❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[MedicalMuse]

Or I don't want to participate in the ongoing drama but still felt I had something that needed to be said and I trusted you enough to say it

Edit: although I have never used those exact words...I have asked if they would keep what I said between them and me

There’s a distinct difference between sharing something in confidence and hiding that you have any conversations with someone else.

 

[Dribble]

There’s a distinct difference between sharing something in confidence and hiding that you have any conversations with someone else.

Well then, that's a red flag then huh? Lol. I haven't had my caffeine yet...go easy

 

[MedicalMuse]

Well then, that's a red flag then huh? Lol. I haven't had my caffeine yet...go easy

Not trying to be a jerk.
Get your coffee

 

[Diosax]

09.04.22

If you could replace the Lit Reactions with your choice of 6 emojis which 6 would you pick?

and the hugging emoji from fb

 

[Azuldrgon]

I just thought about this. I want the hug emoji to be a blue dragon.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

“let’s keep this little conversation private”
Either you’re embarrassed to talk to me, which is a no, or you have other people you also talk to regularly and don’t want them to know you’re chatting around. Either way, no.

I don’t think I’ve ever had someone on Lit ask me to keep our interactions private, but if they did that would be a no go for me. I do have a couple of friends who are just extremely private people which is different, so I try to be very respectful of that.

 

[Azuldrgon]

I try to be private with my pm's only because I believe things said in confidence are not meant for public consumption.
Just me.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

09.06.22

Let's talk about attention and attention seeking.

First, let's agree that everyone needs some form of attention and that being on Lit satisfies some part of that. Second, let's agree that attention or the need for is not inherently bad.

How much attention do you like to receive? What kind do you prefer? Do you prefer that one on one or do you like public attention? When you need some attention, how do you go about getting it? Do you think this is the best way? How do you feel about partners that need attention? Do you like giving it as much as receiving it? How do you think about what you post in terms of it gratifying a need for attention? How do you feel about the obvious gender disparity in outpourings of attention on Lit?

 

[base10]

A little bit of public attention is always fun, but prefer the much more personal and longer form attention that happens when someone moves to a private forum. I don't really need to world to see that someone paid attention to me. The attention from said person is much more important to me.

I try to get attention by posting interesting things. The people who's attention I most want to attract are people who have similar interests and curiosities. Posting about what interests me seems to be the best way to attract like minded people

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

How much attention do you like to receive?

Overall, I put myself on the higher side of the need spectrum, though my moods vary.

What kind do you prefer? Do you prefer that one on one or do you like public attention? When you need some attention, how do you go about getting it? Do you think this is the best way?

All of these questions just have too many answers as it depends on mood. What am I looking for at that time. Serious talk, light hearted banter, laughs and giggles, dirty talk, nothing? The real ass kicker is half the time I don't even know what I am looking for that day and hopefully I will figure it out when I find it.

How do you feel about partners that need attention?

I enjoy even seek some, avoid others like the plague, it depends on methods. The always depressed or angry seeker, the catastrophizer who always needs sympathy for their constant drama, the regular hair flippers and vague bookers, the fake attention seeking as a manipulate device, none of these work for me. I don't do well with negative attention seekers. They exhaust me. Now the exhibitionists, the class clowns, the talent performers, epic story tellers, and even the conflict instigators work great for me. If you want to make me laugh to feel my amusement, turn me on to feel my lust, entertain me to feel my interest, dazzle me to feel my amazement, I am totally game.

Do you like giving it as much as receiving it?

Yes, though it depends on the type. Some I like receiving more than giving, others giving more than receiving.

How do you think about what you post in terms of it gratifying a need for attention?

I really don't think about it, I mostly just go with my mood.

How do you feel about the obvious gender disparity in outpourings of attention on Lit?

That is a complex question. First, there is the obvious gender disparity in membership of lit. A female's solicitors are quadrupled by just numbers. Then we also have the attention gender disparity in typical society. Men are generally the ones tasked with displaying their interest, asking for dates, buying flowers, flattery, compliments, romantic displays, sexual overtures. Is it biological, are women higher need, is it just because how it has always been, how we are raised? Hell if I know, but the dynamics of Lit aren’t completely different, mostly it mirrors society, just appears extreme due to membership disparity. How do I feel about being outnumbered 4 to 1? I fucking love it. In life, if I was in a relationship with 3 men, I'd be ecstatic as well. That would probably be a perfect world other than the extra laundry. Now, if I was just as high needs as I am, but a man on Lit, I don't think I would like Lit as much. I'd probably be in a mommy forum instead lol.

 

[Orchidea73]

09.06.22

How do you feel about the obvious gender disparity in outpourings of attention on Lit?

Meaning as in men showing their attention to women more than viceversa?
I think it's about right and feel very good about it.

At the end of the day, the most difficult thing is to keep that attention and that falls on us, women. So, yeah, go ahead men and out-pour your attention. lol

https://iv1.lisimg.com/image/14284395/500full-violet-crawley%2C-the-dowager-countess-of-grantham.jpg

 

[Dribble]

Overall, I put myself on the higher side of the need spectrum, though my moods vary.

All of these questions just have too many answers as it depends on mood. What am I looking for at that time. Serious talk, light hearted banter, laughs and giggles, dirty talk, nothing? The real ass kicker is half the time I don't even know what I am looking for that day and hopefully I will figure it out when I find it.

I enjoy even seek some, avoid others like the plague, it depends on methods. The always depressed or angry seeker, the catastrophizer who always needs sympathy for their constant drama, the regular hair flippers and vague bookers, the fake attention seeking as a manipulate device, none of these work for me. I don't do well with negative attention seekers. They exhaust me. Now the exhibitionists, the class clowns, the talent performers, epic story tellers, and even the conflict instigators work great for me. If you want to make me laugh to feel my amusement, turn me on to feel my lust, entertain me to feel my interest, dazzle me to feel my amazement, I am totally game.


Yes, though it depends on the type. Some I like receiving more than giving, others giving more than receiving.


I really don't think about it, I mostly just go with my mood.


That is a complex question. First, there is the obvious gender disparity in membership of lit. A female's solicitors are quadrupled by just numbers. Then we also have the attention gender disparity in typical society. Men are generally the ones tasked with displaying their interest, asking for dates, buying flowers, flattery, compliments, romantic displays, sexual overtures. Is it biological, are women higher need, is it just because how it has always been, how we are raised? Hell if I know, but the dynamics of Lit aren’t completely different, mostly it mirrors society, just appears extreme due to membership disparity. How do I feel about being outnumbered 4 to 1? I fucking love it. In life, if I was in a relationship with 3 men, I'd be ecstatic as well. That would probably be a perfect world other than the extra laundry. Now, if I was just as high needs as I am, but a man on Lit, I don't think I would like Lit as much. I'd probably be in a mommy forum instead lol.

I don't think I have ever said this...or maybe I have...but I like reading your responses. They feel real

 

[Xerxes82]

09.06.22


How much attention do you like to receive? What kind do you prefer? Do you prefer that one on one or do you like public attention? When you need some attention, how do you go about getting it?

None. I don't trust it.

I mostly like to be on the margins and allowed to shout into the void as I see fit for my own needs. Of course, I also have a seemingly pathological need to put in my two cents on stuff like this, which feels contradictory even to me. Not sure how to square that circle, if it even can be.

But yeah, I don't trust it.

Now, in social or friendly terms it's not as big an issue. I can roll with that. It generally takes some poking and prodding before I'll accept somebody's attention is legit and not nefarious. But the walls aren't as high, for sure.

Somebody who expresses romantic or sexual interest? You go straight onto my suspect list. Particularly if we haven't established some kind of friendly connection already. Some of that is me being self-conscious, absolutely. I'm neither hot nor interesting. But some of it is learned experience. Getting used sucks, and it happens here ALL THE TIME. Why are you wasting time with me? What's your angle? Or, more likely, how bored are you and which hot member signing in will signal the end of that conversation?

This is not to say that I'm not that big a sucker from time to time. Maybe I just want to belive, in my tiny blackened heart. Maybe I'm just that gullible. Or maybe I just really do want to see the best in people sometimes.

Regardless, I'm pretty much happy to keep to myself. There are a few posters who have proven themselves real friends, even if we're not that close. But the circle remains a guarded and difficult to penetrate location.

How do you feel about partners that need attention? Do you like giving it as much as receiving it?

If your partner doesn't need some kind of attention, why are they seeking a partner? Maybe I'm just not seeing the angle the question is coming from? Sorry all.

I feel weird about giving attention. My time is very valuable to me and I'm hella selfish about it. But I feel like people who have proven themselves deserve every moment I can spare for them. Does that make any sense?

Also, and this is my self-esteem issues talking again, but it's often hard for me to see value in giving my attention. Like, surely there are people they would rather be getting it from? But I know from experience that is a false conclusion and I try to work past it when I feel like somebody is meaningfully trying to connect.

How do you feel about the obvious gender disparity in outpourings of attention on Lit?

[/B]
It's normal and unavoidable. Just the way of an environment like this. You either roll with it or you best be moving on, cause it's not changing.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I don't think I have ever said this...or maybe I have...but I like reading your responses. They feel real

Thank you. I do enjoy discussion threads especially with internet strangers. In daily life, conversations are easily shaded by control. My boss, executives, coworkers, are not going to always get complete honesty as they have control over an important part of my life. I am not likely to get complete honesty from those below me. My mom social circle has some control over my son's social life, as I do over their child's, husband's coworkers over his job. Here, why not just word dump as one feels, there is nothing to lose, no reason to not.

 

[Dribble]

And everything to gain

Thank you. I do enjoy discussion threads especially with internet strangers. In daily life, conversations are easily shaded by control. My boss, executives, coworkers, are not going to always get complete honesty as they have control over an important part of my life. I am not likely to get complete honesty from those below me. My mom social circle has some control over my son's social life, as I do over their child's, husband's coworkers over his job. Here, why not just word dump as one feels, there is nothing to lose, no reason to not.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

09.06.22

Let's talk about attention and attention seeking.

First, let's agree that everyone needs some form of attention and that being on Lit satisfies some part of that. Second, let's agree that attention or the need for is not inherently bad.

How much attention do you like to receive? What kind do you prefer? Do you prefer that one on one or do you like public attention? When you need some attention, how do you go about getting it? Do you think this is the best way? How do you feel about partners that need attention? Do you like giving it as much as receiving it? How do you think about what you post in terms of it gratifying a need for attention? How do you feel about the obvious gender disparity in outpourings of attention on Lit?

And so begins a way too long post that no one should have to read…

Attention is something that has been on my mind a lot since it was brought up in a therapy appointment. The idea that people need attention and that the way we seek that out now in the age of the internet has changed had never been something that I had thought much about. I was a person who always had a negative connotation with the word “attention” and I found that people who overtly sought that attention made me uncomfortable.

But we all need attention, and like love, we need it in ways that might be different from other people. From Lit and life, I would classify what I want less as attention and more as interaction. I find one-way attention beams focused towards me super uncomfortable. It’s why, if I post a picture and it gets more than a few responses, I internally freak out. I prefer a give and take both privately and publicly. It’s definitely why I prefer to create threads for shared spaces and projects vs something focused solely on me.

Something that I am trying to be okay with, however, is the idea of bluntly asking for attention if I need it from someone. Just saying, “hey life has been busy but I’d love some one-on-one time from you” feels inherently selfish to me, even though I know it’s not. It’s so much better than the gut reaction to act in a way that would demand attention. It’s so much more direct and so much healthier and definitely more satisfying. We have to stop assuming people can read our minds - triple that for online or long distance relationships.

I love giving my partners (and friends) attention, encouragement, adoration, even an ego boost. I don’t like being a voice among a crowd though so when I sense they are getting that feeling from lots of places, I will hold back and redirect my attention to someone who may be having a quieter moment. I’m not sure if this is the best way to act but it feels more productive sometimes. I think I will always prefer lavishing attention to being the focus of it.

I think, especially on Lit, there is a huge gender disparity in the amount of attention that men get vs women. Women, in general, tend to have to work less hard for more attention. I’m not saying that on an erotic site that it should be any different but it is a fact. Men have to work harder to even have friendly interactions. They do often miss the mark on how to get the best attention and I think many men confuse being visible with being interesting and engaging.

In conclusion (congrats if you read this far), I think I’ve had a complicated relationship in the past with attention seekers and that’s colored that way I’ve perceived it but I’m learning and growing and appreciating people who can just say clearly what they need and stand in the spotlight

 

[Azuldrgon]

09.06.22

Let's talk about attention and attention seeking.

First, let's agree that everyone needs some form of attention and that being on Lit satisfies some part of that. Second, let's agree that attention or the need for is not inherently bad.

How much attention do you like to receive? What kind do you prefer? Do you prefer that one on one or do you like public attention? When you need some attention, how do you go about getting it? Do you think this is the best way? How do you feel about partners that need attention? Do you like giving it as much as receiving it? How do you think about what you post in terms of it gratifying a need for attention? How do you feel about the obvious gender disparity in outpourings of attention on Lit?

I prefer one on one attention. I prefer the kind where you are having a moment with someone. Not sexually, but just a moment where things click.
In return, I will give that person all of my attention. Just feels right to me.

I'm not big on public attention. I get nervous.

I love giving the person I care about attention if she wants it.

I think Lit is a good representation on the real world when it comes to the disparity between the amount of attention women get versus men. Obviously, women get more attention because they are more beautiful and it is an easier time for them to arouse us simple men. It's also because the stereotype of women who like sex is a rarity in the real world. Although the porn industry would tell you the opposite, offline, I believe women don't want sex right away if it's with someone new. There has to be some substance there.

Just my opinion. This was a challenging question.

 

[Diosax]

And so begins a way too long post that no one should have to read…

Attention is something that has been on my mind a lot since it was brought up in a therapy appointment. The idea that people need attention and that the way we seek that out now in the age of the internet has changed had never been something that I had thought much about. I was a person who always had a negative connotation with the word “attention” and I found that people who overtly sought that attention made me uncomfortable.

But we all need attention, and like love, we need it in ways that might be different from other people. From Lit and life, I would classify what I want less as attention and more as interaction. I find one-way attention beams focused towards me super uncomfortable. It’s why, if I post a picture and it gets more than a few responses, I internally freak out. I prefer a give and take both privately and publicly. It’s definitely why I prefer to create threads for shared spaces and projects vs something focused solely on me.

Something that I am trying to be okay with, however, is the idea of bluntly asking for attention if I need it from someone. Just saying, “hey life has been busy but I’d love some one-on-one time from you” feels inherently selfish to me, even though I know it’s not. It’s so much better than the gut reaction to act in a way that would demand attention. It’s so much more direct and so much healthier and definitely more satisfying. We have to stop assuming people can read our minds - triple that for online or long distance relationships.

I love giving my partners (and friends) attention, encouragement, adoration, even an ego boost. I don’t like being a voice among a crowd though so when I sense they are getting that feeling from lots of places, I will hold back and redirect my attention to someone who may be having a quieter moment. I’m not sure if this is the best way to act but it feels more productive sometimes. I think I will always prefer lavishing attention to being the focus of it.

I think, especially on Lit, there is a huge gender disparity in the amount of attention that men get vs women. Women, in general, tend to have to work less hard for more attention. I’m not saying that on an erotic site that it should be any different but it is a fact. Men have to work harder to even have friendly interactions. They do often miss the mark on how to get the best attention and I think many men confuse being visible with being interesting and engaging.

In conclusion (congrats if you read this far), I think I’ve had a complicated relationship in the past with attention seekers and that’s colored that way I’ve perceived it but I’m learning and growing and appreciating people who can just say clearly what they need and stand in the spotlight

Relate to this a lot.

It also makes me think about the correlation there is between attention, self esteem and even trauma.

Also I love when people start off with "I was talking about this in therapy"

 

[Orchidea73]

And so begins a way too long post that no one should have to read…

I don't remember, ever, reading your posts that wasn't worth reading.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I don't remember, ever, reading your posts that wasn't worth reading.

You can say that again.

Well pardon me while I go blush into a puddle of steam

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

It’s not for you to blush, but to know that we value you and what you have to say. You just have that gravitas.

Gravitas is a good word.
And I'm awful at compliments.

But thank you both. It was a much needed kindness on a hard day.

 

[Dribble]

Well pardon me while I go blush into a puddle of steam

See..
I am not the only one that thinks you make Lit special. You have so many fans you could start your own fan club

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

See..
I am not the only one that thinks you make Lit special. You have so many fans you could start your own fan club

No thank youuuuu

I'm better as the organizer of other people's fan clubs. Lol

 

[Orchidea73]

By the way, is this "attention" question in regards to people we're attracted to, or in general, on the boards? Because I took it as attention from people you like.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

By the way, is this "attention" question in regards to people we're attracted to, or in general, on the boards? Because I took it as attention from people you like.

I think you can interpret it any of those ways. I left it kind of open ended and honestly I could write about 5 more paragraphs about it. It's an interesting topic for me.

But as always interpret however you see fit!