Why is obesity so prevalent amongst BDSM practitioners?

[Alistunut]

other posters have mentioned health probs, but many of these are for moderate (II) to extreme obesity, which i don't think there's much argument about. i'm sure you, lil slave, agree. but it might to added that 'medical problem' is not a license for ridicule, any more than say, cleft palate (whose odd lisp used to be mocked and called funny) or a woman's loss of her hair (a 'bald lady' was once a figure for amusement).

In our society, women are viewed first and foremost as sexual beings, and those who are perceived to be unattractive are frequently mocked. It is true that obese women suffer from widespread derision, but they are hardly alone. Think of the "jokes" about Janet Reno, for example.

Women who are marked as too old, too frumpy, too hairy, too heavy, too skinny, too ugly, too trashy, etc. are routinely considered fair game for insults made by individuals and stock caricatures devoid of dignity in TV and film.

There is a thread currently running in the GB called Ugly Women and Seductive AV's. This post is a typical example of a non-obese female being held up for scorn.

 

[Alistunut]

What we're seeing more and more of in my profession is 40-60 year olds in long term care. Many of these people are there because of a life of bad physical choices/habits/addictions, i.e. drug abuse, alcoholism and alcohol abuse, obesity, etc. And those bad habits/addictions are the catalyst for liver failure/disease, renal insufficiency, degenerative joint disease, chronic arthritis, cardio/pulmonary disorders and on and on it goes.

The entire face of long term care is changing. It's been a major wake-up call for me and my fellow nurses.

If you have any control over your weight, it's best for you to attack that problem early on rather than wait until you reach 45 and have serious health issues to face. It means major lifestyle changes that most people don't really want to tackle.

Call me shallow or predjudiced but I believe that good health and living a loooong life should be a priority (it sure is for me and I'm sure for several others who post here.)

I want to get all the kinky stuff I can into the life I have left. ;-)

This is an outstanding post.

I am not a nurse, but I am in my forties and am starting to see peers who suffer in exactly this way.

 

[Shaq]

I belong to many clubs...in different parts of the world. I have also noticed that the numbers of over weight Dom/mes and submissives is the norm rather than the unusual.

My theory is that the BDSM community is more accepting and welcoming of all diversities in what society dictates is acceptable.

We in the BDSM community are generally more interested in the dominating skills or submissives realities than W/we are in girth.

Also I think trauma plays a portion in what spawns BDSM inclinations.

Due to societal pressure, to varying degrees of extent and different forms, overweight men and women are traumatized and sometimes that trauma takes the form of BDSM sexual preferences.

 

[FurryFury]

Also I think trauma plays a portion in what spawns BDSM inclinations.

Due to societal pressure, to varying degrees of extent and different forms, overweight men and women are traumatized and sometimes that trauma takes the form of BDSM sexual preferences.

I can see why people keep saying that trauma is part of why people get into BDSM but I don't agree.

Fury

 

[incubus'_sub]

I don't agree either. Almost everyone on earth has had some kind of trauma in life, yet the majority of people are not BDSM enthusiasts.

You know if societal pressure actually had any traumatising effect on people who started to put on weight (no, I'm not including those genuinely affected by illness & medications), then don't you think that when the traumatising comments started, they would have a little think about it & decide for themselves that they could avoid such comments by losing the excess weight they have started to accumulate. Very few people just wake up one morning seriously obese. It takes time. Instead it seems that they prefer to make excuses for their condition & blame everyone else for not finding it particularly attractive.

Back to the very original question, yes, amongst the BDSM group we personally know there is a very large proportion of obese people. Both the men & woman tend to have been attracted to the scene, not by any great interest in BDSM, but by the fact that someone is willing to play with them, despite their perceived unattractiveness, there being a chronic shortage of real life players. By observation, the obese play with the obese & rarely, if ever, is there a crossover mix with those who are more conventionally appealing.

Interestingly, this has been a topic of conversation within this group & it appears my observations are shared by others. The obese members are well aware that they are not universally attractive, but they also know that they are well accepted as people & that they can usually find someone to play with, which is much more unlikely in a mainstream setting.

 

[oldskoolpunk]

Please keep clothes on

It's really bad in San Francisco. Way too many "wide loads" in the scene. Some people really shouldn't take their clothes off in public. There's supposed to be an aesthetic to this, after all.

What's funny is that the gay community here is totally judgmental about bodies. If you're not buff, you're nobody in the gay community. It's the straight kinky community that puts up with all that flab.

Fortunately, we have one club that has both a dungeon and a dance floor. That tends to encourage people who are in decent shape.

 

[h_i_s]

Why is obesity so prevalent amongst BDSM practitioners? ..................But why are so many BDSM people heavy? I can't think of any systematic theories. Thoughts?

Umm, BDSM did NOT make the higher percentage of our population overweight. That's just always been the way it is ......

Statistics show that more are overweight than underweight and/or falling in that which is suggested as being a preferable and healthy weight range as provided in those charts we are all far too familiar with....... that NONE of us seem to measure up to or fit perfectly.

It seems everyone is either too fat or too skinny to tip the scales perfectly.
This is true for both those who are in as well as those who are out of the BDSM "Lifestyle".

Take that into concideration and then add to that fact that only a small percentage of people in general FIT the recommended guidelines for height and weight ......... MORE people are overweight than are not and that fact is no different on the 'BDSM side of the fence'.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Oh

My

GAWD!

sinn! LTNS hon!!!! {{{{{HUG}}}}}

 

[h_i_s]

Thank you. Good to see you here too EG.

 

[FurryFury]

It's really bad in San Francisco. Way too many "wide loads" in the scene. Some people really shouldn't take their clothes off in public. There's supposed to be an aesthetic to this, after all.

What's funny is that the gay community here is totally judgmental about bodies. If you're not buff, you're nobody in the gay community. It's the straight kinky community that puts up with all that flab.

Fortunately, we have one club that has both a dungeon and a dance floor. That tends to encourage people who are in decent shape.

Who says there is supposed to be an aesthetic to all this???

In any case I offer this from my life as a comparison.

Recently my kids and I went to see a movie. Fully 70% of the adults there were obese in my opinion, 20% were overweight, 10% were not.

In my local group, I'd say less than 30% are obese, 40% are somewhat overweight.

That's why I've held the opinion that I have about this.

Fury

 

[lil_slave_rose]

It's really bad in San Francisco. Way too many "wide loads" in the scene. Some people really shouldn't take their clothes off in public. There's supposed to be an aesthetic to this, after all.

What's funny is that the gay community here is totally judgmental about bodies. If you're not buff, you're nobody in the gay community. It's the straight kinky community that puts up with all that flab.

Fortunately, we have one club that has both a dungeon and a dance floor. That tends to encourage people who are in decent shape.

wow......not everyone finds 'bigger' people to be unattractive and the fact that they are comfortable enough in their own skin to walk around in front of people with no clothes on, to me, is an awesome thing, alot of 'skinny' people are not that comfortable to do that very thing..so i say..more power to them.....

 

[the captians wench]

I don't agree either. Almost everyone on earth has had some kind of trauma in life, yet the majority of people are not BDSM enthusiasts.

You know if societal pressure actually had any traumatising effect on people who started to put on weight (no, I'm not including those genuinely affected by illness & medications), then don't you think that when the traumatising comments started, they would have a little think about it & decide for themselves that they could avoid such comments by losing the excess weight they have started to accumulate. Very few people just wake up one morning seriously obese. It takes time. Instead it seems that they prefer to make excuses for their condition & blame everyone else for not finding it particularly attractive.

Back to the very original question, yes, amongst the BDSM group we personally know there is a very large proportion of obese people. Both the men & woman tend to have been attracted to the scene, not by any great interest in BDSM, but by the fact that someone is willing to play with them, despite their perceived unattractiveness, there being a chronic shortage of real life players. By observation, the obese play with the obese & rarely, if ever, is there a crossover mix with those who are more conventionally appealing.

Interestingly, this has been a topic of conversation within this group & it appears my observations are shared by others. The obese members are well aware that they are not universally attractive, but they also know that they are well accepted as people & that they can usually find someone to play with, which is much more unlikely in a mainstream setting.

I really hate that some people keep saying you don't wake up "obese" one morning. Lemme tell you, it does feel like it. Like I've said in other threads, it only took 4 months for me to gain 200lbs, that's an adverage of nearly 2lbs a day. Hardly noticeable right? Well for me 2lbs isn't noticeable at all, and it took until I was about 110lbs into that for me to even realize that I had gained so much. And once you do gain that much, it's incredibly hard to loose it.

I know, we should just exersize more. Well have you ever tried to jog with an extra 100lbs on you back? It's even harder when it's on your front. Once that weight gets on there everything becomes a chore. Loading the fucking dishwasher once becomes an all day task. So while some one may "have a little think" and want to make a change it isn't always as easy as just putting the hohos down.

You know this is really starting to piss me off. Maybe I'm just cranky because the big wigs were coming in today and I had to get the store ready for them, or maybe I'm just pmsing but I am so fucking sick of thin people telling me i need to just get my ass off the couch and stop eating bad food and I'll be thin. Some people are not ment to be thin. I'll never be thin, hell I'm excited now because I'm a size 15.

And this thing about thin with thin and thick with thick... maybe that is true in your area, but I've never played with a heavy guy. even when I was bigger I've always had adverage to thin guys coming to me to spank my bottom and such. And I rather like it that way because as hypocritical as it may sound I'm not particularly attracted to over weight guys myself. That doesn't mean I won't grap my ankles for one, just that I won't get into anything sexual for a heavy guy. But i'm also not going to tell him that he needs to drop a few pounds either. Who the hell am I to say some one else needs to loose weight.

okay, I'm sorry, I'm don't ranting.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I really hate that some people keep saying you don't wake up "obese" one morning. Lemme tell you, it does feel like it. Like I've said in other threads, it only took 4 months for me to gain 200lbs, that's an adverage of nearly 2lbs a day. Hardly noticeable right? Well for me 2lbs isn't noticeable at all, and it took until I was about 110lbs into that for me to even realize that I had gained so much. And once you do gain that much, it's incredibly hard to loose it.

I know, we should just exersize more. Well have you ever tried to jog with an extra 100lbs on you back? It's even harder when it's on your front. Once that weight gets on there everything becomes a chore. Loading the fucking dishwasher once becomes an all day task. So while some one may "have a little think" and want to make a change it isn't always as easy as just putting the hohos down.

You know this is really starting to piss me off. Maybe I'm just cranky because the big wigs were coming in today and I had to get the store ready for them, or maybe I'm just pmsing but I am so fucking sick of thin people telling me i need to just get my ass off the couch and stop eating bad food and I'll be thin. Some people are not ment to be thin. I'll never be thin, hell I'm excited now because I'm a size 15.

And this thing about thin with thin and thick with thick... maybe that is true in your area, but I've never played with a heavy guy. even when I was bigger I've always had adverage to thin guys coming to me to spank my bottom and such. And I rather like it that way because as hypocritical as it may sound I'm not particularly attracted to over weight guys myself. That doesn't mean I won't grap my ankles for one, just that I won't get into anything sexual for a heavy guy. But i'm also not going to tell him that he needs to drop a few pounds either. Who the hell am I to say some one else needs to loose weight.

okay, I'm sorry, I'm don't ranting.

very well put wench, and i agree, i too, get sick of people telling me 'just put the hohos down, get off your ass and do something about your weight if you're not happy' it's not that easy, and honestly, contrary to alot of people's beliefs, i didn't get 'fat' by eating hoho's i don't even like them *grins* i dont' eat alot of 'sugary' foods. my entire family (biological) are overweight, i will never ever be skinny, never have been never will be, i'm big boned and that's how i will stay, you can't change that, could i lose weight? i imagine so, but it's not as easy as some like to think it is. anyway, i promised myself i was going to stop posting on this thread because this thread really pisses me off, but i saw your post and had to agree and to let you know it's not because you're just bitchy or pms'ing..you're not alone in being sick of being told to 'get off your ass'

 

[the captians wench]

very well put wench, and i agree, i too, get sick of people telling me 'just put the hohos down, get off your ass and do something about your weight if you're not happy' it's not that easy, and honestly, contrary to alot of people's beliefs, i didn't get 'fat' by eating hoho's i don't even like them *grins* i dont' eat alot of 'sugary' foods. my entire family (biological) are overweight, i will never ever be skinny, never have been never will be, i'm big boned and that's how i will stay, you can't change that, could i lose weight? i imagine so, but it's not as easy as some like to think it is. anyway, i promised myself i was going to stop posting on this thread because this thread really pisses me off, but i saw your post and had to agree and to let you know it's not because you're just bitchy or pms'ing..you're not alone in being sick of being told to 'get off your ass'

You know the thing that really gets me. I have lost A LOT of weight. about 3/4 of what I had put on in those 4 months. But I have people come up to me, or see my pic or something and tell me that I could stand to loose about 100lbs. Well no shit! but guess what I've already lost 150+ but you wouldn't know that because you made a snap judgement about me by just looking at a picture insted of talking to me, asshole. That just pisses me off to no end. I even had one guy want to take control of my diet after one conversation with him. He decided that I needed to loose 50lbs in 6 months and he planed out how I was going to do it. I'm not sure if he just really gets his jolly's by micro managing random subbie types or what, because he expressed that he had no intrest in me as his submissive, he just wanted to be a friend....a friend who would tell me what I could and couldn't eat and then punish me for infractions.....riiiight.

Which reminds me....I do have a confession to make to J when I see him....2 days of weakness.....I had fries with lunch today and yesterday.

you know that may be why I'm grumpy today.

 

[h_i_s]

But I have people come up to me, or see my pic or something and tell me that I could stand to loose about 100lbs.

Tell them to forget your name, your number & address etc ect ...
Then demand that they do the world a favor, enjoy safe sex and just go fuck themselves.

At that point, you suddenly lost at least 100lbs of a less than genuine friend in the simplest way i know of (as far as any legal suggestion i can offer)...

P.S. Don't know you... and so i can't say as i noticed... and regardless, congratulations on getting to a happier place regarding your weight. It's not easy. i know...

 

[the captians wench]

Tell them to forget your name, your number & address etc ect ...
Then demand that they do the world a favor, enjoy safe sex and just go fuck themselves.

At that point, you suddenly lost at least 100lbs of a less than genuine friend in the simplest way i know of (as far as any legal suggestion i can offer)...

P.S. Don't know you... and so i can't say as i noticed... and regardless, congratulations on getting to a happier place regarding your weight. It's not easy. i know...

Thank you. *hugs*

it really doesn't happen as much anymore, and I am a lot more comfortable telling some one to go fuck off than I used to be. I guess this just struck a nerve today.

 

[FurryFury]

wow......not everyone finds 'bigger' people to be unattractive and the fact that they are comfortable enough in their own skin to walk around in front of people with no clothes on, to me, is an awesome thing, alot of 'skinny' people are not that comfortable to do that very thing..so i say..more power to them.....

I agree with you! Great post!

Fury

 

[Etoile]

It's really bad in San Francisco. Way too many "wide loads" in the scene. Some people really shouldn't take their clothes off in public. There's supposed to be an aesthetic to this, after all.

What's funny is that the gay community here is totally judgmental about bodies. If you're not buff, you're nobody in the gay community. It's the straight kinky community that puts up with all that flab.

Fortunately, we have one club that has both a dungeon and a dance floor. That tends to encourage people who are in decent shape.

I call bullshit. Have you ever met a leatherman? How about a bear? Don't give me that crap about "it's only the straight kinky community that puts up with that" - the leather community is some of the most non-judgmental people you will EVER see. I have seen truly obese men compete onstage in nothing but a jockstrap and get lots of appreciative whistles and cheers. Hell, one of them won.

Just because all the twinks and club kids hopped up on Tina think everybody has to be thin doesn't mean all gay people do - in San Francisco or anywhere else. Not everybody is a fetish model, some of us live this in real life and look like regular people - any "aesthetic" you perceive comes straight out of porno.

Some gay men like to go to the gym, work out, and be buff. Some other gay men like men who are buff. But no way in hell is it the standard, unless one has one's head up one's ass.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I call bullshit. Have you ever met a leatherman? How about a bear? Don't give me that crap about "it's only the straight kinky community that puts up with that" - the leather community is some of the most non-judgmental people you will EVER see. I have seen truly obese men compete onstage in nothing but a jockstrap and get lots of appreciative whistles and cheers. Hell, one of them won.

Just because all the twinks and club kids hopped up on Tina think everybody has to be thin doesn't mean all gay people do - in San Francisco or anywhere else. Not everybody is a fetish model, some of us live this in real life and look like regular people - any "aesthetic" you perceive comes straight out of porno.

Some gay men like to go to the gym, work out, and be buff. Some other gay men like men who are buff. But no way in hell is it the standard, unless one has one's head up one's ass.

*grins* great post Etoile!

 

[h_i_s]

I call bullshit. Have you ever met a leatherman? How about a bear? Don't give me that crap about "it's only the straight kinky community that puts up with that" - the leather community is some of the most non-judgmental people you will EVER see. I have seen truly obese men compete onstage in nothing but a jockstrap and get lots of appreciative whistles and cheers. Hell, one of them won.

Just because all the twinks and club kids hopped up on Tina think everybody has to be thin doesn't mean all gay people do - in San Francisco or anywhere else. Not everybody is a fetish model, some of us live this in real life and look like regular people - any "aesthetic" you perceive comes straight out of porno.

Some gay men like to go to the gym, work out, and be buff. Some other gay men like men who are buff. But no way in hell is it the standard, unless one has one's head up one's ass.

Great post.. great points/facts as usual Etoile.

 

[FemdomRule]

I have seen more slim and athletic built dommes than overweight ones. Maybe I am looking in the wrong places. lol

 

[FurryFury]

I call bullshit. Have you ever met a leatherman? How about a bear? Don't give me that crap about "it's only the straight kinky community that puts up with that" - the leather community is some of the most non-judgmental people you will EVER see. I have seen truly obese men compete onstage in nothing but a jockstrap and get lots of appreciative whistles and cheers. Hell, one of them won.

Just because all the twinks and club kids hopped up on Tina think everybody has to be thin doesn't mean all gay people do - in San Francisco or anywhere else. Not everybody is a fetish model, some of us live this in real life and look like regular people - any "aesthetic" you perceive comes straight out of porno.

Some gay men like to go to the gym, work out, and be buff. Some other gay men like men who are buff. But no way in hell is it the standard, unless one has one's head up one's ass.

I'm so glad to hear you say this because that post pissed me off before. I remember thinking that it would suck if the gay community were like that.

Fury

 

[Bandit58]

I belong to many clubs...in different parts of the world. I have also noticed that the numbers of over weight Dom/mes and submissives is the norm rather than the unusual.

My theory is that the BDSM community is more accepting and welcoming of all diversities in what society dictates is acceptable.

We in the BDSM community are generally more interested in the dominating skills or submissives realities than W/we are in girth.

I couldn't have said it better.

World wide obese ppl are becomming the norm & the lifestyle isn't any different.

 

[LIT_LOVER]

It isn't easy, but.....

I really hate that some people keep saying you don't wake up "obese" one morning. Lemme tell you, it does feel like it. Like I've said in other threads, it only took 4 months for me to gain 200lbs, that's an adverage of nearly 2lbs a day. Hardly noticeable right? Well for me 2lbs isn't noticeable at all, and it took until I was about 110lbs into that for me to even realize that I had gained so much. And once you do gain that much, it's incredibly hard to loose it.

I know, we should just exersize more. Well have you ever tried to jog with an extra 100lbs on you back? It's even harder when it's on your front. Once that weight gets on there everything becomes a chore. Loading the fucking dishwasher once becomes an all day task. So while some one may "have a little think" and want to make a change it isn't always as easy as just putting the hohos down.

You know this is really starting to piss me off. Maybe I'm just cranky because the big wigs were coming in today and I had to get the store ready for them, or maybe I'm just pmsing but I am so fucking sick of thin people telling me i need to just get my ass off the couch and stop eating bad food and I'll be thin. Some people are not ment to be thin. I'll never be thin, hell I'm excited now because I'm a size 15.

And this thing about thin with thin and thick with thick... maybe that is true in your area, but I've never played with a heavy guy. even when I was bigger I've always had adverage to thin guys coming to me to spank my bottom and such. And I rather like it that way because as hypocritical as it may sound I'm not particularly attracted to over weight guys myself. That doesn't mean I won't grap my ankles for one, just that I won't get into anything sexual for a heavy guy. But i'm also not going to tell him that he needs to drop a few pounds either. Who the hell am I to say some one else needs to loose weight.

okay, I'm sorry, I'm don't ranting.

I've never been over weight. No one in my immediate family has battled with weight issues so I can't empathize with "you" in that sense BUT as a member of the ever-dwindling group of smokers in the world, I can understand the difficulty in losing the weight because kicking the cigarette habit is just as daunting.

In recent years, society has thrown smokers into the same group with the obese. I know how irritating and hurtful it is. Hell, sometimes I feel like I'm a leper and not merely a smoker. I have I been told time and time again that death is ever waiting around the corner if I don't stop this very day. I've had the pleasure of hearing the same "signs of a smoker" talking points list that has now become the mantra of the "That's so disgusting!" crowd. As of yet, thank god, my teeth and nails aren't yellow, my skin doesn't look like chewed leather, my voice doesn't sound like a man's, and I don't have any premature wrinkles - well, maybe a few. I too have been hampered socially. I know that many a man has considered my smoking to be a "deal breaker" and many more I'm sure never talked to me in the first place because they observed me smoking. Why not just quit? I've tried....numerous times....only to fail, again. Like yo-yo dieting, I'm a yo-yo smoker.

But, regardless of the many irritating instances of non-smoker self-righteousness (by the way, converted smokers who "saw the light" are even more obnoxious!), the over exaggerated coughs I've endured from people standing 20 feet away from me - while standing outside, no less, despite being subjected to the oh so humorously named "Sin Tax" (apparently, dieing isn't good enough for non-smokers, I have to go to hell afterwards as well), despite all that and more, I don't feel the need to get in contact with the ACLU and shout from the rooftops that I'm part of a group that is being oppressed by the ever cruel and insensitive society at large. How can I be angry at people just because the majority of them find cigarettes repulsive?

Although I understand your frustration at hearing "No one just wakes up one morning fat" (again excluding medical conditions) there is some truth to it. Obesity doesn't happen overnight just as cigarette addiction doesn't happen on the first drag. I purchased one pack after another and now, I'm stuck with the results. I'm not a victim, just as those who find comfort in food aren't victims. No higher power cherry picked me as the unfortunate soul to bear the burden of cigarette addiction. I suppose you could make the argument that we're self-made victims, better yet, casualties, of our own vice(s) be it smoking or food but no one else made me that way. I can't dump the personal responsibilities for my choices in life on the front lawn of society.

Would it be easier to hate the world for "being mean" and blame societal pressures for my "misfortunes" and lack of acceptance? Yes, it would be much, much easier. You see, if I'm a victim, then I don't have to feel bad about not being able to quit. Instead, I can just throw my arms up in defeat and avoid having to try again. Society hates me right, so why bother? Only problem is, doing so makes you a SELF-imposed victim of defeatism and that weighs much heavier on the heart than anything society throws at you.

True, "just get off the couch and exercise/diet", etc. isn't as simple as it sounds. It's hard, just as hard as putting down this cigarette I am enjoying this very moment, but why get angry at someone else for pointing out possible solutions just because you have been unable to successfully implement them thus far? In truth, it really is simple. There's nothing complicated about scientific facts. Food and lack of activity leads to weight gain just as each Camel I smoke shortens my life-expectancy by an average of 7 minutes. Those are the cold dark facts and in the end, others stating the obvious don't qualify as overwhelming societal pressure, insensitivity, or cultural oppression.

 

[Andraste]

...i bet bigger bottoms are more fun to spank though.
watching the slight ripples would be far more erotic.