Ask the Demon

[SexyCleric]

You will have the Demon's - and therefor the Demon's official unofficial assistant's forgiveness - when I get a photo of this apparently Simon Pegg-esque face. I has a curiosity.

I love being an arrogant jerk in my god realm. It may be small in here, but the perks are awesome.

I'll see if I can't dig up a picture, but I still stand by my prior assertion that I do not, in fact, look like Simon Pegg. I should be so lucky.

 

[gesshoku]

Vandalicious,

Simon Pegg

http://www.thehollywoodnews.com/artman2/uploads/1/simon-pegg.jpg

Looks like the main dude from Shaun of the Dead to me. That was an awesome movie.



Anyway, on to my question....One of my friends says she's kinker than *you*. The example she gave was that she wanted to masturbate with someone's intestines. Is she, in fact, kinker than you?

 

[~His Kitten~]

gesshoku I think your friend will give me nightmares, lol...but it kinda reminds me of saw...

Understood Vandal but if you could somehow fix that, off thread of course, I'd greatly be appreciative.

My question is...is the sound of a vibrator unique enough that it could be recongized by a passer by?

 

[~His Kitten~]

P.S

How good is your knowledge of late 80s, early 90s cartoons? Involving bears? And not the gummi bears or the care bears.

 

[VandalHeart]

I'll see if I can't dig up a picture, but I still stand by my prior assertion that I do not, in fact, look like Simon Pegg. I should be so lucky.

That remains to be seen.

 

[VandalHeart]

Vandalicious,

Simon Pegg

http://www.thehollywoodnews.com/artman2/uploads/1/simon-pegg.jpg

Looks like the main dude from Shaun of the Dead to me. That was an awesome movie.



Anyway, on to my question....One of my friends says she's kinker than *you*. The example she gave was that she wanted to masturbate with someone's intestines. Is she, in fact, kinker than you?

I know who Simon Pegg is, silly. Hello? Zombie movie nerd. I own a copy of Shawn of the Dead.

As for your question, I'm sorry, but I still have to say that's a no. She may want to masturbate with intestines, but I actually have masturbated with foreign organs. Alas it was not intestines, but I think my apparatus beats that: testicles. Yes. I masturbated by inserting myself into a testicle bigger than my penis. Of course, it wasn't a human testicle (thank the gods, because I would have to kill myself for having such a diminutive manhood). No, it was cattle testicle. Had to thaw it out first, though. Then it was pretty nice. Needless to say, that particular specimen did not go into the cowfry banquet box.

No, if she were truly as kinky as she claims, she would have gone out of her way to make it happen. I rearranged my high school schedule so that I could take Agriculture simply so I could participate in the cowfry banquet preparation. Along the way, I decided that it was too ironic and adventurous an idea to pass up, so I stole one testicle, bagged it, vacuum sealed the bag, brought it home, and microwaved it. It wasn't as awesome as I had hoped, but in a single act, I had committed an act of homoeroticism, masturbation, sitophilia, mysophilia, zoophilia, and since I knew all the stock we had received of testicles were from slaughtered bulls, it also qualified as necrophilia. Not to mention that the bull in question was well below the age of informed consent in the state of Oklahoma, which by some stretches of the imagination, could qualify it as hebephilia, if you count pubescence when determining specifics, or pedophilia, if you're going simply by age in relation to pure chronology.

Basically, I win. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to zip my pants back up after that thoughtless display of competitive hubris.

 

[VandalHeart]

gesshoku I think your friend will give me nightmares, lol...but it kinda reminds me of saw...

Understood Vandal but if you could somehow fix that, off thread of course, I'd greatly be appreciative.

My question is...is the sound of a vibrator unique enough that it could be recongized by a passer by?

I'll see what I can do, but at the risk of sounding like my usual selfish and greedy self, I can't really do anything until I have the chance to meet you in person. This isn't because I want to do unspeakable things to you in a secluded room with no lights or threat of consequences. It's because I have no idea how deep these issues go or what your reaction strata to these phobias actually are. Plus, there's that whole, "I'm not a licensed psychologist" thing. But who cares about that, anyways?

 

[VandalHeart]

P.S

How good is your knowledge of late 80s, early 90s cartoons? Involving bears? And not the gummi bears or the care bears.

Bring it. I'm not afraid of saying I don't know, and who knows, I might actually know. What's up?

 

[SexyCleric]

That remains to be seen.

And until I get a hold of a decent camera, it shall remain unseen.

Talk of organs being used as sex toys got me thinking... Which is about as dangerous as it sounds. How did this theoretical friend plan on masturbating with the intestines? Fill 'em up with something solid, just rub with them rope style, or what?

Ah, sexual deviance... Fun times.

 

[gesshoku]

Cleric,

My friend says: the reasoning being the fantasy is pretty detailed and very illegal since the other participant will not survive. *shrugs* i AM trying to get my hands on a human corpse but so far.. no dice so im crashing the morticians convention in may.

She also said she'll be creating an account later.

Vandal,

Well, I know who he is by sight, just not by name. I'm odd like that.

New Question: A male friend of mine told me that he would call his wife on his way home from work and tell her to go take a cold bath, so that when he got home, he could pretend to engage in necrophilia. What is your opinon on this? Would you ever have your significant other do such?

 

[Lady Reiha]

Okay, forgive my ignorance.

All is forgiven ^____^ *hands a cookie*

As much as I would love to take you guys up on that offer, it looks like I'm finally starting to settle down. Besides, I think I need an explanation on that ambiguous ending.

*snaps fingers* Don't say I didn't try
&... What ending? <.<

I'll see if I can't dig up a picture, but I still stand by my prior assertion that I do not, in fact, look like Simon Pegg. I should be so lucky.

BULLL SHEEETS!

 

[Lady Reiha]

And until I get a hold of a decent camera, it shall remain unseen.

Talk of organs being used as sex toys got me thinking... Which is about as dangerous as it sounds. How did this theoretical friend plan on masturbating with the intestines? Fill 'em up with something solid, just rub with them rope style, or what?

Ah, sexual deviance... Fun times.

Isn't the picture on the nerd thread still up?

 

[Lady Reiha]

P.S

How good is your knowledge of late 80s, early 90s cartoons? Involving bears? And not the gummi bears or the care bears.

Is it the Paw Paw Bears???


http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e111/allicat1313/pawpaw.jpg

 

[~His Kitten~]

I have this fuzzy vivid memory of a bear cartoon from the early 90s. It was a candy themed show. And no it was not the gummi bears, it was before them. There was a brown bear and a white bear that had peppermint candy sticks on him. It was set in a carnival where the kids came and the bears fed them candy and frolicked with them. There were also evil villians who lived in the underground sewers who tried to steal the candy and ruin the carnival so the bears had to go save the day. The only name I can remember is gum gum, gum gum land I think.

HELP? I think I am going insane. I had them on video once but sold the vhs long ago and cannot remember it. No one else really does either.

And no, its not the paw paw bears LOL

btw, you all made me throw up a bit in my mouth...Thank you for making me feel normal

 

[SexyCleric]

Cleric,

My friend says: the reasoning being the fantasy is pretty detailed and very illegal since the other participant will not survive. *shrugs* i AM trying to get my hands on a human corpse but so far.. no dice so im crashing the morticians convention in may.

Disembowelment is actually a very slow way to go, so it's entirely possible for your friend to jill off, and get the poor bastard to the hospital in time. If it's human corpses you're looking for, I know a guy. Me. Whatcha lookin' for?

 

[SexyCleric]

Isn't the picture on the nerd thread still up?

Silence you.

And thanks for the cookie.

 

[Lady Reiha]

Silence you.

And thanks for the cookie.

Your welcome ^_______^"

 

[VandalHeart]

A male friend of mine told me that he would call his wife on his way home from work and tell her to go take a cold bath, so that when he got home, he could pretend to engage in necrophilia. What is your opinon on this? Would you ever have your significant other do such?

My opinion is whatever floats his boat is cool by me, especially since I won't really be effected. Now, if I were involved my opinion might be different. Too many people stick their noses in where they don't belong these days, and I'm not going to add to the roster.

As for me doing it, no thanks. I've tried it before. It's not that fun for me. Besides, I've been on the other end of it before, and it's just as anticlimactic. I want to participate and I want my partner participating.

Now, I may not want her to act as if she's willing, but that's a whole other story.

 

[VandalHeart]

Vandy- the invites still open.. err... I mean Ah..err...damn -_-"

That ending. Why the stammering? What happened, right there?

 

[VandalHeart]

I have this fuzzy vivid memory of a bear cartoon from the early 90s. It was a candy themed show. And no it was not the gummi bears, it was before them. There was a brown bear and a white bear that had peppermint candy sticks on him. It was set in a carnival where the kids came and the bears fed them candy and frolicked with them. There were also evil villians who lived in the underground sewers who tried to steal the candy and ruin the carnival so the bears had to go save the day. The only name I can remember is gum gum, gum gum land I think.

Wow. I have no clue. The best I could manage to track down was a toy line that was turned into a short-lived tv show launched by the vhs included with one of the toys. They all pretty much looked the same, though, and there was less of a "defend the carnival" plot than there was a "we're lost" plot. They were stuffed animals who ran away, banding together to find a new home. The carnival is what they found. The info I found didn't even mention children. And again, I have no idea if this even what you were asking about.

In any case, the line I'm talking about were called the Bitsy Bears.

 

[Lady Reiha]

That ending. Why the stammering? What happened, right there?

*shuts up*

 

[~His Kitten~]

Apparently the Bitsy Bears are quite popular in Europe but alas, they are not the bears of memories. Mine are quite candy themed. Gum gum something.

This is rather frustrating. Dang me for having such vibrant small childhood memories!

 

[VandalHeart]

oops

My question is...is the sound of a vibrator unique enough that it could be recongized by a passer by?

By the way, it was pointed out that I did not answer this question. Let me take care of that right now.

A vibrator specifically? I'd have to say that less than 1% of the population would be able to pull that off with any reliable accuracy, and most of them either work in the adult toy or power shaver manufacturing industries, since both vibrators and electric shavers use the same technology. A few other devices use the little motors, but that only leads into my point: things that make that sound could be anything.

Ever seen Fight Club? Remember the scene right after Jack meets Tyler on the plane? He was detained at the airport because his luggage made a "vibrating sound." As the baggage claim attendant informed him, most modern bombs do not tick. They vibrate.

Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor. But … every once in a while [looks around, leans in conspiratorially] … it's a dildo. [leans back] Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo", never … [stares straight at Jack] your ...dildo.

--quote collected from WikiQuote.

That 1% of the population, on the other hand, would likely be able to tell you not only what the item is, they can probably rattle off the manufacturing code, as well as countless other useless facts about the product. This is because they helped to make the things, and are intimately familiar with them... sometimes in more ways than one. If you have a friend that is claiming this capability, then either they've worked in the industry or industries for a good long time, they use them where they work a lot, or they are lying. Plain and simple. Nobody's ears are that good. There are exceptions, but they are so incredibly rare that they may as well not exist.

 

[VandalHeart]

Disembowelment is actually a very slow way to go, so it's entirely possible for your friend to jill off, and get the poor bastard to the hospital in time. If it's human corpses you're looking for, I know a guy. Me. Whatcha lookin' for?

Cleric, don't encourage my slave's deviant friends.

...

On second thought, ignore I said that. she has some pretty twisted friends, and the ideas they get can benefit me quite nicely sometimes, so we might as well not stammer any of them. Still....

 

[gesshoku]

Dear Vandal,

Why is honor so valued? Also, why is it so hard to define?