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09.22.22


Let’s talk ‘revealing questions’.


When getting to know someone, do you have certain questions that you like to ask to get to know someone? What do their answers reveal? Do you like being asked revealing questions? Give us some examples of revealing questions that you’ve been asked or like to ask.

______________________________

This question is based off of a TikTok video where a young lady was explaining her revealing questions and the philosophy behind them. I thought they were really interesting so - here they are!


1. Tell me about your best friend and what you love about them?
This shows the ability to keep and maintain a relationship and demonstrates how they describe someone they love. If a person can’t keep friends for long periods of time - or - can’t describe some lovingly (either they make good friends out of bad company or they are unable to appreciate someone they love), red flag.

2. What’s your tipping philosophy?
Just having a thoughtful answer shows an appreciation of the work of the humans around them. Getting defensive or devaluing the work of others, red flag. (Obviously this might flex a bit between countries/cultures but still interesting.)

3. What’s the largest age gap while dating/
This one is all about how they feel about people of different ages. They should be able to proudly stand by a decision to date someone much older or younger or explain what they learned from their experience. Speaking about someone else as a brag or an achievement, red flag.


The other part to this - WHICH I THINK IS THE MOST TELLING THING - Don’t volunteer information back after they’ve answered your question. Wait and see if they just answer your question or if they are curious about your answer as well. You might be surprised how little people actually want to get to know you.


Either way, ask bold questions and really listen to the answers. Wait to be asked. Most people will never know what interesting, well traveled, creative, inspiring, thoughtful people are right under their noses simply because they never ask.
 
Revealing questions, i know it is a basic question but what attracts you to someone.

Honestly I look for a few key answers that 1 reveal they value and respect them selves.

I also test to see if they explain anything.

I am sure it goes both ways but I am seeing more and more women who showed interest at first, which is why I even had guts to say hi, go in to this short answer, make you pull my teeth for answer mode. If you can not even answer a simple quetion like this with though or intrest, I am not going to much further.


Another question for me is what are your interests or passions, if you can not talk to me about yourself or interest then we have nothing to talk about and the conversation is over.

Super simple and general questions but require a responce for me to persue.


Been so long since I have dated I can not think of good questions right now. I used to have a whole slue i would use over the course of a month just to see if I would be willing to go further with them.
 
I don't mind answering questions but if they avoid answering questions I ask them, it's a red flag. I understand people don't want to reveal much, but I tell too much so I feel that there needs to be some quid pro quo. And yes, I need to stop telling people so much about myself.
 
I have a strong (but hardly infallible) belief in even handedness. This cuts two ways: 1) I'm careful in asking questions that could incidently reveal too much about a person 2) If someone trusts me with a piece of information then I will often trust them with the same thing about me. The second depends on my having a basic level of trust with the person (to amongst other things avoid them using my nature to manipulate me).
 
So, I don't put much stock in the early parts of a relationship - the first encounters, first dates. I think there is a period of time where we have to get comfortable with each other, to demonstrate that we can share openly without judgement.

I think that if you ask the probing questions too early, you run two very distinct relationship building risks. First, you push your potential partner into zones they may not yet be comfortable in, and second, you run the very real risk of getting a bullshit answer - the answer they think will get you to sleep with them, not the real answer.

That said, once we've established a rapport and a mutual interest in each other, I do have a set of questions I like to ask, because you get some awesome answers. There are infinite variations, but they all run on the same thing - things that influenced your life for $500 Alex.

I like to ask:

What book (song, movie, artist, etc.) changed your life and why?

They're free to answer it anyway they want. There is no wrong answer. When answered openly and honestly it can be very revealing. I am not looking for any specific answer. I am looking at a persons ability to tell a story and to demonstrate that they are living an observed life.
 
I love being asked revealing questions, I don't always feel comfortable answering them however. The leading question I most frequently ask is "Do you have a favorite Muppet." I usually don't get along well with those that don't. Lol!
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
09.22.22


Let’s talk ‘revealing questions’.


When getting to know someone, do you have certain questions that you like to ask to get to know someone? What do their answers reveal? Do you like being asked revealing questions? Give us some examples of revealing questions that you’ve been asked or like to ask.
Click to expand...
I don't really have a set of questions but if I get the feeling there's little effort being put in I will withdraw (like not asking anything of me). If they avoid questions it will raise a few flags with me.

I will start with benign questions like favourite movie/music/TV show and will go from there.
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
09.22.22


Let’s talk ‘revealing questions’.


When getting to know someone, do you have certain questions that you like to ask to get to know someone? What do their answers reveal? Do you like being asked revealing questions? Give us some examples of revealing questions that you’ve been asked or like to ask.
Click to expand...

I do, if I find the person interesting enough that I want to engage in a conversation.
But they are not a set of standard questions that I ask to everybody. They are personalized, so to speak. Pertinent to the person I'm speaking with.

They may not answer them and I am fine with that. Even not answering a question could be revealing. It says something to you about the person.
 
HoneyMeadows said:
I don't really have a set of questions but if I get the feeling there's little effort being put in I will withdraw (like not asking anything of me). If they avoid questions it will raise a few flags with me.

I will start with benign questions like favourite movie/music/TV show and will go from there.
Click to expand...
The low effort is the worst. Carrying the conversation with little or nothing to work with.
 
Questions with big bang for the buck:

What was the last non-fiction book you read?
Me: The Fifth Act: America's end in Afghanistan

What organization benefited from the last charitable gift of your time?
Me: local food bank

If you could have one painting in your living room...what is it and why?
Me: This is a toughie. I had a chance to buy this and didn't....and I hate myself

http://www.artbysusanblock.com/milk run 19.htm
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
09.22.22


Let’s talk ‘revealing questions’.


When getting to know someone, do you have certain questions that you like to ask to get to know someone? What do their answers reveal? Do you like being asked revealing questions? Give us some examples of revealing questions that you’ve been asked or like to ask.

______________________________

This question is based off of a TikTok video where a young lady was explaining her revealing questions and the philosophy behind them. I thought they were really interesting so - here they are!


1. Tell me about your best friend and what you love about them?
This shows the ability to keep and maintain a relationship and demonstrates how they describe someone they love. If a person can’t keep friends for long periods of time - or - can’t describe some lovingly (either they make good friends out of bad company or they are unable to appreciate someone they love), red flag.

2. What’s your tipping philosophy?
Just having a thoughtful answer shows an appreciation of the work of the humans around them. Getting defensive or devaluing the work of others, red flag. (Obviously this might flex a bit between countries/cultures but still interesting.)

3. What’s the largest age gap while dating/
This one is all about how they feel about people of different ages. They should be able to proudly stand by a decision to date someone much older or younger or explain what they learned from their experience. Speaking about someone else as a brag or an achievement, red flag.


The other part to this - WHICH I THINK IS THE MOST TELLING THING - Don’t volunteer information back after they’ve answered your question. Wait and see if they just answer your question or if they are curious about your answer as well. You might be surprised how little people actually want to get to know you.


Either way, ask bold questions and really listen to the answers. Wait to be asked. Most people will never know what interesting, well traveled, creative, inspiring, thoughtful people are right under their noses simply because they never ask.
Click to expand...

I don't have a set of questions exactly but I do very much pay attention to the way people answer and if they return the question or show any curiosity at all. I think the above was a really good thought exercise, yes for romantic meet ups, but also for what kind of friend someone may be. As an example, if within three PMs you've dropped another Litster's real name or some gossip about them with zero pretext, I will probably remember that forever. On the other hand, if you are so guarded about yourself, we can't have a conversation bc we are basically having a stand off... that's likely not going to go anywhere either.

I do appreciate a bold question however (which is different than a nosey question). I think there are a handful of threads asking to be entertained with information and it's funny because if anyone just asked me, those are questions I have zero problem answering, there are no secrets, but why I should I offer anything when someone hasn't made the effort to at least ask.

Ok, I lied I do have one question I like to ask people bc it's interesting and revealing - "Tell me three things you love about yourself and why?"
 
Dribble said:
Questions with big bang for the buck:

What was the last non-fiction book you read?
Me: The Fifth Act: America's end in Afghanistan

What organization benefited from the last charitable gift of your time?
Me: local food bank

If you could have one painting in your living room...what is it and why?
Me: This is a toughie. I had a chance to buy this and didn't....and I hate myself

http://www.artbysusanblock.com/milk run 19.htm
Click to expand...
Been a While since I read a non-fiction, but this one is important https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bourgeois_Dignity

I set a charitable budget and automatically take that money from my checking and put it to my charity account. I then have a number of charities I support monthly. My favorite of those is one that matches local college students with inner city kids (most of color and a very large percentage with English as their second language). They provide transport for the college students and safe meeting places for the tutoring. If kids stay in the program they graduate high school. Literally 100%.

The art in my living room is the rug on the floor and the Asian lacquer screen. I love this artist http://www.tutwilerfineart.com/CHARLES-VICKERY.html
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
Ok, I lied I do have one question I like to ask people bc it's interesting and revealing - "Tell me three things you love about yourself and why?"
Click to expand...

- I do not get intimidated easily (if ever), by anyone.
- I don't sugarcoat it, especially with my family and close friends. Sometimes people confuse this with judging. It is not. Or, at least, not in a negative way. If you ask for my opinion (sometimes even if you don't ask :D ) I'll tell you my honest opinion.
- I'm very analytical as well as pragmatic in life and my way of thinking.

Why do I love them? I think they are good qualities to have and they have served me well.
There can be negative consequences, sometimes, but the benefits are greater.
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
09.22.22


Let’s talk ‘revealing questions’.


When getting to know someone, do you have certain questions that you like to ask to get to know someone? What do their answers reveal? Do you like being asked revealing questions? Give us some examples of revealing questions that you’ve been asked or like to ask.

______________________________

This question is based off of a TikTok video where a young lady was explaining her revealing questions and the philosophy behind them. I thought they were really interesting so - here they are!


1. Tell me about your best friend and what you love about them?
This shows the ability to keep and maintain a relationship and demonstrates how they describe someone they love. If a person can’t keep friends for long periods of time - or - can’t describe some lovingly (either they make good friends out of bad company or they are unable to appreciate someone they love), red flag.

2. What’s your tipping philosophy?
Just having a thoughtful answer shows an appreciation of the work of the humans around them. Getting defensive or devaluing the work of others, red flag. (Obviously this might flex a bit between countries/cultures but still interesting.)

3. What’s the largest age gap while dating/
This one is all about how they feel about people of different ages. They should be able to proudly stand by a decision to date someone much older or younger or explain what they learned from their experience. Speaking about someone else as a brag or an achievement, red flag.


The other part to this - WHICH I THINK IS THE MOST TELLING THING - Don’t volunteer information back after they’ve answered your question. Wait and see if they just answer your question or if they are curious about your answer as well. You might be surprised how little people actually want to get to know you.


Either way, ask bold questions and really listen to the answers. Wait to be asked. Most people will never know what interesting, well traveled, creative, inspiring, thoughtful people are right under their noses simply because they never ask.
Click to expand...
Well lit or in person?

Lit, well everything is tailored, but there are a couple questions I will ask in some form or another.

Tell me about your oddest, craziest, or most interesting Lit related skype, or pm chain if you don’t skype. No names needed, just the story.
Ok, first I just love weird stories. But this lets me hear some things about their normal meter. What is normal, what is getting out there. Then it tells me how they feel with things outside of their comfort zone, as well as how they react and proceed. Also, if they name drop anyway, it tells me they like their friendships with a side of gossiping.

Have you been in a lit relationship? How did it go? What went wrong?
It gives me a better understanding of what they are really looking for and expect from people than just asking what they are looking for. I found people tend to tell you what you want to hear if asked what they want, but don’t filter as much if asked about the past. It tells me their needs and expectations in maintained communications with other lit members.

I do also like to see if they toss the questions back.

In person, it could be anything. You can tell so much about a person by seeing them, how they move, how they dress, hearing their tone, inflections, accents. You can tell how they grew up, where, likely hobbies, aesthetics etc, so my questions get much more tailored by what I see and what I question about what I observe. I do like to throw out something bizarre, just to see how they process completely unexpected. Then likely weirdest text you’ve ever gotten and how did you respond? Again finding where the line to weird is, and how they roll with it. What object would you like to eliminate from existence and why? Tells me what frustrates them and how they handle it. What motivates you? This tells me how they interpret the question and obviously what motivates them. Again though, in person is mostly played on the fly, what they say and what is spoken when presented with prior questions will greatly alter next questions.


And yes, I like questions. It is way better than silence and awkwardly staring at each other, and sparks conversations.
 
Trust yourself. Youare qualified and you understand. It is ok to make mistakes once in a while. Use them to learn, to grow.
You are in this place, situation for a reason, and it is not to be overcome, but to rise up and conqure. You can do this. And if it IS impossible it was not meant to be, get through it and find the next victory.

If you run from it, hide from it, it will always find you, it will only grow worse. Stand fight, just get through and survive. There is always another victory to be had on the other side.
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
10.07.22

What's some advice that you give often but have a hard time taking for yourself?
Click to expand...
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
10.07.22

What's some advice that you give often but have a hard time taking for yourself?
Click to expand...
When I give advice it tends to be me providing for people additional context they might not have considered, or relaying some bit of wisdom from the classics that provides them with alternatives. Mostly, I take and live my own advice - difficult as it is sometimes.
 
Paul_Chance said:
When I give advice it tends to be me providing for people additional context they might not have considered, or relaying some bit of wisdom from the classics that provides them with alternatives. Mostly, I take and live my own advice - difficult as it is sometimes.
Click to expand...
I could have wrote this.
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
10.07.22

What's some advice that you give often but have a hard time taking for yourself?
Click to expand...
Probably most of the advice I give! 😂

But one I’m still working on a lot & that I get annoyed at people for not doing themselves is to stay firm on boundaries. That they don’t have to be justified, argued about, defended, or explained (J.A.D.E.)
 
10.14.22

(Submitted)

Are you a better journey or destination?

Is the flirt, tease, build up, your strength? Or are you best in the comfort of being known by someone?
 
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