What made you laugh your ass off today?

I came home from work on my lunch hour to take my dogs out to water the lawn.... They were minding their own business, each of them on 3 legs, when a squirrel fell out of the tree above and landed in the grass about 5 feet from them. He had to have fallen at least 30 feet out of the tree. He scrambled back up the tree, but my son's dog, Skate, almost caught his tail on the way up. After that, Skate kept staring up in to the tree, looking like.... "When's another one gonna drop???"

Edited to add: and, when I got home tonite, there was a squirrel on my deck. Skate watched him intently until he left. He's been parked at the back door since then.... waiting.........
 
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quoll said:
You know, I looked at this and then went on to check out other pages. For the most part, this site provides ordinary goods at grossly marked-up prices. I found a crop there that was very similar to the one that I purchased earlier this summer at a local farm and fleet store. Their price: $39.00; I paid $5.95.
 
midwestyankee said:
You mean he wasn't wondering how to talk her into some strap-on fun with him?
Well, I don't know for sure. I was thinking that, but he could also be looking for a practical demonstration of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
 
Eilan said:
Well, I don't know for sure. I was thinking that, but he could also be looking for a practical demonstration of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
Well then, he certainly came to the right place, didn't he?
 
From Andrew Sullivan's blog (a reader's contribution):



Q: How many Christianists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Christianists don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in brothels.
 
ALERT STATUS


"The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
bombing and threats to destroy nightclubs and airports and therefore
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved'.



Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been officially re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a
"Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody
Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of London in 1666.



Also, the French government announced yesterday that it had raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.



It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert.


Italy has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly"
to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective
combat operations" and "change sides".


The Germans, wishing to stay in lock-step with their neighbours, have
also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress
in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher alert levels:
"invade a neighbour" and "lose".


The Australians have recently upraded their Alert System from the standard
"No Worries Mate" to, "Struth",
the next level being "Crikey" and the ultra top security alert
"Someone's cut the power to the Beer Fridge, now we're pissed."​


The world should now feel a safer place."
 
Telling a former colleague over lunch about wanting to visit a local dungeon club at their next public open house. He nearly had to pick his eyeballs out of his soup. :devil:
 
I'm a jail nurse. We get some interesting notes from inmates. The latest classic read:

"I've got a sickness in the private part of me from a dirty women."

It was one of the better written ones, actually.
 
Actual voice-mail message left @ my office: "...we were supposed to submit it (a document) and it slipped through our crack."

All of us decided that we didn't want to that paperwork, even with gloved hands.
 
.....
i-c-dead-peeps.jpg
 
As a loyal Red Sox fan, my daily internet routine inludes a reading of the daily cartoon strip called Soxaholics. Today's strip is absofuckinglutely priceless. Read it here. What I like best is the three-layered punchline joke.

Today's strip also happens to go very well with my current av.
 
midwestyankee said:
Today's strip is absofuckinglutely priceless.

If you liked that, then you'll like this:

A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
 
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty
lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it? :D
 
NippleMuncher said:
If you liked that, then you'll like this:

A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
Agreed. Like a good hard slider, this joke had some real mustard on it.
 
We were talking to out just turned six year-old son about piercings, we mentioned that "if you can pinch it you can pierce it".
He proceeds to pinch himself all over his face, his chest, his stomach, until finally he reaches between his legs, stops, looks up at both of us and says, "Oh crap". :D
 
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