afairs with married men?

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: ok

I haven't posted much to this thread in the last few days, because on one hand I'm trying to get points of my argument in order...on the other hand, I don't really have the time or energy to get knee-deep in debate on a subject I have debated countless times before.

But I did want to post and say this: Spenser, you are an absolutely wonderful man. You have a heart of gold. This post is more than enough to prove that not all 'cheaters' come from the 'homewrecker' mold...the stereotype of 'I don't give a damn, I just want what I want homewrecker' is a very common one, unfortunately.

Thank you for proving that stereotype wrong on all counts.

S.

I agree. Sheath, you just beat me to it.

 

[Spenser41]

Re: Re: ok

I haven't posted much to this thread in the last few days, because on one hand I'm trying to get points of my argument in order...on the other hand, I don't really have the time or energy to get knee-deep in debate on a subject I have debated countless times before.

But I did want to post and say this: Spenser, you are an absolutely wonderful man. You have a heart of gold. This post is more than enough to prove that not all 'cheaters' come from the 'homewrecker' mold...the stereotype of 'I don't give a damn, I just want what I want homewrecker' is a very common one, unfortunately.

Thank you for proving that stereotype wrong on all counts.

S.

Sheath,
Thanks for the sweet words hon. Not sure my ex would agree with you... lol... but... thanks for your kindness anyway. Big hug and a sweet tender kiss.

 

[Spenser41]

Re: Re: Re: ok

I agree. Sheath, you just beat me to it.

Thanks Midwest.... interesting on this thread is your picture of Tracy and Hepburn. They were a couple very much in love enough though Spencer was married. So fits right in.

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: Re: Re: ok

Thanks Midwest.... interesting on this thread is your picture of Tracy and Hepburn. They were a couple very much in love enough though Spencer was married. So fits right in.

I hadn't thought of that, but you're absolutely right.

 

[sheath]

Re: Re: Re: ok

Sheath,
Thanks for the sweet words hon. Not sure my ex would agree with you... lol... but... thanks for your kindness anyway. Big hug and a sweet tender kiss.

Called as I see it, my friend. I'm glad to know you.

S.

 

[bobsgirl]

Re: ok

I am going to say something here. Didn't think I would. I have told this before on other posts but since others are posting ...

I just wanted to say that your post moved me very much, Spencer. You put up with a lot, you did all you could, and I really hope you are not still beating yourself up.

Be happy.

 

[Spenser41]

Re: Re: Re: Re: ok

Called as I see it, my friend. I'm glad to know you.

S.

Ahhhhh... well dang... now you got me all misty eyed. And I am supposed to be a tough guy. Well shots that image all to hell.

 

[michie]

I had one affair with a married man. I would not do it again though, it was aomething that just happened and would not happen again. I was 22 and he was 47, and to this day I do not know what got into me. It was a waste of time, I really could never look for a real relationship with him. He was obviously no good, I mean he was cheating on his wife, he would no doubt do the same to me. I spent six months with him while I could have been finding someone who was truly right for me. Furthermore, it took a long time for me to get over my own actions, which were as low and bad as his. Meeting just to do it in hotel rooms, sometimes in his car, these actions made me feel very cheap. Cheap because that is the way I acted. It is not worth the trouble to do this, and the really good guys are faithful anyways so you have no real chance with one who is not. No matter how good he may be in bed.

 

[Spenser41]

Re: Re: ok

I just wanted to say that your post moved me very much, Spencer. You put up with a lot, you did all you could, and I really hope you are not still beating yourself up.

Be happy.

No, I stopped doing that. But sometimes like it was posted earlier, even tho you have put the past behind you and the scars have healed... every now and then, they remind you they are still there.
Thanks

 

[cecelia]

"...they remind you they are still there. "

And, hopefully, we reach a point where they don't remind us of the pain, but of our victory.

 

[RestrainedRage]

Spencer~you deserve to live the rest of your life in rapture for taking such torment for so long.

As for my wife, I've tried everything. I am an incurable romantic. I deliver flowers to her work for no reason, arrange surprise spa days for her, call her for no reason just tell her I am thinking about her...etc.

For a long time, I thought it was me. I had put on a few pounds working behind a desk (not huge but not sculpted anymore, either). Then I took the weight off and rebuilt the muscle. Still, she acted as though I was a relative rather than a lover. My ego suffered severely. My work then started involving me doing a lot of entertaining of clients. That was when I started noticing flirting and advances by other women. Even some outright offers which I never acted upon. Many women told me I am attractive and have "sexual charisma" (I like that term). So, after so many years, I've thrown in the towel.

I no longer make advances upon her. I wait for her to initiate anything. This is a far cry from when I couldn't keep my eyes, hands, tongue, etc. off her. Even now, I see her and want to throw her over any available piece of furniture, work my hands under her clothing, my kisses drawing down her back, my hands and tongue caressing her curves, press my flesh against her...well, I digress.

RR

 

[Jezebelle1458]

there are 2 different types of affairs that are being discussed here.the kind where there is love involved(blach!),and the kind where there is simply an understanding.i prefer the rules and guidelines w/o the love.a deep friendship,yes,but love? too complicated!

 

[RestrainedRage]

there are 2 different types of affairs that are being discussed here.the kind where there is love involved(blach!),and the kind where there is simply an understanding.i prefer the rules and guidelines w/o the love.a deep friendship,yes,but love? too complicated!

That's why I believe it is important to establish the boundaries first. No games should be played. And while I agree that love is complicated, it is a wonderful thing. But I'm not thinking of love for the purpose of this thread.

RR

 

[tythisredheadup]

Do you think people have affairs to fulfill in need they have burning inside of them?

I am married to the most wonderful man, good provider, good father, attractive, etc. But he is very gentle and sweet and naive about sex. And he doesn't want to learn anything else, either. That being said, why would I want to bring that man into my debauchery?

For most married men, like the ones that have posted, there is a desire, a need, that must be met. I am the same way. There is this set desire inside, and it must be dealt with.

If I keep going, I will just ramble on with no purpose...

 

[overthebow]

Do you think people have affairs to fulfill in need they have burning inside of them?

I am married to the most wonderful man, good provider, good father, attractive, etc. But he is very gentle and sweet and naive about sex. And he doesn't want to learn anything else, either. That being said, why would I want to bring that man into my debauchery?

For most married men, like the ones that have posted, there is a desire, a need, that must be met. I am the same way. There is this set desire inside, and it must be dealt with.

If I keep going, I will just ramble on with no purpose...

This sounds self-justifying. Have you been honest with him about what you perceive your needs to be?

 

[Spenser41]

Hi folks

I am sorry if I got the thread off track. I think the purpose was to find out if people on lit have done affairs and why and if it has worked for them.
So, forgive my thoughts and lets hear from those that it has worked for.

 

[sheath]

Re: Hi folks

I am sorry if I got the thread off track. I think the purpose was to find out if people on lit have done affairs and why and if it has worked for them.
So, forgive my thoughts and lets hear from those that it has worked for.

Spenser, I think you had a very valid things to say on this thread. I'm glad you posted. You definitely gave food for thought, which is exactly what a good debate thread needs.

S.

 

[tythisredheadup]

This sounds self-justifying. Have you been honest with him about what you perceive your needs to be?

Absolutely, we have had in depth talks about what each of us want from the other. What I want scares the hell out of him. What he wants, I give, doing my wifely duty. This satisfies him.

 

[overthebow]

Absolutely, we have had in depth talks about what each of us want from the other. What I want scares the hell out of him. What he wants, I give, doing my wifely duty. This satisfies him.

Good luck. This is coming from a rather distant, uninformed observer, I see enough code words to suggest that this is going to blow up. Good luck.

 

[tythisredheadup]

Thanks for the words of luck.

 

[Spenser41]

Absolutely, we have had in depth talks about what each of us want from the other. What I want scares the hell out of him. What he wants, I give, doing my wifely duty. This satisfies him.

What is it that you want that scares the hell out of him? And marriage should be a 2 way road. Does he understand if you give him what he wants then he should give you want you want? Or at least meet you half way? For a guy, I can't see what a wife would want that would scare me unless she wants to tie me up and beat the shit out of me or bring a donkey into the act!

 

[Spenser41]

Re: Re: Hi folks

Spenser, I think you had a very valid things to say on this thread. I'm glad you posted. You definitely gave food for thought, which is exactly what a good debate thread needs.

S.

Thanks Sheath, I guess what I was saying was, I think the thread was more about women having affairs with married men and not my problems of having an affair.
To be honest with you, I wish I had had a better affair. In someway I kind of like the idea of having a woman that is just a "fuck buddy" where you both take care of needs and then go back to your respected homes. Love is just too much of a pain to be honest. And no I am not jaded, but I just wonder if it is as great as it is cracked up to be. I think too many of us are hung up on this "hollywood romantic movie stuff" and when the real life crap hits the fan it is just too much crap.
All the stupid little fights and nit picking and all the other stuff.
I kind of like having my place to me. No one to get on my case if the dishes are not done or why I came home late or fighting over what to watch on TV.
I can see why some of the women on here like the idea of a man to come in and take care of some needs and then leaving to not have to deal with the normal crap of life. I can see their points clearly.

 

[Bandit58]

What is it that you want that scares the hell out of him? And marriage should be a 2 way road. Does he understand if you give him what he wants then he should give you want you want? Or at least meet you half way? For a guy, I can't see what a wife would want that would scare me unless she wants to tie me up and beat the shit out of me or bring a donkey into the act!

I have seen her posting on the BDSM board and believe she is submissive and wants him (or someone) to Dom her (correct me if I'm wrong tythisredheadup).

Some men don't like hurting women, even if the woman herself wants them to.....and often the sub needs things to be taken further (i.e. bruises/welts/drawing blood) than the man is comfortable with. I know my Master has broken things off with a sub because she needed to be hurt more than he was willing to do.......

 

[Missingmeds]

Re: Re: Re: Hi folks

Originally posted by Spenser41
In someway I kind of like the idea of having a woman that is just a "fuck buddy" where you both take care of needs and then go back to your respected homes. Love is just too much of a pain to be honest. And no I am not jaded, but I just wonder if it is as great as it is cracked up to be. I think too many of us are hung up on this "hollywood romantic movie stuff" and when the real life crap hits the fan it is just too much crap.
All the stupid little fights and nit picking and all the other stuff.
I kind of like having my place to me. No one to get on my case if the dishes are not done or why I came home late or fighting over what to watch on TV.
I can see why some of the women on here like the idea of a man to come in and take care of some needs and then leaving to not have to deal with the normal crap of life. I can see their points clearly.

That is hitting the nail squarely on the head for me Spencer.

That and I think that we can have different kinds of love of different depths for different people for different reasons. The other thing that I have noticed is that I am hearing more and more that women are just not interested in sex anymore. I think that we can all get stuck in a rut and if someone doesn't learn new and different ways of doing things, especially sexually, then it does get tedious.

Sorry to all, it is early and I don't have enough coffee in me. So I tend to ramble and have disjointed thoughts.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Well - I think its a very rare marriage that has all the ingredients in the exact right proportions for everything to play out sweetly. I admire the folks that stay in a sexless marriage out of obligation. But I do wonder why. I'm just too much of a sexual being to forgo that part of my life forever - for anybody.

On the other hand I don't think I've ever loved anybody that much. I had a boyfriend go overseas for a year and I was faithful and went without sex for a year. When he got back we broke up and he married someone else. I thought - damn - I wasted a whole year of not having sex for nothing!

On the other hand (I have three hands) It was a very 'zen' year for me and I learned a lot about myself. (how to masturbate really well was one of them! lol) But sometimes denial/sacrifice can be a very mind opening experience.