Yo femsubs

[Netzach]

Our is not a D/g relationship, nor will it ever be. Quite frankly it hits my *squick* button, and I'm pretty sure it would his too.

Why? I'm not sure. I didn't really have a father figure. My dad is one of the worlds most self asorbed people alive, and my step dad . . . well when he was around he was the closest thing to a father figure I was gonna get. I know that a lot of people into the D/g thing also didn't have father figures, and that's probably why they like D/g, but as we all know no one responds to things the same. I only associate bad things with my dad's, and I don't want to move those associations into my marriage.

Besides, I'm too independant. I get really cranky if I think K's trying to father me - we had issues like that when we first got married. I do not need to be told to go to bed, or brush my teeth, or wash my face, or change my clothes. Wanna suggest I do any of the above? Fine. Wanna remind me? Also ok, but I'm an adult and do not need a parent.

I didnt have a dad around either. I think in my case the appeal in it is SO outside my experience it always feels fake, like I'm trying to recreate someone else's life and not mine or play cowboys and Indians being neither.

 

[graceanne]

I didnt have a dad around either. I think in my case the appeal in it is SO outside my experience it always feels fake, like I'm trying to recreate someone else's life and not mine or play cowboys and Indians being neither.

That actually puts a lot of my dislike into words really well. LOL I wouldn't have the faintest idea how to be a little girl. I was never a little girl. At four years old I was taking care of my sisters owies and nightmares, and helping her get dressed in the morning. I would take care of her during the day, and sing her to sleep at night. At five years old I put out a house fire my sister started, I could get myself ready for school with no help, and cook food for me and Miss if mom was 'asleep'. I had a lot of problems as a child because I made adults very uncomfortable, because I wasn't childlike. People talk about your 'inner child'. Mines dead - I never was a child so their's nothing 'in' me.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm confused about the discussion on the last page about most slaves being cared for and coddled. That is what defines many M/s relationships? I had thought that 24/7 Master-slave relationships involved a slave giving up all consent and completely serving his/her Master?

As to D/g...I like age play at times. It's interesting because at one point, I really craved that dynamic of being cared for, and now I'm incredibly uncomfortable with a man in that role. The other night though, at a party, this Domme aquaintance of mine started to say "good girl" and we were sort of playing at it, and I found it fun and sort of sweet. I think that on a play level, it is nice to be reminded of the safety of childhood. It's not sexual for me.

It has occurred to me recently that I may want certain types of play, like D/g, or even more extreme D/s stuff, to be with people outside of my primary relationship. There's something nice about having this satisfying fantasy that exists unto itself.

 

[the captians wench]

I'm confused about the discussion on the last page about most slaves being cared for and coddled. That is what defines many M/s relationships? I had thought that 24/7 Master-slave relationships involved a slave giving up all consent and completely serving his/her Master?

That's true, but (as far as my experience has taken me) most master's like having a happy slave. A happy slave serves better than an unhappy one. Fact of life, if the slave isn't happy, she's not going to put as much into her "work" as she would were she happy. Just because a slave is cared for, snuggled, coddled what have you, doesn't mean that she's not serving the master completely and that she has any say in the matter. In fact it could even be possible that the slave get extra loving that she does not require nor want simply because it makes the master happy to be able to do that for her.

does that make since?

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm confused about the discussion on the last page about most slaves being cared for and coddled. That is what defines many M/s relationships? I had thought that 24/7 Master-slave relationships involved a slave giving up all consent and completely serving his/her Master?

*If* things were to work out with J and I, the argument could be made that the relationship would fit a M/s definition, although I doubt either of us would necessarily describe it as such. To me, it has less to do with how cherished the s-type person is, and far more to do with the degree of effort s/he puts forth and amount of control s/he hands over to the D-type person.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm confused about the discussion on the last page about most slaves being cared for and coddled. That is what defines many M/s relationships? I had thought that 24/7 Master-slave relationships involved a slave giving up all consent and completely serving his/her Master?

I may not be the best person to ask about this, but if a Master wants to spoil his slave, that's his prerogative, isn't it? Anyone who says that there's a "right" or "wrong" way to be a Master or a slave is probably playing the Domlier/subbier-than-thou game.

 

[northwoods_sub]

When Sir coddles me it drives me batty. I hate being taken care of llike that I have always felt the need to take care of others. For him to make me sit back and relax and accept the care he is giving me is as much a part of my submission to him as sucking his cock on demand or letting him cane me.

It is just another form of domination in our relationship.

 

[Homburg]

Also neither fem nor sub, but figured I'd chime in too. The whole D/g thing creeps me out. Then again, I have four kids, and they're all pretty young. No desire to have even a roleplay aspect that simulates that in a sexual environment. Not willing to say that it squicks me when other people do it, but it would squick me if it was in my life.

That said, I do use "baby" as a term of endearment for my subs. I just don' tmean it in the literal sense. It has the same value as any of the other words I use such as "sweetheart", "my pet", "gal", "slut", "princess", etc.

And, while I'm fine if they call me Master, I don't consider it a title. I see it as a show of respect for me. I am also not comfortable with the term "slave". The connotations involved are a bit too deep for my tastes, and implies a level of management that, frankly, is too much bloody work. I have no desire to micromanage anyone else. I'd rather give guidelines and let them do as guided, not tell them what to do every second. That would bore me badly.

 

[HottieMama]

Hold Up....

The D/g thing is NOT just about sex. To imply so is to do a great disservice to those of us that are in Daddy/littleone relationships. i think the "squick" factor for a lot of people is the word Daddy itself, not the typical characteristics of a "Daddy Dom." My Dom is my Daddy, yet there is absolutely NO element of sexual ageplay in our relationship.

From http://www.vanilla-not.com/basics/daddydom.html

Daddy/little girl does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. It refers to the environment that two people have created. A Daddy Dom is so named because of the qualities he possesses and the service he provides. So, what are these qualities? What is a Daddy Dom? A Daddy Dom wants to be the center of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mold you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who, in his mind, can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. How does he achieve his goals? Through love, respect, and discipline. His love for his little girl goes without saying. He accepts every part of her and works to emphasize the good while improving the bad. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. It is this love that allows him to train her. He could not invest so much of himself in someone he did not love completely. This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel great pride in his possession. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given him and takes great pains to increase it's value.

(And i know i don't really belong in this thread but i had to say something.)

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I couldn't call Master 'Daddy' - not with a straight face anyway. It feels wrong to both of us and our dynamic isn't really parent/dom~child/sub like anyway. We are equals who have chosen a TPE and to be called 'little girl' would make me feel belittled and devalued, as though I wasn't capable of being his equal.

When I was looking for a dom I simply wasn't drawn to men who wanted this kind of dynamic. I knew it was something I personally wouldn't enjoy and also I think it would affect the respect I was able to have for the guy.

I call him Master or Sir and he calls me anything he chooses - pet, sub, bitch, whore, fucktoy, slave etc and this works well for us.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I've never had a adult relationship that was centered on a D/g dynamic, but aspects of that relationship type can be seen in ALL of my relationships.

As I was explaining to bondmeplease23 (her Alt screen name, she was my demo model for the fireplay demo I did this past Saturday) during our drive to the event:

I see in myself the "Benevolent Dictator", the "Generous King"... those under my authority and loyal to me, will reap the rewards of that loyalty and service. Of course the Dictator or King has a secret police, a torturer, maybe even an executioner... And I get to play those roles too.

So yes, I can see the appeal of the Daddy/girl dynamic. It would bring out the nurturing mentor aspects of my personality. I got to explore that some with dannell before she ended our relationship. It was interesting and I would have liked to have explored that further. Another time perhaps...

 

[ecstaticsub]

The D/g thing is NOT just about sex. To imply so is to do a great disservice to those of us that are in Daddy/littleone relationships. i think the "squick" factor for a lot of people is the word Daddy itself, not the typical characteristics of a "Daddy Dom." My Dom is my Daddy, yet there is absolutely NO element of sexual ageplay in our relationship.

From http://www.vanilla-not.com/basics/daddydom.html



(And i know i don't really belong in this thread but i had to say something.)

THANK YOU !!!! Though the definition given doesn't fit my situation exactly there are many elements there. Thanks for speaking up.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Oh! And Netz... Great av! I don't know if anyone else has caught this, but with the (looks like) venetian blinds to the right and behind you doing the >>>> thing next to your head, your av reminds me of the Max Headroom headshots...

Loved that show and if it's not a deliberate "tip o' the hat" on your part, I still think it's pretty nifty-neato-gnarly!

 

[Netzach]

Oh! And Netz... Great av! I don't know if anyone else has caught this, but with the (looks like) venetian blinds to the right and behind you doing the >>>> thing next to your head, your av reminds me of the Max Headroom headshots...

Loved that show and if it's not a deliberate "tip o' the hat" on your part, I still think it's pretty nifty-neato-gnarly!

Unintentional but that made my day. I swear, everything good on TV lasts not more than a season.

 

[Pythoness]

Nope, not into it. Being on the sumbissive end of a D/g or any kind of TPE relationship is my personal hard limit. Nothing against it, I'm all for whatever makes people happy. I just can't even tolerate it as a one-time thing during a scene. I guess that's my switch nature because one of my girlfriends loved TPE (though not 24/7) and calling me mistress and since it made her so happy I enjoyed and got a lot out of it too.

The close friend/playmate I play the hardest with is more sadist than dom which works out great as I'm more masochist than sub. Even tied down and (happily!) sobbing through the wonderful endorphin rush I get from pain, I always feel he and I are still complete equals and feeling secure in that is what lets me drop my guard and lose myself in whatever we're doing. There's something very freeing and cathartic about giving someone temporary control that way. It takes such a deep trust and bond between you that (for me anyway) is a warm, intimate rush all on its own.

(Sorry for the novella-length post, hopefully my rambling made some kinda sense. Two 16 hour shifts in a row - my sleep-fogged brain is on autopilot.)

 

[Homburg]

The D/g thing is NOT just about sex. To imply so is to do a great disservice to those of us that are in Daddy/littleone relationships. i think the "squick" factor for a lot of people is the word Daddy itself, not the typical characteristics of a "Daddy Dom." My Dom is my Daddy, yet there is absolutely NO element of sexual ageplay in our relationship.

Going off of that definition, and that definition alone, it would be accurate to call me a "Daddy Dom". I nurture, pamper, teach, mold, and generally try to better my subs. That said, I would not describe it as a D/g dynamic. It just doesn't sit right with me, even if that definition is fairly accurate.

Hell, it probably is just squick factor on my part. Like I said, I have kids, and am squicked by the words used, as I have real Father-Child relationships in my life.

The more I read the article, and other sources, the more accurate it looks, especially to describe my relationship with "w". Neat, learn something new every day.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

A few more thoughts, I haven't read over the whole thread so apologies if this has been discussed.

I think I shy away from the title 'Daddy' not just because it has a 'squick' factor but because it implies to me a greater duty of care on the part of the dominant.

My Master is has authority over me and the right to take control of any aspect of my life but in practice I manage my life, my business, my finances and will soon have myriad duties in our new house. We see it as part of my duty of service to carry out these responsibilities because I'm perfectly capable of doing so and these are burdens that Master has no desire to take on.

It's partly because I'm capable and independent that Master sees my submission as such a gift to him. I know some pyls have nothing to do with finances and don't go out to work as part of their dynamic and it is not my intention to criticise their choices. Rightly or wrongly, I do see the Daddy/girl dynamic as implying this deeper level of emotional and physical dependency on a dominant who chooses to remove as many distractions to total service from his sub as possible, including employment and finances; and I once read, even to the point of arranging for another domiant to take custody of the pyl in the event of the dominant's death.

I know that I wouldn't be happy in this kind of relationship and Master would resent the level of care I would require if we went down this route.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

As subtleone stated I just can't bring myself to call him Daddy in that way because he is the father to our children, so I refer to him on a daily basis as daddy to our 5 yearold. It would be really creepy for me to call him daddy in our D/s relationship.

In general I don't see the draw; for myself; to the D/g relationship. I am a strong, intelligent woman who doesn't need a "daddy" to take care of me.

(not that there is anything wrong with those who are a part of that dynamic)

i am a strong, intelligent woman also, and i call my Dom Daddy. i don't think that simply because we have a D/g dynamic thrown into our D/s dynamic that it makes me unintelligent or not a strong woman. i realize you probably didn't mean to offend with your comments....i just wanted to clarify that D/g does not make you any less intelligent or strong and i don't "need" Daddy to take care of me, i am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, however it is nice some days to come home from work (which is very stressful) and just let "Daddy" take over. regardless of whether i call Him Daddy, or Master, or Sir, we are still D/s....

we are not D/g all of the time though. we usually fall into those "roles" (again i hate that word but cant' think of another more fitting at the moment) when things have been really stressful for me or we just want a more 'soft' playtime....

 

[lil_slave_rose]

A few more thoughts, I haven't read over the whole thread so apologies if this has been discussed.

I think I shy away from the title 'Daddy' not just because it has a 'squick' factor but because it implies to me a greater duty of care on the part of the dominant.

My Master is has authority over me and the right to take control of any aspect of my life but in practice I manage my life, my business, my finances and will soon have myriad duties in our new house. We see it as part of my duty of service to carry out these responsibilities because I'm perfectly capable of doing so and these are burdens that Master has no desire to take on.

It's partly because I'm capable and independent that Master sees my submission as such a gift to him. I know some pyls have nothing to do with finances and don't go out to work as part of their dynamic and it is not my intention to criticise their choices. Rightly or wrongly, I do see the Daddy/girl dynamic as implying this deeper level of emotional and physical dependency on a dominant who chooses to remove as many distractions to total service from his sub as possible, including employment and finances; and I once read, even to the point of arranging for another domiant to take custody of the pyl in the event of the dominant's death.

I know that I wouldn't be happy in this kind of relationship and Master would resent the level of care I would require if we went down this route.

i honestly think you have the wrong idea of what a "Daddy Dom" is. and i know the post you are talking about where the Master had arranged for someone else to take 'custody' of the pyl in the event of His death, and if it's the person i'm thinking that it is, she is a slave, though she does call Her Dom "Daddy" what you have described as a D/g dynamic sounds more to me like a TPE dynamic. i work and Daddy has never suggested that i shouldn't, Daddy does not take care of my finances, though i will ask Him before buying anything that costs alot, but i think alot of pyl's do that not just "little girls" (though He never calls me little girl, it's usually baby girl, alot of times princess) nor do i depend more on Daddy in the times we are D/g than i do when we are D/s. *shrugs*

 

[the captians wench]

Okay, the cheekie lil bitch in me just had a wicked thought about how to make the guys I'm involved with feel just that much more older than I am.

I do like rubbing that in some times and making them feel old. I usually get "that look" and a swat. *giggles*

So I was 6 when you first wore that shirt out then *giggles*

 

[CutieMouse]

Okay, the cheekie lil bitch in me just had a wicked thought about how to make the guys I'm involved with feel just that much more older than I am.

I do like rubbing that in some times and making them feel old. I usually get "that look" and a swat. *giggles*

So I was 6 when you first wore that shirt out then *giggles*

Awkward moment from the DR...

I'm in the kitchen prepping dinner, singing along to whatever it is J had put in the CD player, and he says " I didn't know you knew this song!" Without thinking I say "Oh yeah! My parents had it on LP when I was a little girl."




*crickets chirp*




(but we did both laugh about it, after a little bit)

 

[northwoods_sub]

i am a strong, intelligent woman also, and i call my Dom Daddy. i don't think that simply because we have a D/g dynamic thrown into our D/s dynamic that it makes me unintelligent or not a strong woman. i realize you probably didn't mean to offend with your comments....i just wanted to clarify that D/g does not make you any less intelligent or strong and i don't "need" Daddy to take care of me, i am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, however it is nice some days to come home from work (which is very stressful) and just let "Daddy" take over. regardless of whether i call Him Daddy, or Master, or Sir, we are still D/s....

we are not D/g all of the time though. we usually fall into those "roles" (again i hate that word but cant' think of another more fitting at the moment) when things have been really stressful for me or we just want a more 'soft' playtime....

I most definately did not mean to imply anyone was less intelligent to be in a D/g relationship. I kind of expressed my feelings better in post 48. Sorry if you felt offended.

 

[the captians wench]

Awkward moment from the DR...

I'm in the kitchen prepping dinner, singing along to whatever it is J had put in the CD player, and he says " I didn't know you knew this song!" Without thinking I say "Oh yeah! My parents had it on LP when I was a little girl."




*crickets chirp*




(but we did both laugh about it, after a little bit)

*giggles*

I do that all the time, but I usually know what I'm saying and say it with a wicked grin. I hit jounar up with the old man jokes all the time. He's not as fun as the shop owner who used to sell my costumes....but now the person I'm teasing is older than either of those two. *giggles* (okay not by much but I know he lurks here some times so I can't miss an opertunity to tease him )

 

[snowy ciara]

Ok, a quick rundown of people NOT into a D/g thing.

My switching ass represents.

Anyone?

I'll pass too, thanks. It just doesn't float my boat.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

i honestly think you have the wrong idea of what a "Daddy Dom" is. and i know the post you are talking about where the Master had arranged for someone else to take 'custody' of the pyl in the event of His death, and if it's the person i'm thinking that it is, she is a slave, though she does call Her Dom "Daddy" what you have described as a D/g dynamic sounds more to me like a TPE dynamic. i work and Daddy has never suggested that i shouldn't, Daddy does not take care of my finances, though i will ask Him before buying anything that costs alot, but i think alot of pyl's do that not just "little girls" (though He never calls me little girl, it's usually baby girl, alot of times princess) nor do i depend more on Daddy in the times we are D/g than i do when we are D/s. *shrugs*

I know mileage varies on almost everything but I do take your point. I'll hold my hand up and say that most of the things I immediately thought of when I heard people talk about D/g dynamics proved unfounded. I guess it's just me projecting why I don't like the term onto someone else's expression of it. I stand corrected.