Am I Asking For Too Much? Advice, Please

[NippleMuncher]

I suppose it's to be expected, given that Lit is a sexual discussion forum, but frankly I am surprised how much of the discussion has centered around making yourself sexually available to get him to put down the games. Maybe it's just "my generation" but how degrading is that? You shouldn't have to beg. There are many other needs that have to be met in a relationship. Offering sex only goes so far to sooth the feeling of being alone in a relationship. Do you really want to be with a guy who only turns off the games long enough for sex?

As the relationship progresses you need your partner to be "in the game of life" for companionship, finances, domestic chores, moral support, and a lot of other things. How are you going to feel a few years from now when you've got a toddler in diapers and he's glued to the games instead of helping you? You have to deal with this now, or you have no right to expect that it will change in the future.

In my humble opinion it's time to ask the hard questions, of both yourself and your boyfriend. Why is each of you in the relationship? What do you hope to get out of the relationship? How are you going to feel if things continue as they are? Where do you see the relationship going in 2, 3, 5 years? What is the plan to get from where you are now to there?

You can't make ultimatums. He will resent being told "it's the games or me.". The best that you can do is tell him how you feel, and hope that he responds. Branch off from the discussion and ask questions like "how do you feel that your gaming affects our relationship?" If you're lucky he'll see that there's a time for games, and that they're not his first priority. If he doesn't then you have to choose between the status quo and moving on to find a relationship that meets your needs. Hopefully he wakes up before that happens.

Good luck

My point exactly! From the descriptions provided, he has no vested interest in the relationship. Why then, should she be expected or required to continue? She needs to fulfill her needs, both emotionally and sexually, and if she's not getting it from game boy, it's time to drop his ass like a hot rock and move on.

I've been in many a bad relationship, it's not easy to move on, but, for your own soul, your own growth, you must recognize the patterns you've chosen and chose to make better choices.

 

[Firebrain]

I am going to guess that your self esteem is very low. I don't mean to patronise at all; but you've stuck around for a year with a guy you admit does not want your company for 80% of the time and hell, if I were to be ignored whilst fucking myself with a vibrator, I think my self esteem would take a hit too. What I am saying is that this is only going to get worse. Honestly, sucking him while he's playing the game and ignoring you? That isn't sexy - that's desperate - and when you find yourself in a situation where you're behaving in that way, you have to acknowledge that it isn't good for you. You can do better (you already do, he just doesn't notice).

Don't treat this like a little nuisance that can be fixed. He's a fucktard. Leave him.

 

[Primalex]

I don't think it makes sense to give further suggestions, especially if they don't add anything new and just reword what was said - she picked the route already two weeks ago.

 

[Berwyn]

True Primalex, But I did get a laugh at Firebrain calling him a fucktard

 

[Jayzus]

I can somewhat relate to this guy, to some extent. I find myself involved in various hobbies from time-to-time, or just preferring a lot of alone time, or guy time. Not to the degree of this guy obviously, but at times I'd be busy and get a call and kind of not be interested in talking with the girl, and get the "you're always busy", etc. Simply put I have never felt like I have needed a woman to be in my life, to be my centre of attention. I see them as a nice addition to my life, but not what I live for. He may be the same way. That doesn't mean he is unattracted to you at all, that just means that he likes to do his own thing a lot of the time.

Women also love it when a guy isn't always available, a guy they can't wrap around their finger. You started masturbating in front of him ffs for that very reason: you desperately wanted what you couldn't have at that time. If he was all over you like video games you'd be smothered and making the exact opposite thread. The key? Balance. Work out us days, plan things. Don't expect to ever be the centre of a non-clingy guys world. Not happening. I have had great relationships, but would never make her my own centre. I would make tim's for her, but sometimes would feel smothered if I just wanted guy time. You understand where I am coming from?

If he is like me, then he probably likes to heavily focus and indulge on one at a time and concentrate on that. Video games is a damn cheap and easy hobby to indulge in compared to other guy hobbies like cars for example. If this is the case, then there is definitely a good flip-side to this: when he indulges in you. It is bringing that about.

I doubt he is unattracted to you to be honest. Sex isn't everything to a guy.

I wanna see how this goes.

 

[cheapperfume]

Just a quick update!

since I've last updated, my boyfriend and I have worked things out marvelously! We started out by discussing a few things about, when it's 'his' time and when it's 'my' time...I was nervous to suggest a 'timetable' like idea which had been suggested to me by a fellow literotica member however it turned out that he suggested it before I even got the chance to chicken out, lol.

Things have been going wonderfully, and I honestly hardly ever see him playing games these days. And even if I do, he tells me he's just moving to a save point and then he turns it off.

It's taken my stress level down a whole lot and in fact, I actually like telling him not to worry about getting off the game just yet and then just spending some quality time with him in 'his' domain (playing consoles with him and such or just simply watching) Hell, I even purchased a game for him yesterday as a present

He looks after me very much so. And in return I feel I look after him more as well (and now it doesn't seem like a chore). I feel alot of love flowing between us and this is honestly the happiest we have been in the relationship (he agrees with this as well). breakfasts in bed, lovely walks together, time to talk about each other and ourselves. And all that silly boy stuff as well *smiles*

for those of you who believed in the relationship I want to thankyou very much so <3

now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go play some 'left4dead' with my man!

 

[NippleMuncher]

Congratulations! I'm very glad you were able to work things out.

 

[synthetika]

I'm glad to hear that things are working out for you now, cheapperfume.

My husband (then boyfriend) and I both got heavily involved with online computer games - to the point where we were forgetting to eat dinner, barely making it to work on-time and so forth. I honestly cannot remember the exact moment that triggered our realisation that they were destroying our relationship; all I know is that we are so much better off after having closed our accounts to focus our time on each other.

Games just seem like too much work these days - especially now that we are parents with very little free time!

 

[Felix_Jones]

I saw this bumper sticker once.

 

[Keleigh]

My 2 cents worth....

He's probably addicted and you are enabling the behavior.

He is obviously utilizing an escape mechanism to cope with something in his life...

or

He's an ass.


Maybe all 3.
You deserve better. Sit him down, talk to him about it, give him a timeframe to change the behavior and then consider moving on.

Sorry, I'm feeling blunt.
I was in your shoes for a while, turned out it was masking much larger problems. And if he's not working because he is playing video games, make him sleep in the car.
(I didn't read the entire thread so if I missed a major point sorry)

Glad to see that things seem to be working out now.... Don't hesitate to re-examine though if it begins to be a problem again.

 

[cheapperfume]

I saw this bumper sticker once.

Hahaha, I like that one *grins*