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Comments That Make Your Day

Four readers, four stories, four comments.

An anonymous reader who didn't think The Hardwood Son: A Fairy Tale was a Pinocchio story:
Unusual plot - great work. 5 stars.
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@AlinaX on Lights, Camera, Blood: Ch. 02:
Really enjoying this on a second read-through.
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@Bluesea00 on Life and Death of the She-Wolf:
Nice Epic story. I'd liked more than your usual stuff.
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And @Eosphorus on my latest story, Dungeon of Desire: Level 2:
Nicely done! What a perfectly-executed second act. I empathized with Xunaxa and her frustration and ached for her by the end. The way she was left unreciprocated by Theayala was cold, but I hope Xunaxa has reached a turning point if that last awesome line of the story is an indication.

The sex scene was short but intense. Excellent job there. What stood out for me the most in this story was how good a tale it turned out to be, as well as the fascinating interactions between the characters. The revelation about Blackshadow put everything about Theayala in a new context as well as adding depth to the entire plot.

Finally, the way they all agree to go ahead in the end rang true. Their shared experiences, sexually and otherwise, have created new bonds. Congratulations on another great story. Five well-earned stars!
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Thank you all for reading and commenting! Glad you're enjoying all these different stories, too.
 
Another lovely comment on Dungeon of Desire: Level 2, this time from @Ghostwriter100:
I feel Xunaxa needs to get away from Theayala, she's not right for you my friend.

Good chapter by the way, you wrote the action very well, loving the character motivations as well. starting to grow attached to these guys. Kudos
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I'm already more attached to this lot than I've been to any D&D character in forty years of playing. :)

Thank you for reading and commenting!
 
There’s a lot going on here, but the main thing is that you’re a good writer and your ceiling is incredibly high.
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You deserve credit for developing the concept and committing to it with everything you had. From the off, it was clear that your technical skills are very strong and there’s a style that you write with that’s all your own. Once you got into your stride, it was pleasing to see that your confidence grew to a level where you were able to produce moments of quality that the vast majority of writers here could only aspire to.
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Specifically, you find small details that convey the emotions of your characters unlike anyone else and it suits you. All of those discoveries were made in the second half of the piece when the characters were exploring the true nature of their relationship. Sitting here just now, I’ve read so many stories that tried to capture a fraction of what you did in the last 2,000 words and they never came close, which is remarkable as I believe this is the first story you contributed to the website.
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Once I arrived at the sexual content, you didn’t disappoint. I’d go as far as to say the pacing was terrific and you offered a few moments of genuine class. When Kate could only produce her non-answer in her moment of need, most readers would’ve melted in the face of the heat and been thankful that they stayed the course.
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All that said, so much of what you wrote just didn’t work.
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In my notes, I’ve jotted down that the dream structure was creative and a little risky, but I think it failed as a means to tell the story. I say that because there were instances when you tried to convey the meta of the story to the reader and the quality of your writing became clunky and inarticulate. Considering so much of what you wrote was steeped in class, the drop-off was clear and obvious. As for the dream, so much of what you wrote was mundane and dragged the second half of the document underwater.
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In the beginning, I felt your writing was crying out for more incisiveness when setting the scene. There was an ethereal quality to the beginning that didn’t fit at all. I wanted you to reach out with both hands and take the reins so that you retained sufficient control. When you wrote - “Anyway, we were on the couch together.” – it telegraphed that you knew things had gotten away from you and it was an attempt at a reset after only a few paragraphs. It came across like you’d spun the car off the track and had to have it dropped back into place to get the wheels spinning once more.
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Another big issue to consider is your conceptual stage. Questions to ponder include why is this a story? What is it about these interactions between the characters that are compelling enough to be documented and their story to be told? There’s a big disconnect here between Kate struggling to remember so much of the dream while this was fascinating enough to be spilled onto the page. Instead, this should be a telling of events so impactful that it would burn itself into the participants’ memories, which is true of all stories here.
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Furthermore, once you commit to the depiction of an erotic dream, it’s incumbent upon you to set the scene appropriately. Before you had a chance to properly clear your throat, you mentioned reluctance, an unwillingness to be physically close and some disgust on his part. That was all before you even attempted to build chemistry between the pair. Essentially, you chose to handicap yourself by starting from negative territory, when the start should be nothing but positive momentum. A horse isn’t more likely to win a race when you casually toss an extra stone in weight on its back.
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The chemistry arrived in the end, but the first half of this was actually difficult to wade through. I felt like I was the one with the jockey on my back, one who lacked the courtesy to bring his whip. My view is that you specifically struggle with the creation and early development of chemistry because your dialogue is weak. Passages like - "You wanna play, fine. My answer's yes. It's been yes for a while now and if you didn't already know that then you're a fucking idiot." – demonstrated just how badly you were struggling. The lack of incisiveness carried over here and the discussion they had about barging into the shower was hard to read as it felt like you were stuck. Again, you got there in the end, but you write like a taxi driver who’s gotten lost and somehow happens across his destination through force of will rather than purpose.
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Additionally, in the instances where it’s clear that you’ve lost the thread, you have a habit of taking shortcuts. During a weak section, you wrote - “The beginning of whatever was developing between us was becoming clearer.” – which I objected to. It’s your job to clarify events through your writing and I think you bail out when the going gets tough. Try thinking of your prose as connective tissue between the wonderful highlights and moments of class that you offered here. Without that tissue, things can start to drift away and you only just managed to pull it all together by the time the finishing line came into view. Spider-Man had an easier time pulling the Avengers out of the sky when Thanos launched them up into the air.
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I’ve also noted that while your technical skills are very strong, you lack the ability to inject eroticism into your scenes outside of sexual content. It’s clear that you’re searching for it, but that goes back to the stiffness in your dialogue. To me, you demonstrated a lack of focus and pointed the lens at all the wrong details in the first half.
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As for the ending, I loved it. It felt like you dismounted in the most elegant manner. I do enjoy reading stories with complicated, forbidden relationships where the author explores the psychological impact on the participants. I think you’ll end up as one of the very best at that and I’d trust you enough to invest my time into reading more of your work. It may seem like I’m doing a lot of complaining here, or straining myself to find faults, but that’s not the case. It’s because you’ve shown that you’re a really good writer that I’m keen to see you reach your impressive potential. You’re good, but you can be great and that’s exciting.
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The rest is up to you. Even with its flaws, this piece does enough to show that you’re a five-star author. If you develop the areas that are most in need, I’d rate you even higher.
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82/100 - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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Stacnash review. Fully fair on the criticisms, my only hiccup here is I wrote this from an actual dream I had (The dream within a dream part, which is annoying as fuck), so it didn't "get away from me" so much as it was intended to be a person recounting a dream to another person and the person telling the dream was nervous, so she was stalling at points, focusing on the non sexual bits because she was more comfortable telling those parts, and veering off course to postpone the sex parts of the dream. She also told the sex parts in broken pieces then retreated to the safer bits to discuss.

Ultimately, this is probably my second worst story. I was goofing off with it (same with my worst, which is just an indulgence in seeing how stupidly I could write something ridiculous.) and it wasn't a serious attempt at anything besides maintaining the past/present points within both the dream and the reality of the phone call involved with telling the dream.

Though her points on what I need to work on are spot on and I do put a lot of effort into the showing emotion side of my characters, so fair enough.

Also, this review is about 1.1k words on a 7.1k word story. I am extremely grateful for the level of detail and agree with the majority of my weak points within this story.
 
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A pair, this time, on two of my oldest stories.

On At the End of the Tour, which ends in a burn:

Who hurt you so bad to write such an evil ending?
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On Unwanted Memories, which ends in a reconciliation (sort of):

4-stars. I am always surprised in which authors justify reconciliation after an affair. Most of them are just stupid. Well, this was stupid too, but in a very original way which is why it drew me in.
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"In fair Verona, where we lay our scene..."
 
Erozetta said:
Stacnash review. Fully fair on the criticisms, my only hiccup here is I wrote this from an actual dream I had (The dream within a dream part, which is annoying as fuck), so it didn't "get away from me" so much as it was intended to be a person recounting a dream to another person and the person telling the dream was nervous, so she was stalling at points, focusing on the non sexual bits because she was more comfortable telling those parts, and veering off course to postpone the sex parts of the dream. She also told me the sex parts in broken pieces then retreated to the safer bits to discuss.

Ultimately, this is probably my second worst story. I was goofing off with it (same with my worst, which is just an indulgence in seeing how stupidly I could write something ridiculous.) and it wasn't a serious attempt at anything besides maintaining the past/present points within both the dream and the reality of the phone call involved with the dream.

Though her points on what I need to work on are spot on and I do put a lot of effort into the showing emotion side of my characters, so fair enough.

Also, this review is about 1.1k words on a 7.1k word story. I am extremely grateful for the level of detail and agree with the majority of my weak points within this story.
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I think that Stacnash really wanted to be a record reviewer when she was growing up!
 
Theres two on my mind now.
This one on my first attempt at real writing, from the writer that inspired me to try harder. This still has me in goosebumps:
by onehitwanda on 09/27/2024
It's a rare writer who can conjure the smell of the snow with their words. This was wonderful to find and even better to read, voraciously, when I should have been doing a million other things instead. Bravo!
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And then this one, on A Dream That I Can Call My Own, that was complemented by a personal mail explaining a bit more. I'm awed that people can find moments and words in my stories that actually help them make sense of their real world problems. That's a beautiful thing.
Glendar1 day ago
Just wow. So much depth. Pain, without wallowing in it. Grasping, scratching towards the light.
I have a friend who's daughter is an alcoholic. I'm going to share your words: "It's okay to be scared. But don't let that fear tell you things that aren't true."
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A really sweet and thoughtful comment from @Nynah on Semi-detached. Thanks Nynah - I'm going to put Inside No. 9 on my list of shows to watch out for here. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it - those were the character elements that I was going for and I'm thankful that they came across.

This was wonderful to read. Vincent is thoughtful, empathetic and devastatingly English in his stoicism and Alice's verve, inventiveness and quiet strength in the face of trauma is refreshing. They complement each other very well and I'm glad they were able to not only find happiness for themselves, but closure for dear Polly.

Your prose and world-building with this story reminds me of a dark comedy series called Inside No. 9, which recently ended. This tale was so well-done in atmosphere along with just a bit of spookiness that it would have made for an excellent episode of that show. Well, aside from the fact that in my mind's eye your characters are far more attractive than the two male leads of said series and get to have a bit of sexy fun as well.
 
Got this one today on my latest. It's nice to know someone gets what you're doing when you stretch your boundaries into not too familiar territory. It's even better when they defend you against detractors.

---

When you... When I need to be punished, it is NOT abuse. Demanding that I suffer my guilt without the joy of painful release would be the abusive choice. When I crave being a slut, passing me around to your friends is a loving act. When I choose to be owned, rejecting my freely given servitude is an insult.

What makes the difference is good communication, deep understanding, and most of all prior consent. Consent requires choice. The little submissive fuck-slut, whore has a choice and has consented with deep understanding of what has been communicated.

Not everyone is a prototypical male or female. Some of us are not "man" or "woman". The author knows. They know the horror of not fitting neatly in the available boxes. The dread of faking your way through a role you are only playing.

Be open minded? Think? LOL "accept"? I give up. It's never happening. You fucking normals can't do it and fuck you. Go vote down some of my stories without reading them. It will make you feel better about your limited little lives.
 
Sometimes, you wear your feelings on your sleeve when you write about end-of-life things. This touched a chord with a fellow Lit reader and is the first comment on my latest story. It is in the non-human category [no monsters, werewolves, or wild sex], but the feelings are so human that I tremble about its impact, as did the commenter in a separate message.

Jin and Donovan's Path
Where Fate, Faith, and a Mysterious Past Intertwine.
03/18/2025 in NonHuman Stories

PUBLISHEDbadgeHOT 4.78 / 23 votes, 1 favorite, 435 views, and 1 comment

"All five stars for this well-written, but painful story, as it was very nicely done."
 
Widow Willow Minor and James
She turned an orphan into a man in Blake’s orchard.
03/13/2025 in Romance Stories

PUBLISHEDbadgeHOT 4.71 / 154 votes, 9 favorites, 3.9k views, 5 comments

I'm glad someone appreciates an added touch of humor!

“Any story that mentions Dewey, Cheatum and Howe from 3 Stooges fame, gets five stars from me!”
 
dmallord said:
Widow Willow Minor and James
She turned an orphan into a man in Blake’s orchard.
03/13/2025 in Romance Stories

PUBLISHEDView attachment 2515783HOT 4.71 / 154 votes, 9 favorites, 3.9k views, 5 comments

I'm glad someone appreciates an added touch of humor!

“Any story that mentions Dewey, Cheatum and Howe from 3 Stooges fame, gets five stars from me!”
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Funny story concerning Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe... James (my loving husband), got a certified letter from the Law Firm Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe last year, ordering him to relinquish all of his customers with last names beginning with letters L, M, N, O, & P as he had stolen all of those from other wealthy managers in the company. It had a lot of legalize in the body of the letter, threats of lawsuits, promises of garnished earnings accrued by his presentation, and a note at the end that stated, "Should not receive this prank in the same manner as it is intended immediate termination will result. Happy April Fools, signed your Boss."
 
Pops pulled a similar prank on a software programmer friend of his, but he didn't do it for April Fools' Day. Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe is a law firm that shall live in infamy forever and ever.
theWollstonecraftWoman said:
Funny story concerning Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe... James (my loving husband), got a certified letter from the Law Firm Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe last year, ordering him to relinquish all of his customers with last names beginning with letters L, M, N, O, & P as he had stolen all of those from other wealthy managers in the company. It had a lot of legalize in the body of the letter, threats of lawsuits, promises of garnished earnings accrued by his presentation, and a note at the end that stated, "Should not receive this prank in the same manner as it is intended immediate termination will result. Happy April Fools, signed your Boss."
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My new voyeur story is up: While She Watches Them. Two comments so far:

@Bazzle wrote:
That is amazing story.
I partially thought it was like a horse race commentator. Every time something went wrong, it was like a horse falling at a fence.
Allie is certainly good fun. As is having an Airbnb type house opposite.
Brilliant paced story. Excellent.
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And @ShelbyDawn57 added:
Wow!!! Words won't suffice...
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Thank you both for reading and commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
 
Just some appreciation to @26thNC, who I've previously clashed with. Two story comments, on "Crapshooting" and "The April Fools' News Story". I appreciate *both* because you make a clear distinction between what you enjoy and what you think of the writing (and writer). Many comments, particularly in LW, seem to blur the critical lines between the actions of the characters, the story themes and the author. It's the ones that have a go at the author because they didn't like the story that really set me off! And obviously I'm glad that you really liked the April Fools' one. There are flaws in it and it most likely won't win anything, but I'm glad that it connected.

26thNC
Very well written, but I just don’t care for stories about swingers, cheating, or cuckolds. I see all three in this one.

26thNC
Actingup has done wrote hisself an amazingly good, even great story here. I seldom praise his stories, but I really enjoy seeing a bastard burn just a much as a good bitch burning. AU gave us a homerun here with this great new way to expose some cheaters to the world. I don’t know how anyone can top this in the April Fools writing contest, as this sets a high bar for everyone.
 
Showoff!
Actingup said:
Just some appreciation to @26thNC, who I've previously clashed with. Two story comments, on "Crapshooting" and "The April Fools' News Story". I appreciate *both* because you make a clear distinction between what you enjoy and what you think of the writing (and writer). Many comments, particularly in LW, seem to blur the critical lines between the actions of the characters, the story themes and the author. It's the ones that have a go at the author because they didn't like the story that really set me off! And obviously I'm glad that you really liked the April Fools' one. There are flaws in it and it most likely won't win anything, but I'm glad that it connected.

26thNC
Very well written, but I just don’t care for stories about swingers, cheating, or cuckolds. I see all three in this one.

26thNC
Actingup has done wrote hisself an amazingly good, even great story here. I seldom praise his stories, but I really enjoy seeing a bastard burn just a much as a good bitch burning. AU gave us a homerun here with this great new way to expose some cheaters to the world. I don’t know how anyone can top this in the April Fools writing contest, as this sets a high bar for everyone.
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Actingup said:
Note I'm balancing it with Stacnash's evisceration in the other thread... :)
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So you’re telling us you’ve caught the attention of two of the most (in)famous reviewers on Lit more or less at the same time, huh?

Yeah, Imma go ahead and agree with Millie. Showoff!
 
Some comments make my day. Some leave me humbled. This is one, for my poem, Always One.

I cannot help how much I love this piece. I also can’t explain what it meant to me reading it. So I think I’ll just leave you with this: somehow, you write the music of life with only words. This is alchemy. And the world is richer for it. Thank you.
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Amongst today's batch of comments on 'The April Fools' News Story' is this delightful one from Anon, who is presumably a fellow author. Gloves are off! Thanks Anon, whoever you are. I think my next story might be on safe subject and in a more pastoral, sun-drenched category like Romance, but this one has been a wild ride and good fun (now up to 1579 votes and 67 comments, which is WAY more than my usual response).

Anonymous
I loved the story, minor inconsistencies notwithstanding. It is novel and well-told and exposes the Bible-bashing hypocritical Maggots.
But what I like the most is that it got Stachas' blood pressure up so high we were only a few mm from that fatal stroke we are all praying for.
So dear Actingup: Keep writing!
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
 
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