❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[crazychemgirl]

Journey … 100%

 

[Paul_Chance]

10.14.22

(Submitted)

Are you a better journey or destination?

Is the flirt, tease, build up, your strength? Or are you best in the comfort of being known by someone?

I'd go with destination. It can be a long strange journey getting there, but once you're there, I'm kind of like that small, quaint, weird, hotel in a hidden cove.

 

[DarkRaven13]

10.14.22

(Submitted)

Are you a better journey or destination?

Is the flirt, tease, build up, your strength? Or are you best in the comfort of being known by someone?

The journey ...

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

10.18.22

Let's talk normalization. (This question will be rambling but stick with me.)

Are there things that you wish would be more normalized? Are their things in which normalizing something can ruin it? Are there instances in which occasional is preferred to consistent?

These things can be sexual without being limited to sex.

Example: I wish different body types were more normalized. If everyone was into CNC, it would ruin the taboo for me. Sometimes "good girl" gets over used but when used right it's the hottest thing ever.

 

[AlexBailey]

10.18.22

Let's talk normalization. (This question will be rambling but stick with me.)

Are there things that you wish would be more normalized? Are their things in which normalizing something can ruin it? Are there instances in which occasional is preferred to consistent?

These things can be sexual without being limited to sex.

Example: I wish different body types were more normalized. If everyone was into CNC, it would ruin the taboo for me. Sometimes "good girl" gets over used but when used right it's the hottest thing ever.

I wish gender would officially become a “don’t ask - don’t tell” issue.

Why should it matter what gender someone else is if you are not trying to breed with them? Why are people so obsessed with what genitals someone was born with when there is already a social expectation that ‘privates’ remain private?

Lose all gender related honorifics, no Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms…

Move as you choose, love and marry who you love and are attracted to.

Kids could be kids and people could be people without the pressure to present according to social expectations.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I can't think of anything that I'd like to see normalized. Yes, I think there are things that, if more normalized, would change the level of enjoyment they brought me. For somethings it is the rarity/scarcity that make them all that more valuable to me.

If the non-sexual arena the example I would give is - apple pie. I love apple pie, but if it was a normal part of every meal, the allure would wear off.

 

[HoneyMeadows]

10.18.22

Let's talk normalization. (This question will be rambling but stick with me.)

Are there things that you wish would be more normalized? Are their things in which normalizing something can ruin it? Are there instances in which occasional is preferred to consistent?

These things can be sexual without being limited to sex.

Example: I wish different body types were more normalized. If everyone was into CNC, it would ruin the taboo for me. Sometimes "good girl" gets over used but when used right it's the hottest thing ever.

I wish it was more normal for people to stop asking when told no. Not sure about the normalisation question. Occasional fantastic sex is far better than consistent shit sex.

 

[Dribble]

I hate the word. Whose standards decides what is normal? My experience with the word is it is an excuse for not putting in the effort to win a person over...so you have to force that person to adapt to your wishes. Nah....i will pass

 

[Orchidea73]

I wish names were not a thing. Who needs them anyway?
We can all call each other: Hey, you/yo!
Easy to remember.

I hate the word. Whose standards decides what is normal? My experience with the word is it is an excuse for not putting in the effort to win a person over...so you have to force that person to adapt to your wishes. Nah....i will pass

Do you apply that on everything?

 

[Dribble]

Do you apply that on everything?

I try not to. Not always successful.

Story time.

My son's biodad was not a part of his life for 15 years. Didn't pay support. Didn't buy a birthday gift. Or Christmas present. Then...magically he demanded the relationship be "normalized" by forcing the child to live with him for the summer...and holidays...excuse me? My view was simple...call him and talk with him. Don't pressure him. But I had no say in the deal. Didn't matter I raised him.

So time passes...now my ex uses the same bullshit with our daughter. We need to normalize who she is with. Then get fucking clean. And then prove to can take care of yourself...then we can talk about anything more than a visitation

 

[Paul_Chance]

The only thing I wish was more normal was manners. They’re so rare it hurts.

Yes Ma'am, I'd agree with you there. (I have manners, was raised right and actually taught manners in reform school - they're kind of a two edged sword. In an ill-mannered western world they can touch off some strange reactions. In other parts of the world, they are expected and routine in interactions.)

 

[hotwords229_A]

I wish names were not a thing. Who needs them anyway?
We can all call each other: Hey, you/yo!
Easy to remember.

I agree with this. I’m tired of talking about people and having to refer to them as ”What’s her tits” and “Old Dingus Magoo”.
(I’m not good at remembering names).

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

02.27.23

<cracks knuckles>
Ok it's been a hot minute but I'm feeling curious today. Let's see if I remember how to do this.

For those that subscribe to the Love Language model (there were five and now I think we have eight?), the newest addition is Space/Alone Time. My question is do appreciate space from a partner? Does absence make the heart grow fonder and time alone leave you feeling more excited to have time with sthem? Or do you love to be constantly near or in contact with your person and does time away from them leave you feeling unloved?

 

[Orchidea73]

02.27.23

<cracks knuckles>
Ok it's been a hot minute but I'm feeling curious today. Let's see if I remember how to do this.

For those that subscribe to the Love Language model (there were five and now I think we have eight?), the newest addition is Space/Alone Time.

I know nothing about "love language model". I didn't even know there was such a thing.

My question is do appreciate space from a partner? Does absence make the heart grow fonder and time alone leave you feeling more excited to have time with sthem? Or do you love to be constantly near or in contact with your person and does time away from them leave you feeling unloved?

But to answer your question, I am very much in the second category. I appreciate alone time, I don't need to be constantly near or in contact and it doesn't make me feel unloved. You can very well feel unloved although you are with the person 24/7.

In fact, just today a friend was telling me about her problems with her partner. She's been with him for 13 years and they have a daughter too. She said to me, "I'm separated in the house, kinda." I replied, "What do you mean "kinda"? Either you are or you are not. You should know." Her answer was; "We def. are. I have come to the realization that for the past 7 years, we've been separated in the house. I feel unloved and undesired."

 

[Mei5ter]

02.27.23

<cracks knuckles>
Ok it's been a hot minute but I'm feeling curious today. Let's see if I remember how to do this.

For those that subscribe to the Love Language model (there were five and now I think we have eight?), the newest addition is Space/Alone Time. My question is do appreciate space from a partner? Does absence make the heart grow fonder and time alone leave you feeling more excited to have time with sthem? Or do you love to be constantly near or in contact with your person and does time away from them leave you feeling unloved?

Yes, I do appreciate space. I don't just think it's healthy, I think it's necessary, and especially after Covid lockdowns.

But it's also about intent and the kind of space being given and wanted. If someone whom I love gives me space and time to do something separate from them, I then need to come back with something good for them from that time away from them. Whether that's a new experience or new perspective to share, or simply a better and refreshed version of me. Or, at the very least, a fridge magnet.

Being quietly, silently present with the right person, where they do nothing other than exist and yet make your life happier by doing so, is one of the best things ever. It's also extremely hard to replicate online. But with the really, really right person...

 

[Paul_Chance]

02.27.23

<cracks knuckles>
Ok it's been a hot minute but I'm feeling curious today. Let's see if I remember how to do this.

For those that subscribe to the Love Language model (there were five and now I think we have eight?), the newest addition is Space/Alone Time. My question is do appreciate space from a partner? Does absence make the heart grow fonder and time alone leave you feeling more excited to have time with sthem? Or do you love to be constantly near or in contact with your person and does time away from them leave you feeling unloved?

I definitely believe in the importance of space/time in a healthy relationship. I appreciate it when it is given and respected. Everyone needs time for themselves.

I don't equate that with absence (which is longer term). I personally find absence does make my heart grow fonder because I'm missing them and I do want them to come back.

I don't really get why people want or think being in a relationship means you should be physically joined at the hip. (Metaphorically in terms of being on the same page I understand, but the physicality some couples demonstrate would drive me nuts.)

 

[Dribble]

Good to see you back.

I am not sure what a love model is? Guess I got something to Google later tonight.

I don't need people in my life...and I definitely don't need to feel like their happiness is my responsibility. But now that I said that...I am happier when people are in my life and I like being needed. Oh Dribble...you are one fucked up boy...say one thing and turn right around and say the opposite.

I don't need to control what others choose to do. They don't need to ask me permission...but I do like to know. Things happen and I get spontaneity creates options not always planned.

Now...can I go a day without talking with someone I am intimate with? Sure...but I don't like that...and it feels wrong not to. I don't need much. 5 minutes. But yea...that connectivity is important to me and I have never been able to make a long distance relationship last a long time. It isn't that I am jealous. I just carry bad scars and I don't understand wanting to be apart.

My ex-inlaws vacation apart all the time. It is like they lead separate lives. Even simple things...like time to walk the dog...they do it separately. I don't understand that need.

 

[Diosax]

02.27.23

<cracks knuckles>
Ok it's been a hot minute but I'm feeling curious today. Let's see if I remember how to do this.

For those that subscribe to the Love Language model (there were five and now I think we have eight?), the newest addition is Space/Alone Time. My question is do appreciate space from a partner? Does absence make the heart grow fonder and time alone leave you feeling more excited to have time with sthem? Or do you love to be constantly near or in contact with your person and does time away from them leave you feeling unloved?

I not only appreciate but need space in a relationship. It's healthy that each have their own thing. I don't think however, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I believe needing space in a relationship is about me and my needs is not necessarily bc I don't want to be close to my SO. When there is healthy communication and consistency I don't see any issues w space.

I also think it can be easy for someone to use needing space as an excuse to be inconsistent and absence in a relationship and that is not the same thing nor healthy.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

02.27.23

<cracks knuckles>
Ok it's been a hot minute but I'm feeling curious today. Let's see if I remember how to do this.

For those that subscribe to the Love Language model (there were five and now I think we have eight?), the newest addition is Space/Alone Time. My question is do appreciate space from a partner? Does absence make the heart grow fonder and time alone leave you feeling more excited to have time with sthem? Or do you love to be constantly near or in contact with your person and does time away from them leave you feeling unloved?

Ooh! I know this one!
For me, my marriage would be a hot mess if we didn't get alone time. We have enough in common to keep each other interested, but we also have interests that simply bore the other to tears. So we'll occasionally partner-swap (platonically) with another couple we know, so that I can go to the opera with their wife, and my wife will go watch horror movies with their husband. Things like that. This way she doesn't have to avoid the opera (why anyone would want to avoid it is beyond me). And I don't have to suffer through some dull and dismal gore-fest. Ew.
Time apart and space to pursue our individual interests is a strength in our marriage. It's a win-win.

 

[Xerxes82]

02.27.23

<cracks knuckles>
Ok it's been a hot minute but I'm feeling curious today. Let's see if I remember how to do this.

For those that subscribe to the Love Language model (there were five and now I think we have eight?), the newest addition is Space/Alone Time. My question is do appreciate space from a partner? Does absence make the heart grow fonder and time alone leave you feeling more excited to have time with sthem? Or do you love to be constantly near or in contact with your person and does time away from them leave you feeling unloved?

This is a good question, PLP. Thanks for asking.

I need space. I need independence. I can't function without them. Maybe I'm just really fucking selfish but I have to have my own stuff and my own time. Part of it is just how my brain works, though. When things pile on and the stress adds up I need to be alone in the quiet with myself.

I've come to a realization as I've aged that is difficult to put into words. When it comes to a partner, I don't need you. Or anyone. And I never will. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy your company, doesn't mean i don't CHOOSE you. Every day, even when apart. But I do not, will not and cannot need you. It isn't who I am. If you need to be needed, I am not the partner for you.

I don't have a fundamental problem with being needed from time to time. But if that need is constant then it becomes overbearing. And I will struggle against it, just by nature. Your need WILL push me away.

Choose me, don't need me. As I choose you.

Of course, it's never actually worked out that way, so what do I know?

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Why don't you and your wife just go to Tosca together? Blood, jump scares, and an overdramatic soprano.

Although that could also be the answer to Name A Litster You Miss...

I do enjoy Tosca... But she still won't entertain even that one.
That's ok. I like our date nights with our alternate spouses.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I know nothing about "love language model". I didn't even know there was such a thing.


But to answer your question, I am very much in the second category. I appreciate alone time, I don't need to be constantly near or in contact and it doesn't make me feel unloved. You can very well feel unloved although you are with the person 24/7.

In fact, just today a friend was telling me about her problems with her partner. She's been with him for 13 years and they have a daughter too. She said to me, "I'm separated in the house, kinda." I replied, "What do you mean "kinda"? Either you are or you are not. You should know." Her answer was; "We def. are. I have come to the realization that for the past 7 years, we've been separated in the house. I feel unloved and undesired."

Love languages is based on a book but has the idea that everyone feels most loved in certain ways and if you're love language is "quality time" (as an example) then you won't feel very loved if I only give you gifts. So when trying to love someone you should speak their love language to them and not your own, and vice versa. There are lots of variation but it started with physical touch, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service. They've since added space/alone time and being known.
I don't buy it 100% but I think they idea of loving someone or helping someone in the way they need it can be super valid and a helpful guide.

Yes, I do appreciate space. I don't just think it's healthy, I think it's necessary, and especially after Covid lockdowns.

But it's also about intent and the kind of space being given and wanted. If someone whom I love gives me space and time to do something separate from them, I then need to come back with something good for them from that time away from them. Whether that's a new experience or new perspective to share, or simply a better and refreshed version of me. Or, at the very least, a fridge magnet.

Being quietly, silently present with the right person, where they do nothing other than exist and yet make your life happier by doing so, is one of the best things ever. It's also extremely hard to replicate online. But with the really, really right person...

Intention is everything. You're absolutely right.

I definitely believe in the importance of space/time in a healthy relationship. I appreciate it when it is given and respected. Everyone needs time for themselves.

I don't equate that with absence (which is longer term). I personally find absence does make my heart grow fonder because I'm missing them and I do want them to come back.

I don't really get why people want or think being in a relationship means you should be physically joined at the hip. (Metaphorically in terms of being on the same page I understand, but the physicality some couples demonstrate would drive me nuts.)

Totally agree about being joined at the hip. I need time to turn off my personality occasionally.

Good to see you back.

I am not sure what a love model is? Guess I got something to Google later tonight.

I don't need people in my life...and I definitely don't need to feel like their happiness is my responsibility. But now that I said that...I am happier when people are in my life and I like being needed. Oh Dribble...you are one fucked up boy...say one thing and turn right around and say the opposite.

I don't need to control what others choose to do. They don't need to ask me permission...but I do like to know. Things happen and I get spontaneity creates options not always planned.

Now...can I go a day without talking with someone I am intimate with? Sure...but I don't like that...and it feels wrong not to. I don't need much. 5 minutes. But yea...that connectivity is important to me and I have never been able to make a long distance relationship last a long time. It isn't that I am jealous. I just carry bad scars and I don't understand wanting to be apart.

My ex-inlaws vacation apart all the time. It is like they lead separate lives. Even simple things...like time to walk the dog...they do it separately. I don't understand that need.

Yeah, separate lives is... not for me? That sounds more like cohabitation than a relationship. Which, hey! Do whatever makes you happy and makes your life work for you.

I not only appreciate but need space in a relationship. It's healthy that each have their own thing. I don't think however, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I believe needing space in a relationship is about me and my needs is not necessarily bc I don't want to be close to my SO. When there is healthy communication and consistency I don't see any issues w space.

I also think it can be easy for someone to use needing space as an excuse to be inconsistent and absence in a relationship and that is not the same thing nor healthy.

Absolutely. Communication is the key!

Ooh! I know this one!
For me, my marriage would be a hot mess if we didn't get alone time. We have enough in common to keep each other interested, but we also have interests that simply bore the other to tears. So we'll occasionally partner-swap (platonically) with another couple we know, so that I can go to the opera with their wife, and my wife will go watch horror movies with their husband. Things like that. This way she doesn't have to avoid the opera (why anyone would want to avoid it is beyond me). And I don't have to suffer through some dull and dismal gore-fest. Ew.
Time apart and space to pursue our individual interests is a strength in our marriage. It's a win-win.

Ahh, this just makes me miss my friends that moved away. They would have been our platonic partner swappers. Good for you!

This is a good question, PLP. Thanks for asking.

I need space. I need independence. I can't function without them. Maybe I'm just really fucking selfish but I have to have my own stuff and my own time. Part of it is just how my brain works, though. When things pile on and the stress adds up I need to be alone in the quiet with myself.

I've come to a realization as I've aged that is difficult to put into words. When it comes to a partner, I don't need you. Or anyone. And I never will. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy your company, doesn't mean i don't CHOOSE you. Every day, even when apart. But I do not, will not and cannot need you. It isn't who I am. If you need to be needed, I am not the partner for you.

I don't have a fundamental problem with being needed from time to time. But if that need is constant then it becomes overbearing. And I will struggle against it, just by nature. Your need WILL push me away.

Choose me, don't need me. As I choose you.

Of course, it's never actually worked out that way, so what do I know?

"Choose me. Don't need me."
God...yes... I need this on a tshirt. Being needed can feel very overwhelming and make things that I enjoy doing seem like a chore instead of an act of joy. Saying things like "I couldn't go on without you" may be meant with absolute innocent romance but can feel to certain people like you are putting your survival on your partner and I don't think anyone like that feeling.



Really interesting answers everyone!! Thanks for playing with me

 

[AveryElle]

I definitely believe in the importance of space/time in a healthy relationship. I appreciate it when it is given and respected. Everyone needs time for themselves.

I don't equate that with absence (which is longer term). I personally find absence does make my heart grow fonder because I'm missing them and I do want them to come back.

I don't really get why people want or think being in a relationship means you should be physically joined at the hip. (Metaphorically in terms of being on the same page I understand, but the physicality some couples demonstrate would drive me nuts.)

Not sure what this is answering, but I so agree about time for ones self. I'm truly, truly thankful to have a spouse who understands this and encourages this even though he doesn't need or want the time alone. In the BeforeCancer times, and definitely before covid, I'd routinely extend work trips for a night so I could have alone with with no responsibilities. He encourages me to travel alone, to spend time and money on myself in ways that don't involve him.

I don't understand people who talk about independence but then complain about before bored once they're alone. Being alone is, to me, a great gift. I'm not bored, even if I'm unproductive. I don't need a reward structure in place for handling my alone time properly. i like having bits of my life that are inherently mine.

ETA: Ah, I see this has something to do with love languages. Good luck with those working.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

03.06.23

I want a sexy question today.

How would you feel knowing your were part of someone's fantasy? What about a couples play? Does that feel icky or interesting? Do you let people (speaking of Lit people specifically) that you've had filthy thoughts about them or do you keep those fantasies internally? Even more broadly, do you fantasize at all? Do you fantasize about people you know, here or elsewhere, or do you keep your fantasies unspecified?

 

[Paul_Chance]

How would you feel knowing your were part of someone's fantasy?

I always like to hear when I make an appearance in someone's fantasy.

What about a couples play? Does that feel icky or interesting?

It's interesting to me, especially if the incident is either really imaginative or kinky. I am generally up for threesomes or moresomes, swapping or swinging.

Do you let people (speaking of Lit people specifically) that you've had filthy thoughts about them or do you keep those fantasies internally?

Yes, if I have a specific fantasy about someone, or if I am inspired by something they've posted, I generally let them know. The amount of detail I share depends on the relationship I have with them.

Even more broadly, do you fantasize at all?

Yes, I fantasize all the time. It's like having a 4K cinema display in my head that plays the channels and programming I want to see on demand.

Do you fantasize about people you know, here or elsewhere, or do you keep your fantasies unspecified?

Generally, yes, most of my fantasies involve people I know in some manner and the remainder are people I've seen/encountered in passing who, in some way, inspired the fantasy.