What makes a good Dom/me?

[FungiUg]

I think 90-something percent of people in BDSM miss the whole point. It's about discipline. It's not about getting your ass spanked or any of the kink people enjoy.

Right... which is why 90% of us enjoy doing it, and the other 10% are disciplined?

 

[pandoravampire]

ive only ever experienced one dom. So, hardly the most informative of posts coming up disclaimer, but here goes:

He loves me, nobody else, he gives me 100% of his dom juice, and doesnt expect me to share, either him, OR myself.

He's demonstrative with his feelings, he's verbal about his feelings, he can communicate his feelings, and is also able to 'hear' me.

loyalty. He sticks by me, no matter what. See's me through the tough times, the good times, and the mundane.

Continuity of approach. He doesnt chop n change like the weather. Enabling me to feel safe and secure in knowing him, his likely responses to situations and this assists in me being able to 'predict' correctly, and when i dont, he will guide me.

he keeps abreast of what i spend our money on. has his finger on the budget pulse so to speak. And always answers the question of 'which colour should i buy these shoes in, black or red?' with "Both littleone" lol.

That he can hold his head and hand up to 'oops, ive fucked up' give us a hand will ya?' so that he shares the responsibility of our life.

And of course, someone who'm i love, reciprocally.

Anticipation of need is a two way street. Not just for subs.

Sod all difference to a vanilla partner really?

pandoravampire

 

[somberReality]

ive only ever experienced one dom. So, hardly the most informative of posts coming up disclaimer, but here goes:

He loves me, nobody else, he gives me 100% of his dom juice, and doesnt expect me to share, either him, OR myself.

He's demonstrative with his feelings, he's verbal about his feelings, he can communicate his feelings, and is also able to 'hear' me.

loyalty. He sticks by me, no matter what. See's me through the tough times, the good times, and the mundane.

Continuity of approach. He doesnt chop n change like the weather. Enabling me to feel safe and secure in knowing him, his likely responses to situations and this assists in me being able to 'predict' correctly, and when i dont, he will guide me.

he keeps abreast of what i spend our money on. has his finger on the budget pulse so to speak. And always answers the question of 'which colour should i buy these shoes in, black or red?' with "Both littleone" lol.

That he can hold his head and hand up to 'oops, ive fucked up' give us a hand will ya?' so that he shares the responsibility of our life.

And of course, someone who'm i love, reciprocally.

Anticipation of need is a two way street. Not just for subs.

Sod all difference to a vanilla partner really?

pandoravampire

Where can i get one of these??

 

[FungiUg]

Sod all difference to a vanilla partner really?

A relationship is a relationship is a relationship. What you do inside the relationship can vary, but there are certain axiomatic truths that are necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. Communication, honesty, trust, respect and jello. Can't get away from them.

Help! Help! I am being chased by jello!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

FUNGIUG

I'll bet maybe 10% really enjoy it, 50% like parts of it, and 40% do it because they dont know enough big words to read or watch a movie.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

FUNGIUG

You listed a bunch of nominalizations.

 

[HB1965]

HORNEYBABE

I dont mean to come across as a smart-ass, but where's the BDSM field manual that spells out what IT is?

When I read what people post it seems obvious that discipline is the most common problem.

Where am I missing the boat?

Sorry James, I wasn't really able to comment further earlier

The Dom/sub relationship is a deep one of caring and commitment. When I say commitment I don't necessarily mean fidelity. What I mean is that the Dom is commited to the care of the sub and the sub is commited to seeing to the Dom's needs. When a sub submits he/she is giving themselves over to the will of the Dom. Doms are usually very deep feeling and passionate people who understand the enormity of that gift. They respect the trust that has been placed into their safe keeping, and do what they can to ensure that their subs feel safe and cared for. That's why some of the subs around here use the term treasured because that's how they are treated.

The discipline and the controlling aspects are only one part of the equation. The other, if one is truly living in the culture of BDSM, is a deep emotional relationship of trust and respect.