❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[Wand3rlust]

07.18.23
(inspired by a conversation)

When having a PM exchange with someone, do you feel like you carry the conversational load, it's equal, or you lay back and take it as it comes? Do you feel free to ask questions or do you resist coming off as nosey? What signals if the conversation will be good or not? Do you let people know your availability or just answer whenever you feel like it? Tell me your thoughts about PMs.

There is nothing worse to me than a conversation where you are getting nothing back. If it's hard work, it's really not working. I'm quite good at talking online, in text, much better than I am at meeting new people in real life. I'll ask questions... they are under no obligation to answer, and I always make that clear.

I'm not around a lot, but on here I will always try to reply. Even if its a gentle 'on ya way, mate' to say I don't wanna talk.

I've never let anyone know if I wanted to talk, I feel if your pm's are on, then you're at least open to a message.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

07.18.23
(inspired by a conversation)

When having a PM exchange with someone, do you feel like you carry the conversational load, it's equal, or you lay back and take it as it comes?

I’m sure I’ve fallen into all of these categories at some point. Overall, it’s not something I spend too much time thinking about because it is what it is. Sometimes the conversation chemistry is there and it’s glorious. Other times it’s off or completely missing.

As a whole I think it says a lot if I want to engage the person again, regardless if the previous conversations flowed well. I’ve found that the interest to chat again is generally the most reliable indicator of eventually finding the right happy medium where we’re both participating and enjoying the conversations.

Do you feel free to ask questions or do you resist coming off as nosey?

I’m curious about everything, so I probably lean towards reigning myself in as to not come across too nosey or gossipy with most people. I also never want people to feel pressured or think I’m only interested in certain aspects of them. I think when other people ask me questions, especially personal ones, I take that as an indicator that they’re open to be asked questions as well.

What signals if the conversation will be good or not?

Specific conversations are harder to predict from my perspective because it’s based on many things including the topic and each person’s availability and mood at the time. Those are very variable.

I think it’s easier to recognize a larger pattern and if specific people generally have good conversation chemistry. If I’m eager to respond, write a lot, ask questions, find myself thinking about their messages, want to share things with them, or find regular reasons to start new threads with them, those are all good signs that most conversations with them will be good.

We all have our off times though. I try not to read too much into those and focus on the interactions that are really good. I’d happily have a handful of shorter, average exchanges with someone if it’s peppered with regular fantastic conversations when it’s the perfect mix of topic and timing.

Do you let people know your availability or just answer whenever you feel like it? Tell me your thoughts about PMs.

It depends on how frequently we’re communicating. If it’s ad hoc, then no. If we’re talking a lot in a day or every day and I’m about to break the pattern, then I do say something. Or if we’re talking about something particularly deep or personal, I absolutely do not want to disappear without saying something even if it’s for a brief period of time. I try to keep basic common courtesy in mind.

Overall though, I’m hit or miss on PMs for a number of reasons. My last year and a half has been really hectic in a lot of ways, so I’m often limited on time or mental bandwidth. Replying in the public threads is a very different kind of communication that’s often less mentally or emotionally taxing. On the flip side, sometimes I’m feeling a bit more quiet and reply to PMs when I’m not active in the boards at all.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.18.23
(inspired by a conversation)

When having a PM exchange with someone, do you feel like you carry the conversational load, it's equal, or you lay back and take it as it comes? Do you feel free to ask questions or do you resist coming off as nosey? What signals if the conversation will be good or not? Do you let people know your availability or just answer whenever you feel like it? Tell me your thoughts about PMs.

I've found the answers to this questions to be really interesting and also who answered it, which I think are entirely people who consider conversation and their place in it. I think probably, if you want to have a good conversation with someone, the ones who've answered thus far are a good group to start with.

I'm going to be a little brutally honest with my answer on this one and I suspect I'll never get a PM again.

When I PM with someone regardless of who initiates, I often sit back a bit to see how the other person conversates. I've learned through my many years here that there's no shittier feeling than putting a lot of time and effort and thought into a message (especially typing on a cell phone - jeeeezus) and not get a satisfying response back. Usually, and especially during the challenge, most people are just popping in to say hello and complete and challenge and that's fine! I do love that. I will match vibes all day.

But when it comes to getting to know someone, I'm keenly aware of two main types of people. The people who are happy to talk about themselves for as long as you let them, who will answer answer every question that comes their way and it will never occur to them that you are a whole person in your own right who might be interesting. I suspect the large quantities of this type of person is a reflection of the people who are attracted to Lit in the first place. People who may not feel seen or heard often and for them it's a breath of fresh air to have someone ask about them. For this group, I will ask all day and keep their confidences and that's about as far as it will ever go.

The second is the group that give what they get and there is good and interesting back and forth. They answer your questions but also give you something to respond to and are curious in kind. There is conversational chemistry and they are interesting. This is the best! But with this type of person I have to be careful with myself. I'm very aware that on one day I may have lots of time to be around and bounce back and forth quickly but for the next week, I'm going to be swamped. I hate giving the impression or an expectation that I can't live up to. I'm careful with people who are retired or who don't have work outside the house because their availability often doesn't gel well with mine in the long term.

Once I'm in a comfy spot with someone, rest assured, I will ask plenty of questions and be perfectly happy with a "that's not your business". I respect it but... I gotta ask right? Lol

TLDR? I'll summarize -
PMs are bad when -
* you're boring
* you don't give the person you're writing to anything to respond to
* you expect too much

PMs are good when -
* you're curious
* you're respectful of time and boundaries
* you are interested

 

[Cindy027]

I've found the answers to this questions to be really interesting and also who answered it, which I think are entirely people who consider conversation and their place in it. I think probably, if you want to have a good conversation with someone, the ones who've answered thus far are a good group to start with.

I'm going to be a little brutally honest with my answer on this one and I suspect I'll never get a PM again.

When I PM with someone regardless of who initiates, I often sit back a bit to see how the other person conversates. I've learned through my many years here that there's no shittier feeling than putting a lot of time and effort and thought into a message (especially typing on a cell phone - jeeeezus) and not get a satisfying response back. Usually, and especially during the challenge, most people are just popping in to say hello and complete and challenge and that's fine! I do love that. I will match vibes all day.

But when it comes to getting to know someone, I'm keenly aware of two main types of people. The people who are happy to talk about themselves for as long as you let them, who will answer answer every question that comes their way and it will never occur to them that you are a whole person in your own right who might be interesting. I suspect the large quantities of this type of person is a reflection of the people who are attracted to Lit in the first place. People who may not feel seen or heard often and for them it's a breath of fresh air to have someone ask about them. For this group, I will ask all day and keep their confidences and that's about as far as it will ever go.

The second is the group that give what they get and there is good and interesting back and forth. They answer your questions but also give you something to respond to and are curious in kind. There is conversational chemistry and they are interesting. This is the best! But with this type of person I have to be careful with myself. I'm very aware that on one day I may have lots of time to be around and bounce back and forth quickly but for the next week, I'm going to be swamped. I hate giving the impression or an expectation that I can't live up to. I'm careful with people who are retired or who don't have work outside the house because their availability often doesn't gel well with mine in the long term.

Once I'm in a comfy spot with someone, rest assured, I will ask plenty of questions and be perfectly happy with a "that's not your business". I respect it but... I gotta ask right? Lol

TLDR? I'll summarize -
PMs are bad when -
* you're boring
* you don't give the person you're writing to anything to respond to
* you expect too much

PMs are good when -
* you're curious
* you're respectful of time and boundaries
* you are interested

Cool

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Call it chemistry or a vibe, or just a feeling, sometimes that connection is just there despite how often you can talk. Sometimes you hit it just right with someone. They say exactly what you needed to hear, exactly when you needed to hear it. Maybe it’s something superficial and funny, or something deeper that resonates with you because it’s something you’re going through too; “good messaging” is so hard to pinpoint.

I like those friendly little messages that are really just a check in or letting me know someone is thinking of me - I send these a lot, usually based on something someone says in a thread. But I also treasure those special people who know just what to say and seem to have a sixth sense for knowing what I need to hear. It makes me feel seen and supported, and that’s invaluable.

Also people who can put up with slightly off topic rambling, which I seem to excel at.
Did I even answer the question??

 

[Shenanigans90]

I’m clearly not very good at the PM game. I’ve met a lot of friends through pm but I’ve also had a lot of chats that died quickly. I think I get so concerned about offending people that I end up boring them to tears. Most of my best PM conversations have been initiated by others.

I like to ask lots of questions initially because I’m a curious person and I like to know more about the person I’m chatting with. Once I feel comfortable with someone then the conversation and banter usually flows easily.

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

07.18.23
(inspired by a conversation)

When having a PM exchange with someone, do you feel like you carry the conversational load, it's equal, or you lay back and take it as it comes?

In terms of conversation flow I'm pretty laid back feellet it flow naturally. Although I'm curious and I have no problem gabbing away.

Do you feel free to ask questions or do you resist coming off as nosey?

Ask questions during the course of conversation? No never!

Jk yeah I'll ask stuff. If I'm getting to know someone I'm curious.

What signals if the conversation will be good or not? Do you let people know your availability or just answer whenever you feel like it? Tell me your thoughts about PMs.

I think the substance of the back and forth determines if it's good. Also if we have paragraphs going back and forth then we're probably vibing in some level. I kind of just expect us to answer whenever.

 

[Cat]

My PM game.
Gosh, it is a hit or miss.

Like the wonderfully smart, caring and nice people before me already have put so beautifully into words: it is all about chemistry, time and also some sort of respect for the other persons time and for your own time!
(having written long and thoughtful PMs, just to get "I will get back to you" in return:

• Once is okay..
• Two is stretching it,
• Three.. I am making a fool out of myself.

That is something that makes me, personally, feel really.. uncomfortable and of no value.)

- It is that bilateral curiosity, both parties needs to be invested and wanting to know more about the other

Basically, it is a dance.. it needs to flow, you can take breaks, (if you tell the orchestra to stop playing) but.. You cannot keep dancing out of beat, or disappearing.

I have been on both sides.
To those I have not given their due respect or time, - I am sorry,
But, life is not always predictable.

And sometimes, how hard it may sound:

• We might just not have enough chemistry.

Or

• It is just the wrong time in life.

All in all, it is not rocket science, it is just normal human interaction.. not that different from how you treat other people in your daily life.

Manners cost nothing, so do not be a .... But be good.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

My PM game.
Gosh, it is a hit or miss.

Like the wonderfully smart, caring and nice people before me already have put so beautifully into words: it is all about chemistry, time and also some sort of respect for the other persons time and for your own time!
(having written long and thoughtful PMs, just to get "I will get back to you" in return:

• Once is okay..
• Two is stretching it,
• Three.. I am making a fool out of myself.

That is something that makes me, personally, feel really.. uncomfortable and of no value.)

- It is that bilateral curiosity, both parties needs to be invested and wanting to know more about the other

Basically, it is a dance.. it needs to flow, you can take breaks, (if you tell the orchestra to stop playing) but.. You cannot keep dancing out of beat, or disappearing.

I have been on both sides.
To those I have not given their due respect or time, - I am sorry,
But, life is not always predictable.

And sometimes, how hard it may sound:

• We might just not have enough chemistry.

Or

• It is just the wrong time in life.

All in all, it is not rocket science, it is just normal human interaction.. not that different from how you treat other people in your daily life.

Manners cost nothing, so do not be a .... But be good.

More eloquently said and better formatted!

 

[Dribble]

I liked that...a dance

 

[deft]

I liked that...a dance

It is the perfect way to describe interactions on here... both parties have to be dancing to the same tune in order for the fireworks to happen... otherwise, there is no rhythm, and it is disjointed, and the spirit ebbs away.

 

[hotwords229_A]

https://i.makeagif.com/media/10-26-2015/ZnfUgL.gif
The visual equivalent of my PMs.

 

[Dribble]

And here I am...with two left feet...

 

[deft]

And here I am...with two left feet...

We can all dance… with the right partner!

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I read some of the posts above, I like the "it's a dance." It certainly is.
I will specifically call out @prettylilpussy and @Cat for very thoughtful posts.

Two thoughts of mine to add. I will try with people: I'll ask questions etc. If they don't respond (or "i'll get back to you") I will eventually (three tries? yup) take the hint and leave the ball in their corner.
But I'm also a person who, even if someone dropped the ball, or maybe even seemed to make it clear they didn't want correspondence, I'm happy if they re-initiate. And even sometimes, after a while, I'll give it a go again. Although I try not to be a jerk about it. I don't hold things against them. And mostly here I'm talking about like more friendships. I know sometimes too, especially women, are wary of PM's etc. So, I especially try to be careful of that.

 

[Dribble]

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I think my main take away and point is - if you want someone to respond give them a opening or something to respond to. That's all.

 

[Dribble]

I think my main take away and point is - if you want someone to respond give them a opening or something to respond to. That's all.

Boob pics work. Just saying. Lol

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Boob pics work. Just saying. Lol

Do they? I think overly sharing photos usually results in a lack of words.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Do they? I think overly sharing photos usually results in a lack of words.

Fewer words. More moans and grunts.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Fewer words. More moans and grunts.

That too.

 

[Dribble]

Do they? I think overly sharing photos usually results in a lack of words.

Lol wrong dance partner....




Now, on a totally serious side. I have only one friend on Lit that is in my inner circle. We have been close friends for 8...maybe 9 years now? Long time in the scheme of life. There have been times we talk multiple times daily. There have been times when weeks go by. But she is always there...and I for her. I have never seen her boobs. I have never asked to see them. She has never offered. Friendship...is built on trust. Those rules were decided when we first started talking.

 

[liqiye]

07.18.23
(inspired by a conversation)

When having a PM exchange with someone, do you feel like you carry the conversational load, it's equal, or you lay back and take it as it comes? Do you feel free to ask questions or do you resist coming off as nosey? What signals if the conversation will be good or not? Do you let people know your availability or just answer whenever you feel like it? Tell me your thoughts about PMs.

Great replies from all on this.

To start with I believe how can it be a conversation if both the parties are not nosey. Lot of my Pms are almost equal but some are ones where I carry the load. I am not ashamed of being nosey as that makes a conversation interesting and ongoing . A good conversation is one where you share something and the other party is interested in asking more details or is willing to share things without the question being asked .
There are conversations with some you know you do on daily basis while with some sit back and have long replies with some delays. Both have their own flavour and I enjoy them both

 

[hotwords229_A]

[Edited to add that I should probably have my PMs on more often than I usually do]

Do a lot of people turn their PMs on and off?
For what reason?

 

[Dribble]

Do a lot of people turn their PMs on and off?
For what reason?

I do. Why? Because there are times I simply have no patience for ignorance. I believe in being proactive...not reactive.