Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[lauraskitty]

Happy Hour starts at 4 and goes to 7.

VERY Happy Hour starts at 7 and goes until morning

Considering sunrise is approximately 6:30, think we're going to want some home made pizza, also cuddling.



And then there's morning coffee together. Hey, better than this happening

 

[LizVegas79]

Considering sunrise is approximately 6:30, think we're going to want some home made pizza, also cuddling.



And then there's morning coffee together. Hey, better than this happening

Static cling is the worst

 

[LizVegas79]

"So ... what do you think of Dr. Liz's clinic so far?"

 

[LizVegas79]

"Actually, I have three. But why do you have to know
how many freckles I have anyways, Dr. Liz? I thought this was
a psychotherapy clinic. And, why do I have to be naked again?
You sure have some funny rules, but you're the doctor I guess."

 

[LizVegas79]

"Sometimes I feel that getting down on the floor with my patients
really helps them to dive in and commit to their therapy. So, are you ready to dive in
and trust me and do everything I say? Because if you're not, well, you'd be missing out
on making real progress and, having a little fun along the way, too."

 

[Jake069258]

"Sometimes I feel that getting down on the floor with my patients
really helps them to dive in and commit to their therapy. So, are you ready to dive in
and trust me and do everything I say? Because if you're not, well, you'd be missing out
on making real progress and, having a little fun along the way, too."

Ya!!! Im in!!!

 

[LizVegas79]

Ya!!! Im in!!!

Good for you! So tell me, why are you here? What's getting in the way of your happiness, sweetie?
Are you worried that you're a dirty, disgusting pervert? Do you like things that maybe you feel you shouldn't?
It's okay. You can tell me. I'm here to help you and make everything all better.

 

[Jake069258]

Good for you! So tell me, why are you here? What's getting in the way of your happiness, sweetie?
Are you worried that you're a dirty, disgusting pervert? Do you like things that maybe you feel you shouldn't?
It's okay. You can tell me. I'm here to help you and make everything all better.

I am here because I started reading the stories here many years ago. I felt like it was time too join the community. In the way of my happiness... My life/marriage is fine, normal, stable etc, in search of "something" else/more/other... Im not worried about being a pervert... I think we are all perverts deep down As far as liking things I shouldnt... I dont know... Maybe thats another reason I am here?? To find out if I like things that i shouldnt??

 

[LizVegas79]

I am here because I started reading the stories here many years ago. I felt like it was time too join the community. In the way of my happiness... My life/marriage is fine, normal, stable etc, in search of "something" else/more/other... Im not worried about being a pervert... I think we are all perverts deep down As far as liking things I shouldnt... I dont know... Maybe thats another reason I am here?? To find out if I like things that i shouldnt??

Hmmm, sounds to me like you're perfectly well-adjusted.

I don't know how to work with well-adjusted. All I know is it's bad for the psycho-therapy business LOL

 

[Jake069258]

Hmmm, sounds to me like you're perfectly well-adjusted.

I don't know how to work with well-adjusted. All I know is it's bad for the psycho-therapy business LOL

I wondered if I tool that too literal haha.

 

[Mav Unlimited]

I am a complete fucking mess. Work with me.

How are you, Gorgeous?

 

[LizVegas79]

I wondered if I tool that too literal haha.

Well, denial isn't just a river in Egypt as they say. But my thread is called Ask Dr Liz so generally people come to me with their problems, not their celebrations.

I am a complete fucking mess. Work with me.

How are you, Gorgeous?

See? Honesty + Perversion.

Ka-ching! Hello new shiny gold Lexus!

I'm fucking great you pathetic basket case. How the fuck are you?

(see what I'm doing there, jake? reverse psychology and abusive therapy
are two of my specialties and they (almost) always work like a charm )

 

[whenagain]

Dear Dr Liz
I keep wanting to get more of your advice, because I know there are many things wrong with me. But as I read your saucy responses and degrading advice to the other people here-- not to mention some of your assistant's respsonses-- I get too horny to be articulate!
What should I do?

 

[lauraskitty]

Well it's that time of year again.


It's bad enough there are eighteen weeks of regular season football then five weeks playoffs and super bowl. And on top of it, during the past few years also fantasy football and recently on-line gambling.


Then there are the casualties, the poor football widows. What do you think we can do for them?

 

[Jake069258]

Well, denial isn't just a river in Egypt as they say. But my thread is called Ask Dr Liz so generally people come to me with their problems, not their celebrations.




See? Honesty + Perversion.

Ka-ching! Hello new shiny gold Lexus!

I'm fucking great you pathetic basket case. How the fuck are you?

(see what I'm doing there, jake? reverse psychology and abusive therapy
are two of my specialties and they (almost) always work like a charm )

Ok haha let's try again...

I am an oversexual, underutilized, needing an e-bone married heterosexual male.

What can you do for me doc??

 

[HotBrand]

Well, denial isn't just a river in Egypt as they say.

 

[HotBrand]

Dear Dr "If You Like It, Well, You Shoulda Put Your Lips 'Round It"*,

A letter arrived via your receptionist ahead of my appointment with you.

Is the abstaining of masturbation really required for a whole week? It does make sense since you have so kindly volunteered to offer a "full physical examination"; it's just that I am sure I will be highly tense by the time of our appointment.

The letter follows with a statement that you will provide "physical support" in obtaining a sample from me. This is followed by a small picture of a milking stool. Did your receptionist mean that you would require a stool sample? Is this linked to the lack of sexual activity beforehand?

The letter also advises me to consume food and drinks containing citrus in advance. Is this just general medical advice based on my own dietary preferences? You mentioned that this was "to taste".

I didn't know that your practice was involved in charity work. Of course, I would be delighted to "leave a donation" for you.

Once again, thank you so much for all of your hard work, and I am looking forward to your "full physical and oral examination".

P.S. I love your new GP practice slogan: "Is he dizzy? Just call Lizzie". It's catchy!

Yours sincerely,
Your 3rd greatest patient,
(read but not dictated)

*the link is just a YouTube to Single Ladies. Sometimes, puns only work when you got the right rhythm!

 

[Cat]

Do not like to wear heels

Dear Liz,

Is it ok not to wear high heels.. as I am rather small, I could probably need the extra height, but.. I just really dislike wearing them.

Can I still be cute with flat shoes?

Love
The petite Cat

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr Liz
I keep wanting to get more of your advice, because I know there are many things wrong with me. But as I read your saucy responses and degrading advice to the other people here-- not to mention some of your assistant's respsonses-- I get too horny to be articulate!
What should I do?

Dear Too Horny To Be Articulate,

The secret to any wonderful relationship is great communication.

That includes our doctor-patient relationship.

Telling me that you're horny is like telling me the sky is blue today.

Being obvious is NOT the same as being honest!!!

However, the fact that you blame ME for YOU not being able to be articulate tells me that you have a problem with strong, dynamic, (intelligent and super pretty! ) women like me.

Your confession that you are over analyzing your own physio-sexual reaction to reading my diagnosis's's (??) of other patients tells me that you are not resistant to even scratching the surface of what is actually bothering you. Which, I suspect you already know what it is but you aren't willing to admit it to yourself, let alone me or anyone else.

I can't help you, sweetie if you don't let me in. Resisting the urge to tell me what it is that obviously turns you onto about my thread, is, I'm afraid, a classic, boring, case of denial.

Denial makes me sad.

I find it very disappointing, too. I guess I just expect and hope for more from someone as intelligent and kind and handsome as you.

It also makes me a little angry.

But, mostly disappointed. And sad.

But I'm not going to give up on you. I'm just, probably, going to take my frustration with you out on someone else who doesn't deserve.

- Dr. "Tell Me The Sky Is Blue Again, I Dare You" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Well it's that time of year again.


It's bad enough there are eighteen weeks of regular season football then five weeks playoffs and super bowl. And on top of it, during the past few years also fantasy football and recently on-line gambling.


Then there are the casualties, the poor football widows. What do you think we can do for them?

Dear Wanting To Help The Poor,

Your timing couldn't be better. You have certainly hit a nerve as I too am a football widow.

Fortunately, I'm not poor though. I'm ridiculously wealthy and I have more shoes than I can possibly wear and many, I'm ashamed to admit, many that are in boxes that I've totally forgotten about.

Anyways, enough about me. Where were we? Oh right, football widows and how we can help them ....

I am calling an emergency sesh of all football widows, bi-curious women and experienced lesbians this Thursday at 10AM at my house when my kidlets will be at school and my husband at work) for an exciting new highly lucrative business opportunity that they can pursue during this, yet another, stupid football season.

LOOKING TO START YOU OWN FUN AND INSANELY PROFITABLE BUSINESS HELPING OTHER FOOTBALL WIDOWS?

GET SEX TOY CERTIFIED NOW WITH DR. LIZ'S SORT-OF AFFORDABLE AND SUPER FUN MASTER OR MISTRESS MBA-PROGRAM!

CLICK HERE NOW TO ENROLL IN A COURSE COMING SOON TO A MALL NEAR YOU!​

- Doctor "Get Your Sex Toy Certification Here" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Ok haha let's try again...

I am an oversexual, underutilized, needing an e-bone married heterosexual male.

What can you do for me doc??

Dear Overlooked Revenue Stream!

Thank you for your honesty. To date, the majority of my patients have been heterosexual men and bi, bi-curious, or straight up hardcore eww-ick-men! lesbian women. Business has been good. Although sometimes it has come in spurts (pun intended )

However, I have completely overlooked the men looking for men demo! And your particular kink of looking to e-bone married heterosexual males seems like a particularly lucrative psycho-sexual therapy avenue to explore.

Alas, I have precious little advice to give you at this point. However, if you would like, perhaps we could discuss having you come on as a consultant to help me grow my business in this area. It would require several meetings per week in my office, many of which will likely go long and spill-over into other meetings so if you're interested, I want you to be aware of both the risks and the rewards. Oh, btw, your reward can be that I will put you in charge of hiring all of our new male therapists.

- Doctor "Branching Out Apparently" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Marriage Proposer,

Well, since I'm already married we would probably have to move to Utah.

BUT, that's not a problem. At least not for me. There are many parts of Utah that are really beautiful and if we could find a nice place near St. George, or Zion, or Bryce I'd be all for it.

Our only hurdle is my husband.

He's what I would call a little on the possessive side (and remember, I'm a fully untrained psycho-sexual-therapist so I may know what I'm taking about). He's also an ex-jock who apparently saw some things in locker rooms and showers while he was a professional athlete that disturbed him and have left him a little homophobic. So you'd have to be really, really, REALLY careful about "crossing swords" at night when we're in bed and I'm, you know, sandwiched in-between the two of you and forced to perform my wifely duties.

But it would be cool to be Reverse-Mormons! Maybe we could even start our own town where all the women have multiple husbands! How does Lizville sound to you? Or maybe, BR-ville (for Bitches Rule ) We don't have to decide right now. We can work on the name of the town after we convince my husband of the idea.


- Doctor "Looking Forward To Double-Doing My Wifely Duties Every Night" Liz

Dear Dr "If You Like It, Well, You Shoulda Put Your Lips 'Round It"*,

A letter arrived via your receptionist ahead of my appointment with you.

Is the abstaining of masturbation really required for a whole week? It does make sense since you have so kindly volunteered to offer a "full physical examination"; it's just that I am sure I will be highly tense by the time of our appointment.

The letter follows with a statement that you will provide "physical support" in obtaining a sample from me. This is followed by a small picture of a milking stool. Did your receptionist mean that you would require a stool sample? Is this linked to the lack of sexual activity beforehand?

The letter also advises me to consume food and drinks containing citrus in advance. Is this just general medical advice based on my own dietary preferences? You mentioned that this was "to taste".

I didn't know that your practice was involved in charity work. Of course, I would be delighted to "leave a donation" for you.

Once again, thank you so much for all of your hard work, and I am looking forward to your "full physical and oral examination".

P.S. I love your new GP practice slogan: "Is he dizzy? Just call Lizzie". It's catchy!

Yours sincerely,
Your 3rd greatest patient,
(read but not dictated)

*the link is just a YouTube to Single Ladies. Sometimes, puns only work when you got the right rhythm!

Dear So Backed Up Your Brain Is Clouded,

No silly, the milking stool was merely a symbol of where my receptionist will be examining you from after she finishes her ice cream and before your therapy sess with me.

btw - our policy is, any ice cream that falls on the floor, or on any of my receptionists, you have to lick up. I hope that will be okay with you.

We have a lot of rules around here and it takes awhile to learn all of them. Fortunately, you have the option of opting out of anything you either don't, or can't, perform. But, be aware, we have a strict NO REFUNDS POLICY, so you might as well just do what we tell you and shut the F up.

Stick with the heavy citrus diet I recommended, especially pineapple and mango, for 3 days prior to your appointment. After my receptionist relieves you of your first charitable contribution (which it sounds like is going to be a volcano of gooey goodness) I'll take over and see to your second, third and fourth donations to the cause of your good and happy health!

btw - my receptionist's name is Charity.


- Doctor "Give To Charity" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Liz,

Is it ok not to wear high heels.. as I am rather small, I could probably need the extra height, but.. I just really dislike wearing them.

Can I still be cute with flat shoes?

Love
The petite Cat

Dear Kitty In Flat Shoes,

No, it is impossible to be cute in flats. Except maybe canvas hightops or bejeweled flip-flops, but even then you're on shaky ground.

True, wearing stilettoes means you're ALWAYS on shaky ground too just because they're a bitch to walk in, especially when it comes to stairs, or cobblestones, or anywhere unpaved, but that's beside the point.

If you can't wear at least a 2" heel when you go out then it is far, FAR better to be barefoot.

The fact that you are short, and very, very cute imhfo (that pic of you in your glasses went straight into my personal file!) AND a petite little thing means that you can be carried wherever you need to go by your male servants. (I highly suggest getting a couple of male servants if you don't already have some )

Now, pick anything you like from our Gift Shop because I know that wasn't the answer you wanted to hear.

- Doctor "I'm Sorry I Can't Give You The Answer You Wanted To Hear" Liz

 

[HotBrand]

Well, since I'm already married we would probably have to move to Utah.

Wait. Is the Utah thing legit? I thought that was like the majority of the countries that have Islam as an official/recognised religion: they don't actually legally allow polygamy.

He's also an ex-jock who apparently saw some things in locker rooms and showers while he was a professional athlete that disturbed him and have left him a little homophobic.

Huh. I competed on an amateur level (rugby) and ... I guess I was lucky in not seeing some things. I ... am genuinely concerned about what might have been witnessed by your husband!

How does Lizville sound to you? Or maybe, BR-ville (for Bitches Rule )

I vote Queenstown. It passes as legit, it meets your "women rulez!" requirement, AND it's highly inclusive to drag culture. Win-win-win.

No silly, the milking stool was merely a symbol of where my receptionist will be examining you from after she finishes her ice cream and before your therapy sess with me.

Oh.

btw - our policy is, any ice cream that falls on the floor, or on any of my receptionists, you have to lick up. I hope that will be okay with you.

My.

After my receptionist relieves you of your first charitable contribution (which it sounds like is going to be a volcano of gooey goodness) I'll take over and see to your second, third and fourth donations to the cause of your good and happy health!

God.

btw - my receptionist's name is Charity.

Because she's always willing to give a Helping Hand, right?

I'm done. You beat me with those impossibly ultra responses. Imma take a lie down and recover.

 

[LizVegas79]

Wait. Is the Utah thing legit? I thought that was like the majority of the countries that have Islam as an official/recognised religion: they don't actually legally allow polygamy.



Huh. I competed on an amateur level (rugby) and ... I guess I was lucky in not seeing some things. I ... am genuinely concerned about what might have been witnessed by your husband!



I vote Queenstown. It passes as legit, it meets your "women rulez!" requirement, AND it's highly inclusive to drag culture. Win-win-win.



Oh.



My.



God.



Because she's always willing to give a Helping Hand, right?

I'm done. You beat me with those impossibly ultra responses. Imma take a lie down and recover.

I love leaving my patients exhausted, spent and breathless.

Now get the fuck out.

Next!