✨Highlights and Bombshells💥

[Wand3rlust]

In the neighbours yard. But its all good, right?

 

[Justabaldguy70]

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In the neighbours yard. But its all good, right?

View attachment 2565720

That shake looks perfect

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I don’t know what I’ve been saving these for but you asked.

 

[cheekygirl75]

*creeks the door of this thread open*

Friday procrastination:

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Do you have any memes that are in your phone and need to be shared? Songs? Artwork? Pics? Maybe we need to start Fun Friday here…

Happy Friday, All

I’m “in the neighbor’s yard”, I think

In the neighbours yard. But its all good, right?

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That exactly the protein shake I need today!

 

[cheekygirl75]

 

[Mei5ter]

*creeks the door of this thread open*

Friday procrastinationView attachment 2565628

This interests me. And not just because the climber appears to be doing some kind of 1990s Irish Riverdance moves.

When I read this, because it's posted on Lit, I initially read it in the context of Lit. I've seen quite a few memes lately on the theme of people deserving to be the first choice of others, and not settling for less. Personally, I'm not sure I agree with deserve in that context - I don't think I personally deserve anything from people at all. Poster-child for white male privilege though I am, I don't in fact expect people to make me their top priority because I'm inherently wonderful.

In personal relationships, whether with family, friends or a partner, it's the imbalance which is the problem. It's fine not prioritising everyone. You make exceptions for those you love unconditionally - as your kids grow up, you may not hear from them for weeks on end, but when they do finally get in touch you're there at once.

I'm just fine being someone who a Litster might PM after a few months if they're bored and their closer friends aren't around, as long as they're fine with me matching that energy. What is harder is when someone unilaterally decides that you're going to be their special friend, without the two of you building that friendship over time and shared experiences, and then getting mad when the other person doesn't feel they're equally special. That gets messy. Welcome to Lit.

But this meme struck me because I'm  very guilty of letting myself be people's last option at work. I feel good doing it at work, when I'd never feel good doing it in a relationship, and that isn't healthy. It feels good being the person with the diverse skill set whom everyone can call on when the shit and the fan collide. It feels good demonstrating that I don't have an ego (me???) and that I'm happy rolling up my sleeves and doing what needs doing. It feels like I'm being a good colleague. It feels like I'm being helpful and indispensable. And because I'm being paid to do it, and I'm paid the same for whatever I do, it's far too easy to miss the reality of the situation, which is that I'm just the guy who obligingly clears up messes for others, when no one offers equivalent help to me.

*fixes tiara*

Right. I'm meeting the company owner on Wednesday. And it's Diva time.

 

[Wand3rlust]

What is harder is when someone unilaterally decides that you're going to be their special friend, without the two of you building that friendship over time and shared experiences, and then getting mad when the other person doesn't feel they're equally special. That gets messy. Welcome to Lit.

Oof. I know I have been guilty of this. It's hard to know about yourself. But I also know I have had this done to me.

 

[PotNoodle79]

Hard when that's done to you, it sucks

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I'm just fine being someone who a Litster might PM after a few months if they're bored and their closer friends aren't around, as long as they're fine with me matching that energy. What is harder is when someone unilaterally decides that you're going to be their special friend, without the two of you building that friendship over time and shared experiences, and then getting mad when the other person doesn't feel they're equally special. That gets messy. Welcome to Lit.

It’s a weird thing about on-line for sure. In the real world there is literally no one that I don’t wake up next to that even has the whiff of an expectation that I’ll check in daily or even weekly. Or even monthly. Life’s just not that interesting.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I'm just fine being someone who a Litster might PM after a few months if they're bored and their closer friends aren't around, as long as they're fine with me matching that energy. What is harder is when someone unilaterally decides that you're going to be their special friend, without the two of you building that friendship over time and shared experiences, and then getting mad when the other person doesn't feel they're equally special. That gets messy. Welcome to Lit.

Thank you for this. It makes me think of what exactly the negative feeling is and how to label it. Is it jealousy? Is it a feeling of not being cared for enough? There’s a big difference.

I was reading an article about Émilie du Châtelet and her romance with Voltaire,- she was a mathematician who did things her own way and not necessarily like other women that Voltaire spent time with. And he was a playboy with a list of admirers. Both had a quite a few suitors but they complimented each other and had a memorable romance. I came across a quote from Émilie about their relationship:

“There is much difference between jealousy and the fear of not being loved enough: one can brave the one when one feels that one does not merit it, but one cannot help being touched and distressed by the other. Jealousy is an annoying feeling, and the fear of it a delicate anxiety, against which there are fewer weapons and fewer remedies, other than to go to be happy… There, in truth, is the metaphysics of love, and this is where the excess of this passion leads. All this appears to me as the clearest and most natural thing in the world.”

So when someone with whom you’ve been talking, and invested time and energy and feelings, does not reciprocate with the same level of attention, it gets prickly. But is it jealousy? Or is it a feeling of not getting what is appropriate, considering what you’ve put into the friendship?

I feel like the word jealousy is thrown around and it isn’t exactly the right descriptor for the meme we are discussing. Now, if they are talking to someone else specifically and that’s what makes someone mad, then that’s more about jealousy. But when it’s a lot of other people, a lot of other conversations and friendships… I think that’s more about feeling worth their effort.

And on Lit, much of it is out in the open for all to see. It’s really tough. Then add to it different time zones, different necessities of schedules, and then the levels of engagement and time everybody wants.

This long diatribe is basically me saying, it’s not you, it’s them. (Probably- unless you’ve been super difficult). And I think naming the hurt correctly is important. That way you know where you stand and you know how to proceed.

But this meme struck me because I'm  very guilty of letting myself be people's last option at work. I feel good doing it at work, when I'd never feel good doing it in a relationship, and that isn't healthy. It feels good being the person with the diverse skill set whom everyone can call on when the shit and the fan collide. It feels good demonstrating that I don't have an ego (me???) and that I'm happy rolling up my sleeves and doing what needs doing. It feels like I'm being a good colleague. It feels like I'm being helpful and indispensable. And because I'm being paid to do it, and I'm paid the same for whatever I do, it's far too easy to miss the reality of the situation, which is that I'm just the guy who obligingly clears up messes for others, when no one offers equivalent help to me.

*fixes tiara*

Right. I'm meeting the company owner on Wednesday. And it's Diva time.

They are so lucky to have you.

Oof. I know I have been guilty of this. It's hard to know about yourself. But I also know I have had this done to me.

It is hard looking at yourself from another’s point of view, especially when there are emotions involved, either positive or negative. I don’t remember to look at myself from other people’s perspectives sometimes.

But then again, there’s a thread somewhere about “what do you think people think about you?” or a similar title. I may not be getting that exactly right. But basically, I have no idea what people think of me. I usually think the worst and then when I end up talking to them about it, I find that I’m totally missing the mark. I’m sure there are people here who aren’t my biggest fans, but really, it’s not my business what they think about me. I really have no clue and all I can do is be as authentic as I can. The rest is out of my control.

Hard when that's done to you, it sucks

It does. :-/. But then at least you know where you stand and then you can decide if continuing to pursue that person is healthy for you. Or maybe they have no idea how you feel, and you have to be direct and tell them. And that’s hard too.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Pop Quiz!
​

Don’t worry, you don’t have to study for this one. Everybody likes a sex quiz and I found one that wasn’t one I’ve seen before, so I thought I’d share.

Sex Quiz

It tests 8 different areas and then gives you a graph that shows where you are on each spectrum of answers.

Do you agree with the findings?

 

[Lmizzler]

Pop Quiz!
​

Don’t worry, you don’t have to study for this one. Everybody likes a sex quiz and I found one that wasn’t one I’ve seen before, so I thought I’d share.

Sex Quiz

It tests 8 different areas and then gives you a graph that shows where you are on each spectrum of answers.

Do you agree with the findings?
View attachment 2566625

This will be fun. Might not get to it right away but I’ll enjoy taking it at some point soon.

 

[EvaLane]

What can I say

I’m a bit speculative of the evenness on the affection axis

 

[MindYaBitness]

Pop Quiz!
​

Don’t worry, you don’t have to study for this one. Everybody likes a sex quiz and I found one that wasn’t one I’ve seen before, so I thought I’d share.

Sex Quiz

It tests 8 different areas and then gives you a graph that shows where you are on each spectrum of answers.

Do you agree with the findings?

Eh, it's accurate-ish

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

View attachment 2566630
What can I say

I’m a bit speculative of the evenness on the affection axis

How so? Do you feel it should be adjusted more one way or the other?

View attachment 2566632
Eh, it's accurate-ish

Which parts ring true and which don’t? Any surprises?

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I think that I can agree with most of mine. I actually was thinking I’d be closer to the middle on the submissive/dominant spectrum. There are times when I like to be more assertive but I do find I’m more on the submissive side most of the time.

I think the attraction to masculine vs feminine types- I think the questions weren’t specific enough. I think women are extremely sexy. Beautiful. Glamorous. Awe-inspiring. I want to be more like some women. I wish I had some other qualities that other women possess. But I’m not attracted to women sexually.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

 

[jason28053]

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I think that I can agree with most of mine. I actually was thinking I’d be closer to the middle on the submissive/dominant spectrum. There are times when I like to be more assertive but I do find I’m more on the submissive side most of the time.

I think the attraction to masculine vs feminine types- I think the questions weren’t specific enough. I think women are extremely sexy. Beautiful. Glamorous. Awe-inspiring. I want to be more like some women. I wish I had some other qualities that other women possess. But I’m not attracted to women sexually.

Thanks for posting and explaining.

 

[EvaLane]

How so? Do you feel it should be adjusted more one way or the other?

Affection, for a long time, was a turn off for me mixing genuine care and compassion with sex felt like… I don’t know, like sucking on a lemon after a glass of milk

I’ve been adjusting, so maybe I shouldn’t be as surprised by the balance evening out a bit for a silly little test. What actually bothers me is my initial reaction of disbelief - like I am not that hardcore girl, calm down

 

[jason28053]

 

[EvaLane]

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lol sorry to single you out, I know the test results here aren’t the most accurate but I would say my preference for men is for them to be like 75-80% straight.

There has to be a bit of wiggle room for my hedonism

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Affection, for a long time, was a turn off for me mixing genuine care and compassion with sex felt like… I don’t know, like sucking on a lemon after a glass of milk

I’ve been adjusting, so maybe I shouldn’t be as surprised by the balance evening out a bit for a silly little test. What actually bothers me is my initial reaction of disbelief - like I am not that hardcore girl, calm down

Thank you for delving into this and explaining. Isn’t it interesting how we change over time?

 

[jason28053]

lol sorry to single you out, I know the test results here aren’t the most accurate but I would say my preference for men is for them to be like 75-80% straight.

There has to be a bit of wiggle room for my hedonism

So you’re saying I have a chance?

 

[jason28053]

Thank you for delving into this and explaining. Isn’t it interesting how we change over time?

Yes especially with regards to what might be considered a kink to some.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Yes especially with regards to what might be considered a kink to some.

Or even what I used to think was kinky compared to now.