Why is obesity so prevalent amongst BDSM practitioners?

[FurryFury]

Fury, I'm curious - what religion was your mother's family that they had a restrictive diet?

Seventh Day Adventist, Dad got her into it. He was older than her and a missionary.

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

I think it is incredibly cool that some European countries such as Italy are now making a stance and banning the use of models who resemble underfed waifs and heralding the return of the much more rounded and shapely figure women were designed by nature to have.

Catalina

I do too.

If I had to pick between thin and healthy, I'd pick healthy.

Fury

 

[Netzach]

We're seeing an increase of both anorexia and bulimia among gay/bi boys now in San Francisco.

You've got more mileage with where this is going, my experience is mostly via the women I am friends with and via one person I worked for who was very open about her struggles and the intricacies of her experiences as a bulimic growing up in the 60's and into the '80s. But surely I would not be wrong if I were to say a lot of young gay/bi men in SF have abusive/difficult/messed up homes and would feel very out-of-control of their lives to the point where heightened control and denial in eating would feel soothing to them?

 

[Netzach]

I'm late to this discssion and to be honest i haven't read most of the posts before me so i don't know if this is new or what not but personally... I'm fat. i'm not jiggly fat either. I'm linebacker fat. Born at about 10 and a half lbs i was huge even as a baby. i was fat through grammar school, highschool, and college. I was picked on HORRIBLY for it. I even saw a nutritionist for half a year and while i lost some weight i also was depressed most of the day. I'm also broad shouldered and 5'10".

Uh.

Yum.

Sorry, mini perv. Even if it was someone I wasn't litcrushed on, this body type does a lot for me.

 

[FurryFury]

Why does it need to be banned? That seems really messed up to me. People should want to see healthy bodies enough that the dollars move in that direction, it shouldn't be something to legislate.

"You cannot photograph that girl unless she gains five pounds!" is a sad commentary on what people bought as sexy in the first place and makes me question the female consumers most of all. Again, the same thing with the increasing demand for *youth* - 14 year olds in "age defying" makeup ads. It's well heeled 40 something women with normal bodies doing the buying here. And the "brainwashing" can be shook off quite well if we use our brains.

"Fashion" is a beautiful but also a dangerous and ugly business. It will take some time if ever to change the world view of what is "hot." It's been drilled into our heads for generations and from our first breaths. It's not that easy to shake off, at least not for me. What I know mentally is not what I feel is true. Our belief systems that are burned into a rote subconscious track isn't easy to alter.

However I will say that I see just as many "chunky" girls with bare midriffs as I do "skeleton" girls. I prefer it when girls are aware of what looks good on them and not just what they think is the style they must emulate.

Fury

 

[Netzach]

"Fashion" is a beautiful but also a dangerous and ugly business. It will take some time if ever to change the world view of what is "hot." It's been drilled into our heads for generations and from our first breaths. It's not that easy to shake off, at least not for me. What I know mentally is not what I feel is true. Our belief systems that are burned into a rote subconscious track isn't easy to alter.

Fury

I guess.

I don't know, I never thought "hot" when I had callista flockhart shoved down my throat, I don't watch TV much, and wear whatever makes me look sleek and shiny or whatever is clean and matches somewhat. I don't think that makes me better than anyone else, but that's my point, it's not like I have some superhuman power that makes me go "wow she's hot" over an unconventionally attractive woman or "boy that's stupid" over a really annoying ad. Or "I have enough makeup" when I have enough makeup. That one suddenly came over me one day.

 

[neonflux]

You've got more mileage with where this is going, my experience is mostly via the women I am friends with and via one person I worked for who was very open about her struggles and the intricacies of her experiences as a bulimic growing up in the 60's and into the '80s. But surely I would not be wrong if I were to say a lot of young gay/bi men in SF have abusive/difficult/messed up homes and would feel very out-of-control of their lives to the point where heightened control and denial in eating would feel soothing to them?

You absolutely wouldn't be wrong, and I think you're right that this is a contributor. Just that I also think that the fashion industry also plays a role. I think my question might be put as, people have so many ways to wrestle with control issues - why does this one seem so prevelant right now?

 

[neonflux]

My mind deserts me this evening but will try and check...(oh, just found this report and this report ). I know Italy was the most recent one I heard of a few weeks back and they made a public statement that no matter who the model was, if she(he) did not fit their criteria as far as body image went they would not be working on any catwalks in Italy. The UK also had a highly successful advertising campaign for Dove I think it was which featured all rounder figured (too very chubby even) models of varying ages, not just late teen/early 20's. It was a huge hit with everyone.

Catalina

Thanks Catalina! BTW, we had the same Dove campaign here, also - I loved it. I also think it was pretty popular here. Don't understand why advertisers wouldn't then see the possibility of doing more of that type?

 

[neonflux]

I've heard of the trend away from skinny models in Europe.

Also, I was Googling around, and found this interesting link:
http://www.the-iron-gate.com/living_large.php

Thank you for this resource.

 

[Netzach]

You absolutely wouldn't be wrong, and I think you're right that this is a contributor. Just that I also think that the fashion industry also plays a role. I think my question might be put as, people have so many ways to wrestle with control issues - why does this one seem so prevelant right now?

That's a really good question - and it begs some really interesting consideration of how everyone relates to their body. I would say it's a feedback loop kind of thing in the fashion industry.

I'm just leery of buying the idea that we're more suggestible as women and girls, that we're less able to resist the lure of the media, that our brains are mooshier - this seemed implicit in the idea that images make girls have eating disorders which was thrown at me again and again in HS "awareness" classes, in college "awareness" workshops - and then when I talked to a bulimic on *her* terms, honestly (not in the context of these workshops) I got a much more uncomfortable, complicated, and ultimately harder to handle picture.

Images and industries *prey on* girls who have the propensity or have the problems to go in that direction. Images and industries hit us where we're uneasy and vulnerable.

I also wonder about "socially acceptable" outlets for eating disorders. The ol' high school wrestling team.

 

[neonflux]

That's a really good question - and it begs some really interesting consideration of how everyone relates to their body. I would say it's a feedback loop kind of thing in the fashion industry.

I'm just leery of buying the idea that we're more suggestible as women and girls, that we're less able to resist the lure of the media, that our brains are mooshier - this seemed implicit in the idea that images make girls have eating disorders which was thrown at me again and again in HS "awareness" classes, in college "awareness" workshops - and then when I talked to a bulimic on *her* terms, honestly (not in the context of these workshops) I got a much more uncomfortable, complicated, and ultimately harder to handle picture.

Images and industries *prey on* girls who have the propensity or have the problems to go in that direction. Images and industries hit us where we're uneasy and vulnerable.

I also wonder about "socially acceptable" outlets for eating disorders. The ol' high school wrestling team.

Geeze, sometimes I love you I understand now from whence your hesitancy and other comments are coming - re: the idea that women are susceptible when men aren't - agree that this is a bunch of hogwash!

Like what you said about the wrestling team - Just found this article about body image disorders in young men.

Neon

 

[FurryFury]

I guess.

I don't know, I never thought "hot" when I had callista flockhart shoved down my throat, I don't watch TV much, and wear whatever makes me look sleek and shiny or whatever is clean and matches somewhat. I don't think that makes me better than anyone else, but that's my point, it's not like I have some superhuman power that makes me go "wow she's hot" over an unconventionally attractive woman or "boy that's stupid" over a really annoying ad. Or "I have enough makeup" when I have enough makeup. That one suddenly came over me one day.

He he! I never could stand her. She did and still does have what I call an "old woman's face."

*shivers*

I do enjoy pointing out the fallacy of ads and media with my kids. Of course they usually see it before I do.

*smiles*

Fury

 

[i_love_myself76]

I had to stop in and say hi. I am not what you would consider a Barbie im a thick woman who knows who and what she is. I believe it is all about self image compared to social image I have never had an issue with my self esteem ( although some ppl think I should but what do they know) I know that no i cant wear a midrif shirt but i can wear a nice short skirt and a corset and look damn good. And have never been without male attention. I wish many more girls and woman would realize that skinny is a new trend in fashion look at the art from the renaissance period all those women had curse and I think they are more beautiful then some of todays "idols"

 

[ammre]

unfortunatelly the media has a lot to do with how kids are raised now a days. parents are really only 1/3rd their child's learning, ther other avenues are social and media. Both girls and bos are supseptable, boy though are told they need to bulk up, they need to be tough and matcho. They need to treat women badly, like beer, enjoy sports and like to fix shit. Girls aqre told they need to be dainty, they need to be attractive, and the new trend is telling them they need to be smart, and i'm All for that, but they arne't saying that you don't have to be attractive so it just adds more stress. becasue of the social programming, a guy who is placed under too much stress will more often resort to voilence, where as a girl wil more often resort to self harm (anorexica, bulemia, cutting)or verbal abuse.In that way both genders have this force and pressure. Now specifically onto the models influence. (a lot of the previous paragraph is based on majorities, there will always be someone who has luckley become the exception)
Some humans can be healthy at 100lbs. Most cannot. Girls could be told that till they are blue in the face, but until that stops being the ideal girl they won't get it. Being told this from birth they are even less likely to believe it if there's just this change. I personally am large and i know large girls are just as human as other girls but i remember seeing a serious large atress on Coldcase once and i couldn't take her seriously. It was social programming at work. Or the black haired nurse in Grey's anatomy that was dating George, she was larger then the other characters and i bet she wasne't above a size 7, yet i still couldn't take her seriously as someone who could be a main character. So with all that programming in place do you really think people are going to stop and say, "Hey! I'm not spending my money here becasue your models are anorexic!". If anything the sick looks has become the chique look becasue it is hard to obtain/maintain. And if you cna't figure out any way for you to have control but to be chique or stylish looking then you will start using your control on your eating. The anti-ana rules, while IDEALLY they shoudln't have to be in place, were put into effect becasue not only is there an issue in the people the models are inspiring but also amongst models to be skinnier and thus being sicker. To be honest, within the rules it's still possible to be ana/bul you just can't be too far sick.

And that is what my 24 credits of women's studies minor has got me. I mean there's tons more influnces but for the most part it's a downward spiral that the rule hopefully might slow down.

it is possible to be healthy without being skinny. So many people use the idea "well they just want a healthy mate" Sure that argument can work for quite obese people but me at my whopping 5000000lbs can out swim/run/bike/climb/ my 110lb roommate. And heaven's knows that many uninfluenced native tribes will still consider a larger woman healthier. "child breaing hips" breasts to nurture, a belly to protect and extra fat incase there's famine. What what. I'm not saying that women who are naturally skinny are bad i'm just saying that everyone needs exercise and proper nutrients and a proper caloric intake.

 

[FurryFury]

unfortunatelly the media has a lot to do with how kids are raised now a days. parents are really only 1/3rd their child's learning, ther other avenues are social and media. Both girls and bos are supseptable, boy though are told they need to bulk up, they need to be tough and matcho. They need to treat women badly, like beer, enjoy sports and like to fix shit. Girls aqre told they need to be dainty, they need to be attractive, and the new trend is telling them they need to be smart, and i'm All for that, but they arne't saying that you don't have to be attractive so it just adds more stress. becasue of the social programming, a guy who is placed under too much stress will more often resort to voilence, where as a girl wil more often resort to self harm (anorexica, bulemia, cutting)or verbal abuse.In that way both genders have this force and pressure. Now specifically onto the models influence. (a lot of the previous paragraph is based on majorities, there will always be someone who has luckley become the exception)
Some humans can be healthy at 100lbs. Most cannot. Girls could be told that till they are blue in the face, but until that stops being the ideal girl they won't get it. Being told this from birth they are even less likely to believe it if there's just this change. I personally am large and i know large girls are just as human as other girls but i remember seeing a serious large atress on Coldcase once and i couldn't take her seriously. It was social programming at work. Or the black haired nurse in Grey's anatomy that was dating George, she was larger then the other characters and i bet she wasne't above a size 7, yet i still couldn't take her seriously as someone who could be a main character. So with all that programming in place do you really think people are going to stop and say, "Hey! I'm not spending my money here becasue your models are anorexic!". If anything the sick looks has become the chique look becasue it is hard to obtain/maintain. And if you cna't figure out any way for you to have control but to be chique or stylish looking then you will start using your control on your eating. The anti-ana rules, while IDEALLY they shoudln't have to be in place, were put into effect becasue not only is there an issue in the people the models are inspiring but also amongst models to be skinnier and thus being sicker. To be honest, within the rules it's still possible to be ana/bul you just can't be too far sick.

And that is what my 24 credits of women's studies minor has got me. I mean there's tons more influnces but for the most part it's a downward spiral that the rule hopefully might slow down.

it is possible to be healthy without being skinny. So many people use the idea "well they just want a healthy mate" Sure that argument can work for quite obese people but me at my whopping 5000000lbs can out swim/run/bike/climb/ my 110lb roommate. And heaven's knows that many uninfluenced native tribes will still consider a larger woman healthier. "child breaing hips" breasts to nurture, a belly to protect and extra fat incase there's famine. What what. I'm not saying that women who are naturally skinny are bad i'm just saying that everyone needs exercise and proper nutrients and a proper caloric intake.

I found your post interesting and thought provoking!

Fury

 

[rosco rathbone]

This thread always makes me chuckle.

Who says BDSM people are fat?

 

[neonflux]

This thread always makes me chuckle.

Who says BDSM people are fat?

I actually have to agree - at least not heavier than our "non-kink" peers. As others already mentioned at the beginning of this thread, I just think that most people into kink - especially those of us who regularly visit public play spaces - are far more comfortable in our bodies, no matter what our size or shape.

I am chubby (size 12 - 14). Body would have been considered very attractive during the Renaissance but too big today. <edited> Even though it doesn't "meet" today's standards, I think it's pretty and have never had trouble attracting lovers - vanilla or kinky. A lot of it is in the self-confidence... </edit> Personal preference - I like a rounder look on another woman, as long as she's also fit...

Neon

 

[Chicklet]

Anyone notice how a huge percentage of straight people are obese? why do you suppose that is?

anyone notice how a huge number of straight vanilla people are idiots? what is it about the straight vanilla lifestyle that attracts so much idiocy?

 

[neonflux]

Anyone notice how a huge percentage of straight people are obese? why do you suppose that is?

anyone notice how a huge number of straight vanilla people are idiots? what is it about the straight vanilla lifestyle that attracts so much idiocy?

You are just too funny

 

[1birdiegirl]

A little anecdotal evidence

I'm rather new to the scene, but I quickly felt a greater acceptance for my fuller figure among the lit/bdsm crowd. I'm comparing this to previous experience on generic dating sites. I got really turned off by 9 out of 10 men on those sites interested only in women who are "slender" or "athletic and toned."

I have chatted with and eventually met maybe 1/2 dozen men here and on another bdsm site and noticed immediately that the question of looks and body type in some cases never came up. I have yet to feel rejected for my size after any of these meetings.

Furthermore, I have met more highly educated and successful men on these sites than on generic/vanilla sites. Just a little anecdotal support for the theory presented in this thread.

 

[FurryFury]

Anyone notice how a huge percentage of straight people are obese? why do you suppose that is?

anyone notice how a huge number of straight vanilla people are idiots? what is it about the straight vanilla lifestyle that attracts so much idiocy?

LMAO!

Good stuff Chicklet!

Fury

I'm rather new to the scene, but I quickly felt a greater acceptance for my fuller figure among the lit/bdsm crowd. I'm comparing this to previous experience on generic dating sites. I got really turned off by 9 out of 10 men on those sites interested only in women who are "slender" or "athletic and toned."

I have chatted with and eventually met maybe 1/2 dozen men here and on another bdsm site and noticed immediately that the question of looks and body type in some cases never came up. I have yet to feel rejected for my size after any of these meetings.

Furthermore, I have met more highly educated and successful men on these sites than on generic/vanilla sites. Just a little anecdotal support for the theory presented in this thread.

Hey, that sounds good too! I'm glad you've found it to be so.

Fury

 

[azncumgirl]

slender bdsm chic

i'm a slender gal, but for some reason, in my fantasies, I'm always owned, forcibly taken, by heavy set elder men. something about not being attracted to someone in real life leads to a much more arousing fantasy i guess.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I'm rather new to the scene, but I quickly felt a greater acceptance for my fuller figure among the lit/bdsm crowd. I'm comparing this to previous experience on generic dating sites. I got really turned off by 9 out of 10 men on those sites interested only in women who are "slender" or "athletic and toned."

I have chatted with and eventually met maybe 1/2 dozen men here and on another bdsm site and noticed immediately that the question of looks and body type in some cases never came up. I have yet to feel rejected for my size after any of these meetings.

Furthermore, I have met more highly educated and successful men on these sites than on generic/vanilla sites. Just a little anecdotal support for the theory presented in this thread.

I've found the same to be true about the online dating sites. No matter how out of shape the men seem to be, even when they admit in their profile that they have 'extra padding' or are 'larger', they still say that they are only attracted to slender or athletic women. As you can tell from my AV I'm pretty average, but far from slender or athletic. Too bad that all so many people see is the outside. What a great loss for them.

 

[1birdiegirl]

and how slender would you like me, dear?

I've found the same to be true about the online dating sites. No matter how out of shape the men seem to be, even when they admit in their profile that they have 'extra padding' or are 'larger', they still say that they are only attracted to slender or athletic women. As you can tell from my AV I'm pretty average, but far from slender or athletic. Too bad that all so many people see is the outside. What a great loss for them.

I recently was reading a Sunday magazine of a major newspaper and they had a special "Date Lab" section highlighting a couple, what they were looking for and who the found. One of the questions to each was "Your types...." The man (Tim) responded his type is "tall and slender... because she's fit, not because she doesn't eat" (OK, and your telling me how I must achieve this type) as well as "intelligent, beyond book smart" (apparently so much like yourself)

Under "Interests you'd like to share" Tim says "a strong Christian faith. I've dated lots of nonbelievers, and we just have different priorities."

Glad you've got those strong Christian priorities in line, Tim.

Article at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/14/AR2006111400978.html

 

[Private_Label]

Is it true that every dress size you lose is 10 pounds?

It always took me about 20 lbs. to loose a dress size. Then I would plateau at 30, and not go down another one.