Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[Sundayschild]

Dear Doctor Liz

Am I spending too much time on Lit? I find myself flirting inappropriately with clients, customers, girls in shops, girls out of shops... My mind tells me that not everyone is dtf all the time, but another part of my body (possibly the Spleen?) has other ideas. How can I stop my outrageous flirting before it gets me in trouble?

Distracted from England

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Doctor Liz

Am I spending too much time on Lit? I find myself flirting inappropriately with clients, customers, girls in shops, girls out of shops... My mind tells me that not everyone is dtf all the time, but another part of my body (possibly the Spleen?) has other ideas. How can I stop my outrageous flirting before it gets me in trouble?

Distracted from England

Dear Distracted from England,

Although not every cute woman or girl you meet is necessarily DTF, it doesn't mean that some of them might be. If you are polite and clever about it, implying a naughty idea here and there in between your words and in between your sentences is not entirely unexpected.

For instance, if I go to the grocery store and no ones bumps into my grocery cart with their grocery cart and says, "Oh, it's nice to bump into you" I go home and cry because I figure that means I've lost it. (jk - that never really happens, they still always say something pervy thank god! )

So I don't think your flirting is outrageous or needs to be stopped. Unless you're doing it in front of your wife. Then that's a problem and you definitely need to stop doing that because that's just plain rude!

Now, tell me the real reason you made an appointment to see me ....

- Doctor "Pretend You're In A Safe Place And Be Completely Honest With Me" Liz

 

[Sundayschild]

Dear Distracted from England,

Although not every cute woman or girl you meet is necessarily DTF, it doesn't mean that some of them might be. If you are polite and clever about it, implying a naughty idea here and there in between your words and in between your sentences is not entirely unexpected.

For instance, if I go to the grocery store and no ones bumps into my grocery cart with their grocery cart and says, "Oh, it's nice to bump into you" I go home and cry because I figure that means I've lost it. (jk - that never really happens, they still always say something pervy thank god! )

So I don't think your flirting is outrageous or needs to be stopped. Unless you're doing it in front of your wife. Then that's a problem and you definitely need to stop doing that because that's just plain rude!

Now, tell me the real reason you made an appointment to see me ....

- Doctor "Pretend You're In A Safe Place And Be Completely Honest With Me" Liz

Probably the same reason I saw you lock the door after I entered? Interesting that you left the door to the nurse station ajar...

 

[LupineOne]

Well, denial isn't just a river in Egypt as they say. But my thread is called Ask Dr Liz so generally people come to me with their problems, not their celebrations.




See? Honesty + Perversion.

Ka-ching! Hello new shiny gold Lexus!

I'm fucking great you pathetic basket case. How the fuck are you?

(see what I'm doing there, jake? reverse psychology and abusive therapy
are two of my specialties and they (almost) always work like a charm )

You can add laughter to your bag of tricks, Liz! This just made my morning!
Thanks Doc!

 

[investor2020]

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_r0u0sbuWKM1xn7gce.mp4

Dr. Liz . . . off on another medical boondoggle . . .

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Hey, doc.

I've got this itch.

Can you help me scratch it?

 

[Mav Unlimited]

Hey, doc.

I've got this itch.

Can you help me scratch it?

Can I watch it? Her scratching your itch I mean?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Can I watch it? Her scratching your itch I mean?

Honey, I don't think you could afford the admission

 

[Mav Unlimited]

Honey, I don't think you could afford the admission

Sigh.

Will you send me the recording then?

*whispers* Remember I love you and you’re the best!

 

[LoveLiving]

Dear Marriage Proposer,

Well, since I'm already married we would probably have to move to Utah.

BUT, that's not a problem. At least not for me. There are many parts of Utah that are really beautiful and if we could find a nice place near St. George, or Zion, or Bryce I'd be all for it.

Our only hurdle is my husband.

He's what I would call a little on the possessive side (and remember, I'm a fully untrained psycho-sexual-therapist so I may know what I'm taking about). He's also an ex-jock who apparently saw some things in locker rooms and showers while he was a professional athlete that disturbed him and have left him a little homophobic. So you'd have to be really, really, REALLY careful about "crossing swords" at night when we're in bed and I'm, you know, sandwiched in-between the two of you and forced to perform my wifely duties.

But it would be cool to be Reverse-Mormons! Maybe we could even start our own town where all the women have multiple husbands! How does Lizville sound to you? Or maybe, BR-ville (for Bitches Rule ) We don't have to decide right now. We can work on the name of the town after we convince my husband of the idea.


- Doctor "Looking Forward To Double-Doing My Wifely Duties Every Night" Liz





Dear So Backed Up Your Brain Is Clouded,

No silly, the milking stool was merely a symbol of where my receptionist will be examining you from after she finishes her ice cream and before your therapy sess with me.

btw - our policy is, any ice cream that falls on the floor, or on any of my receptionists, you have to lick up. I hope that will be okay with you.

We have a lot of rules around here and it takes awhile to learn all of them. Fortunately, you have the option of opting out of anything you either don't, or can't, perform. But, be aware, we have a strict NO REFUNDS POLICY, so you might as well just do what we tell you and shut the F up.

Stick with the heavy citrus diet I recommended, especially pineapple and mango, for 3 days prior to your appointment. After my receptionist relieves you of your first charitable contribution (which it sounds like is going to be a volcano of gooey goodness) I'll take over and see to your second, third and fourth donations to the cause of your good and happy health!

btw - my receptionist's name is Charity.


- Doctor "Give To Charity" Liz

Dear Dr. Liz

Is your receptionist married?

P.S.
And where did you get your credentials?
No, I don't mean your tits and your pussy, but your Dr. and PHD?

XO
Curious

 

[investor2020]

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qyn8woQBWA1ypiq9c.mp4

I do like the places that Dr. Liz stays at when she's away from work . . . (I assume that's the pool boy)

 

[LizVegas79]

Probably the same reason I saw you lock the door after I entered? Interesting that you left the door to the nurse station ajar...

I have to follow OSHA guidelines. You'd probably be surprised how many times we have to use our defibrillators around here! It's better to be safe than sorry.

Now I have the feeling you wanted to say something nice about my tootsies?

You can add laughter to your bag of tricks, Liz! This just made my morning!
Thanks Doc!

Always glad to help. Especially when I don't have to take off my clothes to do it!

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_r0u0sbuWKM1xn7gce.mp4

Dr. Liz . . . off on another medical boondoggle . . .

As a businesswoman, I like to keep my options open.

 

[LizVegas79]

Hey, doc.

I've got this itch.

Can you help me scratch it?

Dear Down Under,

Of course. Coincidentally, I have an itch that needs scratching down under too. Care to reciprocate?

Dr. "Quid Pro Quo" Liz

Can I watch it? Her scratching your itch I mean?

Dream on, buddy

Honey, I don't think you could afford the admission

The little red blinking light up there in the corner is an air freshener

Sigh.

Will you send me the recording then?

*whispers* Remember I love you and you’re the best!

Sure. We accept Visa, Mastercard, AmEx and of course, Bitcoin

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz

Is your receptionist married?

P.S.
And where did you get your credentials?
No, I don't mean your tits and your pussy, but your Dr. and PHD?

XO
Curious

Dear Curious,

No, my receptionist isn't married. The terms of her employment agreement are casual dating only and I get 30% of whatever she makes after-hours. Why?

Where I got my credentials is none of your business. Besides, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Earth isn't the only inhabited planet in the world you know.

And btw, what's wrong with my tits and pussy? It's taken me years but I actually like them. So does everyone else who accepts them as their salvation.

- Doctor "I Can Heal You Or Save You" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qyn8woQBWA1ypiq9c.mp4

I do like the places that Dr. Liz stays at when she's away from work . . . (I assume that's the pool boy)

This is my favorite get away from it all hide-away.

The best part is, it's always completely free whenever I go there!

Of course, I do have to DO certain things, for the staff and sometimes even the other guests, whenever I'm there but I don't mind. I'm open-minded and flexible so it's worth it!

 

[bunny4med]

If a french kiss a latina doctor in Greece, do I win the gold medal in the
Sexual Olympics?

 

[investor2020]

Dr. Liz -

Now that you are back from another of those pre-planned, but un-announced, absences that leave your clients/patients in the dark, I should remind you of that paragraph in my Demerit Room construction contract.

You know, the one where I have the option of personally introducing a new implement for use in the Demerit Room . . . with and/or, on you. Wouldn't you agree that leaving patients to suffer while you are AWOL is certainly worthy of such a demerit?


Signed

Your "promise it will only be a love tap" Contractor

 

[LizVegas79]

If a french kiss a latina doctor in Greece, do I win the gold medal in the
Sexual Olympics?

YESSSS YOU DO!!!!!

 

[LizVegas79]

Dr. Liz -

Now that you are back from another of those pre-planned, but un-announced, absences that leave your clients/patients in the dark, I should remind you of that paragraph in my Demerit Room construction contract.

You know, the one where I have the option of personally introducing a new implement for use in the Demerit Room . . . with and/or, on you. Wouldn't you agree that leaving patients to suffer while you are AWOL is certainly worthy of such a demerit?


Signed

Your "promise it will only be a love tap" Contractor

Dear Cornering Me With Fine Print,

Dang. I was wondering why my lawyer was grinning when he was reviewing your contract for me. Note to self: from now on only hire female lawyers.

Fine. You're right. It was unannounced. But the weather turned so nice here in Vegas and my "other job" started wanting me to work more days instead of nights so I did what any woman would do. I went to the gym, read by our pool, and who, I mean what and who, I had to do to make everyone happy.

Now, I guess, I have to make you happy too. Oh, well. I really don't mind. Just promise me you won't tell anyone, okay?

- Doctor "Shh, Don't Tell Anyone I Agreed To This" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

How to make Doctor Liz miss work for a few weeks:

Step #1 - Tell her you want to hire her to model several different brands of boots and say you will pay her a stupid amount of money.

Step #2 - Take advantage of her happy, yeah-sure-okay-whatever mood in the dressing room over and over again until you and your friends can't anymore.

Step #3 - Then, after the photo shoot, throw a couple of 20's at her and ask her to choose just one pair that she can keep.

Step #4 - Manage to call 911 before she rips your balls off with her fingernails.


Fortunately, you can get out of jail for really good behavior for just about anything these days.

 

[LizVegas79]

How To Make Doctor Liz Miss Work for a Couple More Weeks (Most Effective Method)

Step # 1 - Don't post anything new on her Ask Doctor Liz thread.

 

[JerseyJade]

How To Make Doctor Liz Miss Work for a Couple More Weeks (Most Effective Method)

Step # 1 - Don't post anything new on her Ask Doctor Liz thread.

I can certainly relate to this.

 

[LizVegas79]

I can certainly relate to this.

Fortunately, I wasn't very popular in school so I know exactly how to deal with this.

"Kiss my ass all you perfectly normal, well-balanced, un-fucked-up-anymore people!
Too bad for you, but I'm going to give all my awesome naughty advice to someone else now!"

 

[LAHomedog]

Dear Dr. Liz,

I am a new patient. Thank you working me into your busy calendar and seeing me.

I'm a straight man who prefers to wear men's thongs. The are comfortable and do a great job supporting The Boys. Do you think that is OK and socially acceptable?

Slightly Embarrassed

 

[investor2020]

Dear Dr. Liz -

Let me see if I understand this correctly . . . first you go on an unannounced leave of absence AGAIN (regardless of the needs of the "other" job), neglecting your long time patients and their "needs". Then you return and offer a "Mea culpa" excuse for the absence.

And now you insult and then threaten to drop these long time patients because they haven't suddenly swamped your site with problems that you neglected, and further state that you are going to "give all my awesome naughty advice to someone else now!"

I have valued your advice and frequently found release from my ailment conditions thru your own, as well as your clinic staff, hands-on approach. HOWEVER, in this instance you are "biting the hand that feeds you"!

I can see only one resolution to this problem:

Signed,

Your "this time it's going to be more than a love tap" Demerit Room Contractor