Carolina Directory

[lovetoread]

btw, this thread is home to a couple of looooong time Lit members who have abandoned their previous names and reps and all the accompanying BS

And who you calling old,huh? Inquiring minds would like to know.

Anyone wondering why the heck I am still doing up,please call me for I dont know why I am still here.

As for my age bracket?

I fall into the 20-29 one.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Oooops!

(btw, this thread is home to a couple of looooong time Lit members who have abandoned their previous names and reps and all the accompanying BS...)

Now you've done it! Inquiring minds are extremely curious! LOL


I fall into the 40 - 49 age range, SCBlondetiger. I don't mind admitting it. My life is getting better each year.

LTR... why are you up this late? In fact, why am I up this late?

 

[TurboPower]

Hello again!

Been gone all day traveling *sigh*

Thanks for the welcome, and I'm enjoying reading up on you guys! Although, its hard to figure out what the topic is at times! hehe

 

[lovetoread]

Ahhh....

I am going to try to go to sleep.

Be well all!

 

[Georgia Girl]

Why am I still up?

Oh yea, I remember to answer that question for SCBT, I fall into the 30-39 age bracket so it would seem so far LTR is the closest to you.

Roughneck is in the 20-29 bracket

Stunner is in the 30-39 bracket

Those are the other ones that I know and they aren't around due to various and assundry puter problems.

I'm taking my naked self off to bed. Sleep well my friends and I hope your morning is merry and a good start to the day.

Dawn

 

[artful]

DES

Ok,...I meet all your requirements fully except for one!

Now,...Just how close to a Million dollars do I have to be?

Can ya cut me just a LITTLE slack there?

Oh yeh,.........58 range,...lmao

 

[geri]

Nite All

i fall in the 30-39 range as does Magister.

just a note to everyone, i don't know when i will be on tomorrow as i came home to the fact that my youngest son had dumped my body wash into my keyboard thus making all the second and third row buttons (except for the g and h) not type a damn thing...grrr...and they wonder why i have strands of white in my hair.

i am currently sneaking on to another computer just to let you know that i don't know when i will be able to get another keyboard but i am betting that it wont be in time to type anything before work tomorrow. if i dont get back to you than all of you have a nice day.

 

[lovetoread]

Good morning all.

Its me again.

Des,ohhh a taker. Hmmm.....interesting...

Geri,I do know what kids can do. I have gone through 2 cd roms and a floppy. I hope the puter is fixed soon.

Be well.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Re: Oooops!

My poor, sweet lady Dawn... I am SO sorry I took off before I knew your lovely mounds were in durance vile! .......... Brethren and sistren, can I get an amen?!!

AMEN!!!

I appreciate the thought sweet Magister and the girls did in fact survive, they weren't happy but they lived.

Des honey.......oooohhhhh, you gotta nibble. Will it become a bite? Let us see if she can set that hook. <the crowd awaits quietening down to the barest of whispers gazing at sweet Des>.

Ya'll have a good day and I shall search out more humor for us, the rest of ya'll could jump in and help me with this if you like <hint, hint>.

Dawn

 

[Georgia Girl]

Jack goes to the doctor and says, "Doc I'm having trouble getting an erection, can you help me?"

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well, the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?"

"Well," the doctor explains, "what we would do is take one of the small muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant it in your penis." Jack thinks about it, then says, "Well, the thought of going through life without ever having an erection or intercourse again is too much. Let's go for it." The surgery went without a hitch and a few weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to try his improved equipment.

He planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend starting at one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being uncomfortable. To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a dinner roll and then returned to his pants.

His girlfriend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, "That was incredible! Can you do that again?"

Jack replied, "Well, I might be able to, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass!"

 

[Georgia Girl]

Ya'll have a good day and Geri, since I have a 4 yr old I know the feeling as well as LTR does. My guy has a thing for CDs. Here is another good one for you.

 

[Pinklady]

Re: DES

Ok,...I meet all your requirements fully except for one!

Now,...Just how close to a Million dollars do I have to be?

Can ya cut me just a LITTLE slack there?

Oh yeh,.........58 range,...lmao

Good morning Artful. Welcome to the Carolinas! Thank you for your interest in my personal ad. Are you quite certain that you're frail?

I think you actually are just a little young for the elderly category.

 

[artful]

Re: Re: DES

Good morning Artful. Welcome to the Carolinas! Thank you for your interest in my personal ad. Are you quite certain that you're frail?

I think you actually are just a little young for the elderly category.

I would be frail enough for YOU!

Now,...about the money?

 

[artful]

Georgia Girl

Ya'll have a good day and Geri, since I have a 4 yr old I know the feeling as well as LTR does. My guy has a thing for CDs. Here is another good one for you.

That was an IMPRESSIVE!

 

[Desdemona]

OK.... that was extremely odd

I logged in as me (good ol' Des) and when I finished typing my post, it posted as Pink Lady. Is my computer possessed???

Now, Artful, to answer your question about the money.... you must be fabulously wealthy in order to earn my divine submission. Anyway, I can't even begin to imagine what would make someone think that I would be submissive.

Besides that, there is a certain Dom who might take exception to me giving away that which he already owns.

 

[Desdemona]

Oh, that was sort of rude of me

Good morning everybody! I hope you busy moms have a great day. Guys, try to behave for a change. I'll talk to you all later. Off to work now!

 

[artful]

GG

I loved the ELEPHANT joke.
<--------Still laughing!

 

[lovetoread]

Who is this pink lady?

She has taken over all posters it seems.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Hey ya'll

glad you have liked the humor so far. When I get a chance I will go in search of more.

Dawn

 

[lovetoread]

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their wedding night with the young mans parents. In the morning the mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast, went to the bottom of the stairs and called for them to come down for breakfast. After a long wait the family ate without the newlyweds. The mother said I wonder why they never came down to eat. The groom's young brother said Mommy, I think...Oh shut up I don't want to hear what you think said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the younger brother. At lunch time the mother again prepared a wonderful meal and again called the young couple to eat.

After another long wait the family proceeded to eat, and after the meal was completed the mother once again said I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again the younger brother started to speak, but was interrupted by the mother. At dinner time once again the mother cooked a very elaborate meal, had the table set perfect and called the newlyweds to join the family for dinner. After another long wait the mother once again questioned why they had not come downstairs all day. The young lad once again said Mommy I think... Well, what is it that you think? asked the mother rather irritated. I think that when big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model plane glue instead.

 

[lovetoread]

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator. "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked. "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."

 

[lovetoread]

If these have been done re read them and smile about it. Have you seen how many posts this thread has? I aint searching through all of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He
knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy
sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep
her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking
for something special to please his wife, and started talking to
the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We
have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I
don't know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except..." and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He
opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The
Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the
door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook
wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form
down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo
Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back
to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally
surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he
was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was
unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would
willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.
It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she
became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.

She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could
help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to
drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way,
another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the
road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He
asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to
drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck
in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

 

[lovetoread]

Saw this and wanted to share.

http://www.rudefun.com/pictures/priceless/3.jpg

 

[Georgia Girl]

Those are great

thanks so much LTR, we all need a laugh, especially now.

Dawn

 

[Magister]

Marketing
Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s fantastic in bed.”
That’s Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”
That’s Brand Recognition.