Come take a peek inside Aussie's marriage

[deefalttwunnyfor]

Here I was thinking it was PAYING BACK CHILD SUPPORT

Ohhhhh, it sounds like it's time for me to change addresses again...

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

when dealing with really hard, disappointing things.

I feel attacked.

 

[MedicalMuse]

I feel attacked.

Wellllllll. I wasn’t going to say anything

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

Wellllllll. I wasn’t going to say anything

I want to say I appreciate your discretion, buuuuuuuuut this seems a lil public

 

[MedicalMuse]

i said no names… you’ve given yourself away, bub

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

i said no names… you’ve given yourself away, bub

Wait! when did you say 'no names'!>?! I don't see that

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I feel attacked.

Sounds like a personal problem to me

 

[hotwords229_A]

that you want to take on the load even if you might not be able to handle it all.

There he goes bragging about his huge load again!

 

[Endless_Night]

Another thing we spoke about was how having a deep and diverse group of friends really helped us spread the load of emotional support. And the burden of being married to people who don't have that same support network. A lot of damage can be done when using your significant other to sort out your first draft thoughts. There's something to be said about using the skill of discernment when deciding who/when/how to talk about issues. I know I certainly felt a burden of expectations to be everything to another person. It was hard!

This struck a chord. Pandemic times did deepen online connections.

I am a good communicator. Words to paper easily. A confident and cogent speaker. Public speaking aside, with its requisite referencing and word pruning, I do not redraft. (I am so very verbose. ). This is not something I’ve ever questioned.

Turns out I should have been. At least when speaking from an emotional space. For me, sex can fall under this category. My proclivities leave me feeling insecure, hence emotion.

Until falling into extended discussion online, I was completely unaware of this communication disconnect. The person I was speaking to would suddenly pause and say something along the lines of, “Wait. What? I have questions!”

I found myself struggling to redraft. Three, four times, sometimes more. Each attempt wrought words and sentences into more familiar patterns, until eventually what I was trying to say shifted to a more lucid presentation rather than a hodgepodge of words and emotion.

Pretty eye opening. Particularly as I came to realize how often I’ve “first drafted” a partner when trying to talk about my sexual needs. Worse too, I think, as it’s such a contrast to my usual demeanor.

What’s mind blowing is that I question whether I would have ever become privy to the situation without the online interaction. I’m still not entirely sure how the distance worked as a catalyst. Partly the written form, certainly, but I suspect there are other things at play.

This is a relatively new realization, so I’m not yet sure how it will impact my life going forward.


In an earlier post you applied the term “expand” to your personal growth. I love that! I think your experience with Bikini Girl underlines how you make those leaps - by taking advantage of opportunities to expand your network of social supports.

Introspection may be the cornerstone of expansion, but without the benefit of a wide net of external learning it only takes you so far along the road.


TL;DR

Great post, Aussie! As always.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

This struck a chord. Pandemic times did deepen online connections.

I am a good communicator. Words to paper easily. A confident and cogent speaker. Public speaking aside, with its requisite referencing and word pruning, I do not redraft. (I am so very verbose. ). This is not something I’ve ever questioned.

Turns out I should have been. At least when speaking from an emotional space. For me, sex can fall under this category. My proclivities leave me feeling insecure, hence emotion.

Until falling into extended discussion online, I was completely unaware of this communication disconnect. The person I was speaking to would suddenly pause and say something along the lines of, “Wait. What? I have questions!”

I found myself struggling to redraft. Three, four times, sometimes more. Each attempt wrought words and sentences into more familiar patterns, until eventually what I was trying to say shifted to a more lucid presentation rather than a hodgepodge of words and emotion.

Pretty eye opening. Particularly as I came to realize how often I’ve “first drafted” a partner when trying to talk about my sexual needs. Worse too, I think, as it’s such a contrast to my usual demeanor.

What’s mind blowing is that I question whether I would have ever become privy to the situation without the online interaction. I’m still not entirely sure how the distance worked as a catalyst. Partly the written form, certainly, but I suspect there are other things at play.

This is a relatively new realization, so I’m not yet sure how it will impact my life going forward.


In an earlier post you applied the term “expand” to your personal growth. I love that! I think your experience with Bikini Girl underlines how you make those leaps - by taking advantage of opportunities to expand your network of social supports.

Introspection may be the cornerstone of expansion, but without the benefit of a wide net of external learning it only takes you so far along the road.


TL;DR

Great post, Aussie! As always.

Did you end up feeling like you expressed yourself and sexual needs better to the online connection than you had to previous sexual partners?

 

[Endless_Night]

Did you end up feeling like you expressed yourself and sexual needs better to the online connection than you had to previous sexual partners?

Yes. Though the online connection was not a sexual partner. Those, I've done a better job with than real time, but clarity still lacked.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Holy crap you get to know me if you can make it through 10 minutes

 

[37_ttej]

Holy crap you get to know me if you can make it through 10 minutes

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Holy crap you get to know me if you can make it through 10 minutes

So you’ll either be up all night with all the revelations traipsing through your thoughts…or sleep like the dead because you’re emotionally exhausted?

VC fundraising is stressful. And so many games

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I passed out
Woke up anxious as hell
Threw up
Soldiered on

And yes, fundraising is bullshit! I need to learn to let people fail (but also understand the consequences of that failure... )

 

[Apisto42]

AGG’s personalities deciding who’s talking…

 

[Endless_Night]

AGG’s personalities deciding who’s talking…

This made me laugh.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

AGG’s personalities deciding who’s talking…

You're not wrong

 

[aussiegeekygal]

If y'all are interested; there's going to be a CEO position available

I'm feeling much better this afternoon with that outcome. Sad, but calm.

 

[Apisto42]

We need a hug reaction.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

You mean like this one?

 

[LadyLascivious1]

If y'all are interested; there's going to be a CEO position available

I'm feeling much better this afternoon with that outcome. Sad, but calm.

Sometimes new key leaders are what’s needed as a company grows. It’s not often the same skillset that helps you in the various stages of growth.

I’ve found that usually when they’re not feeling defensive, the people admit they didn’t even like what the job had become before they left.

It’s still sad though. I handle change well, but I am definitely prone to really feeling the sad part of endings, transitions, and beginnings. We have a big one going on right now and even though I’ve been dealing with the fallout of it no longer being a good fit for a couple of years and I think things will improve significantly with the new leader…I’m sad. But a productive sad.

Edited to add: I’m not the leader leaving. Just someone dealing with another leader who needed to move on

 

[aussiegeekygal]

You ever have one of those unexpected Wednesdays that shake you to your core? The ones that require a complete breakdown and surrendered sob in the shower?

Well I do.
And today was one of those Wednesdays.

Today I went to go visit a former employer. I joined this company in the early days and I rose up quickly through the ranks. I was really proud of the work I did there and the company we built. We took good care of our people, paid them well, gave excellent benefits and were very strict about work never going home with them. We designed a lifestyle that promoted long term employment and it's been wonderful to watch that grow. Even before I was a mother I was a huge advocate for working parents and started a program where mums could bring their babies to work when they wanted to return from maternity leave. Today I got to go see their state of the art daycare center. It was incredible and I'm so grateful to see the community that continues after leaving almost 10 years ago. It moved me

Anyways, the CEO of this company and I have remained friends throughout the years. We grab lunch together once or twice a year and today was our lunch date. Before we left for that he took me to the see the daycare and I'm order to enter I had to be signed in. There was a log book that recorded visitor details, such as the time of entry, visitor's name, escort name, etc. When entering my name in the log he paused after my first name, looks at me and gently asks "what last name are you going by these days?". Obviously my face registered "wtf mate?" because he followed up with "sorry to ask. There have been rumors of yours and Mr. Aussie:s split". Now I think it's important to note that Mr. Aussie also worked here, longer than me in fact, and so people who know me know Mr. Aussie just as well. They love him just as much as they love me. And they've only known the happy, madly in love with each other married Aussies. I thought the news of our separation was pretty well contained.

I was wrong.

Today I had to face the reality of my marriage transition in public. I didn't get into much detail over lunch and it was nice to have had a very soft landing for that first blow. The CEO shared my burden of my heartbreak for a moment and I'm grateful. He didn't judge. He didn't probe. He just let it be out there

I left lunch feeling really emotional, not yet processing all that had happened. I hit the gym on the way home and after talking to Mr. Aussie about it I jumped in the shower and just broke the fuck down.

What a Wednesday.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

That is lot to process.

 

[NRJLIVES4ever]

You ever have one of those unexpected Wednesdays that shake you to your core? The ones that require a complete breakdown and surrendered sob in the shower?

Well I do.
And today was one of those Wednesdays.

Today I went to go visit a former employer. I joined this company in the early days and I rose up quickly through the ranks. I was really proud of the work I did there and the company we built. We took good care of our people, paid them well, gave excellent benefits and were very strict about work never going home with them. We designed a lifestyle that promoted long term employment and it's been wonderful to watch that grow. Even before I was a mother I was a huge advocate for working parents and started a program where mums could bring their babies to work when they wanted to return from maternity leave. Today I got to go see their state of the art daycare center. It was incredible and I'm so grateful to see the community that continues after leaving almost 10 years ago. It moved me

Anyways, the CEO of this company and I have remained friends throughout the years. We grab lunch together once or twice a year and today was our lunch date. Before we left for that he took me to the see the daycare and I'm order to enter I had to be signed in. There was a log book that recorded visitor details, such as the time of entry, visitor's name, escort name, etc. When entering my name in the log he paused after my first name, looks at me and gently asks "what last name are you going by these days?". Obviously my face registered "wtf mate?" because he followed up with "sorry to ask. There have been rumors of yours and Mr. Aussie:s split". Now I think it's important to note that Mr. Aussie also worked here, longer than me in fact, and so people who know me know Mr. Aussie just as well. They love him just as much as they love me. And they've only known the happy, madly in love with each other married Aussies. I thought the news of our separation was pretty well contained.

I was wrong.

Today I had to face the reality of my marriage transition in public. I didn't get into much detail over lunch and it was nice to have had a very soft landing for that first blow. The CEO shared my burden of my heartbreak for a moment and I'm grateful. He didn't judge. He didn't probe. He just let it be out there

I left lunch feeling really emotional, not yet processing all that had happened. I hit the gym on the way home and after talking to Mr. Aussie about it I jumped in the shower and just broke the fuck down.

What a day.

That's a lot indeed. Sending you love and hugs