❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

My Red Flags
- I'm impulsive
- I'm very good at deflecting
- I'm really bad at small talk
- I am often a dichotomy of opposite feelings and desires at any one moment.
- I hate hurting people and so sometimes I'm not clear enough
- Once I'm done, I'm done.
- Anxiety

My Green Flags
- I'm a good communicator especially about hard topics.
- I'm strong and independent.
- I'm hysterically funny.
- I like to go off the beaten trail.
- I'm very empathetic (to be fair this could be on the red flag list too)
- I'm good at keeping confidences.
- Great tits!

 

[hotwords229_A]

What I like about the red flags list is that, I believe, if you are aware of your red flags then they’re probably under control.

The people who list their red flags as “I’m too generous, intriguing and awesome” are the people to watch out for.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

What I like about the red flags list is that, I believe, if you are aware of your red flags then they’re probably under control.

The people who list their red flags as “I’m too generous, intriguing and awesome” are the people to watch out for.

1000% this.
Those are job interview answers. Let's be real.

These have been really interesting answers though.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

What I like about the red flags list is that, I believe, if you are aware of your red flags then they’re probably under control.

The people who list their red flags as “I’m too generous, intriguing and awesome” are the people to watch out for.

Yes, I think there is some truth to that. Kind of echoing what I said above though, it's the red flags we don't see in ourselves that may be the issue.
We all have some blinders about ourselves.

 

[Paul_Chance]

07.06.23

What are YOUR red flags? What are YOUR green flags?
(Meaning the flags you yourself are flying not the ones you see in others)

Red Flags (Why you might not want to be in a relationship with me.):

Okay, the first one that derails the majority of relationships early on is this - I'm non-monogamous. If you are looking for "the one" or a "soul mate", that's not me. I place a high value on sexual pleasure, and I think it's a mistake to limit yourself to one partner for your entire life. If your best friend is hot and willing, I'll fuck her (or try to talk her and you into a threesome.) If you think my best friend is hot and he's willing, then by all means fuck him, and feel free to compare notes.

The second one is a bit more complex - I believe, fundamentally, that at the end of the day we are all responsible for our own lives. I can't fight your inner battles for you. I'll support you in your fight with those demons, but ultimately you have to wrestle them to submission or snuggle up to them on your own. I can't live your karma; you have to do that yourself.

I, personally, have a low tolerance for alcohol or drug abuse, and I think it's a thin line between use and abuse. If your way of coping with the challenges of life is a bottle of wine or getting stoned, thanks, but no thanks. I've never met a person that actually helped. If you want to have a drink or a joint to celebrate the joys of life, have at it. If your way of dropping the stress at the end of the day is a highball and a joint, I'm not going to work out.

Green Flags (why you might want to be in a relationship with me):

I'm non-monogamous. If you're sexually open or sexually exploring and want to fuck that good looking co-worker, I'm more than likely to say "okay, have a good time, tell me about it when you get back" or "do you think they're up for a threesome?"

If you're looking for a partner who will help you face the challenges of life head-on, I'm your huckleberry. I've lived my entire life fighting the good fight and I know a lot of tricks - dome clever, some dirty - and I'll happily share them with you.

I believe in active compassion - that is to actively search out opportunities to be compassionate in each and every day and encounter. If you like that great feeling that comes from active compassionate actions, I'm all there to support you.

The other green flags are ordinary ones - I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I'm fit (and I can dress well when appropriate), I believe nothing matters more than family AND I have a great relationship with mine, I am financially secure and generous with those I love with both time and resources, I've never raised a hand to someone I've loved, and I am never verbally abusive. I'm intelligent and contemplative, sexually adventurous, constantly learning new things, and always up for some sort of adventure or experience.

 

[Lindi37]

Anxiety, depression, past trauma. I've never used these against partners of course, but they are things I deal with and sometimes need a minute to work through. Also kind of a picky eater.

-Will do that thing you're into.
-Love language is basically cooking and eating mad pussy.
-Hope you like concerts and cute couple selfies. Cuz those are happening.
-Will tell your bigoted relative he's a piece of shit.
-Will love and cuddle your dogs and/or cats.
-Makes breakfast.

Marry me?

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

Marry me?

Absolutely!

 

[AlpineFresco]

This has taken some thought. OK -


almost constant anxiety of some kind, which I mostly keep under control but the better you know me, the more obvious it is
non-monogamous
not really a dog person
insecurities about my body
tendencies to compare myself negatively with others
tendency to catastrophise situations, imagining them to be worse than they are
can be a perfectionist for things that really don't matter
can be a little intense

few breakups, and none with bad feelings
non-monogamous
cat person
emotionally relatively intelligent, and when I mess up I know how to learn from it
strong work ethic
pretty good home cook
creative
interested in the wider world
good listener and can hold a conversation well

 

[Paul_Chance]

I think it's tough to identify our own red flags. You almost need to have done an exit interview with those people who you had relationships that didn't work out, or died out, in order to have some insight into why people left you (or didn't engage with you in the first place).

Then, it's hard to not try and spin them.

Someone may say "You were too intense" - and the behavior they were talking about was "flies off the handle because the barista gave them six ice cubes" and "snorted frequently when I tried to tell them what bothered me" or "turned every music related conversation into a Grateful Dead love fest".

I think a lot of the red flags that end relationships or prevent them starting are small things that are really irritating and prevent the relationship from moving forward because they're in your face constantly.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I think it's tough to identify our own red flags. You almost need to have done an exit interview with those people who you had relationships that didn't work out, or died out, in order to have some insight into why people left you (or didn't engage with you in the first place).

Then, it's hard to not try and spin them.

Someone may say "You were too intense" - and the behavior they were talking about was "flies off the handle because the barista gave them six ice cubes" and "snorted frequently when I tried to tell them what bothered me" or "turned every music related conversation into a Grateful Dead love fest".

I think a lot of the red flags that end relationships or prevent them starting are small things that are really irritating and prevent the relationship from moving forward because they're in your face constantly.

It's always interesting to hear other people's opinions of us. But this exercise was different. It was the ability to identify your own flags. I agree with the above - being able to identify them means your aware of them.

One of the ones mentioned was being long winded. Knowing that he's aware thay he can be long winded almost makes it less of a flag. It's ones that people don't know they have or acknowledge, thay are the ones that end up repelling people.

 

[Cat]

I am a cowardly bunny, and will disappear when feeling too overwhelmed/stressed/misunderstood/lost.

• This is not cool.
• This is not fun.
• This is not a "Oh please, come and save me!"-cry

I am a reckless fool. If we are right.. if we are not only a "maybe", but we truly have that magical connection. Then, I will be your reckless (and stupidly analytical and logical.) fool..
This could even be a red flag...

• I will be loyal.
• I will walk in front of you, if you need it.
• I will listen and have all the long and difficult talks.

 

[Daisy_Love]

I can set high expectations from people based on expectations of myself

I can be selfish at times when my mind is set

I can talk too much

I am opinionated and at times can be like a dog with a bone

I am fiercely loyal

I can read people pretty well. I get a ‘feel’ about a person pretty quickly. I’m rarely wrong.

I like to talk I’m a good communicator and most people warm to me

I’m also fucking hilarious (well, I think I am)

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

can hold a conversation well

Have you been holding back on me?

 

[AlpineFresco]

Have you been holding back on me?

Subscribe for the full version.

 

[BongoGal]

These have been really interesting answers though.

They have been. One thing that has been interesting to me is how blinkered people probably are even when they think they aren't. I won't go into details because that would be rude (and easily wrong), but I've seen a few self-noted red flags in the same person's green flags. I can't help but think, "Oh, you know you are prone to doing something wrong, but you are so susceptible to doing it that you don't notice it even when praising yourself."

 

[Booboobear84]

Subscribe for the full version.

You didn't say there would be a pay wall

 

[Booboobear84]

Red Flags

I'm very geeky/analytical, and I mostly can't turn it off

I can be oblivious to subtle signals, which I gather drives people crazy (If you want my attention use a really big clue stick)

I'm very guarded about personal information

I really want some level of voice contact

I can't resist a cheap laugh

(there are probably more)

Green Flags

I try to be thoughtful and kind. Life's too short to hurt other people

I really try to listen

I really want some level of voice contact

I can't resist a cheap laugh

I understand that people have lives

 

[BadAmy]

Oh shit.
Instructions were misread.
I get it.
Shit I feel like I'm in a confessional.

Me red flags aka tips to avoid me
Happiness can be a forced March.
Really have a problem with being shelved.
Don't come at me with your dick out asking what I'm gonna do about it.
I have little patience.
Emotionally? smh.

Green flags aka tips to keep you around
I'm funny.
I got nice tits.

So. I've learned that I either grow on people, or wear on them.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Don't come at me with your dick out asking what I'm gonna do about it.

Damn, that’s my one move.

 

[BongoGal]

I got nice tits.

I bet they're very polite and well-behaved.

 

[Cat]

What I find interesting is how asymmetrical the lists are.

If I tell you that being intense or anxious are some of my red flags, I bet at least some people will find being intense attractive, and like the idea of calming anxiety. Not all, but some. They are red flags for people to be aware of, but not real faults or flaws or deal breakers necessarily.

I'm not doubting those who give their green flags as being loyal, kind, friendly and supportive. But nobody here is going to admit to being the opposite, even if they know full well they sometimes are.

So I'll try. I'm sure I'm not the only person here who has ghosted someone I find boring. I accept that's a pretty unattractive thing to do, and that it's a red flag which might actually, really, put people off. So I'm putting it out there to see if it does.

In all honesty... My disappearing tendency resembles ghosting to a fault.

I am not proud, definitely not proud.

But.. it is a red flag. And that was what this was about, your own red flags.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

I’m very practical and logical to the point that many think I am cold.
I notice and remember almost everything and use it to my advantage if we disagree.
I am awful at just listening without having an opinion or trying to problem solve. It’s really fucking annoying when you just want to vent or have someone on your side.
I procrastinate and am generally running late.
I can be a perfectionist and a workaholic. I have minimal desire to change those things.
I am selfish with my time and energy. If I don’t want to do it and you try to make me, I will pull away which can become a permanent divide.
I am bad at letting people help me.
I am not pleasant early in the morning.
I am very stubborn when it comes to things I am passionate about. Only data will change my mind.
I have minimal patience when someone keeps making the same mistake. Learn from it and move on or stop talking to me about it.
Moderation isn’t my strong suit…like I tend to have very short answers or overly long ones

If I like you and let you in, that’s a permanent thing regardless of quantity or frequency of interactions.
I am kind and thoughtful. I will notice and remember the things you enjoy and matter to you and use them to delight you and remind you that you are special.
I am very generous with my time, knowledge, and money with those that I care about.
I’m a good communicator and you will know without a doubt if you are important to me. If something feels off, I will bring it up even if it’s awkward.
I am very laid back and hard to offend. I assume positive intent.
I love to laugh and can find humor in almost anything including my own faults and quirks.
I respond well to honesty and will have your back no matter what.
I mostly have my shit together and don’t need much. I’m spending time with you because I want to and you make my life better. I want to make your life better too.
I don’t make emotional decisions, naturally avoid drama, and am good at defusing tense situations.
I will keep your secrets and flash my tits at you often. Butthole too if that’s your thing.
I‘m inclusive, adventurous, and roll with change well.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Myself and @AlpineFresco both mentioned non-monogamy as red and green flags. Many of the things I see in other lists (and thank you everyone, this was a kind of cool set of answers) could be flags that are red on one side and green on the other, just depending on how they matched up with what the person was seeking.

Another example would be behavior that to me is a red flag (is a regular at the local bar), might be a completely green flag to a person who is a regular at their own local bar.

As always, and we probably don't say it often enough - thank you @PrettyLilPussy19 for all the work you put into this wonderful thread!

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

Butthole too if that’s your thing.

It is.

 

[StillRain]

Oooh I’m away so don’t have enough time to list all mine (there are many)

I can be heavily self-depreciating and use it as form of pre-emptive self-protection when I feel like people are going to go against me somehow.
PTSD that is mostly managed but still manifests in a particular way for me and sometimes affects those who are around/love me
I have major trust issues (with Lit men only)
I enjoy my alone time as much as being with others
If you lose my trust it is gone forever
I will forgive endlessly (which in the past has made ^ for a toxic cycle I have had to learn to see and not engage in)
I am led by my heart

I love big and in a way that is non-judgey and takes a person for who they are
Got a wild dream? I’m totally down for encouraging you to reach it and being your cheerleader.
I’m silly. I do silly, funny, weird, wild and spontaneous and crazy little things all the time and love to laugh, at myself and situations and suck the joy out of life. I want that in my partner also. If it’s not there in you we aren’t for each other.
I’m highly sexual. With a high sex drive. Fairly kinky also. Some might put this as a red flag too.
I’m an excellent deep chat person. Terrible at the fluff though. I didn’t know if this was red or green so maybe it’s both. I get bored easy if you want to small talk with me and that’s probably why I don’t PM. I’d much rather get deep than scratch the surface. However on Lit this plays out in a difficult way with the trust thing.

Aaand outta time though I could keep going on both lists.