Chanel 285 Lit News

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

"Folks this just in! There have been rumors for quite some time but my skillful investigative reporting has cracked the secret of Cats Furry's family! Now the truth comes out!
Tonight at 5- the truth behind Cats Furry. Beloved Child or neglected basterd hellion- find out tongith!"

 

[cats]

Sneak Peak

*In a dark room* I was the runt of the litter bron inbetween the otehr seven. I was in my mothers second litter. It's a ratehr large familly were you learn to fend for yourself after a few months. A ways after you gain your sight, I was born blind you know.

 

[DarkTalon]

Dan tallon Her And we have just lund That Cats Furry Prime suspect as the Black Cat infeniss Assasin. Was Adopted At Age 4 And his rell fothers Name Is Hanibel Lecter. And Now A word Form Our Sponsers

 

[cats]

Cats Furry

When did I become the prime suspect? And Dan Talon why are you reading my mail. Thats a fedral Offense! Where is my lawyer. *Johnny Corcren walks up* I said lawyer not satan!

 

[DarkTalon]

Hay Johnny Cockren is my lawyr

 

[cats]

Comercil break

hello I'm Cats Furry ehre to tell you about a new and amazeing product, being marketed by Feline Domanince Industries.

Our new product is not sold in stores and is only found here. I would consider it a back packing must! That would be dehydrated water. Just add water!

And if you act now we will not only give you are 100 lbs bucket of dehydrated water (Makes one quart) for just nitey-nine nitey-nine yes $9999. But! that is not all! Act now and get a free can of Absolutely pure 100% solid nothing! yes you heared me right we are giveing you nothing with this product, for free!

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

Welcome back, you all know me, I'm Nicholaa with our special report tonight.
A long time ago a kitten was found by a nice couple who adoped it and raised it to be thier own. They named him Cats and gave him thier last name of Furry. Their unexplained deaths the day after Cats turned 18 stumped police though no one could find evidence to prove Cats did the crime. The only clue was a black mask found at the scene.
After collecting thier insurance money and liquidating thier assest, Cats moved on to journalism school where he was quickly tossed out for reasons this station cannot say on the air- there might be children watching you know.
So, after a stream of dead end jobs, Cats managed to sleep with the station owner's child and got hired on here to please the owner.
Now, under new management, Cats' contract is up for renewal. And, in an act of supreme generosity, the management is letting you the viewers make the call! Just dial 555-1234 and place your vote- 1 for keep him and 2 through 9 to dump him, the high the number the hotter the fire.
And now back to you Dan.

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

Ok, 555-1234, 9 redial, redial, redial, re....Hello folks, this is your resident political correspondent Fuzzz here with some late-breaking news. France has surrendered. Not sure to what, but apparently, during recent UN talks a diplomat from an as-yet undisclosed nation reportedly looked at the French delegation really hard, prompting this action. Threats of the use of soap on the french delegates may or may not have been involved. This is Fuzzz, saying It's not whether you win or lose, it's how much you f@ck the MAN in the process.

 

[kamalw1]

Hello everyone. This is Jason Cocoa with an unusual story to report. It appears that many Canadian celebrities are urging the fellow citizens to drop the word "French" from their designations as "French Canadians" and to start calling themselves "Freedom Canadians". It seems that this last act of surrender on the par of France has thoroughly embarrassed our neighbors to the north. Back to you Dan.

 

[DarkTalon]

Dan talon here to say Godd day and good night Join us again later nextime on Chanel 285 lt news.



Credits role

head ancor = Dan Talon

Co- Ancor= Nichollaa

Political activest and fill coraspondent =Fuz^3

Cileberty coraspondent =Jason Cocoa

Guest reporter for fashion Polite Succubis
And Fill reporter Cats Furry

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

Good morning one and all and welcome to todays edition of Lit News. I'm Nicholaa, the co anchor and sitting here next to me is the ever sexy Dan Talon. We've got a full day for you, so sit down, grab a bag of jelly belly beans and enjoy!

 

[DarkTalon]

Dan Talon here with late braking news . The fbi has just found coppy of a check stub from The Fuz^3 With a note Saying for Cats furry to fake an assasination atempt and frame Dan tallon And "Da Man". . And cuming up later An inter veiw With some talk show host.

 

[cats]

Report

IC: *Stands their in shock* .........
..........
..........
..........
..........
'Shouldn't you be saying something?' *Turns to game show host* I'm the damn reporter! Your the damn Game Show host. Shouldn't you be game show hosting? *stares at camrea again* .........
..........
..........
..........
Back to you dan talon.

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

"WHAT!?!" She reread over the transcript of what Dan had reported. "That little fluff ball tried to kill you!?! Oh this won't do at all!"
Suddenly aware of the camera on her, Nicholaa smiled sweetly. "Well folks, this just in, after finding out the facts behind our most recenet report by the sexy cowboy reporter Dan Talon, I, Nicholaa Yasdanshrie-Montoya-Corrona have declaird Cats Furry and the Fuzzz outlaws and under the laws of this great state, I'm allowed to hunt you down like the sleezoids you are because I've a state exicutioner's license!"
Flashes a badge in the shape of a star with the seal of the state's Lycanthropy and Vampire Hunter's Commitee on it.

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

This is your resident political commentator Fuzzz speaking. Wake up people. The MAN is trying to shut me up by implicating me here. A check stub...come on, people. I don't have a bank account. All of my business transactions are done in sweet, green, untraceable cash. I don't want some MAN controlled financial institution to get me by the...ummm...credit cards. And you people should know I don't sign anything, at least not with my real name. Common sense, folks.
I have in my hand a signed affidavit from a former CIA hadwriting analyst. Yep, signed and admissible in court...anyway, it states that the check and note in question were filled out by the pen of...who are you.....LET GO OF ME PIG......MOONBEAM, QUEEN BEE, HELP!!!......Who sent you...WH...WHERE ARE YOU TAKIN.................
*static..........................*

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

Being quite contrite. "I'm quite sorry, Fuzzz for accusing you of that. I should have known better- you're WAY to paranoid to write a check. This can only mean that the cat's trying to implicate you to take the pressure off of him!
"Oh well, moving along in the news, there's a werewolf fight going on in the Blood Moon chronicals, the Lion's Return's hit a rut it seems and there's Anime RP's everywhere!
Now the weather..."

 

[cats]

Specil Report

IC: Hello I'm Cats Furry here with a specil report. I have an exclusive this time! the confesion of Cats Furries involvement in the Black Cat case.

So why did you do it?

I did it for an exclusive story.

You'd sink so low for an exclusive?

I'd rat out on myself for an exculsive.

Thats a ratehr bold thing to do. Now really how are you involved in this mystery.

Well I framed Dan Tallon.

Why?

I told you already for an exclusive.

So how did you go about makeing that.... well work isn't the best word but how did you go about makeing it work.

Well I first went and found an old post of Dan Tallon's I then carefully edited it so no one could tell.

People could tell.

Like I said so no one could tell. then I made a black cat Mask and placed it in his desk then I played the edited footage and then I picked up the mask.

.....

I almsot had it too it wouldof work if not for those Medling Anchors and there Lawyer too.

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

"See folks, crime doesn't pay," said with a sweet smile. "So, do we get to execute him on live TV? I think it'd be a good ratings grabber.
Oh well, are we EVER going to get the weather?

 

[DarkTalon]

Dan tallon here and as soon as he arives we will be interviewing Cervantes De Leon! Form the late night talk show "Late Night with Cervantes De Leon! " If he ever shows up. Adn A sfor the weather we hirred a guy Named Raven Loft But he never seam to be around So jutst keep going to the weather some day well get the weather out.

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

That's not a good answer but oh well.
Nothing new that we know of, here in the great state of Texas. But in the General Boards there's been talk of bisexuality and spankings! The how to board's filled with questions of love and anal sex. SRP's cumming along well and the ORP is well ORP.

 

[DarkTalon]

Dan talon here with the Qute of the Day No this Was said refering to Th General Board "Kill the trolls! Down with them all!
Wait a min- that makes me as bad as they are... the adult thing to do would be to ignore them and move on... ah being only 21 has its advantages sometimes, LOL." =Vixandra

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

Well that Vixandra character's in there tonight spaking and chatting away! Guess she delt with the trolls and ignores them now. There are some good things going on in there sometimes you know.
Moving on, Nichalodian, in a move that I dispise, has stated it won't be picking up Invader Zim for another season. Evil wreched humans!!! Bow before ZIM!!!

 

[DarkTalon]

Dan talon here with an anouncment The first anual Lit news Company picknic and Fair All Are wellcome to com and viset The News teem There. Their will be rieds for the wole family and Their will Be A Pie Eating Contest. And this news ancor will be one not to miss that I Might even Sign up for it. Back to you Nicholaa

 

[PsychedelicFuzz]

*talking to himself, locked in a dark room with nothing but a television, and a surveillance camera*

Hmmm, pie. Guess I need to bake some of my special brownies.

 

[Vixandra]

Nicholaa

At the word pie she blushed furiously though it didn't effect her reporting.
"As you can see, the Fuzzz has been placed in solitary confinement for his own safety as well as everyone elses.
In other news there's a weird sausage murderer making his way down the East Coast. We've sent Cats Furry on a man hunt for him in exchange for commuting his sentance. We go live now..."