Why is obesity so prevalent amongst BDSM practitioners?

[WriterDom]

I want to meet the person who eats 2000 calories a day, jogs every morning and weighs 300 pounds.

.

It's like my brother said. He's never seen a fat person on a bicycle. Sure you might see one once in a while, but not a cyclist who rides a lot.

I do think there are people who have underlying health issues that cause them to be overweight. But the majority, you can just look in their shopping cart and see why. And only guess about the level of their activity.

And ever year it seems to get worse and worse in this country. When I was growing up you might have to go through 100 kids to find a fat one. Now you have to through 10 to find one that isn't. And the reason is pretty clear to me. When I was kid if we weren't in school we were outside doing stuff from the morning until it got dark. I rarely see any kids outside anymore.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Rosco and Lance both like little petite waif-like women. I know that Rosco like girls with pixie cuts and Lance likes a pony tail to hold onto. ;-)

Since when does pixie cuts=skinny???

I like some meat for the strop to bite into.

 

[cati]

Your response was to call him a tool,

I suppose Sir Face calls 'em as he sees 'em!...shrugs.

The original post posed the question why are "fat" people so prevalent in BDSM circles. I'm thinking that that question has been more or less answered. Now, from what I can see another thread has turned into a "verbal" fist fight. If I had a choice between the men posed in the two AVS, I would choose the guy with the bare ass hands down. The other dude is way too skinny.
As far as not seeing an overweight person on a bicycle, that's a bunch of boloney. All kinds of people ride bikes...maybe no chubbos in the Tour de France, but that's a whole different physical arena.
Most overweight people know why they are carrying a few or more pounds,if they don't then they are deluding themselves. My belief is that they aren't getting enough excercise to match their food intake, no matter what the food might be.
Excercise begets a speedier metabolism, a speedy metabolism burns more calories.

Show me a man with confidence and pride in who he is, no matter what the size, rather than what society deems he should be/look like. Of course the same thing applies to women.

 

[catalina_francisco]

A man I fell in Love with, made it quite clear he was only attracted to razor thin women; at the time I was 5'8" tall, and weighed 170# (size 12). He found me mentally and emotionally attractive, and could imagine what I'd look like if I were thinner, but made it clear if we were to have a relationship, I would need to lose weight- because he wanted to both be attracted to his partner, and know she wasn't at risk for weight related issues.

You are a better woman than me CM. I'm afraid, if someone has a problem with how I look, or any other such superficial level, not only are they not the right person for me, but I am instantly turned off by their shallowness and am more than happy to send them on their way because they really are not interested in me as a person, just what I look like. I remember when I was a size 8 (which in Oz is very small and imagine it is the same in the US), I went out with one guy and he felt I was too fat, I went out with another guy 2 nights later and he thought I was too skinny...and both felt it was their right to comment on my weight without it being raised as a topic of conversation or asked for, and neither was a work of art themselves. LOL, I can happily say, despite both these sad men dreaming of finding Miss Perfect and settling down to have bouncing babies, they are both in their 50's now and still single and looking for that perfect woman who is all they deserve in a wife but just can't seem to find.

Catalina

 

[CutieMouse]

What you did say, is your Dom "forced "you too lose weight. So now you are healthier because of it. Did I read that wrong?

The person I mentioned was never my "Dom", nor did he force me to do a damned thing.

In the process of getting to know one another, we discussed our *needs* and our *wants* with regards to partners. Needs were non-negotiable; wants were open to discussion. We both had some of each. One thing on his *need* list was a slim and healthy Lover. In the grand scheme of things, I had no issue with that, as I was about 30-40# heavier than necessary, did not enjoy carrying around the extra weight, and recognized that the additional weight was not in *my* best interest if I wanted to have a long, full, productive life. My decision to lose weight was influenced by his desire to have a slim Lover, but it was *my* decision. I was equally free to tell him to stuff it, and we'd have remained Dear Friends.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Since when does pixie cuts=skinny???

I like some meat for the strop to bite into.

It was what I remembered from previous posts. I never said it was written in stone and my memory might be faulty.

And pixie cuts does not translate to skinny. It was a statement about image and attractiveness. If I wasn't clear on that, maybe I am now.

 

[CutieMouse]

You are a better woman than me CM. I'm afraid, if someone has a problem with how I look, or any other such superficial level, not only are they not the right person for me, but I am instantly turned off by their shallowness and am more than happy to send them on their way because they really are not interested in me as a person, just what I look like.
Catalina

It was always discussed from a health issue, as much as an attraction level, so I didn't (and don't) really see anything shallow about it, anymore than I would consider myself shallow to not find an obese man physically attractive. I carry weight very well, but 2 years ago (when we first met), I was technically obese; now I weigh what I did when I was in my early 20s, and I can walk several [quick] miles a day without getting winded.

As an interesting aside- I hate being noticed for my looks, because there is far more to me than my body. My Friend who helped motivate my weight loss is very appreciative of my looks (ironic, as now that I'm thin, we've both decided being Lovers isn't in our best interest), but his appreciation of my mind and soul mean far more to me than his admiration of my looks.

 

[SirFace]

JUST PACK A LUNCH YOU FUCKING FATASS!!!

Too lazy to do that?

Get a pre-made salad from a supermarket. Just as quick and cheap as a Triple Fatburger with Extra Grease Fries.

Even if you want to eat fast food, more and more fast food restaurants are offering reasonably healthy alternatives. I don't think there is a major fast food chain that doesn't offer some form of salad these days. Get it with a bottle of water, not that fucking candy water they call soda and have people convinced it's a beverage that should be enjoyed multiple times daily.

QUOTE]


Shows how little you know. I drink more water a day than most and dont drink pop at all. Eever try and eat a salad while driving. I drive 1000+miles a week on top of 40+ hrs in plants. I eat while driving. You would have caught that if you actually read the post. I also hit the gym everyday too. I wonder if you'll be close to as healthy as I am when your my age. Big does not mean unhealthy, sick or lazy.

 

[Marquis]

Since when does pixie cuts=skinny???

I like some meat for the strop to bite into.

Ha ha, perfect av.

 

[Marquis]

Your response was to call him a tool,

I suppose Sir Face calls 'em as he sees 'em!...shrugs.

The original post posed the question why are "fat" people so prevalent in BDSM circles. I'm thinking that that question has been more or less answered. Now, from what I can see another thread has turned into a "verbal" fist fight. If I had a choice between the men posed in the two AVS, I would choose the guy with the bare ass hands down. The other dude is way too skinny.

Ha ha, crawling out of your little hole of humiliation to throw your support behind the next bumbling idiot to battle wits with Marquis unarmed?

I won't spend much time on you, because your resilience is proven to be flatter than your new comrade's spelling abilities.

I assume the two dudes you're talking about are SirFace and I.

First and foremost I want to mention that if that really is SirFace, how he looks now, than he isn't anywhere close to being the lardass I took him to be from his comments.

But you wouldn't get with me, huh?

I'm sure your history with me has nothing to do with your choice.

As far as not seeing an overweight person on a bicycle, that's a bunch of boloney. All kinds of people ride bikes...maybe no chubbos in the Tour de France, but that's a whole different physical arena.
Most overweight people know why they are carrying a few or more pounds,if they don't then they are deluding themselves. My belief is that they aren't getting enough excercise to match their food intake, no matter what the food might be.
Excercise begets a speedier metabolism, a speedy metabolism burns more calories.

Show me a man with confidence and pride in who he is, no matter what the size, rather than what society deems he should be/look like. Of course the same thing applies to women.

Here's where Cati goes:

"Oh fuck, people are going to realize I'm just taking this opportunity to try and insult Marquis, the man that made an absolute jackass out of me in the past. I better throw in some mundane, irrelevant bullshit that's already been said or I'll be too transparent."

Good job Cati.

Smooth as ever, it's really a shame they didn't make you mod.

 

[Marquis]

Shows how little you know. I drink more water a day than most and dont drink pop at all. Eever try and eat a salad while driving. I drive 1000+miles a week on top of 40+ hrs in plants. I eat while driving. You would have caught that if you actually read the post. I also hit the gym everyday too. I wonder if you'll be close to as healthy as I am when your my age. Big does not mean unhealthy, sick or lazy.

Dude, you've really gotta learn how to use the quote function, it's not that hard.

It's great that you drink lots of water and use the gym every day. If that's really the case, then you definitely aren't the kind of lard ass I perhaps mistakenly assumed you were by your emotional defense of overweight individuals.

However, you're still making a poor excuse. Make yourself a low-carb wrap. Fill it with chicken breast and salad and you can easily eat that on the go.

May I ask how big you are?

 

[Etoile]

This thread has taken a serious non-BDSM turn and gotten all personal and shit. Does it really matter how big somebody is or isn't? Seriously, think about it, what does it matter? What will it tell you about yourself when you hear the answer?

I'm starting to like what was said earlier in this thread (can't find who said it) - the only people whose size should matter to us is ourselves and our partner(s). The rest is nobody else's business.

Bitch at each other all you want, though, if it does something for you...

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Fat or thin we will still all be naugt but bones one day and if it is the package one finds to be more important then the contents then they deserve what they get. Which may be a thin or fat lot of nothing.

Oh and for those who care, I am not fat nor an I thin. I am healthy and exercise daily and though I never drive through McD's or similar fast food establishments I do eat foods one might scoff at should they be so inclined and so judgemental.

Oh and Roscco I agree with you about the big bottomed gal taking the belt and earning the welt.

d

 

[Marquis]

I'm going to exit this conversation after this comment, but I want to say a few things real quick.

I feel like I got kind of backed into defending a particular perspective here, probably more out of being attacked and met with irrational arguments than a lack of understanding of the other side.

Not so long ago I looked like this.

And you know what?

I was happy then. In many ways unrelated to my weight, I was happier then than I am now.

I was also confident and thought I looked good. I was still fucking cute girls who thought I looked good too. I'm not embarassed to post this picture. I love this picture because it was taken in Jamaica and it reminds me of how crazy I used to wear my hair.

I'm glad I got in shape.

I'm more confident about my looks than I was then. I can do more with my body. Sex is a lot better. I barely have asthma anymore and I don't get sick as much as I used to. Most of all I'm proud of doing what so few people in my position have been able to do, which is transform my entire lifestyle to reach a goal that I set for myself. It was more difficult than I can explain, and is truly one of my lifes crowning achievements.

It's true that being in shape is not a substitute for personality, confidence or character. A fat man with confidence will be more succesful with women than an insecure guy with a six pack.

I don't like the way I've come off in this thread. In some ways it feels like a betrayal to the proud fatboy I once was.

I'll just leave it at this.

Arnold Schwarzenneger has long been a tremendous advocate of fitness. He was once asked if anyone could be a body builder if they followed his program. He said no, not everyone has the genetics to be a body builder. But everyone can reach their individual full potential.

Personally, I think that the medical community's guidelines of obesity (I believe over 20% body fat for men and 25% for women) are well informed and reasonable.

But if you're truly content in this area of your life, then who am I to criticize?

After all, I sleep 16 hours a day and spend the rest of the time high.

 

[Marquis]

OK, I know I said I was going, but I missed this before and I want to respond.

Not at all, and I appologise if you read it that way. I am angry because this whole thread was taking on a direction of intolerence and using health as a excuse for that intolerence. I happen to like all women, I just prefer them to be a little heavier. Thats my choice and my right. Just like everyone who like skinnier women, no problem, good for them.

But when I read the "just eat less" or "move more" BS I get a little angry. I am technically obese. That av is me, untouched, as I am now. We are both in the gym, but neither of us will ever, nor do we want to ever, approach our ideal weight, not gonna happen at this age.

And then, to read an example touting one being Dominated as a vehicle to loose said weight, I lost control. SEE how easy it is to loose control? Works for food too, especially when it is everywhere.

Sorry if I angered anyone. But I was. I dont usually get this way but I travel, a lot. Try and loose weight eating in restaurants and hunting for a gym all the time when you are working 1 hrs a day and living out of a suitcase.

So that is you?

Certainly not the behemoth I imagined. I would be thrilled to look like that later in my life.

I understand how tough it can be to eat right when you don't always have total control. I don't allow anything unhealthy in my house whatsoever, this makes it easy for me. My girlfriend will bring snacks and junkfood into the house sometimes and we have big fights about it.

I can't say my self control would be any better than yours if I was on the road all the time. But I do know that if you really wanted to eat better, you could.

If it's just not that important to you, I understand, you look good to me.

Sorry I called you a fatass.

 

[JMohegan]

Does it really matter how big somebody is or isn't?

Yes, it really does.

Read this post by Geoff, or this one by Rose if you want to know why.

Or educate yourself as to the facts about obesity and related diseases/conditions by reading the information provided at
this link.

Keep in mind that the topic here is the obese. Not chubby, not plump, not sporting some curves, not packing some junk in the trunk. Obese.

What will it tell you about yourself when you hear the answer?

If someone answers from a health perspective, I'd say they are making a rational statement of fact. If someone answers from an aesthetic perspective, I'd say they are being honest.

Show me a Beauty & the Beast pairing, in which Beauty is 5' 10" & gorgeous and dating a 5' 4" ugly Beast who's built like the Michelin tire guy, and I'll show you someone who has the right to call others shallow. Everyone else just looks hypocritical and obnoxious hurling that gem.

Of course, there is a difference between the range of physical attractiveness that one would accept at the inception of a relationship, and the way you feel about a person after you fall in love.

My wife was a tiny woman. No bigger than a minute for her entire life. She was physically beautiful to me in every possible way. That's why I was attracted to her in the first place; but it's not why I fell in love.

On the day she was killed, my wife weighed 120 pounds. And I would give anything, literally anything in my power to give, if I could have her back at three times that weight.

But I'd still help her lose the excess pounds. Not to get her back to 120, but simply to get her down to a healthy range. Every day, this would be my number one goal and the primary focus of all my energy and drive.

If I love her so much, and my love has nothing to do with her beauty, then why would her weight matter so much to me?

Because I've seen middle-aged peers debilitated by weight-related issues. The quality of their lives suffers immeasurably, and I would not want that for her. And more importantly, I know what it's like to ride off into the sunset without your cherished partner.

To borrow a phrase from Geoff's post on this subject, I wouldn't wish either of those outcomes on my worst enemy. Truly, I would not.

 

[Marquis]

JM, you seem to have private messages turned off, so I hope you don't mind if I express my condolences over losing your wife here.

 

[callinectes]

JM, of all of the posts on this thread your last one stands out as the voice of reason. Thank you. (coming from someone that has more than just a little junk in the trunk)

I was very sorry to read of your loss. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Etoile]

First, I am sorry for your loss...and please know that I am never arguing with a person, I only ever argue a point.

Yes, it really does.

I don't deny what you say about the health issues related to obesity. You are taking my comment to Marquis out of context, and while I have no problem with doing that to make a point, I do feel it's necessary to clarify what I was talking about.

Marquis wanted to know if SirFace was a fatass. I didn't see how that was relevant to the conversation. I was pointing out that Marquis was making assumptions about SirFace based on what he was saying - as if he expected that only a fat, lazy person could hold those beliefs. When I asked if it mattered, I was referring to talking with somebody on the net, not knowing them in person, being concerned about their well-being, etc.

Or educate yourself as to the facts about obesity and related diseases/conditions by reading the information provided at
this link.

I am very aware of the facts of obesity. I won't name-drop to prove it, so I hope you'll believe me that I do know what obesity means, including its effect on those who are obese - including some of my dearest friends and family.

If someone answers from a health perspective, I'd say they are making a rational statement of fact. If someone answers from an aesthetic perspective, I'd say they are being honest.

I think my question was misunderstood. I was asking Marquis, "If SirFace says he is obese, will you feel vindicated, proven right, righteous? If he is a stick figure, how will you reconcile what he says with what he looks like, especially since you expected him to be fat?"

 

[JMohegan]

JM, you seem to have private messages turned off, so I hope you don't mind if I express my condolences over losing your wife here.

No problem. Thanks, man.

JM, of all of the posts on this thread your last one stands out as the voice of reason. Thank you. (coming from someone that has more than just a little junk in the trunk)

This post means quite a lot to me. Callinectes, thank you very much.

And thanks to both you and Etoile for your other kind words as well.

You are taking my comment to Marquis out of context, and while I have no problem with doing that to make a point, I do feel it's necessary to clarify what I was talking about.

Etoile, I owe you an apology. I took the meaning of your entire post out of context, but it was not intentional.

You did not quote Marquis in your post, and I had only skimmed over the posts immediately preceding yours. I missed the connection, and assumed you were responding to the thread at large. Thank you for clarifying the point of your remarks.

I do not want to comment on the mudslinging here, other than to point out that Marquis did not start the name-calling. Nor did he begin the exchange of irrelevant personal remarks. Anyone who doubts this can scroll back up to posts 370 and 373 and have a look for themselves.

 

[Sprinkles22]

Ok ... I'm going to jump into this thread and make a single comment for the moment. I've read a considerable amount of recent posts on this thread, but I haven't read the entire thread from alpha to omega, so forgive me if I echo someone else's thoughts who has already posted.

I am clinically obese, with a BMI of 40.4, as of today. My weight is right at 100 lbs over where I should be, and I do suffer minor health issues that are weight related. I am borderline hypertensive and borderline diabetic ... neither of which I want to develope as full blown problems.

I still think I am somewhat cute and attractive, even with the weight on me. And I would honestly tell you that I don't think I appear to weigh what I actually do.

Now with all of that being divulged, I will address the topic of this thread. I don't think my weight or self consciousness about my weight have a single influence on my submissiveness. I can trace my subbie feelings all the way to childhood. I was born a submissive.

I was anorexic as a teen, I weighed far below my ideal weight ... I wore a size 3 in blue jeans .... I was a very skinny girl. I was a natural submissive then. My late teens and early 20's I was what I call for myself "perfect". I was a BABE, and I was submissive. Now I am in my 30's and obese, yet still I am a submissive.

I have a goal of losing some weight in the next 6 months, before I reach my 35th birthday. Why? For my physical health and my mental health. But you know what? I will still be submissive

 

[incubus'_sub]

Joe, I love reading your sensible posts & I, too, am very sorry for your loss.

Sprinkles, if I may ask, why did you allow yourself to become obese in the first place? It doesn't happen overnight, so surely you noticed that you were becoming fatter, growing out of your clothes etc.

My background - a solid, not fat but quite hefty compared to now, teenager. I chose to lose some weight after my first child (18 yo) & have never allowed it to creep back on, even during a subsequent pregnancy & remain, at 52, still slim & in good shape. For me, it's a choice. I find flabby fat unappealing in myself and my partner.

The original topic of this thread seems correct to me. Of the BDSM people we know, the vast majority are more than a bit chubby, yet they still seem to think they look sexy & attractive in fetish clothes, latex etc. Ummm, no, no they don't. They are nice people, friendly & interesting, but attractive, no.

Obese BDSM people usually have no trouble finding play partners because it is so difficult to find real life practitioners in any given area, therefore people play with whomever is available. That said, real relationships are hard to establish, unless both parties are obese, as the attraction is the kink, not the body.

 

[FurryFury]

This thread has taken a serious non-BDSM turn and gotten all personal and shit. Does it really matter how big somebody is or isn't? Seriously, think about it, what does it matter? What will it tell you about yourself when you hear the answer?

I'm starting to like what was said earlier in this thread (can't find who said it) - the only people whose size should matter to us is ourselves and our partner(s). The rest is nobody else's business.

Bitch at each other all you want, though, if it does something for you...

Etiole,

I agree with you. Thanks for your consistently intelligent and compassionate posts. I'm just about done here. Call me strange but hitting my head against walls holds little appeal for me. I do think your post was a turning point for a more positive bent on this thread.

Marquis,

One of the things I like best about you is when your wisdom and humility are allowed to shine. I may not always like what you post but when you extend an olive branch like you have here I find it a very appealing and mature quality.

I also have to say I respect your ability which I don't think everyone has, to make up your mind to change your weight.

Sir Face,

As you know your ass looks mighty fine to me and many others.

I understand why you went off on this thread. I'm glad you that is over now.

JM,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

To everyone else,

Obesity is a term that IMO, being thrown around a bit too loosely here.

The judgmental posts especially those that single anyone out or attack are sad to me.

I'll restate that I do not see in my BDSM group, people who are any larger as far as I can tell percentage wise, than the general public.

I'm not prone to caring much about other people's weight. I'm not their judge, mother or boss. I can usually appreciate people for the whole of them and not just the skin.

For some reason the lyrics to a beloved song keep going through my head and seems connected to this thread to me, I'll share them with anyone who cares to read them.

"People pointing finger painting the world
Leaving me their silhouette on my life
And I'm filling in the negative space with
positively everything

I do, I do
And it's all because of you
I do, I do
And it's all because of you

It's not emotion I feel for you
It's not devotion that I want from you

I want someone to follow
Who doesn't lead the way
I want someone to listen who
won't repeat what I say

And I'm feeling in the negative space with
positively everything

I do, I do
And it's all because of you
I do, I do
And it's all because of you."

I wish you all well.

Fury

 

[Sprinkles22]

Sprinkles, if I may ask, why did you allow yourself to become obese in the first place? It doesn't happen overnight, so surely you noticed that you were becoming fatter, growing out of your clothes etc.

Allowing myself to become obese was the product of the same problem that allowed me to be anorexic .... it's an eating disorder brought on by severe depression. You are right, it didn't happen overnight, but the weight was put on in a short 9 month period when I was going thru dark days in my life. Food was my comfort ... no different than those who seek alcohol to self medicate.

I gained the weight in less than a year, but I am happy to say I have maintained that weight for 11 yrs now. I haven't gained more, I just have struggled to lose what I already had.

 

[Etoile]

Etiole,

I agree with you. Thanks for your consistently intelligent and compassionate posts. I'm just about done here. Call me strange but hitting my head against walls holds little appeal for me. I do think your post was a turning point for a more positive bent on this thread.

I do feel I was uncharacteristically harsh in the "you're shallow" post, although I think I was responding in kind to the harshness of the post I was replying to. I'm glad to hear that I have been my normal self the rest of the time. Thank you so much, Fury.