❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[hotwords229_A]

06.24.23

How do you feel like life's rejections have shaped you as a person? Have you taken them to heart and made changes? Do you assume that what rejecting you just wasn't right and you keep being you?
Do you feel like you've experienced very little rejection in your life? How has that shaped you?

I don’t know how I’ve been shaped as a person, but I’ve come to take rejection in stride.
As an introvert, rejection can be pretty refreshing. I put the effort in and wasn’t required to continue—no more energy necessary!

Creatively, rejection is a constant. Criticism, rejection, changes, alterations are part of a collaboration and cannot be taken personally, or you will never get anywhere.

I take criticism to heart only in that I will consider that there is probably some truth in it, and if I can get something out of it, then I will. Otherwise, (insert fart noise). **How has no one invented emojis that make noise?**

Romantic rejection is much harder. I’ve been rejected a lot. But that comes with having fallen (often) for the wrong kind of broad (and possibly by referring to them as broads ).

Being rejected by a woman is always the worst, but, in retrospect, it was never going to work out anyway, so what did I really lose? Casual sex, I guess? Damn, that does suck!

 

[caitiff1969]

06.24.23

How do you feel like life's rejections have shaped you as a person? Have you taken them to heart and made changes? Do you assume that what rejecting you just wasn't right and you keep being you?
Do you feel like you've experienced very little rejection in your life? How has that shaped you?

I grew up bullied. So rejection was kinda hard wired into me. So much so that in Jr High, I asked a girl to dance. She said yes, but I heard no. She was pissed, thinking it was intentional. We laugh about it now. Most of my rejection has been unkind, and not constructive. For the very few times it WAS constructive, I've tried to see their view. It made me not care, outwardly, about what people say, though sometimes it hurts, and I still secretly look for validation from others.
I will say that it made me into the person I am today, kind and caring of others, especially those mistreated or bullied.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

06.24.23

How do you feel like life's rejections have shaped you as a person? Have you taken them to heart and made changes? Do you assume that what rejecting you just wasn't right and you keep being you?
Do you feel like you've experienced very little rejection in your life? How has that shaped you?

There are times in my life where I receive more rejection than other times. Usually this happens when I’m branching out or trying to learn something new. I’m experiencing a lot of “learning the hard way” at my job this year and last year. Actually the last few years. It wears on my self esteem when I’m in the thick of it. But, I end up eventually figuring things out, and when I look back over the journey to where I’ve achieved a goal, the rejections and failures played an important part.

I actively take rejection to heart, to a fault. I can’t seem to let it go sometimes, and it causes unnecessary pain. The pain comes from giving more power to someone or something else than I should, and I need to learn to stop that.

With people, rejection stings especially when I can’t fix it or control it. If someone isn’t willing to talk it out or I don’t understand why someone left, it lingers. But I do eventually let that person go and the pain is a good motivator.

I’ve experienced a fair share of rejection. It’s humbling but I hope that I learn something from it.

 

[caitiff1969]

There are times in my life where I receive more rejection than other times. Usually this happens when I’m branching out or trying to learn something new. I’m experiencing a lot of “learning the hard way” at my job this year and last year. Actually the last few years. It wears on my self esteem when I’m in the thick of it. But, I end up eventually figuring things out, and when I look back over the journey to where I’ve achieved a goal, the rejections and failures played an important part.

I actively take rejection to heart, to a fault. I can’t seem to let it go sometimes, and it causes unnecessary pain. The pain comes from giving more power to someone or something else than I should, and I need to learn to stop that.

With people, rejection stings especially when I can’t fix it or control it. If someone isn’t willing to talk it out or I don’t understand why someone left, it lingers. But I do eventually let that person go and the pain is a good motivator.

I’ve experienced a fair share of rejection. It’s humbling but I hope that I learn something from it.

 

[caitiff1969]

I take everything to heart, it's hard for me not to. I haven't experienced a lot of rejection in my life, but the times I have has definitely shaped me. It's helped me to learn not to prioritize people that don't prioritize me. It's helped me to stop taking things for granted, expecting that they will always be there. It's helped me to see my faults and look for ways to improve upon them in the future.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I don’t think rejection or my take on it is necessarily a bad thing. Just is. And usually it guides to a better place anyway.

I appreciate the e-hug though, @caitiff1969 .

 

[caitiff1969]

I don’t think rejection or my take on it is necessarily a bad thing. Just is. And usually it guides to a better place anyway.

I appreciate the e-hug though, @caitiff1969 .

I'll always offer hugs, or a friendly ear, to anyone.

 

[Cat]

06.24.23

How do you feel like life's rejections have shaped you as a person? Have you taken them to heart and made changes? Do you assume that what rejecting you just wasn't right and you keep being you?
Do you feel like you've experienced very little rejection in your life? How has that shaped you?

I am a bit unsure as how to answer this, but I would like to try!

Rejections. I have most definitely experienced them, on both sides of the equation.
The thing is, I might (please bear with me, this is probably silly and tricky, but nevertheless, how my mind functions.) Reject people, options and even possibilities, before other people would have done so.

It is hard to describe why, but, if the tone feels wrong, if I sense imbalances that will only grow with time, if I feel lost and unable to understand what is going on, not really seen or valued. It is never an easy decision, but if I feel something gnawing away at me, I might end up being the one rejecting.

Maybe I have always been like that? Neither truly introverted or extroverted, or well, definitely leaning towards introverted, I need my alone time more than anything.
Most of all, I need to understand the reasons behind the actions, and the people (yes, yes I know.. such a small thing ). Then I can give my mind the peace and calm it needs, to analyse, compartmentalise and learn.

So, how it has shaped me, I do not really know!
I think, I have always been curious, but rather guarded (yet so foolishly reckless!).
Therefore the rejections, I have received or given, have not truly changed much, just reinforced those traits of my personality.

I hope it makes sense.

 

[caitiff1969]

I am a bit unsure as how to answer this, but I would like to try!

Rejections. I have most definitely experienced them, on both sides of the equation.
The thing is, I might (please bear with me, this is probably silly and tricky, but nevertheless, how my mind functions.) Reject people, options.. possibilities, before other people would have done so.

It is hard to describe why, but, if the tone feels wrong, if I sense imbalances that will only grow with time, if I feel lost and unable to understand what is going on, not really seen or valued. It is never an easy decision, but if I feel something gnawing away at me, I might end up being the one rejecting.

Maybe I have always been like that? Neither truly introverted or extroverted, or well, definitely leaning towards introverted, I need my alone time more than anything.
Most of all, I need to understand the reasons behind the actions, and the people (yes, yes I know.. such a small thing ). Then I can give my mind the peace and calm it needs, to analyse, compartmentalise and learn.

So, how it has shaped me, I do not really know!
I think, I have always been curious, but rather guarded (yet so foolishly reckless!).
Therefore the rejections, I have received or given, have not truly changed much, just reinforced those traits of my personality.

I hope it makes sense.

It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. Never feel bad about making decisions that feel right to you.

*offers hugs*

 

[positiveflirt]

I hope it makes sense.

Made sense to me! 🐿

 

[Cat]

It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. Never feel bad about making decisions that feel right to you.

*offers hugs*

I know.
But I wanted to participate in the thread.
How I think, feel and proceed to make decisions, that is ultimately my responsibility and mine alone.

Yet, for the sake of the thread, and out of respect for everyone participating.. I wanted to do my best at being understood.

Made sense to me! 🐿

Makes/made.. think that might be a weakness in my spontaneous usage of the language.

Why proofreading is important!

But!! Thank you, that meant a lot to me.

 

[positiveflirt]

But!! Thank you, that meant a lot to me.

Hhahah no no, your English was great!
Just don't ask me to speak any Danish yet

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

06.24.23

How do you feel like life's rejections have shaped you as a person? Have you taken them to heart and made changes? Do you assume that what rejecting you just wasn't right and you keep being you?

When it comes to relationships I just accept things how they are and move on. If someone doesn't want you, then they're not for you. Period.

Other kinds of rejection I tend to read as "get better." If its something I care about I'll do just that.

Do you feel like you've experienced very little rejection in your life? How has that shaped you?

I think I've mainly seen different forms of rejection as a chance to move on for the best. Sometimes you're not where you're supposed to be, and that's okay.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

I am a bit unsure as how to answer this, but I would like to try!

Rejections. I have most definitely experienced them, on both sides of the equation.
The thing is, I might (please bear with me, this is probably silly and tricky, but nevertheless, how my mind functions.) Reject people, options and even possibilities, before other people would have done so.

It is hard to describe why, but, if the tone feels wrong, if I sense imbalances that will only grow with time, if I feel lost and unable to understand what is going on, not really seen or valued. It is never an easy decision, but if I feel something gnawing away at me, I might end up being the one rejecting.

Maybe I have always been like that? Neither truly introverted or extroverted, or well, definitely leaning towards introverted, I need my alone time more than anything.
Most of all, I need to understand the reasons behind the actions, and the people (yes, yes I know.. such a small thing ). Then I can give my mind the peace and calm it needs, to analyse, compartmentalise and learn.

So, how it has shaped me, I do not really know!
I think, I have always been curious, but rather guarded (yet so foolishly reckless!).
Therefore the rejections, I have received or given, have not truly changed much, just reinforced those traits of my personality.

I hope it makes sense.

As always, it makes sense to me

 

[Cat]

As always, it makes sense to me

Thanks Love!!

It is so dreadfully difficult to put into words.. Even just, deciding whether it matters or not.
.. but, you know my thoughts already.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.24.23

How do you feel like life's rejections have shaped you as a person? Have you taken them to heart and made changes? Do you assume that what rejecting you just wasn't right and you keep being you?
Do you feel like you've experienced very little rejection in your life? How has that shaped you?

As someone who's experienced a wide variety of rejections, I've really learned how to filter them. Firstly, I have to thinking about who is doing the rejecting and why. Then I have to decide how to apply it or if I'm going to apply it. Personally, I think rejection has made me a much more self-aware, empathic human. Do I think everything I've been rejected for was "correct"? No. But did I learn from it? Absolutely. As an example, as a plus sized, curvy girly - the amount of outright disgust I've experienced, the amount of "I think you're hot but lets keep this between us", and the number of times I've heard "You're really sexy but I'm not attracted to xyz" has sunk in deeply. Now, should it have? Arguably not and please don't come white knighting me - I promise I'm more than okay now! - BUT it has made me tremendously aware of how little use conventional attractiveness is and how much is hidden in someone who might not be (insert perfect characteristics here). It's also made very aware of how little work some people have to put into getting what they want just because they are conventionally attractive and how they don't register rejection in the same way at all. (Pause here to say I don't think everyone has to be attracted to everyone else. Preferences are valid and I don't think beautiful people are shallow husks of humans before anyone comes for me.) This is just one example. You could put personality traits, outgoingness, culture, class, etc in that spot.

While I don't agree with every rejection (not just talking about romantic ones here), I do always think deeply about them. I think it very often, almost always, says more about the person doing the rejecting than me. And not all rejection is bad! The amount of times I look back and thank my lucky stars things didn't go like I thought they should at the time. Almost always.

I find the people who say they haven't experienced a lot of rejection interesting. Not arguing with your experience at all but I wonder if we all take in people the same way. I will say that something that's felt that rejection and learned to better themselves or frame it healthily for themselves is infinitely more attractive to me. Probably for the same reason I don't like the clear winners in sports (no Roll Tide here), it's not very fun to know you're just going to get your way. Way more fun to cheer for a bit of an underdog and work for it. But maybe that's just how rejection has shaped me?

 

[Paul_Chance]

As someone who's experienced a wide variety of rejections, I've really learned how to filter them. Firstly, I have to thinking about who is doing the rejecting and why. Then I have to decide how to apply it or if I'm going to apply it. Personally, I think rejection has made me a much more self-aware, empathic human. Do I think everything I've been rejected for was "correct"? No. But did I learn from it? Absolutely. As an example, as a plus sized, curvy girly - the amount of outright disgust I've experienced, the amount of "I think you're hot but lets keep this between us", and the number of times I've heard "You're really sexy but I'm not attracted to xyz" has sunk in deeply. Now, should it have? Arguably not and please don't come white knighting me - I promise I'm more than okay now! - BUT it has made me tremendously aware of how little use conventional attractiveness is and how much is hidden in someone who might not be (insert perfect characteristics here). It's also made very aware of how little work some people have to put into getting what they want just because they are conventionally attractive and how they don't register rejection in the same way at all. (Pause here to say I don't think everyone has to be attracted to everyone else. Preferences are valid and I don't think beautiful people are shallow husks of humans before anyone comes for me.) This is just one example. You could put personality traits, outgoingness, culture, class, etc in that spot.

While I don't agree with every rejection (not just talking about romantic ones here), I do always think deeply about them. I think it very often, almost always, says more about the person doing the rejecting than me. And not all rejection is bad! The amount of times I look back and thank my lucky stars things didn't go like I thought they should at the time. Almost always.

I find the people who say they haven't experienced a lot of rejection interesting. Not arguing with your experience at all but I wonder if we all take in people the same way. I will say that something that's felt that rejection and learned to better themselves or frame it healthily for themselves is infinitely more attractive to me. Probably for the same reason I don't like the clear winners in sports (no Roll Tide here), it's not very fun to know you're just going to get your way. Way more fun to cheer for a bit of an underdog and work for it. But maybe that's just how rejection has shaped me?

Okay, so this one got into my brain and I noodled it around most of the day. (I like to think about stuff.)

I suspect that the main difference between the rejected and the not rejected lies in how we see and approach all the complexities of relationships and of life itself. Let me see if I can make sense here.

My view of life is that it is a really complex beast. Within that complexity, human beings move about, each wrapped in their own complexities. That in life, you will find success and you will find failure. If you have the psychological point of view that enables you to view failure (the illusion of a non-desired outcome) as success (the illusion of a desired outcome) then that carries over into relationships.

Where you are faced with the binary of acceptance or rejection on the personal level, and you possess the mindset that lets you look at rejection (no) as simply the universe moving you on to the next acceptance (yes), then rejection has no sting. Because it lacks a sting, we just roll right through it, shrug it off, forget about it, and keep moving forward.

So, I think it lies way deeper in our world view and about the expectations that arise from that world view. There is a Zen proverb that says:

"Expecting nothing, never weep when you are betrayed".

By approaching the world like that, I carry no expectation in approaching people. It can go either way. Sometimes I get a yes and a whole interesting and amazing world unfolds in front of me, full of it's own awesome adventures and tragic failures. Sometimes I get a no and it's just not in my karma to have that set of experiences. My karma moves me forward into the next set of experiences. (My Zen Buddhism is peeking through there.)

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I suspect that the main difference between the rejected and the not rejected lies in how we see and approach all the complexities of relationships and of life itself.

That sums it perfectly. And every way is valid.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

06.24.23

How do you feel like life's rejections have shaped you as a person? Have you taken them to heart and made changes? Do you assume that what rejecting you just wasn't right and you keep being you?
Do you feel like you've experienced very little rejection in your life? How has that shaped you?

Damn you hit hard....
Rejection is part of my life, especially professionally. In the professional realm, I've learned to deal with it pretty well. I've learned to let the anger drop and then take the criticism and learn from it. It's not always easy, but I'm pretty good at it. So much so that younger people have come to me for help with it. I have reason to believe that I've helped them. Professionally I've learned to recognize when I am right and to press forward (although perhaps learning how to better articulate).

But I think the professional melee' has shaped me personally too. As have my experiences of rejection in my personal realm.
I do think that I don't always handle that personal rejection well. Not all of the skills from the professional side are easily transferable. In fact, in some ways I think the "thick skin" I had to develop professionally has left me with vulnerability personally.

But I also think I've grown there too. I certainly have - at times - learned a great deal about myself and made some changes in my marriage, in my friendships, and yes...here at Lit too. I think I've worked on trying to see the other persons perspective. And to understand that sometimes, it's not about me (wtf, *everything* should be about me, Jesus people, I mean...get with the program).

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.27.23

Let's lighten it up a little.

Over the years, what's something you learned about from porn? What's something you learned from porn that ended up being wrong?

Bonus question that's barely related - is there a niche of porn that you like but of which there isn't a lot of content?

 

[base10]

Something I learned from porn is communication, which in porn is usually though dirty talk, but in real life is more functional with some dirty talk. But talk, communicate, what you like, what you don't like. What's working, what's not. Sex is much better when both parties are communicating. The main thing porn taught me here is not to be silent, it's not good for anybody.

On the negative, us regular folks can't fuck in every and any imaginable position. Pornstars are superstar fuckers and us regular people can't do all the cool stuff they can

I wish I could get more legit amateur bdsm porn, especially stuff that doesn't look like it was shot on a video camera from the 90s. Our cell phones can all take decent quality video. But I'd love to see more genuine moments vs highly produced scenes

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Something I learned from porn is communication, which in porn is usually though dirty talk, but in real life is more functional with some dirty talk. But talk, communicate, what you like, what you don't like. What's working, what's not. Sex is much better when both parties are communicating. The main thing porn taught me here is not to be silent, it's not good for anybody.

On the negative, us regular folks can't fuck in every and any imaginable position. Pornstars are superstar fuckers and us regular people can't do all the cool stuff they can

I wish I could get more legit amateur bdsm porn, especially stuff that doesn't look like it was shot on a video camera from the 90s. Our cell phones can all take decent quality video. But I'd love to see more genuine moments vs highly produced scenes

A paid account on Fet has some incredible moments captured from there active posters. Free is limited to the lurkers , a paid account is for the the lifestyle users that make the content accessible to actual fans of their kinks. It affords a more intimate relationship between content creator and their fans and friends .

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

06.27.23

Let's lighten it up a little.

Over the years, what's something you learned about from porn?

I think I just learned to have a sense of not being inhibited. Let go of inhibitions and be wild and free.

What's something you learned from porn that ended up being wrong?

A lighting crew is absolutely not required.

Bonus question that's barely related - is there a niche of porn that you like but of which there isn't a lot of content?

I do feel like I have a hard time finding clips of girls doing the double-ended dildo thing where they're both banging their asses together doggystyle. I'm sure it's out there but I can't seem to find it.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

06.27.23

Let's lighten it up a little.

Over the years, what's something you learned about from porn? What's something you learned from porn that ended up being wrong?

Bonus question that's barely related - is there a niche of porn that you like but of which there isn't a lot of content?

I was *JUST* talking about this bonus question with someone!
My first crush that I can remember was Kristi Yamaguchi. And this morning I was wondering - "hey, is there figure skating porn out there?" specifically - figure skaters in the costumes and short skirts, who might not be wearing underwear? And so far, no, I haven't found very much. There are a few videos of women skating completely nude, but it's really the costume that sparks the fantasy. It's not exactly a fetish or a niche I'm obsessed with, but it's more of a, "hey, I wonder if this is out there?"

As for the main question - most of the sex moves I've learned from porn have been totally unworkable as things that even feel good or make my partner feel good. Porn is great visually, but as a how-to, it leaves much to be desired. There's a whole lot less room for the friction that makes sex good if you have to leave room for the camera angles. And some of the positions and surfaces that porn sex happens on just make my back/knees/dick hurt to think about.

One good thing I learned from porn is that stepmothers are a whole lot less evil than Disney makes them out to be.

 

[hotwords229_A]

06.27.23

Let's lighten it up a little.

Over the years, what's something you learned about from porn? What's something you learned from porn that ended up being wrong?

Bonus question that's barely related - is there a niche of porn that you like but of which there isn't a lot of content?

Writing, directing and acting matter. That’s what I’ve learned from porn. There are approximately 12 trillion examples online to backup this statement.

Why is it so hard to have a woman hire a pool boy and make it sexy, erotic and satisfying to watch?

Because there is no emphasis on story or character. They don’t even take the time to establish desire or lust.

Porn needs a Hitchcock (<—-not a euphemism).

Something I’ve learned that is wrong? Women are traditionally less happy when you place your penis on their pizza when they’re expecting sausage. It just doesn’t go over as well in real life.

My lacking niche? Erotic and graphic porn. Believable characters in sexy fantasy scenarios that are hot and jerkoff-worthy. Seems like that isn’t too much to ask, but . . .