What made you laugh your ass off today?

[silverwhisper]

right now, this news story. :>

that, and having heard a few times this weekend a commercial using the "happy happy joy joy" song. :>

ed

 

[EJFan]

andy serwer talking about the impact the demotion of pluto has had on the marketplace. apparently there's a t-shirt available that reads, "they got pluto, uranus is next"

 

[Eilan]

right now, this news story.

I'm an idiot. I thought I was in the WPMO thread, and I couldn't figure out why you were pissed about this.

 

[midwestyankee]

The dirty rat thread, where you'll find this lovely image from a Danish amusement park:

yep, that's a rat

 

[midwestyankee]

This made me think of quoll and a few others.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

sex: part of any good sleep regimen?

ed

 

[Guest]

 

[EJFan]

phil gordon's impression of phil hellmuth on tonight's WSOP... "if there wasn't anyone else in poker i'd win every tournament!"

 

[pleasteasme]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her
first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up,
putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men
march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me
Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me
Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it
around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between
Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches
Lena .

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I
think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

 

[lil_squirter]

I was told today by a dear friend that should he ever be in the act of oraly pleasing me and bring me to release such as my name implies..he would pull back and in a voice of childike awe and wonder say...
"Look Mommy, a rainbow."

I hung up on him.

And then I nearly pissed myself laughing.

 

[Quoll]

THE DOG'S DIARY
7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

THE CAT'S DIARY
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top
of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought
them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This
is not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of
their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the
event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More
important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks
with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to
his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I
can wait. It's only a matter of time.

 

[silverwhisper]

posted elsewhere...

yeah, what's up with that? are you out of trout, or what? i haven't seen you slip anyone the gills lately.

i'm trying very hard not to fall out of my chair laughing.

ed

 

[M's girl]

THE DOG'S DIARY
7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

THE CAT'S DIARY
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top
of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought
them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This
is not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of
their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the
event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More
important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks
with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to
his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I
can wait. It's only a matter of time.

Priceless, reminded me once again why I don't like cats

 

[bobsgirl]

Priceless, reminded me once again why I don't like cats

MG, I'm heartbroken!

 

[silverwhisper]

[trout-smacks MG]



ed

 

[M's girl]

MG, I'm heartbroken!

Sorry, it is very true, however....

does this make up for it just a little?

 

[M's girl]

[trout-smacks MG]



ed

Hey! Thanks!

 

[Saucyminx]

when i was a little girl

my family used to torture me with the nursery rhyme

"There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forhead."

I like this version much much better:

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

 

[silverwhisper]

my own stupidity.

it's extraordinary what a little time and distance will do for one's mood. :>

ed

 

[Saucyminx]

my own stupidity.

it's extraordinary what a little time and distance will do for one's mood. :>

ed

I believe a good road trip would definately cheer me up.

So saw Talledega Nights The Ballad of Ricky Bobby last night. I didn't want to laugh, but i couldn't help it. Best line:

My children no longer act like retarded gang bangers.

Now if i could just say that like i mean it. . .

 

[Nightbird]

"So I can chill beer with it after I'm done" - Said to me by a Litster.

 

[Quoll]

my family used to torture me with the nursery rhyme

"There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forhead."

I like this version much much better:

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

I prefer the classics myself.

Mary had a little lamb
Which always was a gruntin'
She tied it to a five bar gate
And kicked it's little cunt in.

 

[Saucyminx]

I prefer the classics myself.

Mary had a little lamb
Which always was a gruntin'
She tied it to a five bar gate
And kicked it's little cunt in.

I never did like that Mary, she is a bitch.

to quote Andrew Dice Clay. . .

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
each with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with $2.50.

 

[bobsgirl]

I prefer the classics myself.

Mary had a little lamb
Which always was a gruntin'
She tied it to a five bar gate
And kicked it's little cunt in.

quoll, you devil.

You make me laugh even when I don't want to.