Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[LizVegas79]

Dr good dr liz,
Someone showed me a pic today and w/o any chemical help my arousal has lasted over 4 hrs. Can you help? Chronic tented pants

Dear Half My Shift,

I normally can't dedicate half of my shift to just one patient.

However, I do need to re-qualify for my edging and orgasm denial certification, so if you think you could last another 4 hours please drive over here ASAP and tell my receptionist that you' re "the 4 hour boner guy" - she has my direct line and will notify me immediately.

- Doctor "I Know You Want To Cum But You're Not Allowed, Yet" Liz

You can’t use a whip and be dressed like that and be gentle !!!
They will always be people in need of your gentle persuasion

Dear Kind Words Will Get You No Where With Me,

Shut the fuck up or I'm going to hurt you some more.

- Doctor "Shut The Fuck Up Or I'm Going To Hurt You Some More Liz"

(how's that for gentle persuasion? lol)

 

[Deacon_Voss]

I just have a lump that needs to be looked at

 

[BarbarianTaco]

Dear Dr.Liz

Hello Doctor

I am almost 40 and haven't had a relationship or sex. I want these things but somehow I have no confidencd in myself to every really do anything but flirt. Is their something I can do to make me more comfortable and confident enough to ask a woman for.more then a fun flirty conversation?

Thanks Barbarian Taco

 

[investor2020]

Dear Dr. Liz,

It's been such a long, long dry spell and functionality is a concern . . . does your clinic have any treatments that specialize in engine re-starts?


Signed,

Down, But Hopefully Not Out

 

[LizVegas79]

I just have a lump that needs to be looked at

Dear Captain Obvious,

If you want Nova or JJ or Doctor Liz or anyone else who works here to look at that lump of yours I'm going to have to find your patient file.

And because Doctor Liz likes to keep the records for our male patients filed by penis size, you're going to have to stop lying to me about how big your penis is so that I can find your file.

-Angelina Annabella
Sr VP, Billing & Records

 

[LizVegas79]

Hello Doctor

I am almost 40 and haven't had a relationship or sex. I want these things but somehow I have no confidencd in myself to every really do anything but flirt. Is their something I can do to make me more comfortable and confident enough to ask a woman for.more then a fun flirty conversation?

Thanks Barbarian Taco

Dear Missing Out,

I would love to help you. But first I need to know if you're a woman seeking the companionship of another woman, or a man seeking the companionship of another woman?

Barbarian Taco leads me to think you've either been an athletically focused woman of perhaps Nordic or Germanic heritage for much of your life, or, you're a guy looking for that type of woman.

We can help.

Relationships are not always about sex.

But sex is always about some form or other of relationship.

- Doctor "Wow, I'm Good" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Felt good saying that in high heels did it ? LOL

Dear If I Need To Tell You Again You're In Trouble,

It's not about me here.


- Doctor "Don't Make Me Tell You Twice" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz,

It's been such a long, long dry spell and functionality is a concern . . . does your clinic have any treatments that specialize in engine re-starts?


Signed,

Down, But Hopefully Not Out

Dear In Need of Inspection,

Well functionality in some areas can indeed suffer from inactivity. That is why we encourage frequent appointments and with more than just one of our many lovely Sex-perts to keep the tip of your top in tip-top, fully functional state.

We do offer several "engine re-start" programs as you call them. We have:

Gorgeous Busty Blonde (GBB)
Sassy Busty Brunette (SBB)
Busty Asian Fantasy (BAF)
and our signature, premium program: Tall, Leggy, But Not Busty Latina (TLBNBL*)

(* recent cardiologist's note required)

I'm sure we can get you up and running in no time sweetie.

- Doctor "We Get You Up Or Some of Your Money Back" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Hi Angelina,

My file is in the very bottom cabinet by the floor, I saw Dr Liz put it there, Can I see it please?????

I appreciate you being honest.

-Angelina

Well you see Dr Liz a good carpenter will measure twice screw once, I’m more the screw twice measure once type of guy !!!

I don't understand the point of measuring after screwing. What am I suppose to do with that information? My friends aren't going to be interested in hearing about that.

No, JJ was my Lead Researcher for a wonderful, fully funded study last year. Measuring "before" and then again "right before" provided very useful information to students and human sexuality scientists at the university that funded the study, the result being the The Pros and Cons of Show-ers Versus Growers study due to be released sometime later this year by the University of Getting Down.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Dear Doc:

I am lost and need to be found. I have wandered in the desert (okay, it was the stock room) for weeks. I need guidance. Direction. An intellectual Compass or better yet a GPS. In short: I NEED HELP!

Signed

I've Been Dazed and Confused for so long its not clear...


PS: My file is in a lower drawer. No, lower. You'll have to either bend over more, or get on your knees...maybe get Nova or JJ to help?

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Doc:

I am lost and need to be found. I have wandered in the desert (okay, it was the stock room) for weeks. I need guidance. Direction. An intellectual Compass or better yet a GPS. In short: I NEED HELP!

Signed

I've Been Dazed and Confused for so long its not clear...


PS: My file is in a lower drawer. No, lower. You'll have to either bend over more, or get on your knees...maybe get Nova or JJ to help?

Dear Dazed and Confused,

You don't need a GPS. You need a Spiritual Compass. And good news, we can help you make one that's as straight as an arrow and as hard as it can be.

So come in and let me know what's on your mind. I'm here to help.

- Doctor "Let Me Help You Relax" Liz

Oh great idea, I was always told if you don’t measure it how can you know if you are making progress or not

We love measuring things around here!

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Dear Dr. Liz,

My sister sold her soul to the Devil for a few wishes and she was promised that she wouldn't be tormented. Having met the Devil, I can see why she'd believe him. He seems a likable guy, surprisingly, given that he's..Satan. One of her wishes was that we would become lovers. She's not even jealous of my ex-girlfriend, or at least she doesn't act like it, despite my ex's insistence in showing up at my door for sex as if she still lived with me. Now my sister wants me to sell my soul to Lucifer. That's a pretty big deal, particularly since Satan seems especially interested in my soul for reasons that aren't clear.

Oh, and both my sister and ex-girlfriend are pregnant, though she left me for another man and she thinks that it could be his baby (evidently, she was cheating just like me when we dated). The other guy completely seems like a loser, slob, and future deadbeat. My sister got three wishes, and if I had three, one of them would be to turn that asshole into a cuckold or sissy so he would be of use to someone for a change.

Also, Lilith, who is apparently in an open marriage with Satan, keeps hitting on me ...a lot. My worry is that Satan is recruiting me to be the Antichrist. I've never liked fire, so that's the sticking point for me. On the plus side, if I sign, I will likely get both ladies and I'm basically in love with both of them now, even if the sister is a lot nicer than the ex.

Your thoughts on this odd predicament, Dr. Liz?

Sincerely, Devil's newest prospect.

P.S. Satan promises to make sure that none of us want for anything ever again, including the two bambinos on the way. Still scared of fire, but that's a tough offer to refuse.

P.P.S. Lilith keeps hinting that if I sign, I'll be her sex slave forever.

 

[LizVegas79]

"So what do you girls think, should we open a spinoff sex advice and therapy clinic here or what?

Whoever wants to be my new regional manager meet me back in the hotel room in an hour."


- Doctor "We Should Soooo Do Sex Therapy At The Beach" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz,

My sister sold her soul to the Devil for a few wishes and she was promised that she wouldn't be tormented. Having met the Devil, I can see why she'd believe him. He seems a likable guy, surprisingly, given that he's..Satan. One of her wishes was that we would become lovers. She's not even jealous of my ex-girlfriend, or at least she doesn't act like it, despite my ex's insistence in showing up at my door for sex as if she still lived with me. Now my sister wants me to sell my soul to Lucifer. That's a pretty big deal, particularly since Satan seems especially interested in my soul for reasons that aren't clear.

Oh, and both my sister and ex-girlfriend are pregnant, though she left me for another man and she thinks that it could be his baby (evidently, she was cheating just like me when we dated). The other guy completely seems like a loser, slob, and future deadbeat. My sister got three wishes, and if I had three, one of them would be to turn that asshole into a cuckold or sissy so he would be of use to someone for a change.

Also, Lilith, who is apparently in an open marriage with Satan, keeps hitting on me ...a lot. My worry is that Satan is recruiting me to be the Antichrist. I've never liked fire, so that's the sticking point for me. On the plus side, if I sign, I will likely get both ladies and I'm basically in love with both of them now, even if the sister is a lot nicer than the ex.

Your thoughts on this odd predicament, Dr. Liz?

Sincerely, Devil's newest prospect.

P.S. Satan promises to make sure that none of us want for anything ever again, including the two bambinos on the way. Still scared of fire, but that's a tough offer to refuse.

P.P.S. Lilith keeps hinting that if I sign, I'll be her sex slave forever.

Dear Thinking About Getting Into Bed With Satan,

As someone who has danced with the devil a bit herself, I strongly, strongly advise you to not believe a single word about the promises being made to you.

The devil lies and surrounds himself with other liars. Ousting and replacing all who won't support and defend his lies with incompetents who will. He creates whole networks to spur legions of mean, hateful and fear and outrage driven lunatics who can barely articulate what they are so angry about.

If you ask any of his dominion what makes them happy they cannot answer you. They are only driven by the fires of their collective fear and adrenaline fueled outrage.

Do not be one of these people. You will not be happy. You will, in fact, be consumed by the fire you so rightly fear.

Doctor "The Only Problem With Common Sense Is That It's Not Very Common" Liz
(but I'm happy to share some of mine with you )

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Dear Dr. Liz,

I'm the father of the guy who wrote to you earlier about the stepsisters and stepmother. I understand and appreciate your advice to him, believe it or not. I caught them..together..and it made me face the truth about why my first and now second marriages have failed. I'm gay. I was aroused enough by him that I had to remind myself that this was my son and I shouldn't be attracted to him. I didn't pay much attention to her at all.

I don't think that they saw me, but now I have to decide..do I confront them and tell them the truth about me...or just go on looking the other way, grateful to have a son willing to..fill the gaps, as it were? At least now that I know the truth, I've worked less and started working out more..and finally acted on my urges, losing my gay cherry at last. Yes, I'm a Top, if you must ask. Luckily, my new boyfriend is a bottom and a sometimes drag queen as well as a hot, sweaty young man of twenty-one ready to get it on with me.

Yeah, I'm torn, just because I don't want to blow up our whole family, yet I want everyone to relax and be honest, myself included. What are your thoughts? Honesty or comfortable status quo of looking the other way?

Sincerely,
Want To Come Out

P.S. I came across this while checking his PC for malware.

 

[LizVegas79]

I love when a patient comes by and even if we're closed they do something nice to say hello.

(it wasn't as pleasant when we had our old glass doors because guys would leave something quite different on them to say hello )

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

"So what do you girls think, should we open a spinoff sex advice and therapy clinic here or what?

Whoever wants to be my new regional manager meet me back in the hotel room in an hour."


- Doctor "We Should Soooo Do Sex Therapy At The Beach" Liz

DOC! STOP! I just need to remind you of the importance of proper and regular application of sunscreen! I, out of an abundance of care for my fellow humans, volunteer to apply it. And re-apply it as much as needed

Signed,

Altruistic Guy

PS, we're out of sunscreen. What's in the big barrel marked lubricant? It should work, right?

NOTE TO SEVERUS: If the Devil didn't look like Tom Waits in a bowler hat, it wasn't the real guy! DON'T SIGN!!!!!

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

DOC! STOP! I just need to remind you of the importance of proper and regular application of sunscreen! I, out of an abundance of care for my fellow humans, volunteer to apply it. And re-apply it as much as needed

Signed,

Altruistic Guy

PS, we're out of sunscreen. What's in the big barrel marked lubricant? It should work, right?

NOTE TO SEVERUS: If the Devil didn't look like Tom Waits in a bowler hat, it wasn't the real guy! DON'T SIGN!!!!!

ROFLMAO!

 

[LizVegas79]

*bumping*

(how sad )

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Dear Dr. Liz,

I'm the father of the guy who wrote to you earlier about the stepsisters and stepmother. I understand and appreciate your advice to him, believe it or not. I caught them..together..and it made me face the truth about why my first and now second marriages have failed. I'm gay. I was aroused enough by him that I had to remind myself that this was my son and I shouldn't be attracted to him. I didn't pay much attention to her at all.

I don't think that they saw me, but now I have to decide..do I confront them and tell them the truth about me...or just go on looking the other way, grateful to have a son willing to..fill the gaps, as it were? At least now that I know the truth, I've worked less and started working out more..and finally acted on my urges, losing my gay cherry at last. Yes, I'm a Top, if you must ask. Luckily, my new boyfriend is a bottom and a sometimes drag queen as well as a hot, sweaty young man of twenty-one ready to get it on with me.

Yeah, I'm torn, just because I don't want to blow up our whole family, yet I want everyone to relax and be honest, myself included. What are your thoughts? Honesty or comfortable status quo of looking the other way?

Sincerely,
Want To Come Out

P.S. I came across his letter to you while checking his PC for malware.

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz,

I'm the father of the guy who wrote to you earlier about the stepsisters and stepmother. I understand and appreciate your advice to him, believe it or not. I caught them..together..and it made me face the truth about why my first and now second marriages have failed. I'm gay. I was aroused enough by him that I had to remind myself that this was my son and I shouldn't be attracted to him. I didn't pay much attention to her at all.

I don't think that they saw me, but now I have to decide..do I confront them and tell them the truth about me...or just go on looking the other way, grateful to have a son willing to..fill the gaps, as it were? At least now that I know the truth, I've worked less and started working out more..and finally acted on my urges, losing my gay cherry at last. Yes, I'm a Top, if you must ask. Luckily, my new boyfriend is a bottom and a sometimes drag queen as well as a hot, sweaty young man of twenty-one ready to get it on with me.

Yeah, I'm torn, just because I don't want to blow up our whole family, yet I want everyone to relax and be honest, myself included. What are your thoughts? Honesty or comfortable status quo of looking the other way?

Sincerely,
Want To Come Out

P.S. I came across his letter to you while checking his PC for malware.

Dear WTCO,

My advice is do NOT come out to your son. It would be an incredibly selfish thing for you to do and it would probably permanently scar him and ruin any hope he might have for a normal family in the future.

Also, normally I would advocate that you try to find a way to keep your family together but in this case I would advise having a private conversation with your wife and tell her why you're leaving. Leave her the house, the cars, everything in your bank accounts and then go far, far away and start a new life over for yourself.

Your "secret" has already ruined two marriages and it is now going to ruin a third. But, at least now that you're being honest with yourself, you can do the right thing and be the best father you can be by leaving your family everything and go far away with or without your new boyfriend, it doesn't matter to them or me.


- Doctor "Don't Have Sex With Your Children - It's Very, VERY Not Cool" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Hmm, well in my opinion it's safe to say that you do indeed have a foot fetish.

However, I wouldn't call it a problem.

In fact, you adored my tootsies quite well. For a beginner, anyways I caught you staring at them. But that's practically normal these days with guys. You didn't spend a weird amount of time smelling them first. You didn't slobber or spit all over them. You didn't pull out Mister Happy and beg me for permission to cum all over them.

I'm actually going to put a Gold Star in your file.

But, tell me why you're really here.

Are you lusting after someone that you shouldn't?

Do you have fantasies that you can't share with your S.O.?

Or is your S.O. asking you to consider things which you think are super naughty?


- Doctor "This Is Your Safe Place" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

In my opinion, sex is a lot like yoga. The more you do it, the more you get out of it.

If your wife or girlfriend isn't meeting your weekly needs, that's certainly something
we can ... address ... or undress, if you prefer, here at my clinic.


- Doctor "Lets Get You Undressed First" Liz

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

In my opinion, sex is a lot like yoga. The more you do it, the more you get out of it.

If your wife or girlfriend isn't meeting your weekly needs, that's certainly something
we can ... address ... or undress, if you prefer, here at my clinic.


- Doctor "Lets Get You Undressed First" Liz

So, the barrel marked lube goes....where?

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Deleted.