What makes a good Dom/me?

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Blushing Bottom]

In a word...dedication.

Dedication to the self...to the submissive and most of all to the craft.

Almost anyone can get down and twirl a flogger...I have proven that myself but when one is truly dedicated to who one is and what one does the flogger becomes more than a flogger it becomes an expression of art.

IMHO

 

[Homburg]

Noblesse Oblige, in the ethical sense.


Interesting question.

 

[FungiUg]

Interesting. I'd say it's subjective. I know I have sucked as a Dom for some, and excelled for others. Part of that is me learning, but part is picking the right partners too.

 

[twysted73]

It would seem....

....that to be a "good Dom/me" one almost needs to be very well rounded.
Feet firmly on the ground and their heads just as firmly connected and interacting with as well as satisfactorily meeting the needs of another seperate person. I can see how it would almost require a Dom/me to become lovingly linked and bonded to the sub they administer to inorder for their efforts to be as fulfilling as humanly possible. Because, as it would seem, the more you love your sub, the more care is invested to their experience or else the Dom/me risks becoming disconnected as most often found in ER personnel or Nurses on certain perpetually terminal wards.
What I suppose I'm saying it that the emotional investment must be equal to that of the sub's needs and requirements or else the additives such as attentiveness, care, compassion, sensuality, antissipation, etc. would be lacking in to one degree or another.
See, for as long as I've studied the lifestyle I've always held secret my belief that if I, personally, were to excell as a successful and respectable Dom, (in my own eyes mind you) I'd need to genuinely and truly love my sub.
The love would ensure that all the other feelings and perks received by my sub would be in attandance consistantly.

*shrugs*

 

[EmpressFi]

I havent known that many Dom's.. and only have been owned by one. What I've seen in him as being a "good" Dom.

He's honest. He's respectful of me. He listens to me. He admires my strengths and fosters them. He reminds me of my place when I need reminding and praises me when I remember it myself. He tells me I'm beautiful until I believe it myself. He does not require my degradation for his self-esteem. However he accepts it as a treasured gift

 

[TheBlackDahlia]

I would want to be:

creative, caring, empathetic, have a strong self knowledge (knowing what I desire and expect from the sub), patient, not overly-sensitive, have respect for myself and others, understanding, direct.

Basically be in control, yet still approachable (sp?)

 

[SubKekiLee]

Honesty, Integrity, and thoughfulness and caring. MY D is a wonderful human period and he is always respectful of my thoughts and cares and concerns and listens to me.

 

[ecstaticsub]

....that to be a "good Dom/me" one almost needs to be very well rounded.
Feet firmly on the ground and their heads just as firmly connected and interacting with as well as satisfactorily meeting the needs of another seperate person. I can see how it would almost require a Dom/me to become lovingly linked and bonded to the sub they administer to inorder for their efforts to be as fulfilling as humanly possible. Because, as it would seem, the more you love your sub, the more care is invested to their experience or else the Dom/me risks becoming disconnected as most often found in ER personnel or Nurses on certain perpetually terminal wards.
What I suppose I'm saying it that the emotional investment must be equal to that of the sub's needs and requirements or else the additives such as attentiveness, care, compassion, sensuality, antissipation, etc. would be lacking in to one degree or another.
See, for as long as I've studied the lifestyle I've always held secret my belief that if I, personally, were to excell as a successful and respectable Dom, (in my own eyes mind you) I'd need to genuinely and truly love my sub.
The love would ensure that all the other feelings and perks received by my sub would be in attandance consistantly.

*shrugs*

I totally agree with this. My Dom loves me and I love him. We share an emotional, instinctual connection. I feel safe, cherished and valued and thus fully and eagerly willing to surrender my body and mind to him.

Along with his love --his self-confidence is another thing that I think makes him a great Dom. His own security in his self makes me able to feel secure with him. I want a man who knows what he wants, expects to have what he wants and knows he deserves it. Now of course there is that line between self-confidence and dangerous arrogance. A great Dom also has to recognize that he doesn't know everything and will not be reckless.

 

[twysted73]

I totally agree with this. My Dom loves me and I love him. We share an emotional, instinctual connection. I feel safe, cherished and valued and thus fully and eagerly willing to surrender my body and mind to him.

Along with his love --his self-confidence is another thing that I think makes him a great Dom. His own security in his self makes me able to feel secure with him. I want a man who knows what he wants, expects to have what he wants and knows he deserves it. Now of course there is that line between self-confidence and dangerous arrogance. A great Dom also has to recognize that he doesn't know everything and will not be reckless.

Well put. *winks and shoulder bumps you*

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

I've only had one Dom to compare against, but recently one of Snooze's features has really stood out. I've had some really tough times recently involving a family member that I am, for the most part, dealing with alone. I've vented at Snooze, yelling, crying and swearing until my throat hurt, and never once has He reprimanded me for it, although He normally does get after me for bad language. I've been disciplined by Him and I know He's no pushover. He simply has that instinct of knowing when to be my Dom and when to be my friend. He has never ceased to be one while in the role of the other. It reminds me of one of my favorite philosophies; "People are more important that rules." Rather than feeling like I can push my limits, I've gained so much respect for Him over the past couple of weeks that I long to be functioning normally so I can be at my best for Him. A little mushy and lengthy, I know, but describes what impresses me as a "good Dom."

 

[youknowyoulike]

So many wise comments. The key (from my perspective) is a sense of respect. A sub is someone to be cherished, taught and explored, not abused or victimized.

 

[twysted73]

Have any of you had a Dom/me who didn't respect you as a submissive? Did they not appreciate and understand the gift being given? I think that must be one of the greatest travisties and betrayals of trust I could imagine. (right up there with letting a child down through lack of care or kicking a puppy)

 

[HB1965]

I want to answer the other question (sorry )

Respect, Caring, and Soul. He needs to have a soul that's made for for this kind of thing and understands what the relationship is about.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[twysted73]

I don't tolerate people who don't respect who I am (which is far more than my BDSM orientation), but I also think the argument/theory that "submission is a gift" is utter bunk. So yeah - treat me like crap/fail to show respect, I struggle with a decision for a little while (knowing it's a permanent one), then move on.

(*side note - there are those who like being "disrespected" within the boundaries of their negotiated relationship; not all BDSM relationships are based on the "gift" analogy. )

Agreed wholeheartedly. I was generalizing for the individuals who's "flavor/style" of D/s doesn't include the joys of degredation. (clarifying statement forthwith and hereto henseforth)

That gave me a headache just then.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

YOUKNOWYOULIKE

I think 90-something percent of people in BDSM miss the whole point. It's about discipline. It's not about getting your ass spanked or any of the kink people enjoy.

I know guys who wear army camouflage and sneak around at night "visiting" people. They arent Rangers or Seals or Green Berets. Theyre posers in camouflage costumes getting a thrill.

The best metaphor I know for Dominance-submission is military bootcamp. Not the feminized nonsense of 2007, but bootcamp of 40-50 years ago.

A good drill instructor takes a willful, self-centered, disorganized piece of shit and shapes its body, mind, and spirit into something much better. If the DI does the job correctly the POS becomes much better in every way. The process isnt meant to harm you. Its meant to change you for the better. To overcome the mental obstacles you create and erect. You learn to submit to the discipline. To accept it.

 

[HB1965]

Ok sorry I have to disagree with some of what you say. I the discipline is only part of it.

YOUKNOWYOULIKE

I think 90-something percent of people in BDSM miss the whole point. It's about discipline. It's not about getting your ass spanked or any of the kink people enjoy.

I know guys who wear army camouflage and sneak around at night "visiting" people. They arent Rangers or Seals or Green Berets. Theyre posers in camouflage costumes getting a thrill.

The best metaphor I know for Dominance-submission is military bootcamp. Not the feminized nonsense of 2007, but bootcamp of 40-50 years ago.

A good drill instructor takes a willful, self-centered, disorganized piece of shit and shapes its body, mind, and spirit into something much better. If the DI does the job correctly the POS becomes much better in every way. The process isnt meant to harm you. Its meant to change you for the better. To overcome the mental obstacles you create and erect. You learn to submit to the discipline. To accept it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

HORNEYBABE

I dont mean to come across as a smart-ass, but where's the BDSM field manual that spells out what IT is?

When I read what people post it seems obvious that discipline is the most common problem.

Where am I missing the boat?

 

[Homburg]

HORNEYBABE

I dont mean to come across as a smart-ass, but where's the BDSM field manual that spells out what IT is?

You didn't get the manual?

Oh my. *looks nervous*

I'm sorry James, but we really shouldn't be talking to you then...

 

[A Desert Rose]

YOUKNOWYOULIKE

I think 90-something percent of people in BDSM miss the whole point. It's about discipline. It's not about getting your ass spanked or any of the kink people enjoy.

I know guys who wear army camouflage and sneak around at night "visiting" people. They arent Rangers or Seals or Green Berets. Theyre posers in camouflage costumes getting a thrill.

The best metaphor I know for Dominance-submission is military bootcamp. Not the feminized nonsense of 2007, but bootcamp of 40-50 years ago.

A good drill instructor takes a willful, self-centered, disorganized piece of shit and shapes its body, mind, and spirit into something much better. If the DI does the job correctly the POS becomes much better in every way. The process isnt meant to harm you. Its meant to change you for the better. To overcome the mental obstacles you create and erect. You learn to submit to the discipline. To accept it.

Would someone pass my address on to those guys, please?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

HUMBUG

I just have the M-1918A BDSM MANUAL OF ARMS W/OFFICIAL GLOSSARY. The companion volume M-1918A BDSM FIELD MANUAL is missing.

I know how to whup an ass, but I dont know why I'm whupping it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

ROSE

I dont know...I think theyre more into cumming in your shoes and leaving it as a surprise. They dont strike me as actually wanting to interact with women physically.

 

[A Desert Rose]

ROSE

I dont know...I think theyre more into cumming in your shoes and leaving it as a surprise. They dont strike me as actually wanting to interact with women physically.

That's only because they've not met me yet. I've got references, too...





aaaaaahahahahahaha!!!! Somedays I just crack myself up.

 

[Homburg]

HUMBUG

I just have the M-1918A BDSM MANUAL OF ARMS W/OFFICIAL GLOSSARY. The companion volume M-1918A BDSM FIELD MANUAL is missing.

I know how to whup an ass, but I dont know why I'm whupping it.

Ah, okay. Keep watching the mail for the rest of the series.