other people. I started piercing body parts when I turned 18, and that felt so good.

I am not truly into the BDSM lifestyle, although I really enjoy some nights of it and the ability to use it in a relationship.

I also have had a few truly nonconsentual sexual experiences, and I always wonder if my desire for more control-play is in some way a challenge to that hurt and fear. Whatever it is, it arouses me and I just go with it.

 

[lne_iii]

At first, pornography... to be honest.

But after I got to experience it firsthand, the feeling that overcomes me... and of course the other person...

It's neigh indescribable...but if I had to pick a word, it would have to be awesome!

 

[Northsider]

I was about 14, and while helping my buddy clean out his folks garage, I came across a well worn manilla envelope. I checked inside to see if it was anything important, and catching a glimpse of a photograph of a nude woman inside, I just tossed the envelope aside, and threw my jacket over top of it. A while later, I snuck the envelope home and beelined down into my bedroom to check out it's contents. The photos were of my friend's mom, taken when she would have been in her early twenties. Rosalie had huge breasts, and the photos, which were of exceptional quality, were of her being subjected to extreme breast bondage. The look on her face, her breasts dark purple, veins bulging from the surface of her skin, the safety pins inserted through her nipples, it was total erotic overload. I came in my pants for what seemed an eternity. I was changed permanently.