Why is obesity so prevalent amongst BDSM practitioners?

[LadyAria]

Damn, Marquis, much respect to you.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Thank you Sprinkles, for your honest answer to my genuine question. I, too, have suffered severe clinical depression for nearly 30 years now, so I understand that very well. I am fortunate I suppose that my depression manifests itself in an almost total disinterest in food (or any living activity really) and has always responded well to prompt & correct medication.

 

[SirFace]

OK, I know I said I was going, but I missed this before and I want to respond.



So that is you?

Certainly not the behemoth I imagined. I would be thrilled to look like that later in my life.

I understand how tough it can be to eat right when you don't always have total control. I don't allow anything unhealthy in my house whatsoever, this makes it easy for me. My girlfriend will bring snacks and junkfood into the house sometimes and we have big fights about it.

I can't say my self control would be any better than yours if I was on the road all the time. But I do know that if you really wanted to eat better, you could.

If it's just not that important to you, I understand, you look good to me.

Sorry I called you a fatass.

Dammit, now you are forcing me to change my opinion of you. That post was the last thing I expected. And you have balls posting that picture. I doubt I am so secure. Lets see if I can find a frontal somewhere. I am weighing around 226 right now, 26 over where I want to be and 51 over where I was my whole life until I quit smoking 10 years ago. OH, Im 6 ft tall and from most of the charts Ive looked at, they say Im obese. I cant, or wont lose weight but I will push weights in the gym to keep myself looking as good as I can. The arthritis in my feet pretty much limits the aerobic stuff to the water, bed or recumbant bike. And yes, the doc said "operation" or loose weight. Working on it with crazy. I finally have a partner who does things with me, unlike my ex. I think that will hope more than anything, for her and me.

Thanks for the apology, sorry I called you a tool.

This is the only frontal I can find, it was from june or july this year.
https://forum.literotica.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=645630

 

[SirFace]

The person I mentioned was never my "Dom", nor did he force me to do a damned thing.

In the process of getting to know one another, we discussed our *needs* and our *wants* with regards to partners. Needs were non-negotiable; wants were open to discussion. We both had some of each. One thing on his *need* list was a slim and healthy Lover. In the grand scheme of things, I had no issue with that, as I was about 30-40# heavier than necessary, did not enjoy carrying around the extra weight, and recognized that the additional weight was not in *my* best interest if I wanted to have a long, full, productive life. My decision to lose weight was influenced by his desire to have a slim Lover, but it was *my* decision. I was equally free to tell him to stuff it, and we'd have remained Dear Friends.

I stand corrected. I did misinterpret your response. We are going to the gym and sometimes I have to push her a little more than I like, especially when I am the one who needs the push. We are not in a hard core Dom/sub relationship by any means but I cannot in any way convince myself that me pushing her is going to help any. Right or wrong, I believe people change when they want to, not when someone pushes them. I know its wrong but thats the way Ive always been and I cant change the way I feel. I somehow felt I wasnt doing my "duty" when I read your thread and I dont fight well in writing.

 

[SirFace]

Cati. Sorry you were dragged into this muck by simply stating a preference. Thanks for your opinion. I dont know any other history so Ill just stop there.

 

[cati]

Geeze SF there's no need to apologize. It was the dimple formed at the bottom of your left bum cheek that clinched it for me....smiles. Now, if Marquis had a similar dimple... yeah...I might "get with him".
Waits for Marquis snarky reply....

 

[cati]

JMohegan, I've known for quite a while that you had lost someone very special, from your signature line alone. Also you had mentioned several times "grieving". I wish that someone could love me as much as you did your Beth. Your sadness is evident in some of your posts... I'm truly sorry for your loss JM.
I would have written this in PM, but i see that you are not wishing to receive mail.

With much respect, cati........

 

[Evil_Geoff]

*grins*
My av is as I was in August, shortly before my heart attack. I'm about 10 pounds under that now, I'm either 240 lbs, 245, or 250... depends on which doctor's office I am at. I kid you not, my cardiologist weighed me in at 240, the endocrinologist across the street has me at 245 and my cardiac rehab scale says 250.... Go figure!

I have a pic from when I was pushing 300 lbs around, but I don't think I'll post here until I can photshop some elements out of the pic...

 

[JMohegan]

I appreciate the kind words of everyone here. Thank you very much.

However, I did not write post 441 to elicit sympathy. Grief enters every person's life at one point or another, and I am no different from anyone else.

I wrote post 441 to make what I consider to be a very important point about weight and why it matters, and why saying that it matters does not necessarily mean that someone is a shallow or intolerant person incapable of focusing on what is "really" important. In fact, just the opposite might be true.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Joe, we know you weren't looking for sympathy & we did get the meaning of your post. We just took the opportunity to let you know how we felt because we like & respect you. You are often the voice of calm reason around here.

 

[cati]

Ok so maybe I got a little mushy. We are not without feelings here, but yes JM you are the definetly the voice of reason around here.

 

[Zinfandel]

.....

 

[Etoile]

I kid you not, my cardiologist weighed me in at 240, the endocrinologist across the street has me at 245 and my cardiac rehab scale says 250.... Go figure!

That happens to me too! My primary doctor's scale weighs me in about 5-7 lbs higher than my scale at home. Then again I am wearing clothes at the doctor's office, and I usually weigh myself naked at home...but am I really wearing 6 lbs of clothes?

 

[tanyachrs]

My doctor's office say they subtract 5 pounds for clothes. Also, we often weigh ourselves at home first thing in the morning when we're at our lowest weight. As long as you're comparing like to like (naked in the morning to naked in the morning) you can leave the red herrings out.

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[JMohegan]

I'm not phrasing this well, so I hope my point is coming across.

I can't speak for anyone else, but it came across well to me.

You asked some tough questions, for which there are no easy answers. But I was impressed with the honesty and heartfelt nature of your post.

Thank you for the kind words as well.

 

[thesarge69]

..slender BDSM chic....

An experienced mature man knows that a woman's size is of minor importance!The most important thing is her attitude about sex and her partner. Both should be willing to do anything with/to the other that can be mutually agreed upon. And each should try to accommodate the other's fantasies, fetishes or desire for experimentation. Someone once said the brain was the most sensuous sex organ and that is so true! Of course the importance of good hygiene and health to most people can't be overstated !

As for as "rape" or w/o consent, I believe EVERYONE, male or female has to some extent enjoyed that fantasy!!!

 

[thesarge69]

...slender BDSM chic...

i'm a slender gal, but for some reason, in my fantasies, I'm always owned, forcibly taken, by heavy set elder men. something about not being attracted to someone in real life leads to a much more arousing fantasy i guess.

I would really like to explore that fantasy with you (via e-mail) if you are interested. Perhaps we could report "the incident" from the victim and the agressor point of view????

 

[the captians wench]

At my largest (2 years ago) I was 370+lbs and a size 24 (or bigger i stopped buying clothes at size 22 and just wore anything with a stretch band so I didn't have to face how big I was). Now I'm between 210-220 depending on the time of the month (gotta love water retention) and a size 15 (soo close to that 14). I started taking pics when I hit about 320 and it's amazing the difference I see in them. Not only in the weight, but if you look at the mood of the pics themselves, they're a lot more happy/bright ones then there were then.

Some time last summer when i hit size 16/18 I decided I wanted to start trying to change, insted of what was naturally happening due to me working. My biggest problem, I saw, was that I just wasn't eating right. I would snack on chicken nuggets and fries when ever I got two minutes at work to do so. So I asked Jounar for help.

I remember his shock. "I didn't think you wanted to be skinny is all" he said to me. And I told him, I don't want to be skinny, I'll never be skinny. I have a large build, always have, always will. But I do want to be a size 10 again. So he helped me break that habbit, and now nuggets and fries don't even tempt me.

Along with changing my eating habbits, I've started belly dancing once a week again. And now he's added some exersice for me for a daily rutine as well. At first I wondered why he would do something like that, but then I realized it's something I wanted so why question it. If I have to answer to him, it makes it easier for me to keep to it, but it's something I really want for myself anyway.

He was perfectly happy with me how I was, and he's happy to help me get to where I want to be. And in 6 months, while I've only dropped maybe 10lbs, I've gone from a 16/18 to nearly a small 15. The best part about that is I can finally dress my age.

It feels so good to drop all that weight. My sugar isn't as crazy, I have energy to do things, and most of all I have confidence to walk down the street knowing, I may not be a modle, but I'm pretty damn cute!

So I can see why he would want this for me....I want it for me.

 

[Athanasia]

Size is of no importance in a relationship. It is the attitude and respect of one another regardless of appearance that makes it so special. Otherwise it would be shallow.

I personally think a woman deemed "overweight" as beautiful. Each person has attributes outside of normal social standards that make them unique and interesting as well as sexy.

Who really wants to be normal and boring anyway?

More to lick, touch, taste, and hold. Far more delicious in itself.

 

[Etoile]

ACW, do you mind if I ask how tall you are? I am about a size 14 too but I am 165 lbs and 5'4". I never understand how clothes sizes work but I assume it has to do with weight AND height.

 

[Byakuya]

I'm slightly overweight for my height.. a lot of it's muscle though.. actually my interest in BDSM helps motivate me to get in shape.. I figure if I have a hot body my wife will be more likely to want to do stuff to it..

 

[BeachGurl2]

I posted a bit about this on another thread recently because the last two people I've met online ended up being quite a bit larger than I thought they would be based on their pictures. I had never in my life dated someone overweight, so I really didn't know that I would have an issue with it. It wasn't because I purposely avoided anyone overweight, I hadn't. It was just because it had never come up before. But when I did go out on that first date, I truly couldn't see myself in a sexual situation with him. It just didn't do it for me. I know that I'll probably be flamed for it. I just learned that I truly am not attracted to someone who is overweight.

I did spend a bit of time late in my marriage where I was significantly overweight. I am 5'2" and very small boned, and at my highest weight, rolled in at close to 160 - size 12-14 for me. I still don't like the weight I am now, but I'm not obsessing about it either. I'd like to tone up more than lose weight, but that's probably pretty normal for my age (41).

I've struggled with eating disorders my whole life, so I know that I still do not view my body accurately. Since posting my own picture as an av and profile pic, I've received compliments on both, but I still look at them and see the 'fat'. I haven't owned a scale in many years, because when I do, I become obsessed with what the scale says. I weigh myself every single day, naked in the morning before a shower and naked just before getting into bed. It's not a healthy way to look at it, but that's why I threw my scale out.

If I were at an 'ideal' weight for my height and bone structure, I'd probably weight in around 110-115. I'm about 10-15 pounds over that now - size 8. I don't work out because I'm lazy and I don't eat right because I'm too lazy to take the extra time. If I do a drive thru run at lunch, I get the healthiest sandwich they have and no fries. I don't drink sodas, I drink unsweet tea, black coffee or water. For dinner, it's usually something fast and easy, often over processed quick meals. And I don't eat breakfast unless I'm really hungry and then it's just a bagel without anything on it. I probably don't consume 1200-1500 calories a day, but I still can't get the weight off because they aren't 'good' calories and I don't exercise.

Hmmmmm, do you think I could find a Dom who wanted to force me to exercise?

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Size is of no importance in a relationship. It is the attitude and respect of one another regardless of appearance that makes it so special. Otherwise it would be shallow.

I personally think a woman deemed "overweight" as beautiful. Each person has attributes outside of normal social standards that make them unique and interesting as well as sexy.

Who really wants to be normal and boring anyway?

More to lick, touch, taste, and hold. Far more delicious in itself.

I agree.

My rose is a big woman, and I could not love her more, or be any more attracted to her sexually, if she was a perfect size 2. She has beautiful eyes, and an amazing smile.

Also, I don't think she could love or want Me more if I looked like I could be on a nordic trac commercial.

Honestly, I think that being overweight is one of the last PC prejudices. In fact, it seems like it is PC to cut on overweight people. Somewhere on the thread, someone posted about fat people riding a bike. I went though a stage a while back where I did a lot of bike riding, and you should hear some of the comments I would get. things like the 'look the seat disappears in his ass.' That isn't what stopped Me. Its that someone stole the seat off My bike whilst I was at work. (Yeah I had ridden it to and from work.)

Anyone here who wants to judge Me by My weight, be My guest, as I can't stop you. I have been close to 400 pounds. I am probably about 350 now. My weight has been a problem My whole life. So if you want to make a comment denigrating someone based on weight, feel free I think I have heard them all. But also remember that the person you think of as 'lard ass' also is a person who has feelings, and has traveled their path which you have not walked.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

*shrugs* i've read some things in this thread that really made me go 'wow' about the way people think about others who are overweight. which is why i'm not really going to say anything replying to anyone's posts i will just say that the way some 'hide' their discrimination against overweight people by saying things like 'hey i'm just saying it because it's a health issue' well i am Overweight, way overweight, i'm 5'5 and i weigh over 200lbs well over 200lbs actually around 240lbs. does my weight have anything to do with my sexual preferences..ummm..no..not a thing. and to me if all you're looking at is my weight, then i don't need you in my life anyway (that's a generalization i'm not talking to anyone in particular) i also have depression, which is a huge reason for my over eating, i know this, i've had low self esteem and it has mostly come from those who want to judge me because of my weight, the teasing, the down right mean comments, but i'm not sure that there is 'more' "fat" people in BDSM than there is in the general public, as the BDSM community is rather small compared to the 'general public'.

i know that i am beautiful and i don't worry about other people's comments anymore, they don't matter to me if they are that shallow anyway and would rather judge me simply because i'm fat, rather than my personality or my mind. as far as saying you post what you do 'because it's a health issue' well i know it's a health issue but why does an overweight/obese person need everyone telling them this? i think they probably know it, though everytime i've gone to the doctor He tells me i'm very healthy more healthy than alot of smaller people he sees, just recently i've had high blood pressure do more to stress than my weight. anyway, i'll end this post and just say i disagree that there are more obese people in this lifestyle than there are in the general public..and that's my two cents