❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[Paul_Chance]

07.03.23

Compliments

Do you like receiving compliments? Are you used to receiving them? Are there certain compliments that mean more to you than others? Do you need lots of words of affirmation to know where you are with someone and make you feel safe? Are you a gracious acceptor or do you deflect?
Are you good at giving compliments? Do you like to shower others with praise or only use them to make a real impact?
What's one of the best compliments you ever received?

Do you like receiving compliments?

Yes, there is nothing like a sincere compliment on something I did, or some characteristic I demonstrate, to make my day.

Are you used to receiving them?

Yes, I receive them regularly and I am used to it.

Are there certain compliments that mean more to you than others?

Oh sure. Depending on how significant the event/act was or the person delivering the compliment, meaning adheres accordingly.

Do you need lots of words of affirmation to know where you are with someone and make you feel safe?

No, I don't.

Are you a gracious acceptor or do you deflect?

Gracious acceptance in the way.

Are you good at giving compliments?

Yes, I like to think so. I am conscious of the impact a kind word or compliment can have on someone else. Like I mentioned above, a kind word, a sincere compliment, can make a persons day.

Do you like to shower others with praise or only use them to make a real impact?

Either one. It depends on the person. Some people love the shower of praise, you can see them bask and flower under it. Other people, that type of complimenting just makes them self-conscious and uncomfortable, so with them, it's all about delivering the single, well-timed, well-directed compliment.

What's one of the best compliments you ever received?

The most recent set of compliments that still echoes in my heart happened at my retirement party last year. It was the usual thing (done on Zoom because of the pandemic), of people who'd worked for me, with me, or above me, taking the mic and telling stories about our experiences.

Then, following the statement of an employee I'd mentored through a difficult time in his life/career, people started...crying. It turned very emotional, as people told stories of my impact on them, not as a manager or co-worker, but as a human being. Pretty soon, there were a lot of people crying openly. It was extremely touching.

The next day I was talking with my boss and she said "Paul, I've never been to a retirement party that was that emotional." Then, she quoted me back at myself. Whenever I took over or started a project I would tell everyone who worked for me. "Anyone can be a project manager. Some people can be good project managers. I'd rather be a good human being."

 

[MrsPassion]

07.03.23

Compliments

Do you like receiving compliments? Are you used to receiving them? Are there certain compliments that mean more to you than others? Do you need lots of words of affirmation to know where you are with someone and make you feel safe? Are you a gracious acceptor or do you deflect?
Are you good at giving compliments? Do you like to shower others with praise or only use them to make a real impact?
What's one of the best compliments you ever received?

1) I do like recieving compliments (but they do make me cringe a little especially the ones about my looks) 2) I am used to receiving them, turns out exposure doesn’t make the cringe factor diminish though.

3)I love when people compliment me for something other than my looks. If a person really knows me and says something like “hey I really appreciate x,y,z about you” those make me melt and absolutely mean more than “you’re sexy af” 4) I don’t require lots of words of affirmation when I’m with someone. I think because I spend so much time telling myself the things I like about me and working on my self esteem in that way for years has helped me feel stable when I’m with someone without needing a lot of reassurance. Still doesn’t hurt to hear it though
5) I oddly deflect. Not because I think someone is lying or has ulterior motives, I’m just generally bad at accepting compliments, and feel like I sound disingenuous when I say “Thank you”. I never know how to respond and that makes me feel awkward so I’d rather deflect than feel like a tool
6) I really hope I’m good at giving compliments. I try not give cliche ones. I like people to know what I notice and admire and appreciate about them specifically. I don’t think I shower people with praise, maybe encouragement. I always hope my compliments have a positive impact on someone and their day but I don’t know if i necessarily save them. I like to give them organically and naturally. The best compliment I ever received was

“You always do the right thing. Even if it sucks for you or is going to be hard on you, you don’t waver from doing the right thing”

I actually printed out that text and framed it

 

[lakesailer_mi]

07.03.23

Compliments

Do you like receiving compliments? Are you used to receiving them? Are there certain compliments that mean more to you than others? Do you need lots of words of affirmation to know where you are with someone and make you feel safe? Are you a gracious acceptor or do you deflect?
Are you good at giving compliments? Do you like to shower others with praise or only use them to make a real impact?
What's one of the best compliments you ever received?

I think I really do like getting compliments, but I also feel uncomfortable with it a bit. I think in my profession it was not always something people did (it's a little rough and tumble), and I'm not really used to receiving them. I don't think I get a lot at home either. I realize, now that she seldom really ever has. And I think in part because she has a tough time receiving them. It's been - honestly - hurtful to me over the years but I never really felt comfortable asking for them?

I think the ones that mean the most to me are the ones that people I think so much of give me. Especially if I think they would "know." For example at work, there are a few people whose praise is so important. I probably don't let on enough that it means a lot (something I'm working on), but yeah, some of it has been so important to me that it nearly brings me to tears now sometimes when I think of it.

I do think I need a lot of affirmation from my partner to truly become vulnerable and open with them. I'm with someone at Lit right now that has done that in ways that I never imagined. And it's been a really eye opening (so to speak...yeah try to make that dirty) and uplifting experience. And I think too, I've been more open to accepting it. I think I've distrusted it in other places. I've known it was lacking in my marriage, and to have someone who themselves is a wonderful person who also appreciates me has been incredibly uplifting.

I think I tend to be gracious in my deflection. LOL....

I think I have gotten a lot better at giving compliments and praise. I think I was always pretty good, but over the last decade or so, for a variety of reasons, I've worked on that. I've worked on uplifting those around me. Especially in the professional arena, but also at home and with people I love and care about (including people at Lit and not just romantic interests). I'm surely not perfect at it. I'm sure I've dropped the ball, but I'm conciously trying because I've seen how important it is.

I do a mix of shower and impact. I try to be specific with my praise. Not just something like, "wow you're pretty" but why, how etc. I try also to focus on things that I think get overlooked by others, but that I see. Things that matter to the person.

I think the best compliment I ever received may be my dad telling me how impressed he has been with my professional accomplishments. He was in the same area (broadly) and so he knows the difficulties and challenges. He told me that I did better than he did (maybe, maybe not, not always easy to measure) and accomplished more, and he was very specific about how and where. I know a HUGE part of the reason I have succeeded is the start he and my mom (together) gave me. And he did give me some excellent advice on professional stuff over the years. But his approval meant a lot to me.

 

[hotwords229_A]

07.03.23

Compliments

Do you like receiving compliments? Are you used to receiving them? Are there certain compliments that mean more to you than others? Do you need lots of words of affirmation to know where you are with someone and make you feel safe? Are you a gracious acceptor or do you deflect?
Are you good at giving compliments? Do you like to shower others with praise or only use them to make a real impact?
What's one of the best compliments you ever received?

Nope. I’m a deflector.
I appreciate someone wanting to say something nice to me, but it usually makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Not to be a dick, but I think I get a decent amount of compliments from people and I’m generally well liked, so I don’t feel a need for affirmations because I already know I’m awesome.

Okay, I am a dick, but a charming dick.

I’m also not good at showering someone with compliments. Instead I prefer showering them with soap and water while nude.

In spite of my username, I’m not that great with the spoken word. I try to let my actions tell someone how I feel about them, because I’m verbally clumsy and awkward.

The best compliment I ever got was when I overheard two people talking about me and one of them said “He won’t insist on something unless he knows it to be true”.

That was good to hear about me.

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

07.03.23

Compliments

Do you like receiving compliments? Are you used to receiving them? Are there certain compliments that mean more to you than others? Do you need lots of words of affirmation to know where you are with someone and make you feel safe? Are you a gracious acceptor or do you deflect?
Are you good at giving compliments? Do you like to shower others with praise or only use them to make a real impact?
What's one of the best compliments you ever received?

This is hard, just like receiving compliments is hard! I like them, of course, but I often times don't believe them, especially if they are about my physical features. Compliment how I act or things that I do and I can accept that so much easier. At the same time, I really crave praise on my physical appearance because, honestly, it's not something that happens offline. Ever. I tend to need a lot of reassurance that the things a person is saying to me is true.

On the flip side, I love giving compliments out like candy. I love to lift people up and tell them all the great things about themselves and what they mean to me.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.03.23

Compliments

Do you like receiving compliments? Are you used to receiving them? Are there certain compliments that mean more to you than others? Do you need lots of words of affirmation to know where you are with someone and make you feel safe? Are you a gracious acceptor or do you deflect?
Are you good at giving compliments? Do you like to shower others with praise or only use them to make a real impact?
What's one of the best compliments you ever received?

This is such a hard issue for me because the Southern belle in me refuses all compliments as a part of my genetic make up and I tend to be extremely bad at taking them on their face (which I know is extremely annoying to anyone trying to give me one). I do and I don't like receiving compliments. It depends entirely on what they are for and the circumstances they are given. I hate the "required" compliments. When you send a photo and someone feels like they have to say something. I don't know - it always feels forced or insincere. I've learned to nod and smile instead of arguing them into submission though. But... those compliments out of nowhere, that you don't see coming, are just the best things. In the past two weeks, I've had two complete strangers stop me in stores and compliment my hair (which in the July heat and humidity is saying something) and those meant a lot to me because they didn't know me and didn't have to say anything. This all sounds very braggy and I don't mean it that way.

I don't need a LOT of words of affirmation but I need the right ones and luckily I have someone who says the right ones.

Now the way I think about compliments for myself is also passed on to others. (Sorry, blame mommy issues) but I don't give compliments to just anyone and I don't like generic platitudes. If I say it, I mean it. But I'm never going to bullshit you because you're feeling needy and want someone to tell you you're pretty today. This is also a reason I hate when people fish for compliments. I get it, I do but I don't know why you want to force me to be insincere.

Sorry if I sound grumpy I really don't mean to be!! I'm just a porcupine sometimes.

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

07.03.23

Compliments

Oh why thank you, that's very nice of you to say.

Do you like receiving compliments?

Absolutely yes.

Are you used to receiving them?

I'm pratically sick of them! (Not really)

Are there certain compliments that mean more to you than others?

When it comes from someone I like and respect it definitely means something good.

Do you need lots of words of affirmation to know where you are with someone and make you feel safe?

In the context of a relationship, yes I usually do.

Are you a gracious acceptor or do you deflect?

I accept generally. "That is kind of you to say, thank you!"

Are you good at giving compliments?

I'm affectionate in general so yeah, I'm generous with compliments.

Do you like to shower others with praise or only use them to make a real impact?

It's situational really. But I'll say it if I mean it and try not to over do it.

What's one of the best compliments you ever received?

Someone read a piece of writing that I wrote once and said "I feel like I know you now." I felt like that validated my skills in a way that was genuine.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags?

Anxiety, depression, past trauma. I've never used these against partners of course, but they are things I deal with and sometimes need a minute to work through. Also kind of a picky eater.

What are YOUR green flags?

-Will do that thing you're into.
-Love language is basically cooking and eating mad pussy.
-Hope you like concerts and cute couple selfies. Cuz those are happening.
-Will tell your bigoted relative he's a piece of shit.
-Will love and cuddle your dogs and/or cats.
-Makes breakfast.

 

[hotwords229_A]

In the past two weeks, I've had two complete strangers stop me in stores and compliment my hair (which in the July heat and humidity is saying something) and those meant a lot to me because they didn't know me and didn't have to say anything.

https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1600/1*BnlFvXTW6fVTxgWMHEVt-w.png
To be fair . . .

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1600/1*BnlFvXTW6fVTxgWMHEVt-w.png
To be fair . . .

A girls gotta do what she's gotta do!!
Thats also my green flag to be fair.

 

[hotwords229_A]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

Red flags: I like to talk about uncomfortable things. Unfortunately, we are creating a world where it’s nearly impossible to be honest without causing a problem that makes it not worth the effort.

I’m also at the point where I don’t care if someone is offended. This isn’t my usual stance, but what choice is there? 1984?

Green flags: I like to talk about uncomfortable things. With the right person/people I can learn things.

 

[hotwords229_A]

A girls gotta do what she's gotta do!!
Thats also my green flag to be fair.

I’d fly that green flag up my purple pole!

 

[EndCreditsPart2]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

Green flag: I know my way around a kitchen.

Red flags, you would have to waterboard those out of me on here. I am saving them for my weekly therapy, and when I start dating again and immediately presenting my executive dysfunctions to someone else who has her own set of brain worms so we can compare and contrast.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

I'm terrified to answer this as it's quite possible others here will say...."you have way more red flags than that and we don't think your green ones are right..."

Red Flags
I think first off I'm probably too long winded and talk (write) too much. I spill everything.
I also think maybe I move too quick when I spot what I like. Perhaps overwhelmingly so? And I'm in deep quickly too.
I would also say that I'm probably too demanding and needy.
I kind of have "big emotions"
I think I also have trust issues.

Green Flags
I'm trustworthy and loyal as hell.
I'm respectful.
I'm interesting (I'm told).
I do try to empathize with others and see both sides of things.
I kind of have "big emotions" (double edged sword there).
I can cook.
I clean the bathrooms.
(I had to add the last two because it seems like the Green Flag list was too short).

 

[Lonelywife1205]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags?

• I’m too sensitive.
• I’m a perfectionist.
• I procrastinate.
• I’m usually 5-15 minutes late.
• When I don’t have a lot of information, my mind often goes to the most negative option.
• I have high and sometimes maybe unrealistic expectations.
• I can be intense (so I’m told)
• I’m indecisive.

What are YOUR green flags?

• I’m genuine.
• I’m fun loving and easy going.
• I’m confident.
• I’m a good listener.
• I have a big, loving heart.
• I don’t half-ass things.
• I’m a little naughty.
• I forgive

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

My red flags
I'm needy and insecure
I need reassurance often
If I have a point to make, I'll beat that horse til it's dead
I have tiny feelings

My green flags
I'm a loyal AF
I love making others feel good about themselves
I love hard
I like it dirty

 

[Photog1rl]

I answered in a vocaroo because I am awful at typing things out.
This may be a red or green depending
https://voca.ro/1HtwPVRh6ftS

 

[Lonelywife1205]

I answered in a vocaroo because I am awful at typing things out.
This may be a red or green depending
https://voca.ro/1HtwPVRh6ftS

I hate typing and leave way long vocaroos too!

 

[BadAmy]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

Oh honey,
I am a red flag.

I digress.

What red do I see?

Come all up in my inbox wanna have me watch you unload your junk...

For free? ??? ???

Nah fam. I gotta eat.

Green,
Eloquent discussions. And someone who takes their
goddamnedtime
To get to know me.
Because it was once said,
"Faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is...
TIME."

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

07.03.23

Compliments

Do you like receiving compliments?

Yes and no…
I tend to believe that compliments are a symbol or gesture of someone being friendly or kind. I appreciate that. I don’t necessarily believe or agree with what they are saying, so in that sense I’m not great at receiving compliments. But I do recognize the effort and that someone is trying to connect or be nice to me.

I admit to getting more suspicious of people as I’ve had more experiences, so I don’t always believe that what they’re saying is sincere. So in that way, I’m not good at accepting compliments. But if it’s someone I know and trust, I value their opinions and their compliments highly.

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

Red Flags:
* I can be self-centered. It manifests in different ways. Sometimes it causes me to only see things from my point of view and that creates problems.
* Trust issues. On a casual friendship level, I don’t have a problem, but if I’m letting someone see more of the real me, it takes a lot of patience and time, and I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to wait around for me to let them in.
* Tunnel vision. While it can look like a positive attribute, focusing on one goal or seeing only one way to do something, and not being able to let go until I’ve attained it can be frustrating for those around me, and causes me to miss opportunities.

Green Flags:
* I see the positive in people. I’m good at cheering people on and motivating them, and being on their side so they aren’t alone.
* I have a good work ethic. I’m not afraid to put in the effort necessary to complete a job or project.
* I am introspective and I try to continue to better myself. I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to keep growing.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

My red flags -
- I can be very lazy at times, especially when it comes to housework. I'm not wallowing in filth (pervy filth is another matter), but I don't mind some clutter.
- I don't keep to a budget well. I'll spend money I don't have on things I don't need and then have to go digging through the couch cushions for loose change when I have to buy groceries or pay the rent.
- I can be boring.
- I don't like cheese.

My green flags -
- I don't care how geeky/weird/basic your passions are. If you're passionate about something I want to hear about it!
- I've been told that I'm a good, non-judgmental listener, and that I have the patience of a saint.
- I'm not clingy and smothering. I know everyone needs space (including me).
- I try to see the good in people, and give people the benefit of the doubt.
- Dogs like me.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I answered in a vocaroo because I am awful at typing things out.
This may be a red or green depending
https://voca.ro/1HtwPVRh6ftS

So, I think the fact that someone thought you were shallow says more about them than it does about you.
Maybe that's a red flag for them, they maybe tend to make judgements about people based on too little information.
I'm sure if they got to know you they'd see the bright, creative, wonderful woman that you are.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

Super guarded. Will drive people away intentionally sometimes rather than take the risk of letting them get to know me and then be disappointed.
Shy and awkward. I never seem to know what the right thing to say is and I'm usually worried I've messed up.
Really insecure. Lots of reassurance is needed.

Lots of empathy. I'll alway try and see things your way
Super patient too. Take whatever time you need knowing I'm still there for you
Low maintenance. I don't need constant company or things. Just regular and honest communication and affection

 

[LupineOne]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

I can be guarded and tend to not reach out when I need help, even if communication would help.

I can be insecure, and need reassurance, especially when there’s been miscommunication or misunderstandings.

I can be impatient with people when I understand either the situation and/or what they’re trying to tell me, and feel like they’re over explaining something that needs to be done.
Let me get on with it!

I’m loyal. Once you’re my friend, that’s it, unless you tell or show me otherwise. I’ll care about you until I die, whether we communicate daily or once a year.

I have a ton of empathy for others. I’ll go out of my way to give compliments, show support, and be there, because we’re all fighting a battle everyone else knows nothing about, and life is a hell of a lot easier when someone shows they care.

I’m genuine. What you see is what you get. I’m not going to waste your time or mine showing you anything else. I’m always honest and willing to listen to honesty.