Anyone else?

[UnfetteredMale]

Yeah, Sigh

Definitely two sides to every story. And sometimes the chasm just gets wider and … now everyone’s alone whether living in the same home or separated or divorced. We forget connection is critical, and communication.

But yeah, definitely in this boat too.

 

[LourdMorpheus]

I’ve often thought about just flat out telling him if he doesn’t want me he needs to let me find someone who does but that would hurt him so here I am on here.

Completely what is in my heart,mind,psyche…..

 

[cutcrystal]

Yes

I have been there too

Learned later why things got as they were

It was nobody's fault

Older now ten years on and wiser for it. I do not envisage another relationship at 62. Although if it does happen it's foundation will be totally different.

 

[Barber_o_Saville]

Right with y'all

I too am having the same issue. I love my wife, but she has severe medical issues - not with her lady parts, but with bad hips and knees. I have ED and have consulted my Urology Doc - scheduling for an implant and I don't feel that my wife will be very receptive to any type of sexual intimacy after the surgery. We have talked and I have said that regardless of no penetration or lack of keeping my dick hard there are other ways that she and I can be more intimate - it seems that for all the talk - nothing. So, here I am a member of Lit for the last 13 years and until recently only read stories and wrote some stories as well.

What I miss and I truly miss being naked with a woman touching, caressing, pinching, rubbing, sucking, licking, and anything else I can think of. I miss blow jobs - she hates them and has not preformed a blow job on me since out last child was born - 22 years ago. I miss a good sloppy deep in the throat get my dick past the gag reflex let me dump it down your throat kinda of blow job.

So, I maintain the illusion that I am ok, when in reality I want to suck her dry, lick her after her shower or anyones shower.

Barber - missing at my age.

 

[Barber_o_Saville]

It's relatable

Jae, here is my take.

I love my wife. She is beautiful. We have a great life. Enough money. Great grown kids. Friends. Vacations. Extended family. All great. Day in, day out, we are happy.

But then there is sex. I'm not as bad off as some others here. But once a week for ten minutes is simply not enough for me. And it's plenty for her.

I love her and will not cheat. So, I use internet porn and take care of my own needs.

As I see it, those are your choices. Do without. Cheat. Or do it yourself.

Like lots of other men here, I'd be happy to chat with you about it, and help each other out with option 3. Good luck.

We have grown kids and I am close to retirement - just wondering if going our separate ways would be good or bad.

I can relate and I have opted for #3 as well.

 

[jojoma64]

You're definitely not alone. No answers here. I think I would stray but then I know I'd feel guilty, lol.

 

[Barber_o_Saville]

You're definitely not alone. No answers here. I think I would stray but then I know I'd feel guilty, lol.

I would as well.

 

[curvyjae]

The guilt gets most people I suppose. In person it’s get me too I am sure. At at least mine isn’t a bad marriage and not even sexless. Just not as much affection and sex as I believe we should have. Ive just accepted my fate I guess. And maybe just decided trying to find a chick friend is better anyways.

 

[gga]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

Going back to the original post...

You're not the only one. The roommate comparison pretty much is my situation. We get along fine, rarely fight, everyone in our families looks at us like we're the most stable/grounded relationship (which is probably true), but most of the time there is no passion.

There's often a spark, but it doesn't seem to catch and turn into a roaring fire. It smolders a bit, then goes out until the next spark.

But I'm not going anywhere at this point. During these long lulls, I find myself on here searching for companionship. Sometimes I find it; often I don't. When found, sometimes it's over quickly, and a few times it has gotten rather intense.

But still, I end up coming home every night and expect that I will continue to do so.

 

[mjon64]

Oh, I'm sure your not the only one, guessing that all your replies here are guys and maybe a gal or two in the same boat..... me included

 

[StarGazer58]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

I don't believe you are the only one rather probably more the norm than people are led to believe. It is really hard to keep passion going in a long term relationship. Think back to how exciting the start of a new relationship was when you were younger.

I would say stay and find someone on the side to fulfill your needs.

 

[curvyjae]

We’ve only been together three years. Not aged much since then lol. But I get what you’re saying.

 

[StarGazer58]

We’ve only been together three years. Not aged much since then lol. But I get what you’re saying.

No, you have not aged much. lol. That does seem fairly quick to have lost most of the passion though.

 

[StarGazer58]

A lot of good points have been made on this thread.

 

[LourdMorpheus]

You can never uncheat. Be very careful. To a guy it’s devastating. Figure out what’s missing by talking to him and looking inside. Go through this together. My wife cheated when she was 30 and her boss was 55. Told me 15 years after the fact.
But now she’s got it off her chest. I’m fucked, she views sex via procreation, not recreation..lol.

Either open it up or lock it down….. I chose to open it up. Can’t live in the blaise’ lukewarm putrid water. Love him, and love yourself. You can do both.

 

[TallMan69]

Jae, here is my take.

I love my wife. She is beautiful. We have a great life. Enough money. Great grown kids. Friends. Vacations. Extended family. All great. Day in, day out, we are happy.

But then there is sex. I'm not as bad off as some others here. But once a week for ten minutes is simply not enough for me. And it's plenty for her.

I love her and will not cheat. So, I use internet porn and take care of my own needs.

As I see it, those are your choices. Do without. Cheat. Or do it yourself.

Like lots of other men here, I'd be happy to chat with you about it, and help each other out with option 3. Good luck.

<<Friends, vacations, beautiful wife, grown kids, plenty of money and sex with your hot wife EVERY week>>

Dude, where’s your problem? LOL Sounds like the honeymoon never stopped for you guys.

I know as a red-blooded guy that then you would probably think that more often then 1x/week would be pretty nice. But sounds like a pretty idyllic life. My take would be don’t rock the boat.

 

[cutcrystal]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

Hello Jae. I feel for you. I have been there so many times. Until I learned better... I shall try and make this concise. OK - pure genital electrifying chemistry is designed for and achieves one thing. At it like rabbits and procreation, continuing the species. And it burns out any time from hours to 6 years on. It fulfills it's purpose. It does not sustain a relationship or maintain spark and what you end up with is a dead scenario. And getting out of that is at best hard work and at worst impossible.

On the other hand, if you deliberately ignore that chemistry and take a different approach you can have sustained oomph! I discovered the hard way that it was about connection. So I looked to connect with people whom had tons of common ground with me loads of same likes and dislikes and values and standards and similar tastes and sense of humour. Starting there and liking them was vital. Chemistry does not coincide with like. No like means no sustainable connection or sexual oomph. If like and they are not arseholes and abusing you, take it slow, get to know, bond, slow sexual burn, delay sexual gratification, and it is utterly tension filled delicious because when you are both ready sex is far more deep and erotic because of like and connection. Unlike chemistry which is pretty shallow by comparison.

And if either of you needs some different sexual energy which brings you back to partner even more ravenous. Agree to get it outside. This has worked for me. And having bisexual partners whose girl on girl action also had me hotter than Vesuvius was phenomenal.

And beware karma that more subtle and yet enchantment type of sexual attraction. Although it is utterly beautiful and more deep and intense than either of the above... It also has with it unresolved abuse, drama and trauma. Fatal flaws that make it unsustainable.

I used to be a therapist pre lockdowns destroyed my livelihood.

The following may help. Some Books.

For outside sexual activity. By Esther Perel - Mating in captivity, and The State of Affairs.

On communication - Pets Heskell's book - FLIRT.

On sustainable relationships. Barbara De Angelis - Are You The One for Me. Susan Jeffers - The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love.

C

 

[Nirunn]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

You're not the only one. Been married for 15 years.
Dead bedroom for 9, roomate for 4. She has even moved into our second bedroom. Referring to it as her room now.

 

[Lrodriguez11]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

I am in the same situation as you. Would love to talk about it some more with you.

 

[surferjake]

We’ve only been together three years. Not aged much since then lol. But I get what you’re saying.

It goes through ebbs and flows, like anything else. Getting that passion things going after a lull is difficult. Sometimes a getaway helps, but many times after you get back home it's back into the rut.

 

[Dribble]

Oh you who are trying to learn the marvel of love through the copy book of reason, I'm very much afraid that you will never see the point--Hafiz

Funny how a poet from the 14th century gets it...and so many today don't. When one keeps trying to fill a need using the same tools as one always has...they will fail.

More Hafiz

All your wounds from craving love exist because of heroic deeds.

Think on that one...

 

[HampshireBoy]

We’ve only been together three years. Not aged much since then lol. But I get what you’re saying.

That does sound quick.

You're definitely not alone though, I think plenty of couples get to your point.

My first marriage, I think it was partly the daily drudge. We had two kids, she was at home fulltime and I was building a successful business. We just didn't have enough date time and grew into a couple that were together, without love or that spark. There was still ocasional sex and, when it happened, it was good but on the whole the marriage was not giving either of us what we wanted. We talked about it and initiated date night, which got things going for a while. Basically we had grown apart over twenty years of marriage and wanted different things.

 

[Mikethick57]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

Have you been spying on my life? Nobody can believe my life is the way it is.

 

[curvyjae]

Have you been spying on my life? Nobody can believe my life is the way it is.

Seems to be the norm here

 

[happyhouror2]

Birds of a feather