❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[AngelicaS1780]

07.18.23
(inspired by a conversation)

When having a PM exchange with someone, do you feel like you carry the conversational load, it's equal, or you lay back and take it as it comes?

Ideally, it's a fairly equal level of contribution. When both people usually contribute, I don't mind the occasional times when one or the other of us needs to pick up more of the load. If I consistently feel like I am either interviewing a reluctant subject or can't get a word in edgewise, I won't be likely to continue conversing with the person.

Do you feel free to ask questions or do you resist coming off as nosey?

I think it's a balance. It's difficult to get to know someone if you don't ask them any questions about themselves. I'm a curious girl and love to learn what make people tick, but I do try to be sensitive and to consider *why* I want to know something. I also do my best to remember that not everyone is as open and comfortable with sharing things as I can be. I always try to make it clear that the person should feel free to tell me if something is none of my business.

What signals if the conversation will be good or not?

For me, I think that a natural ease or flow between the two people is a great indicator that a conversation will be rewarding. But sometimes I can be a bit awkward. When someone understands and is willing to stick it out through those awkward moments, that is also a good sign.

Do you let people know your availability or just answer whenever you feel like it?

If I've been messaging with someone on a daily basis for a while, I will give them a heads up if I am not going to be around. I have other friends where we message every few weeks to couple months or so.

And, to hotwords' question, I have never turned off my pm's. I haven't needed to, but I can understand that some people feel that need.

 

[HoneyMeadows]

Do a lot of people turn their PMs on and off?
For what reason?

I generally use the block and ignore buttons. I'll forget I've turned PMs off and then wonder why noone is speaking to me otherwise

 

[HoneyMeadows]

07.18.23
(inspired by a conversation)

When having a PM exchange with someone, do you feel like you carry the conversational load, it's equal, or you lay back and take it as it comes?

It honestly depends on who it is. I'd prefer an equal exchange but often there's a miscommunication about the purpose of a PM. So I can be quite standoffish to begin with I suppose.

Do you feel free to ask questions or do you resist coming off as nosey? What signals if the conversation will be good or not?

I always ask questions as I can't do small talk. I view PMs as when you're vibing with someone at a party so much that you both go somewhere quiet to talk. For me, that kind of talking involves cuddles and playing with each others hair...so pretty intimate. So PMs are for the in depth convos so no threads are derailed, so they should be good.

For people who take the chance and PM me cold...I try, I really do. But sometimes it doesn't work out as I don't have that connection

Do you let people know your availability or just answer whenever you feel like it?

If we're vibing I'll say something like "see you tomorrow?" Or "I'll be back in a couple of hours". For the others, I'll respond when I'm in the right headspace.

 

[hotwords229_A]

No idea. But if they do, I guess they won't be able to tell me personally?

I generally use the block and ignore buttons. I'll forget I've turned PMs off and then wonder why noone is speaking to me otherwise

I find it much more difficult to stalk people when they have their shared profile turned off.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go? When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course? Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?
How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were? If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself?

I don’t know that I’d call it reinventing, but rather noticing things that I’ve grown out of, or want to start doing to better myself. Reinventing, to me, seems to mean wiping everything clean and starting fresh. I don’t feel that normal maturation and growth is the same as reinventing.

How did it go? When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course?

When I’ve noticed that I’m not feeling good about myself or I’m not happy, or something is missing, that’s when I usually think about why that might be, and I take a look at why I might be feeling that way. I talk so friends to get help, seek out therapy, journal, and try to let my mind work on it until I (hopefully) figure things out.

Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?

I establish boundaries with people if I need to and hopefully they respect them. If they don’t, sometimes it takes me a while, but I eventually shed people who aren’t healthy for me.

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were?

Sometimes it’s hard to accept that someone wants to change but I try to be supportive or at least give them the space they need. But it does sting sometimes if I’m not a part of that change.

If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

I give plenty of chances. If someone is sincere, I generally can forgive and even forget sometimes. But, once certain lines are crossed, some things can’t be unsaid or undone, and once that happens, there’s no going back to how we used to be. After that, we must part ways.

 

[hotwords229_A]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go?

I don’t think I have.
I once tried wearing a vest, because I thought I might be a vest guy, but I just felt like I was wearing a Halloween costume and it wasn’t Halloween.

When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course?

I just change. If I don’t like something I’m doing, someway I act or feel, I just stop doing it.
I think part of it is just changing as needed rather than all at once. If you fix things along the way it is much easier than trying to do it all at once. Whether it’s diet, exercise, behavior, thought process, productivity, etc. little increments gets the job done much better than a proclamation that “today, everything changes!”

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves?

I’m interested to see if it works. I’ll keep my eye on them, while assuming they are sincere.

Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were?

I don’t forget, but I’m willing to see a real change. Rarely happens.

If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

I don’t know about hurt. I can’t think of anyone who has “hurt” me. Disappointed? Sure. Angered? Certainly. Betrayed? Perhaps.

If someone sucks, I have no problem cutting the line.

 

[Dribble]

I am always reinventing myself. That's the bitch of getting older and acting more like my parents than I am comfortable with.

 

[Photog1rl]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go? When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course?

I don’t think I’ve ever tried to reinvent myself. I have changed how I’ve acted in certain situations but still remained true to who I am. On Lit this meant paying attention to how I’m feeling when I came on and making sure I was in a good headspace. I have altered what I shared and how I shared it. I no longer am as straightforward with people that I don’t know well. Sometimes this made it hard to feel like I was being true to myself but I’ve mostly found that balance.

Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?

I didn’t let anyone know. Those close to me know I work on things I want to change. I don’t think I’ve ever written anyone off. I try to keep my interactions as honest and positive(unless I’m teasing them) as possible.

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were?

I think of folks want to change then that is their choice. I’d support them if that made sense. As far as who they were and how much I remembered it would depend on their new behavior. If they changed things that impacted our interaction then I wouldn’t hold on to memories of who they were.

If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

I appreciate a change from anyone that wants or needs to make a change. I totally give second chances but not usually thirds or fourths. Sometimes parting ways is the only way.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go? When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course? Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?
How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were? If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

I don't know if it's reinventing but I'm always open to change. I've long accepted that I never want to be "fonished". I want to grow and learn and (hopefully) improve. I like trying things to see how they'll go and listening to people and let their experiences change my thoughts and opinions.
I think the biggest change recently has been a complete deconstruction from American Christianity. There's way too much there to post here but when I say stepping away from that has completely changed me in good and hard ways. I didn't let anyone know because I was tired of being affected by others and wanted to just organize my thoughts alone. I'm really happy I did.

When others reinvent, I'm always interested. I'm jaded so I tend to be skeptical but I'll always support someone doing better foe themselves. When it comes from a place of dishonesty though or trying to pretend to be someone completely separate that's a problem. I'm thinking of (at least) two well loved male litsters, over the past 5 years) who ended up being one and the same. Some people have distinct voices. And when I mentioned that, he/they vanished (for now). Tricking people isn't reinvention.

Lastly, I do give second chances and usually I'm a forgive, forget and move on type of girly but when the thing keeps coming up, it's really difficult. Even if you change, the consequences of your actions or lies still come back to hurt others year later. So while I'll cheer you on towards a better situation, I'll do it from a safe distance.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I'm thinking of (at least) two well loved male litsters, over the past 5 years) who ended up being one and the same

I have, in the past, openly flirted with myself. But I was me both times.
I hope that doesn’t count.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I have, in the past, openly flirted with myself. But I was me both times.
I hope that doesn’t count.

I'd watch

 

[BadAmy]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go? When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course? Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?
How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were? If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

Nope never did.
That being said, I did stop pretending to be someone that someone else wanted me to be. That is a fruitless venture.
Cuz really...
Imnotchangingmeforyou
so suck it.

 

[beachbaby179]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go? When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course? Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?

I reinvented myself out of necessity. I married young, moved from my parents place to moving in with my husband. I never lived on my own. When I got divorced, for reasons I won't bore you with, I was the one to move out and start over. I left with almost nothing, switched jobs, moved 2 states over, and lived in a hotel for a month until I could move into my new home. I had to figure out who I was as an individual. It was hard, but so rewarding in the end.

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were?

I appreciate the courage it takes, and encourage them to grow. But if it's someone who hasn't always been genuine, I'm wary.

If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

I've been known to give far too many chances.

 

[HoneyMeadows]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go? When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course?

Currently doing it, kinda. Sorting myself out and taking responsibility is hard but I'm on it!

Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?

It's part of me so I won't say anything unless a comment is made. How they respond will inform if I just move on.

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were? If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

I give them space but if they have hurt me I need to decide if I can get over it. If not, I'll move on but I'll be happy knowing they're doing well as we part.

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go?

Oh yeah, like at a David Bowie level. I
generally try to improve and be a better person. It's a journey that doesn't end and improvement is a constant.

When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course?

I've had therapy and those closest to me I'll mention it to. I'm open about myself and what I might be going through.

Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?

I don't generally write people off but I'm quick to say "I'm working through some stuff."

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were?

My default is to be supportive and encouraging. I try to be good about boundaries so I'll make sure they know I'm around if they need me.

If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

Depends entirely on the level of hurt and the actual accountability they display. Like if they pull some bullshit "I've changed and you need to forgive me" thing they're out.

 

[Pantyboy74]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go?

I had to reinvent myself back in 2018 after a nervous breakdown. I feel I'm me 2.0 since then.

07.25.23

When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course? Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?

I usually speak to friends and family, but also professionals.
Some people I find I will tell and talk to about it.

07.25.23

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were?

I think I try to be supportive of others going through the process.

07.25.23

If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

It depends on of they are a forgiving person. People who are overly judgemental I will part ways with.

 

[Cindy027]

I had to reinvent myself back in 2018 after a nervous breakdown. I feel I'm me 2.0 since then.

I'm still Cindy 1.0, I turned all my bugs into features.

 

[Pantyboy74]

I'm still Cindy 1.0, I turned all my bugs into features.

My bugs became dangerous to me and people around me. I lost all sense of any responsibility for my actions.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself?

Yes. Over the course of my life I have gone through several times of reinvention.

How did it go?

They went well. It's difficult, but possible to re-invent yourself.

When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course?

I'm a list type person. I use the classic two column to list the behavior I want to change on the left and the behavior I want to change to on the right. Then, once I have "who I want to be" defined, I'll write up a master document and then some reminder cards. (For example, during one period of reinvention I had a sign on the exit door that said "Remember, do not be less than you are." It was a reminder to me, every time I left the house, to change my behavior.

Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?

Yes, I let people know what behaviors I am stopping and which I am starting. I find that if my circle of friends knows what I am doing, how I am doing it, and why, then their support can help me make the changes. Anytime you're going through a period of reinvention, you are going to lose some people, but the majority of them will support you as you change.

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves?

With love, support, and encouragement. It's not an easy thing to do and it is often our friends and associates that make it difficult to change. I try not to be that person.

Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were?

I allow them space to change. If I happen to be one of the people getting left behind (it happens), I try to let them know that they're on the right path, and even though that path takes them out of my life, they have my support and love.

If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

That depends on the nature of the hurt. If it was accidental or incidental, then I give second and third chances, if they want to them. It was an intentional act that was meant to hurt me, well, then we have a come-to-Jesus conversation and, if necessary, part ways.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go?

Well, I sort of tried when I went to college. Honestly it didn't go well. What I found, instead, was my own acceptance of who I was. That turns out to be really important.

When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course? Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?

It really depends on what I'm trying to change. Often I do let people know, as they can help keep me on track (some). I seldom "write people off altogether."

How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were?

I try to be accepting and give people the space to learn and grow. I don't know about "re-inventing" but I've seen people (myself included) continue to grow and become better people (usually slowing and certainly not always perfectly). I've been with people making more drastic changes (sobriety mostly), and I try to give them the support they need.

If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

It really depends on the situation. Yes, I do indeed see giving people a second chance. Sometimes that works, sometimes not.

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

07.25.23

Reinvention
Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? How did it go? When you realize you've been acting in a way you want to change (for whatever reason), how do you attempt to change course? Do you let people know or just hope they'll catch on or just write some people off altogether?
How do you respond when you see someone else reinventing themselves? Do you allow them space to change or always remember who they were? If someone has hurt you, do you appreciate seeing a change and give second chances? Or just part ways?

I don't think I've ever reinvented myself. I've grown older, wiser, and in some ways more cynical. But I'm still the same me. The one thing I am continously working on is learning to love myself better which includes managing my expectations of others and how I will allow them to treat me and be in my life. I'm much better at standing up for myself and walking away from things that are toxic than I was before. I love seeing others grow and adapt! I'm definitely one that can offer forgiveness and mean it if someone is truly sorry and changes themselves for the better.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

08.10.23 (suggested topic!)

E-sex Education

How did you learn your e-sex ways? Did you pick up things from past partners, did you study some other way, or where you just born this sexy? Do you try to learn, evolve or up your game on anyway, consciously? Do you have any signature moves or phrases that you're particularly proud of? Are there words, phrases or actions you love to use? Hate to use?

I'm very curious to hear about the generational gap differences here.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

08.10.23 (suggested topic!)

E-sex Education

How did you learn your e-sex ways? Did you pick up things from past partners, did you study some other way, or where you just born this sexy? Do you try to learn, evolve or up your game on anyway, consciously? Do you have any signature moves or phrases that you're particularly proud of? Are there words, phrases or actions you love to use? Hate to use?

I'm very curious to hear about the generational gap differences here.

YAY...you're back to this! Thanks! I enjoy your questions.

So for me I would start with simply that I was already (long before I came here) reading and writing erotica. (e.g. I was born this sexy...but I keep trying to overcome that deficiency).
For most (nearly all) of my e-sex experiences, I relied largely on written word. Certainly for the first decade, that was, really entirely, my thing. It was PM/text stuff and it was entirely written.
It was only near the end of the first decade (e.g. 2017ish) that I moved beyond that in any meaningful way. (yes, as one person once put it..."I'm old school").
So it was often an excersize in joint authorship...and in many ways was really fun and sexy and great. I enjoyed it, and I am reasonably certain a few others did as well (I base that on the fact that (a) they said so, (b) they kept coming back, (c) they kept cumming...sometimes sharing pics of that with me).

Lately I guess I may have expanded that repertoire to include other approaches.

I don't think I have a signature move. I like a lot of different words and phrases. Can't think of any I hate.

 

[hotwords229_A]

E-sex Education

How did you learn your e-sex ways?

I feel like I’ve been on Lit for a hundred years and I still have no idea what’s going on. I know initially I had to look up a lot of abbreviations: ETA, SO, etc. or just ask what the hell you people are talking about.
Mostly, I learned by observing, just like in real life.

Did you pick up things from past partners, did you study some other way, or where you just born this sexy?
In all modesty, I was born even sexier than this.

Do you try to learn, evolve or up your game on anyway, consciously?
Always learning. But I’m pretty happy with how I am here. Or is it howm?

Do you have any signature moves or phrases that you're particularly proud of? Are there words, phrases or actions you love to use? Hate to use?

I like blunt force language mixed with innuendo and whimsy. I never want to use trendy phrases or socially acceptable terms because society is stupid.

I'm very curious to hear about the generational gap differences here.

I like listening to the sexy audio threads, but my phonograph makes everything sound scratchy.