*Why Can't You Read?

[Desiremakesmeweak]

SimoneL.

I'm about to message you privately to let you know who I am what my own background re professional and commercial writing is.

However I will say this much here, and openly. I'm afraid I have to concur with what appear to be your sentiments about this other person's responses and that those responses are/were, perhaps, ungenerous to you. And unnecessarily ungenerous.

'Passive-aggressive' is not the way I would characterise what you wrote. And I can't see that anything you said amounted to much by way of critique at all.

The reason I'm going to tell you who I am, is because if I simply expressed my own view here without giving any background, there would likely be a lot of voices gainsaying me...

And they have that right.

And I don't intend to walk completely naked either! So we will all have 'our opinions' and I hope you may find some comfort in what I have to tell you privately.

 

[driphoney]

Alas, much of the time we're not even stars in our own dramas.

....

 

[Stella_Omega]

For what it's worth, Simone,
I have received private feedback a few times that was also uncomfortably enthusiastic and personal, and made me not want to acknowledge it.

I too have alienated an author that I admire. Responding too enthusiastically to her writing, and talking about how it affected me in personal terms-- nothing she ever wanted to hear from an almsot-stranger. She asked me to please keep my opinions to myself...

Writers can be funny that way!

 

[sr71plt]

I'm surprised about the leaning towards the author in question is male when I left a huge hint to the sex and race in the original email. I guess I'm long winded and people skimmed...On the asking for giveaways, swag, etc from the author, I didn't want to ask for anything from them, because I thought it would be taken as rude...*shrug*

I got the impression what you wrote that the author in question was female.

Also, I'll say that even though I would be thinking "ingrate" at the remark that you thought I should continue shoveling everything to you for free just because you said you had liked it at one time, what I would have responded to you in an e-mail would be a simple thank you--and, in my case, point out that I continued to post stories for free even though I published others for money. And I wouldn't have brought the issue to the board or been pleased to see you do so either.

 

[jdnunyer]

In a couple of posts up, I explained my thinking while writing the original email...FANGIRL while writing...I even put it right in the email...The author intimidated me...I just don't see the passive-aggressive portion on what I wrote...*shrug*...I felt and still do feel it was complimentary across the board and the author saw something in my words that wasn't there...but apparently you see something passive-aggressive in my words too...So please point it out to me...Cuz I can't see it...

ETA: Never mind...

You're right -- your post clearly pointed towards the author being female. The line about the old, white man made me think you were talking about a woman of color, but I still reflexively used gendered pronouns in my post, and I wish I hadn't.

I don't doubt your sincerity, and I didn't mean to offend you. I was just saying that the author in question, lacking the context you gave us, seeing that email by itself, might have thought "Why does this person feel the need to repeatedly refer to my record of questionable decision-making?" The email feels a little like a back-handed compliment. Apparently you are right to question this person's decision-making skills, and it reflects well on you that you distinguish clearly between them as a person and the quality of their writing. Again, I was just trying to say that, for what it's worth, your email might not have come across as you intended. No more and no less.

 

[jdnunyer]

Interesting that jdnunyer assumes the author you admire is a man. I did think this felt like a Men are from Mars, Women from Venus kind of thing.

And is it interesting that Simone didn't see that I explained my reasons for seeing the email as passive-aggressive?

Myself, I wouldn't think so. Because I'm inclined to think that most people -- regardless of gender, age, race, or religious creed -- are prone to reading too quickly on internet discussion boards. Or typing too fast, and using pronouns they didn't mean to use. But what do I know.

 

[PepperPace]

Sometimes I believe that people don't realize how their words sound to others. I too am an author and although I have no idea who you are writing about (as it has no bearing on your discussion), I personally would be slightly offended if someone wrote the following to me:

"...honestly, I'm not as die hard a fan of yours as I once was, I'm still a supporter though. A few of those choices that you've made that I wouldn't were off-putting and I only check your page for updates sparingly as result. So until I clicked your link this morning which I hadn't checked in about six months, I had no idea you hadn't updated in over three months..."

Criticizing someone 'personally' ie: the decisions that you have made--vs. critiques on their work can be a very sensitive matter. Why wouldn't that be offensive? Passive aggressive was probably mean of that author to say but it does appear that while portions of your email were very nice and positive, there were portions that were critical--and not in a helpful way.

Another thing, why is it okay for you to want feedback about that author's response and why is it okay for you to voice your opinions on a website and its not okay for them to do the same?

If this were me and the author that I had admired (though obviously not anymore) had been rude to me, I would probably just stop writing them. Well I certainly wouldn't tell them where to find your Literotica discussion about their email.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

People get upset about anything, how well I recall how upset a co-worker became when our supervisor wished us a Merry Christmas. Her husband then came to the office wanting to kick the boss's ass for upsetting his wife. Plenty of people walk around with chips on their shoulders hoping for excuses to erupt.

No ones obligated to be upset about speech.

 

[3113]

I too have alienated an author that I admire. Responding too enthusiastically to her writing, and talking about how it affected me in personal terms-- nothing she ever wanted to hear from an almsot-stranger. She asked me to please keep my opinions to myself...

Oh, Stella! Did you have to air our laundry in public And here I thought we'd come to an understanding about that day you tackled me at the grocery store, then gushed about my writing there in the produce section, using the vegetables to explain how it had affected you....



[/joke!]

 

[Stella_Omega]

It was a magic moment--- you were there, and the zucchini was too...

And the celery.

 

[sr71plt]

And the watermellons.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And the watermellons.

They were so fresh and ripe!

*nods*

 

[SimoneLisbon]

I know it seems like I'm taking it to heart, I'm not...I just thought this would make a great topic for discussion...Only I used something that actually happened to discuss...I'm not looking for validation on what I did or this person did...I will continue to be a fan of their work, just not the person going forward...That's it. I hoped this would lead to a discuss on fans, authors, that whole thing of being humble, yadda, yadda...this was just a real world example to get it started...Or at least that's the way I feel about it now...right now...after this post...

Update: I had the above epiphany at about 4:10am yesterday morning, this morning, yester- oh hell, when's the last time I slept? Anyway, I had tons of other things to do yesterday, today, oh hell again...stupid sleep deprivation...

Basically I'd like to move this discussion off of my real world example but keep the conversation going about fans, authors, being humble, creepy stalkers, etc. I'm looking to get an idea of what to do should you find yourself in either position so to speak? How do you handle the rabbit creepy fan as an author? To contact or not to contact someone you admire? Etc.

As to my own situation I feel it has been resolved to my satisfaction. I received a thank you & good luck for my email from the author. Yeah! That's all I really wanted. However, I did reply in a way to suggest that I'd misread the author's intention in sending. Something like, "Apology accepted and thank you." What? I could have misread their intended meaning too. They don't get to be the only one that can't read...

 

[SimoneLisbon]

Sometimes I believe that people don't realize how their words sound to others...

Well you bring up some very valid points in your posting that I'd like to address, PP...PP...*giggle*...Sorry, okay, moving forward right after I finish giggling...

One choice I'm very grateful the author made was to block me from their new site so I couldn't respond on their forum to their posting immediately (again, I assumed it was about me, cuz most days I feel it's my world and other people just live in it...funny thing about that, most people feel that way too)...Had I been able to respond on their site it was a situation that would have gone ugly with the quickness, IE neck-rolling, weave-pulling bad where neither one of us came out in a positive light.

The difference between what the author did and I did is they took it to their fans, I took it to my peers, counterparts, IE other people who are going to run into this situation or something close to it. IMHO I feel my forced upon choice was the better of the two options. At the time, I needed a place to vent too. I wanted to tell my side of the situation too. But that's not something for me to take to my 3 loyal followers. Their perspective is to support me, so I'm only going to hear a one-side response from them, positive about my actions and supportive of me. Great for the ego, not so much from how to handle the situation in the future. However, it is something I could get a two-side perspective on from other writers.

As you may or may not have noticed, I've updated the original post to this thread. The situation is now resolve to my liking and this thread can now be used to discuss what to do if you should run into the same situation. Again, I'm glad they blocked me, I hope they unblock me and friend me. That would be awesome. (must not fan girl, must not fan girl...SQUEEEEE!)

Once again, great thoughts on the situation PP...*giggle*

 

[SimoneLisbon]

For what it's worth, Simone,
I have received private feedback a few times that was also uncomfortably enthusiastic and personal, and made me not want to acknowledge it.

I too have alienated an author that I admire. Responding too enthusiastically to her writing, and talking about how it affected me in personal terms-- nothing she ever wanted to hear from an almsot-stranger. She asked me to please keep my opinions to myself...

Writers can be funny that way!

I know exactly what you mean. As I mentioned in an earlier post I got to meet the great late Mr. Peter Steele once and fangirled so hard I couldn't even interview him.

Part of that story is the band came out with a song, "Everyone I Love Is Dead"...I credit that song & band with saving my life because of that song. I listened to it over and over after my mother passed, and it helped me to mourn and grieve, but move forward in life.

 

[sr71plt]

Blocked from her blog?

Simon, you're beginning to sound like a stalker to me. Even that you just go on and on about it here.

A story author doesn't owe a reader an explanation, justifications, agreement, an argument, handholding, free reads, or anything else.

 

[SimoneLisbon]

You're right -- your post clearly pointed towards the author being female...

You're right too. No offense taken or given. This is why I brought the discussion here. I wanted others thoughts on the topic. Thank you for commenting.

 

[driphoney]

It was a magic moment--- you were there, and the zucchini was too...

And the celery.

That celery had me going too.

 

[sr71plt]

That celery had me going too.

If you're trying to have surreptitious sex in the vegetable aisle, chewing on the celery might cover the moaning of your partner so that other shoppers won't notice.

 

[damppanties]

That celery had me going too.

If you're trying to have surreptitious sex in the vegetable aisle, chewing on the celery might cover the moaning of your partner so that other shoppers won't notice.

Hmm. I was thinking more along the lines of spanking.

 

[TxRad]

That celery had me going too.

If you're trying to have surreptitious sex in the vegetable aisle, chewing on the celery might cover the moaning of your partner so that other shoppers won't notice.

Hmm. I was thinking more along the lines of spanking.

Amateurs!

The celery makes an excellent riding crop to spur your partner on.

 

[sr71plt]

Amateurs!

The celery makes an excellent riding crop to spur your partner on.

Not for very long. Quite obviously you are working from theory and not practice.

No, from practice, I can absolutely say that the only sex value in celery is for penetration or noise suppression.

 

[Jim44444]

Simone,
You have certainly generated a host of insightful replies and some damn funny ones about vegetables. However, IMO ( note the lack of H), the author is probably just an arrogant dickhead. That does not imply she is not a great author, just not a great human being. You can be a fan of her work and not a fan of her.

 

[TE999]

Any author who responds in the negative to a fan's correspondence is a short-sighted, arrogant, egocentric, pinhead. Especially if you're making a living from selling your work. Your readers appreciate your efforts and if they tell you so accept it in good grace. Authors don't usually write to amuse themselves and if they did, they'd never show others their work like Emily Dickinson, for instance..

 

[sr71plt]

Oh, they probably wouldn't respond all that well if the "reader" came across as a stalker.

This isn't about a response back, is it? It was about a "hey, look at the crazy e-mail I got" post to a Web site. We have threads and threads of that going here on the AH. It isn't a direct response to the reader. As a few others have pointed out, there isn't any proof given that there's any direct connection.

That said, it's an Internet phenomenon that posters will automatically take the side of someone posting a "hey look what happened to me" complaint just because they posted. Won't even question whether there is more than one side to the issue. Gotta love the Internet.