What lead you to the BDSM life style?

[intothewoods]

when i was little i realized that i had trouble telling the difference between pleasure and pain. for example, on the playground i didn't mind so much if a little boy pushed me down, whereas the other little girls would cry or scream or whatever. i don't think anyone else really noticed, especially since, once i realized i responded differently, i did my best to conceal it.

I completely relate to your post. I remember there was a boy who had tackled a few girls and snapped their bras, and they all cried and were completely distraught afterwards. Well, then he did it to me, and I remember thinking, I'm supposed to be upset now, right?

 

[FluteMaster]

I completely relate to your post. I remember there was a boy who had tackled a few girls and snapped their bras, and they all cried and were completely distraught afterwards. Well, then he did it to me, and I remember thinking, I'm supposed to be upset now, right?

That he didn't do more??

 

[Never]

Cop4u_69:
"Let hear the story that lead you to the world of BDSM."

I followed the yellow brick road.

 

[intothewoods]

That he didn't do more??

Yes, I turned around and handed him a pair of handcuffs. Try these, Kyle!

 

[FluteMaster]

Yes, I turned around and handed him a pair of handcuffs. Try these, Kyle!

How adorable, you brought your own handcuffs - custom fitted for your wrists with pink fur I assume?

 

[Master_n_Mentor]

Research is very important for me, I tend to read and think and then I like to bounce those ideas off of others. Over the next few weeks I’ll put several site references up so that others who read this will enjoy the ability to learn more and more about the D/s lifestyle.

It’s important that as you read this, you understand that this is not a sexual kink for me. This is a lifestyle that I was born into and raised in, till my adolescent mind chose to take me in a different – less fulfilling direction. I read several sites online that talk about BDSM and I went to various chat sites to discuss the topic with those who claimed to be real Dom’s. It was very distressing to realize that they were part time Dom’s. The simply enjoyed telling women what to do, to have Their name in caps, and the sub’s names in lower case letters. They tend to enjoy the Sir treatment they got, but when pushed to understand and to explain, they seem like thin facades.

Not once did I talk to an online Dom that could explain it well enough for me. In the many years since then I’ve spoken to R/L Dom’s who have very kindly mentored me, but at that time, it was very frustrating. So, I tried talking to the submissive. The sub’s knew what they wanted. They seem to always know who the real power is in the D/s relationship, and they also know the responsibility that a Dom must take on to be a good one. The transfer of power granted to a Dominant by his submissive is clear. In our case she clearly gives me the Dominant position and welcomes the submissive role. But what that meant to me, I had no clue early on.

It all came clear to me, when many years ago I spoke with a close friend online. We had been spending time talking online and we met as couples occasionally at a club in town. The trust she and I developed allowed me to open a conversation that turned out to be the key conversation of all my research. It was only after that conversation that I knew what to ask others and they all kept validating what I discovered. A Master, master’s himself first and foremost and then he can begin to accept the submission of others.

 

[Stegral]

thought I was a subbie, but I am just a bottom

Let hear the story that lead you to the world of BDSM.

I wanted to know why a boyfriend of 3 years whom had asked my dad if he could marry me (presented a ring & all) would dump me for a little twig of a girl that couldn't even earn a living & depended on him so much to me back then I though she was a leech. As I uncovered more & more about her I pieced together that he had been "seeing" her for a while & she was engaged as well (But her fiance & her had an 'open' relationship) well that geared me into research mode & I came up with things about her I wish I had never known back then, but now I can understand why I lost to her.
She NEEDED a TPE relationship, He wanted a TPE, which I wouldn't give but she more that happily did. She thought she could have 2 Dominants but her fiance called it off... I guess the poly setup wasn't as open as she said.
I am glad he seems happy, althought at times I hear he is not. Karma bites
I don't think I can do a TPE relationship... I have too much backbone I think...
(OOooppps, that almost sounds like a challenge...)
I do have a group I am involved in & play with a couple of the people in it. all respect my need for space to learn & analyze everything before I can try it.

Right now for a PYL... I am a Bottom that is slightly bi-curious.

 

[myinnerslut]

She NEEDED a TPE relationship, He wanted a TPE, which I wouldn't give but she more that happily did. She thought she could have 2 Dominants....

how can you have two dominants? especially in a TPE... what if they conflict on something? which do you follow.

 

[wouldloveto]

eHarmony

I met a woman on eHarmony...

On our first date we talked in my car for hours, really connected and ended up going to my place for 'first date sex'. During this satisfying encounter she wanted me to twist her nipples, I did, she wanted it harder and said so. I did. Long story short she told me that she was submissive and what she wanted, specifically. I went to the hardware store, the internet and to an adult store with her. I learned rope bondage, flogging, even fisting...

It was pretty good, I am a technician by nature and the whole thing appealed to me on a couple of levels. We had a pretty good thing going for a while, but she was more experienced and required more pain and humiliation than I was ready, willing or able to give her.

I also realized that I wanted some of what I was giving her, and she tried even though it was against her nature. I loved it, I came so hard when she whipped me with a crop and teased my anus with it that I knew I wanted more.

She arranged a night with a very experience couple; the man gave her all the pain she wanted and the slave (with his permission) gave me the taste of submission that I so dearly wanted and craved. It was a wonderful experience.

Since then she has broken things off with me because she seeks a true Dom and knows I cannot be that. So now I seek what I want and need. What is that? To be on the bottom is the obvious answer and that is hard enough to find, but I did like to implement rope bondage, flogging and vaginal and anal penetration with a variety of implements, cock and hands.

So, that is my story. It is incomplete and stalled, but it is me, it is true.

D

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Since then she has broken things off with me because she seeks a true Dom and knows I cannot be that. So now I seek what I want and need. What is that? To be on the bottom is the obvious answer and that is hard enough to find, but I did like to implement rope bondage, flogging and vaginal and anal penetration with a variety of implements, cock and hands.

So, that is my story. It is incomplete and stalled, but it is me, it is true.

D

Sorry I had to shorten the post, ok my question is your looking for a bottom or you are a bottom looking for a top?? For me it is becoming clear now that I will have to have some sorta poly relationship. It sounds like you might need this too unless you can find yourself a switch.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't think I can do a TPE relationship... I have too much backbone I think...
.

Keep researching and I think you will find to be in a TPE relationship it is actually an advantage to have backbone....without it what have you got to give and how do you know you can hack the pace and survive?

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I went to various chat sites to discuss the topic with those who claimed to be real Dom’s. It was very distressing to realize that they were part time Dom’s. The simply enjoyed telling women what to do, to have Their name in caps, and the sub’s names in lower case letters. They tend to enjoy the Sir treatment they got, but when pushed to understand and to explain, they seem like thin facades.

Hmm, I thought that was failry common knowledge about D/s etc., type chat rooms..one of the reasons I never bothered wasting my time visiting one.

Catalina

 

[Lorelei_11]

Cont...


As my research took me deeper into the Bdsm life, I grew to realize that I was a true dominant. After my on line study of this life style, it was time to actually chat with people of both sides to continue my education on my new found self. So I hit the chat rooms (oh what a mistake that was) and joined a few on line groups that operated an on line chat of this subject. I did alot of just watching and listening......

Thats what I'm doing now. I've been reading threads here. I'm not sure I would even fit into the bdsm lifestyle or not. It definately would be roleplay for me.

I'll make a note of the chat room thing. I've never been in one anyway, and I've heard they're not so good anymore just for regular chats.

 

[marieR19]

Chat rooms (etc) can really be hit or miss when it comes to D/s... most I've seen are, as has already been said, filled with "part-time Doms" or "wannabes" and are just a waste of time. However, I used to think that about D/s boards, too, and then of course I came here.....


Heather

 

[Inconsequential]

This is a lifestyle that I was born into and raised in.

I totally relate to your entire post.
This is how it was for Me. The family and family friends were in the lifestyle, it was accepted, people ~knew~ their place and acted as such. It did not stop people from accepting jobs, buying cars, having children, going grocery shopping. We had our "party" clothes, our "sunday" clothes, our everyday clothes like everyone else in the room. We went to normal places as well as places that were accepted just for U/us. Celebrated holidays. I was just allowed to be included at 15 when I was allowed my first party.

 

[Inconsequential]

how can you have two dominants? especially in a TPE... what if they conflict on something? which do you follow.

What if it's a married couple? you'd end up with a Dom, and Domme and I wonder if ~They~ were married, what would happen if they get into a marital fight? Would you be expected to take sides? **shhiivveerr** I think that would be very very hard. Even for someone who loves the lifestyle.

 

[Etoile]

It’s important that as you read this, you understand that this is not a sexual kink for me. This is a lifestyle that I was born into and raised in, till my adolescent mind chose to take me in a different – less fulfilling direction.

I'm afraid I don't understand, could you clarify?

 

[Etoile]

This is how it was for Me. The family and family friends were in the lifestyle, it was accepted, people ~knew~ their place and acted as such. It did not stop people from accepting jobs, buying cars, having children, going grocery shopping. We had our "party" clothes, our "sunday" clothes, our everyday clothes like everyone else in the room. We went to normal places as well as places that were accepted just for U/us. Celebrated holidays. I was just allowed to be included at 15 when I was allowed my first party.

Are you implying that you were exposed to your parents' D/s lifestyle? That is what I am getting from this post, and I have not known a single kinky couple that was interested in exposing their kids to it - hell, pretty much any parent keeps their own sexuality private, whether it is vanilla or otherwise.

Or was it that your dad was in charge, and your mom was the obedient wifey type? (Or vice-versa, I suppose.) I wouldn't say that this was the same thing as being exposed to BDSM and kink in general, not at all.

Your post has got my Spock eyebrow raised high...can you explain this in more detail?

 

[Lorelei_11]

I wanted to know why a boyfriend of 3 years whom had asked my dad if he could marry me (presented a ring & all) would dump me for a little twig of a girl that couldn't even earn a living & depended on him so much to me back then I though she was a leech. As I uncovered more & more about her I pieced together that he had been "seeing" her for a while & she was engaged as well (But her fiance & her had an 'open' relationship) well that geared me into research mode & I came up with things about her I wish I had never known back then, but now I can understand why I lost to her.
She NEEDED a TPE relationship, He wanted a TPE, which I wouldn't give but she more that happily did. She thought she could have 2 Dominants but her fiance called it off... I guess the poly setup wasn't as open as she said.
I am glad he seems happy, althought at times I hear he is not. Karma bites
I don't think I can do a TPE relationship... I have too much backbone I think...
(OOooppps, that almost sounds like a challenge...)
I do have a group I am involved in & play with a couple of the people in it. all respect my need for space to learn & analyze everything before I can try it.

Right now for a PYL... I am a Bottom that is slightly bi-curious.

What is the difference between a submissive, and a bottom?

I thought they were pretty much the same thing.

 

[CutieMouse]

What is the difference between a submissive, and a bottom?

I thought they were pretty much the same thing.

Generally speaking, a bottom agrees to give up power, in a very limited capacity, and officially retains quite a bit of control over the situation.

Generally speaking, a submissive is considered to give up a greater degree of power, and officially retains minimal control over the situation.

Generally speaking a slave, would be one who gives up all power (hopefully having researched and worked hard to ensure they are handing control over to someone worthy of the honor), and officially retains no control at all.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Generally speaking, a bottom agrees to give up power, in a very limited capacity, and officially retains quite a bit of control over the situation.

Generally speaking, a submissive is considered to give up a greater degree of power, and officially retains minimal control over the situation.

Generally speaking a slave, would be one who gives up all power (hopefully having researched and worked hard to ensure they are handing control over to someone worthy of the honor), and officially retains no control at all.

Thankyou.

Do they all use safe words?

I guess its hard to define, the difference between giving up a limited amount of power, in comparison to a greater amount.

Are there any examples of the difference between the two degrees of the giving up of power? Perhaps on an information site somewhere?

 

[CutieMouse]

Thankyou.

Do they all use safe words?

I guess its hard to define, the difference between giving up a limited amount of power, in comparison to a greater amount.

Are there any examples of the difference between the two degrees of the giving up of power? Perhaps on an information site somewhere?

Mmmm... I consider safe words to be a relationship negotiation thingie... I know I've had relationships where I didn't consider them an option, but didn't define myself as belonging to any of the neat pretty little boxes of what a bottom/submissive/slave should be.

Once a loooooong time ago, I had a guy tell me I wasn't submissive, because he could see it in my eyes, that I was sizing him up, and deciding if I "felt like it" or not. He labeled me as a "bottom", but not a submissive-type person. (dork)

I've never identified myself as slave material, and have no desire to do so; however, within the right relationship, I see no need for safewords.

These days I don't even know if I fall anywhere on the kink-based spectrum (either side of the whip, as it were), but then again I'm in a grumpy phase, so even I take that comment with a grain of salt.

The New Bottoming Book by Greenery Press is a very good place to start with regards to researching the various identities of bottom/submissive/slave.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Mmmm... I consider safe words to be a relationship negotiation thingie... I know I've had relationships where I didn't consider them an option, but didn't define myself as belonging to any of the neat pretty little boxes of what a bottom/submissive/slave should be.

Once a loooooong time ago, I had a guy tell me I wasn't submissive, because he could see it in my eyes, that I was sizing him up, and deciding if I "felt like it" or not. He labeled me as a "bottom", but not a submissive-type person. (dork)

I've never identified myself as slave material, and have no desire to do so; however, within the right relationship, I see no need for safewords.

These days I don't even know if I fall anywhere on the kink-based spectrum (either side of the whip, as it were), but then again I'm in a grumpy phase, so even I take that comment with a grain of salt.

The New Bottoming Book by Greenery Press is a very good place to start with regards to researching the various identities of bottom/submissive/slave.

I'm not positive yet, but I'd say I'm a bottom then. I doubt I fit in anywhere myself. I like the idea of being tied up, and spanked as well.

I had to edit because I just noticed your link, thanks.. I'll check it out.

 

[Etoile]

A bottom could also be described as someone who has stuff done to them, rather than doing the stuff. They are the person to receive the whipping, the flogging, the fucking, etc. It may or may not include being submissive to the top...not all bottoms are submissive.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

A bottom could also be described as someone who has stuff done to them, rather than doing the stuff. They are the person to receive the whipping, the flogging, the fucking, etc. It may or may not include being submissive to the top...not all bottoms are submissive.

I know I am a bottom and partly submissive, but I think some of the past life experience makes it rather difficult to let go of all the control I have over my life. This is why submission is hard for me. I told Sir last night for me vs others, submission is an act of will. Talking to one of the ladies yesterday she said she was a natural subbie and we both are puzzled over each others point of view on this topic because we are on different sides of the same spectrum. Though I do want to surrender my will to Sir, just not there yet.