What made you laugh your ass off today?

[Saucyminx]

I've been pimped.

So when the medical channel is showing something she has already seen, my 9 year old has been watching Style Network. I've been heaping curses on the "How Do I Look Now?" people all morning.

She is hard to dress since she is 5 foot tall, with no waist (like all other 9 year olds) and i'm picky about her dressing in jr's fashions since i don't want her all tarted up. I found her a pair of overalls the other day, CK overalls i may add, and when i brought them out this morning, she looked at me, and said "Mom. Don't you know, overalls are NO-veralls," with a look of pure disgust the likes of which i have never encountered in all my 37 years. It took lots of cajoling, growling, and bargaining to get them on her, but i had to make a deal with the devil.

She got to dress me this morning. Yes indeed, i have been dressed by a 9 year old. She didn't do too bad, i have on a pair of jeans (which i would have worn anyway), a white men's tank top, and one of her gray warm up hoodies, which is very tight and rather short, but hey, it isn't going to explode and hurt anyone so. . . i'm going with it, and a pair of converse sneakers. My son declared me so gangsta i could be in GTA San Andreas. (Please someone just come and fucking shoot me now.)

What finally sealed the deal on the overalls was when her brother came in and said in all his big 5th grader wisdom--"hey you look nice Em." (That child is getting ice cream for snack after school. )

Ok done now--off to smack some hos. Peace out y'all.

 

[bobsgirl]

So when the medical channel is showing something she has already seen, my 9 year old has been watching Style Network. I've been heaping curses on the "How Do I Look Now?" people all morning.

She is hard to dress since she is 5 foot tall, with no waist (like all other 9 year olds) and i'm picky about her dressing in jr's fashions since i don't want her all tarted up. I found her a pair of overalls the other day, CK overalls i may add, and when i brought them out this morning, she looked at me, and said "Mom. Don't you know, overalls are NO-veralls," with a look of pure disgust the likes of which i have never encountered in all my 37 years. It took lots of cajoling, growling, and bargaining to get them on her, but i had to make a deal with the devil.

She got to dress me this morning. Yes indeed, i have been dressed by a 9 year old. She didn't do too bad, i have on a pair of jeans (which i would have worn anyway), a white men's tank top, and one of her gray warm up hoodies, which is very tight and rather short, but hey, it isn't going to explode and hurt anyone so. . . i'm going with it, and a pair of converse sneakers. My son declared me so gangsta i could be in GTA San Andreas. (Please someone just come and fucking shoot me now.)

What finally sealed the deal on the overalls was when her brother came in and said in all his big 5th grader wisdom--"hey you look nice Em." (That child is getting ice cream for snack after school. )

Ok done now--off to smack some hos. Peace out y'all.

Oooh, Minxie! I bet you are so hawt!


Be still my heart...

 

[Guest]

 

[Saucyminx]

Oooh, Minxie! I bet you are so hawt!


Be still my heart...

Yo biatch, get your sweet ass over here. *giggles*

At the bus stop, one of my 5th grader's friends said, "Mrs. L, you look hot." ha ha ha. I nearly peed myself. That one is a little more mature than the rest of them. (And his daddy is quite yummy. . . )

I love it! This made my day.

Glad to be of service. I think i need some more bling tho.

 

[Sarojaede]

ohhh..this shouldn't make me laugh my ass off, but it did.

my little guy saying "fuck yeah, fuck yeah" after i let a "oh fuck, no" fly within earshot of him.

[sighs]

i'm going to go wash my mouth out with soap now or put $5.00 in the curse jar...wait...i don't have a curse jar.

 

[silverwhisper]

hey, at least you aren't posting this in WFMS! :>

ed

 

[Eilan]

I found her a pair of overalls the other day, CK overalls i may add, and when i brought them out this morning, she looked at me, and said "Mom. Don't you know, overalls are NO-veralls," with a look of pure disgust the likes of which i have never encountered in all my 37 years.

This part of your post should have come with a warning! That's hilarious.

It's been rainy today, so my two youngest daughters have had to spend much of the day inside. As they were looking out the front door together, my four-year-old told her little sister, "It's sweaty out there."

 

[Leah57]

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt and they vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

 

[Eilan]

One from the vaults.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=14687

 

[TBKahuna123]

I heard the best line on Miami Ink tonight:

10 million sperm and YOU'RE the one that won?

Genius!

 

[bobsgirl]

Eilan's sigline made me laugh so loud I woke the cat.

 

[Eilan]

Eilan's sigline made me laugh so loud I woke the cat.

In the spirit of the HT and all. . .

I used that quote with a friend of mine today. She teaches at a business "college" and as it's the last week of her summer quarter, she's getting lots of sob stories from her students.

 

[center_stage]

One from the vaults.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=14687

Great Thread. Made me smile. Especially when I saw that the person only had two posts and has been a member since 2000

 

[Eilan]

Great Thread. Made me smile. Especially when I saw that the person only had two posts and has been a member since 2000

I'm taking a stroll down Lit Memory Lane this evening (morning?). I'm up to 2001, where I've stumbled across such gems as:

How do i get my mom to want to have sec with me and make her think it's her idea?

and

How do I convince my wife to enter her ass hole? (I want pics of this one!)

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm taking a stroll down Lit Memory Lane this evening (morning?). I'm up to 2001, where I've stumbled across such gems as:

How do i get my mom to want to have sec with me and make her think it's her idea?

and

How do I convince my wife to enter her ass hole? (I want pics of this one!)

Perhaps the second one was an unfinished sentence and should have read "...enter her asshole in the asshole-of-the-month contest."

 

[Eilan]

Perhaps the second one was an unfinished sentence and should have read "...enter her asshole in the asshole-of-the-month contest."

When I first started posting at Lit there were a lot of huge site-related changes taking place, and some threads/posts disappeared.

Some guy started a thread on either HT or the Café asking, "How do you ladies shave your asshole?" My response was, "He prefers to do it himself."

Unfortunately, that thread is now gone.

 

[midwestyankee]

When I first started posting at Lit there were a lot of huge site-related changes taking place, and some threads/posts disappeared.

Some guy started a thread on either HT or the Café asking, "How do you ladies shave your asshole?" My response was, "He prefers to do it himself."

Unfortunately, that thread is now gone.

You definitely have an affinity for such threads.

 

[Ike_The_Spike]

Oops, double post....[Deleted]

 

[Ike_The_Spike]

So when the medical channel is showing something she has already seen, my 9 year old has been watching Style Network. I've been heaping curses on the "How Do I Look Now?" people all morning.

She is hard to dress since she is 5 foot tall, with no waist (like all other 9 year olds) and i'm picky about her dressing in jr's fashions since i don't want her all tarted up. I found her a pair of overalls the other day, CK overalls i may add, and when i brought them out this morning, she looked at me, and said "Mom. Don't you know, overalls are NO-veralls," with a look of pure disgust the likes of which i have never encountered in all my 37 years. It took lots of cajoling, growling, and bargaining to get them on her, but i had to make a deal with the devil.

She got to dress me this morning. Yes indeed, i have been dressed by a 9 year old. She didn't do too bad, i have on a pair of jeans (which i would have worn anyway), a white men's tank top, and one of her gray warm up hoodies, which is very tight and rather short, but hey, it isn't going to explode and hurt anyone so. . . i'm going with it, and a pair of converse sneakers. My son declared me so gangsta i could be in GTA San Andreas. (Please someone just come and fucking shoot me now.)

What finally sealed the deal on the overalls was when her brother came in and said in all his big 5th grader wisdom--"hey you look nice Em." (That child is getting ice cream for snack after school. )

Ok done now--off to smack some hos. Peace out y'all.

Happy to see that my wife and I aren't the only parents that think this way. IMHO a 9 y/o (any teenager really) doesn't need to wear low rise jeans or clothes that expose her belly. There's plenty of time for that after she's an adult (and out of my house ).

Speaking of 9 y/o's this one made me just about die. My mother was taking my daughters shopping and gave them each a $5 bill. Of course neither of them had pockets so my mother told them to fold it up tightly and keep it hidden in their hand. When the older one asked why, my mother told them that there was a boy on the morning new recently that had been carrying his money loosely and someone stole it out of his hands.

Well when they got back to my mother's house they were telling my wife about the shopping trip and they told her about the money and having to hide it in their hands. My mother said, "now tell her why..."

My oldest (the 9 y/o) said, "So we don't end up on the morning news!"

 

[Eilan]

Happy to see that my wife and I aren't the only parents that think this way. IMHO a 9 y/o (any teenager really) doesn't need to wear low rise jeans or clothes that expose her belly. There's plenty of time for that after she's an adult (and out of my house ).

You're definitely not the only parents who think that way! I have an eight-year-old, and some of her classmates (these are THIRD graders!) already have some, um, bodily changes going on.

 

[bobsgirl]

When I first started posting at Lit there were a lot of huge site-related changes taking place, and some threads/posts disappeared.

Some guy started a thread on either HT or the Café asking, "How do you ladies shave your asshole?" My response was, "He prefers to do it himself."

Unfortunately, that thread is now gone.

OMG, that is too funny.

 

[Sarojaede]

This probably shouldn't have made me laugh my ass off but it did:

I went to pick up Chinese take-out. Now mind you, I've been working from home today, my hair is up in a ponytail, I have on a ratty pair of jeans (the most risque hole in them is between my left knee and thigh), one of my husband's t-shirts which is clearly too big, and a pair of sandals. I am also sans make-up.

So, I paid for the food and walked out the door of the restaraunt. As I did, a man was coming out of the neighboring pizza parlor and walking sort of diagonal to me headed toward a white paneled van--a plumbing and heating van--with a ladder secured on the top of it. The ladder protudes slightly past the end of the back of the van.

Anyway, he turned, looked at me, did a double, then triple take, and walked smack into the ladder.

I bit my lip and asked him if he was okay; he nodded; I kept biting my lip, walked to my SUV, made sure he couldn't see me, and I burst out laughing.

Okay, I'm just bad, but I couldn't stop laughing all the way home.

 

[Quoll]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.

Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.

Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.

Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.

Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.

Martin, age 10

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.

Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that.

Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
clean up after them.

Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

Ricky, age 10

 

[bobsgirl]

Ah, kids. You gotta love 'em.

Although, I have to say out of the mouths of babes can come great wisdom.

It is wise to tell your wife she looks pretty, even if her tires are bald and her tailgate is droopy.

 

[Eilan]

My husband is wearing a shirt with a small cigar-burn hole on the front, and our (still-unnamed) cockatiel is poking her beak through the hole and pulling out his chest hair.

If I had chest hair, I probably wouldn't be laughing about this.