Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[BlackSatinKnight]

I'm still going to have to go out of business unless some people start needing a little therapy around here LOL

Wait! I just found you! How can you be going out of business when I’m such a hot mess?

 

[smtst5]

How do you have a Going Out of Business Sale when you are a professionally unlicensed online psycho-sexual relationship advisor?

Any and all ideas welcome.

If you advertise, they will cum.

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr Liz,

I've recently noticed that I'm hornier when I'm tired, or bored, or outright in a position where I can't get relief. Is this a common affliction and is there a cure?

Dear Bad Timing,

Your problem with timing is more and more common in this crazy, I'm-late, FOMO-world. I sympathize with you both professionally and personally since I too sometimes struggle with what I will call bad timing.

The good news there is a cure!

Go ahead and go for it even if you're tired. If you're bored, what better way to NOT be bored? And if you're in a position where you can't get relief, change positions! Take an early lunch. Have some go to visual aides stored on your cellphone and take a long (or not so long lol) bathroom break.

And if you come home from work and your partner is already asleep, go ahead and wake them up. Be sure to use the words "You're so incredibly beautiful" though if your partner is sometimes grouchy when you wake her up.

Chronic horniness is not just a state of mind it's also a state of body so it's important to get your ya-ya's out as they say in order to be a happier, healthier you!


- Doctor "Do It More Often" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Wait! I just found you! How can you be going out of business when I’m such a hot mess?

Dear Hot Mess,

I'm happy to extend my Going OUt of Business sale for you.

What's your challenge? A naughty neighbor? A sexy co-worker? A much younger hot niece or nephew? Whatever your problem, I can help!


- Doctor "I'm Listening" Liz

 

[EricaLynch]

Dear Dr Liz, I have lately been realizing an interesting trend in my masturbation routine. I used to use masturbation very often to get to sleep...now when I do it at night, I end up not being able to fall asleep! And when I wake in the morning I'm often horny so I do something about it then...and I'm very likely to not be tired.

So instead of having it calm me down, it seems to get my more energized...what is that?

 

[EnbyKnight]

Dear Dr Liz,

I hope you haven’t closed your doors yet because I’ve got a situation I’d like some perspective on. I (32, non-binary) have been with my partner (34F) for almost four years. In the last year or two she’s recognized that some of her past relationships (all with men) included emotional and sexual trauma that she hadn’t acknowledged before, which made her less interested in us being physical. As someone who has experienced sexual trauma, I understand and would never want to push her before she’s ready. We’ve had sex a handful of times in the last two years. I should also mention that we have had an extremely stressful few years with family health issues, stress, etc. which I know impacts sex drive.

For a while I had stopped even insinuating that I wanted to have sex because she was insecure about not having much drive. She even said she hadn’t been able to feel aroused when she wanted to get herself off. Then there came a point when she asked if I could express how much I wanted her and that I still wanted to have physical intimacy. From my perspective I’ve been doing that pretty regularly. Initiating some make out sessions, talking about what I want us to do together, and generally just telling her how hot she is and how hot she makes me.

Even more recently she’s mentioned that she’s been feeling more horny and even has been imagining scenarios for us to try out together. She even wanted to buy a new toy on Black Friday to fulfill some of those scenarios.

However, since then when I have tried to initiate and make it clear I am open to any kind of physical connection, even if it’s not sex, she is never interested or in the mood. I’m starting to feel like maybe she isn’t as attracted to me as she once was and is afraid of saying that.

Now another piece of this for me is that she will playfully grab/rub/pinch my nipples, but that is not a prelude to anything else. When we were having sex more often, that was fine with me. But now I’m feeling like the only time she wants to touch me is just a funny joke to see my react, and it’s not as funny to me.

I know that in order to work through anything as a couple you need to talk about it together. I just do not know how to broach this conversation in a way that doesn’t come off as an ultimatum or pushing her before she’s comfortable. I also don’t know what to do if things don’t change because I am the happiest I have ever been in a relationship. All of my other needs are met and generally speaking I am happy. But right now I crave that physical intimacy and I’m worried about getting rejected when I feel like I’ve been continuously rejected over the past eight months or so since she asked me to be the initiator.

Whew. Honestly it felt nice just typing this out. But I am happy to hear any insights or thoughts you or others might have.

 

[BlackSatinKnight]

Dear Hot Mess,

I'm happy to extend my Going OUt of Business sale for you.

What's your challenge? A naughty neighbor? A sexy co-worker? A much younger hot niece or nephew? Whatever your problem, I can help!


- Doctor "I'm Listening" Liz

Dr. Liz,

Nothing that simple. How about a 57 year old bisexual married male who has no safe avenue to release his desires and fantasies? I’ve been married for 38 years, and I deeply love my wife. However (isn’t there alway a “however” or a “but”), I never got the opportunity to explore my sexuality when I was young. Now it keeps boiling up inside of me with no safe release. I recent admitted to her that I prefer to wear panties, and she helped my by my “first” package of them. I say “first” because that’s the first she knows about. She also bought me the clippers, razor, and shaving cream so I could shave everything from the waste down. Another however, she has made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t play well with others, and she doesn’t share. I’ve tried to open up about what I want, but she doesn’t talk about sex. She tells me she doesn’t have any fantasies.

Ok, enough of that rant. I guess I really need a safe avenue to talk about how I feel since I don’t have anyone in my life I can open up to. Much more behind what I’ve already opened up with, but I’m not going to bore the other followers of this thread. Thanks for listening.

 

[LizVegas79]

I can't wait to answer all these wonderful new questions! But I've got to dash and I don't want to answer them hastily so next time first thing!

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Have fun, be safe and fuck like it's 1999!!!

 

[Trubbycat]

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Have fun, be safe and fuck like it's 1999!!!

Wear a condom, there's a lot of Y2K going around.

 

[welatshaw]

This is a continuation of my very first thread Ask Doctor Liz. Please feel free to go back and visit it, laugh or share any thoughts on here you have about it.

It was a fun and wildly unpredictable ride thru the psyche of all the Litsters that played along. I sincerely feel like I helped some people. I always tried to be straight forward and honest with my advice. I may have lost or been a little mean to a patient or two along the way but sexual psycho-therapy is an inexact science at best LOL

We may (or may not lol) have gone on a retreat, we invented (and perfected) Taco Therapy, we caused a few boners, we cured LOTS AND LOTS of boners (based on all the PM's me and JJ and Nova got!), and we have solved the great Hummingbird Feather Mystery, among many other adventures.

Since I joined Lit I've shared a lot of my messed up past and also my more "well-adjusted" happy life now. I've made a lot of friends and a lot of acquaintances on here. Aside from the daily cock pics and graphic PM's describing what some of you would like to do to me, I've made a real connection with some of you and a passing connection with a few lurkers.

I love those of you who I chat with about our problems and insecurities, doubts and hiccups in life. This thread is in NO WAY meant to replace that connection.

However, during a naughty role play where I was a dom-bitch psychiatrist (imagine that! big stretch, huh? ) for a submissive slave toy, I got the idea to start this thread. It took off, we passed 5,000 posts, so I've decided to continue it. I hope all of you will play along again.

I invite men and women to ask me questions or present a problem and ask me for advice. (remember I'm bi too, so ask anything you want ).

It can be any sexual question, situation, problem, or scenario you want. It can be as serious or silly as you wish.

If others want to answer too, feel free! I welcome different opinions. However, if you want to be one of my certified taco therapy specialists you have to pass my rigorous interview first

I don't know whether this will continue to be popular or not but I sure hope so!

At least for now though, Doctor Liz is listening ....

Okay, Doc, here goes. I've been going through a "dry spell". A long one. Like. Measured in ,months, not weeks. So. I have had to do SOMETHING to get some relief, and I'm sure you can guess what that something is. The question I have is.. how much is too much? I've had nights where I edged the whole night and released with the dawn. On e I do get back into having a partner, am I going to be able to perform to an acceptable level?

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr Liz, I have lately been realizing an interesting trend in my masturbation routine. I used to use masturbation very often to get to sleep...now when I do it at night, I end up not being able to fall asleep! And when I wake in the morning I'm often horny so I do something about it then...and I'm very likely to not be tired.

So instead of having it calm me down, it seems to get my more energized...what is that?

Dear Up All Night,

Hmmm, I hope that never happens to me! Because like you, I often have a need to self-pleasure before I can fall asleep. Not being able to fall asleep afterwards must be soooooo frustrating!

My best advice is to up the intensity of your orgasms.

I highly, highly recommend you rush out to your nearest sex shop and get yourself an Hitachi. THey also go by the name Magic Wand, which, imho, is the best name ever for this amazing device. Use it religiously and often and I promise you will find yourself sleeping like a baby (with a huge smile on your face!) I just got a new one for Christmas because I wore out my old one. It is literally my bff and I swear you will not be disappointed.

My second bit of advice would be to avoid using your computer or the internet as your source material for your jill sesh's.

There's something about browsing and looking at multiple different pictures/gifs/movies and the diodes and the light that computers emit, especially in an otherwise darkened room, that tells our brain that it is morning time and time to wake up even though it might be 2AM. It's very fucked up. They really need to invent computer screens that don't give off the kind of light that they give off!

My last bit of advice would be to avoid drinking anything caffeinated after 6PM or anything chocolate after 8PM. But you're probably already doing that.

As far as waking up horny AF in the morning, that's perfectly normal. And, I suspect, since jilling in the AM DOESN"T make you tired, you are using your computer or cellphone and the internet for source material - which substantiates my previous advice about computer light messing with our brains.

Being energized by sex isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe you could figure out a way to package it and start a multi-million dollar wellness/productivity business!



- Doctor "Do It Till You Pass Out" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr Liz,

I hope you haven’t closed your doors yet because I’ve got a situation I’d like some perspective on. I (32, non-binary) have been with my partner (34F) for almost four years. In the last year or two she’s recognized that some of her past relationships (all with men) included emotional and sexual trauma that she hadn’t acknowledged before, which made her less interested in us being physical. As someone who has experienced sexual trauma, I understand and would never want to push her before she’s ready. We’ve had sex a handful of times in the last two years. I should also mention that we have had an extremely stressful few years with family health issues, stress, etc. which I know impacts sex drive.

For a while I had stopped even insinuating that I wanted to have sex because she was insecure about not having much drive. She even said she hadn’t been able to feel aroused when she wanted to get herself off. Then there came a point when she asked if I could express how much I wanted her and that I still wanted to have physical intimacy. From my perspective I’ve been doing that pretty regularly. Initiating some make out sessions, talking about what I want us to do together, and generally just telling her how hot she is and how hot she makes me.

Even more recently she’s mentioned that she’s been feeling more horny and even has been imagining scenarios for us to try out together. She even wanted to buy a new toy on Black Friday to fulfill some of those scenarios.

However, since then when I have tried to initiate and make it clear I am open to any kind of physical connection, even if it’s not sex, she is never interested or in the mood. I’m starting to feel like maybe she isn’t as attracted to me as she once was and is afraid of saying that.

Now another piece of this for me is that she will playfully grab/rub/pinch my nipples, but that is not a prelude to anything else. When we were having sex more often, that was fine with me. But now I’m feeling like the only time she wants to touch me is just a funny joke to see my react, and it’s not as funny to me.

I know that in order to work through anything as a couple you need to talk about it together. I just do not know how to broach this conversation in a way that doesn’t come off as an ultimatum or pushing her before she’s comfortable. I also don’t know what to do if things don’t change because I am the happiest I have ever been in a relationship. All of my other needs are met and generally speaking I am happy. But right now I crave that physical intimacy and I’m worried about getting rejected when I feel like I’ve been continuously rejected over the past eight months or so since she asked me to be the initiator.

Whew. Honestly it felt nice just typing this out. But I am happy to hear any insights or thoughts you or others might have.

Dear Talking About Talking About It,

Thank you for sharing so much detail. It really helps just talking about it, doesn't it?

The good news is it sounds to me like you are in a good place and that your partner, although not quite as playful as you would like is open to exploring and knocking down her blockages/hesitancy for intimacy.

The next time your partner rubs or pinches your nipples let her. And then tell her how beautiful she is and how horny she makes you. Tell her she is giving you "the worst case of blue balls ever". Most women are fascinated with the idea of blue balls. Most of us feel very, very flattered when we are accused of giving a guy blue balls because it's an indirect compliment and testament to our appealing sexuality. If she seems intrigued by your confession, go into a little more detail about it. Tell her how you're "all backed up" and feel like you're about to explode any second. Tell her how tight your balls are and how much they hurt (even if they don't). Tell her you're having trouble walking because she's given you "such a bad case of blue balls."

BLAME her for "being so pretty/beautiful/hot" and BEG her to relieve your suffering.

Most women think the idea of blue balls is hilarious and so I'm recommending you try this approach because she already seems okay with having fun at your expense.

The next thing you might try is role playing. Be her boss or be her desperate, about to be fired employee. Be the car mechanic who won't fix her car unless she gives you a bj. If that doesn't work, try pretending to be someone else. A teacher, a friend, whatever. If you're hesitant to do that, tell her that you had a sexy dream about her (make it up if you didn't). Have it be on a beach if she loves beaches or on a snowy mountaintop if she likes the outdoors or skiing or whatever.

It sounds to me like you two are already communicating pretty well so you just need to up your game, up the stakes a little. It's possible she is not into straight sex so you may want to try introducing the idea of inviting someone else, a friend, a neighbor, a made-up stranger at the mall or grocery store, home and into bed with the two of you. You may have to dance along a thin line for a minute but I feel like you might be closer to the physical intimacy that you desire than you think.

Let me know how it goes. Updates welcomed!


- Doctor "Blue Balls Are Funny and Sympathetic At The Same Time" Liz

 

[Azuldrgon]

I'm still going to have to go out of business unless some people start needing a little therapy around here LOL

No.....
I say no.....
There's too much need of your special services.

 

[JerseyJade]

Be the car mechanic who won't fix her car unless she gives you a bj.

I'd have no problem with that arrangement.

 

[LizVegas79]

Dr. Liz,

Nothing that simple. How about a 57 year old bisexual married male who has no safe avenue to release his desires and fantasies? I’ve been married for 38 years, and I deeply love my wife. However (isn’t there alway a “however” or a “but”), I never got the opportunity to explore my sexuality when I was young. Now it keeps boiling up inside of me with no safe release. I recent admitted to her that I prefer to wear panties, and she helped my by my “first” package of them. I say “first” because that’s the first she knows about. She also bought me the clippers, razor, and shaving cream so I could shave everything from the waste down. Another however, she has made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t play well with others, and she doesn’t share. I’ve tried to open up about what I want, but she doesn’t talk about sex. She tells me she doesn’t have any fantasies.

Ok, enough of that rant. I guess I really need a safe avenue to talk about how I feel since I don’t have anyone in my life I can open up to. Much more behind what I’ve already opened up with, but I’m not going to bore the other followers of this thread. Thanks for listening.

Dear Out But Not Allowed To Play,

For the first time ever, I recommend you look for sympathetic married guys in a similar situation here on Lit. It sounds to me like the main thing you might be missing is a sense of community. A secret community can be just as effective at giving you the outlet you may need before you go looking for comfort in shady parks and parking lots.

Your wife seems partially supportive of your desires so imho you should try to stay in that safe space as much as possible. If she is not comfortable with you going out to meet other men you should try to respect that boundary and other ways to discuss and explore your desires and fantasies in a non-physical situation first. Maybe try asking her to be mean to you or humiliate you or threaten to be with a "real man".

Who knows? That idea may start to appeal to her after she hears herself saying it a few times and you could find yourself in a MMF hookup that satisfies both of your fantasies.

If, after trying to meet your needs in a virtual community first, you find yourself straying to the point of cheating on your wife, you have to ask yourself first if it is worth it. Having even just a partially understanding partner is far more valuable than you may be thinking right now. I would hate if you didn't discover that value until after you did something impulsive to jeopardize it.


- Doctor "Explore Without Touching First" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

I'd have no problem with that arrangement.

Me neither.

"Honey, I got the brakes on your car fixed. And it didn't cost us a penny!"



How have you been JJ? Hope you had a fab holidaze. It's been forever!

 

[LizVegas79]

Okay, Doc, here goes. I've been going through a "dry spell". A long one. Like. Measured in ,months, not weeks. So. I have had to do SOMETHING to get some relief, and I'm sure you can guess what that something is. The question I have is.. how much is too much? I've had nights where I edged the whole night and released with the dawn. On e I do get back into having a partner, am I going to be able to perform to an acceptable level?

Dear Dry Spell,

Sorry to hear about your dry spell. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like so I completely understand your need to do SOMETHING about it.

Oooo, I must say I'm impressed though. Edging all night sounds so decadent. I do that to my husband sometimes and it drives him absolutely crazy!

Do what you have to do as much and as many times as you have to do it. You aren't going to break anything I promise. And, the fact that you are edging instead of just going for the quick and easy release is actually going to make you a much more competent lover when you do get the chance to perform in person with another person down the road a bit. A guy who is able to last longer than 20 minutes is a blessing. A guy who can last one or two hours is going to make some lucky girl's eyes roll to the back of her head and tell all her friends about you so hang in there!

When you do finally get back on the stage you are going to shine, shine, shine I promise! (because even if you do cum in the first 5 minutes you should be able to bounce right back and make up for lost time with zero to very little down time)


- Doctor "Do What You Gotta Do" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Mmmm, I'm pooped from answering all those questions ....

... but not so pooped I can't take on a few more!

 

[Azuldrgon]

Mmmm, I'm pooped from answering all those questions ....

... but not so pooped I can't take on a few more!

That pic says you can take a few more "Investors" to help invest in your "practice."


Dear Dr. Liz,
So my significant other seems to have no interest in sex whatsoever.
She attempted a half-hearted blowjob in September because she felt guilty, which made me feel worse.
I think part of the problem is that she's a bit older than she was.
On the other hand, I'm older also and have been having to remedy myself lately.
Any suggestions?
Signed,
I Miss the Hugs.

 

[LizVegas79]

That pic says you can take a few more "Investors" to help invest in your "practice."

I'm never too tired for Investors!

 

[Azuldrgon]

I'm never too tired for Investors!

Good girl.

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz,
So my significant other seems to have no interest in sex whatsoever.
She attempted a half-hearted blowjob in September because she felt guilty, which made me feel worse.
I think part of the problem is that she's a bit older than she was.
On the other hand, I'm older also and have been having to remedy myself lately.
Any suggestions?
Signed,
I Miss the Hugs.

Dear Starving For Hugs,

I'm sorry. I hear that more times that I want to from married people. I just don't understand it but, I guess that's just one of the many benefits of being Latina

As people age, I've heard their sex drive diminishes. However, it's sad when it becomes non-existent. Sex is one of the greatest things in life imho.

My advice is talk with her about it. If she's feeling guilty about it you have a glimmer of hope.

Tell her (out of the blue) that she's beautiful. Especially in the morning before you both get out of bed. Tell her she's sexy when she gets dressed up to go somewhere nice. Take her somewhere nice! Do it more than once or twice too. Tell her you miss when you use to fuck (if you two use the f-word casually lol). Start a conversation about your sexual bucket lists. If she says there's nothing on her list, ask her about being with two guys at once, ask her if she's ever been curious about being with a Black guy, ask her if she's ever thought about being with another woman. Read my advice above about complaining about blue balls. Some women really do enjoy hearing guys complain about them. We don't exactly know what they are but they can make some of us laugh at the idea and feel sorry for you at the same time so it's worth a try.

Another thing you might want to try is letting her catch you. That's right, let her catch you jerking off. But, make sure it's towards the beginning if you're hoping she'll join in. Or, make sure it's towards the end so that you can tell her "please just touch it. I'm so close." Sometimes we forget what those things of yours look like and why we use to like them so we just need to be reminded!

Good luck. Let me know how it goes.


- Doctor "A Sympathy Fuck Is Still Fucking" Liz

 

[EricaLynch]

Dear Up All Night,

Hmmm, I hope that never happens to me! Because like you, I often have a need to self-pleasure before I can fall asleep. Not being able to fall asleep afterwards must be soooooo frustrating!

My best advice is to up the intensity of your orgasms.

I highly, highly recommend you rush out to your nearest sex shop and get yourself an Hitachi. THey also go by the name Magic Wand, which, imho, is the best name ever for this amazing device. Use it religiously and often and I promise you will find yourself sleeping like a baby (with a huge smile on your face!) I just got a new one for Christmas because I wore out my old one. It is literally my bff and I swear you will not be disappointed.

My second bit of advice would be to avoid using your computer or the internet as your source material for your jill sesh's.

There's something about browsing and looking at multiple different pictures/gifs/movies and the diodes and the light that computers emit, especially in an otherwise darkened room, that tells our brain that it is morning time and time to wake up even though it might be 2AM. It's very fucked up. They really need to invent computer screens that don't give off the kind of light that they give off!

My last bit of advice would be to avoid drinking anything caffeinated after 6PM or anything chocolate after 8PM. But you're probably already doing that.

As far as waking up horny AF in the morning, that's perfectly normal. And, I suspect, since jilling in the AM DOESN"T make you tired, you are using your computer or cellphone and the internet for source material - which substantiates my previous advice about computer light messing with our brains.

Being energized by sex isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe you could figure out a way to package it and start a multi-million dollar wellness/productivity business!



- Doctor "Do It Till You Pass Out" Liz

Thank you

 

[EnbyKnight]

Dear Talking About Talking About It,

Thank you for sharing so much detail. It really helps just talking about it, doesn't it?

The good news is it sounds to me like you are in a good place and that your partner, although not quite as playful as you would like is open to exploring and knocking down her blockages/hesitancy for intimacy.

The next time your partner rubs or pinches your nipples let her. And then tell her how beautiful she is and how horny she makes you. Tell her she is giving you "the worst case of blue balls ever". Most women are fascinated with the idea of blue balls. Most of us feel very, very flattered when we are accused of giving a guy blue balls because it's an indirect compliment and testament to our appealing sexuality. If she seems intrigued by your confession, go into a little more detail about it. Tell her how you're "all backed up" and feel like you're about to explode any second. Tell her how tight your balls are and how much they hurt (even if they don't). Tell her you're having trouble walking because she's given you "such a bad case of blue balls."

BLAME her for "being so pretty/beautiful/hot" and BEG her to relieve your suffering.

Most women think the idea of blue balls is hilarious and so I'm recommending you try this approach because she already seems okay with having fun at your expense.

The next thing you might try is role playing. Be her boss or be her desperate, about to be fired employee. Be the car mechanic who won't fix her car unless she gives you a bj. If that doesn't work, try pretending to be someone else. A teacher, a friend, whatever. If you're hesitant to do that, tell her that you had a sexy dream about her (make it up if you didn't). Have it be on a beach if she loves beaches or on a snowy mountaintop if she likes the outdoors or skiing or whatever.

It sounds to me like you two are already communicating pretty well so you just need to up your game, up the stakes a little. It's possible she is not into straight sex so you may want to try introducing the idea of inviting someone else, a friend, a neighbor, a made-up stranger at the mall or grocery store, home and into bed with the two of you. You may have to dance along a thin line for a minute but I feel like you might be closer to the physical intimacy that you desire than you think.

Let me know how it goes. Updates welcomed!


- Doctor "Blue Balls Are Funny and Sympathetic At The Same Time" Liz

Thank you, Liz! I think I can make this work and try out some of your tips but alas I do not have a dick, well, none that are permanently attached! I’m AFAB and have all associated parts (pussy, boobs, etc).

 

[JustDave478]

Mmmm, I'm pooped from answering all those questions ....

... but not so pooped I can't take on a few more!

OMFG. Can't unsee.