shibaristudent
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2006
- Posts
- 442
Actual age hasn't been an issue for me.
Frame of mind is much more important.
Frame of mind is much more important.
Bluebird369
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2019
- Posts
- 72
Hi clementine...I understand your position because I'm in the same boat...I've been looking to explore some of the DDlg side of my sexuality, and I feel that because I'm not a sweet young thing i won't be able to find many to share this with, but I'm not going to stop trying, and you shouldn't either!
Acktion
GrumpyOldDude
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2011
- Posts
- 4,408
Age is just a number when it is right.
I was twenty-three and she was thirty-six when we began our too short journey together. I am fifty and, were she still alive, she would be sixty-three. I was forty-eight when she died and she just days short of sixty-one. And it mattered not at all to the fact that I was her Daddy and she was my sweet little girl (amongst other things).
Nor will it for you when it is right.
If it does to Him, then he just needs to grow up a little more to be worthy of you.
And that is the secret to why many Daddy Doms tend to prefer chronologically younger little girls. Because it is easier. Because They don't have to work as hard to be as mature as they need Them to be.
***shrug***
It just means you will have to be a tad more patient as the Ones unworthy of you weed Themselves out so that you can see the One you are supposed to belong to, and is supposed to belong to you.
genxer36
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2015
- Posts
- 1,172
Age shouldn't matter if you are both interested in each other. I'm 51 and a Daddy Dom to my 45 year old GF. If I was dating someone older that was into DDlg, I would treat her like the little she deserves.
When you find the right fit for you. I'm sure you will be treated like Daddy's little girl and have both of your needs met. Good luck.
Since you are looking for something specific, you may want to try Fetlife.com or one of the other BDSM dating sites.
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DADDYLOVER3
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 24, 2019
- Posts
- 1,414
i am a daddy dom and to me it doesn’t matter if they are younger or older I will treat them the same when it comes to sub girls!
DADDYLOVER3
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 24, 2019
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- 1,414
I don’t go by her size!
DADDYLOVER3
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 24, 2019
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you can talk to me anytime about anything I will listen and advise you but you get to make the final decision! by the way my name is warren and I am in Bronx, new york and I am 60. years old and I am a true dominant freak with over 35 years in experiences and I want wild kinky taboo sex! any questions?
As an older man, all this is most intriguing, ms beautiful blue!This is a side of me that I've never fully admitted, I've been admitting things lately because for the longest time I've been shy. This year I've been noticing a lot of things about myself. One thing is for certain is that I love older men and I do find Daddy Doms interesting. I'm learning a lot about the lifestyle and been reading a lot about it on the internet lately.
I've chatted with a few Doms and Daddy Doms in the past and only met a handful of them who I trusted and opened up to them. Others I felt a instant bad vibe from them because they wanted to control me almost immediately and told me what to do with only a few minutes of speaking to them. They didn't want to know anything about me or asked a single thing about me. I want to be able to feel comfy with the person who I'm going to open up too, especially if I'm going to be experiencing sexual things with them or even dirty talking. So the moment "red flags" go off I no longer want to speak to them.
This is a side of me that it's completely new and it's all exciting at the same time. I never knew this was a side of me up until a few years ago and now I'm feeling really comfortable about it. The more research I read about Daddy Doms, I'm feeling very comfy about the whole thing. Older men, is something else I'm beginning to discover about myself and I love the way they speak to me or teach me about new things. It's all very very exciting. This is just something I wanted to share about myself.Even though I'm shy, I can share some things about myself and other times I shy away because it's new to me. I'm sure this is common when you find new things about yourself for the first time.
Bluebird369
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2019
- Posts
- 72
Unwanted subspace experience
I could use a little bit of advice.
I was speaking to someone who identified as a Daddy Dom, we were getting to know each other and I didn't really have and expectations other then find out more about him and see were that might lead.
Well I found that when he stated to call me baby girl and had a Dom like timber to his voice i went into subspace, I became a blathering idiot and stumbled with trying to tell him that it was to soon to be intimate in that way.
He was very apologetic and truly throught I want to have him start calling me babygirl and didn't know I would react the way I did, and frankly I didn't know it either!
Well my confusion and embarrassment scared him off and it scared me too!
I don't want it to be a problem for the next time I find myself talking to someone in a beginning of a relationship, any advice?
I could use a little bit of advice.
I was speaking to someone who identified as a Daddy Dom, we were getting to know each other and I didn't really have and expectations other then find out more about him and see were that might lead.
Well I found that when he stated to call me baby girl and had a Dom like timber to his voice i went into subspace, I became a blathering idiot and stumbled with trying to tell him that it was to soon to be intimate in that way.
He was very apologetic and truly throught I want to have him start calling me babygirl and didn't know I would react the way I did, and frankly I didn't know it either!
Well my confusion and embarrassment scared him off and it scared me too!
I don't want it to be a problem for the next time I find myself talking to someone in a beginning of a relationship, any advice?
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 28,384
I hope others come and give advice to you too...I have a couple thoughts though.
1) you learned something. Being called "babygirl" is a trigger for you. At least right now it is. It might have been the combination of his voice quality + the babygirl endearment, but people can't help their voices so let's concentrate on the babygirl part of it. I would suggest that early on in your next exploration with a DaddyDom state up front that they may not call you baby girl or any other endearment until you are ready for that. Then...go slow. And make sure that if it does send you into subspace you are in a safe place to manage that.
2) while it is tempting to jump into voice conversation as soon as possible, if you are exploring a relationship that is on line (at least initially), spend more time in text working out if the person is a good fit for you, explore values and limits etc. Delaying audio contact may help you settle with that person a bit and be less prone to being easily triggered, or at least on more solid footing with them if you do find yourself babbling in subspace.
3) i wonder if you might be extra prone to subspace because you are searching and needing a Daddy so much. That need for someone can be so great that you end up being vulnerable and extra open to any suggestion of a connection and fall into subspace because you want/need it so much.
4) unrelated (or maybe not) do some reading on sub frenzy. What it is, how to identify it, how to prevent it, how to diffuse it so you can protect yourself.
That's all I got right now. Good luck.
cb
littlebirdjoy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2019
- Posts
- 767
I'm sorry that you had an experience that made you feel uncomfortable. That is never nice. I'd first off like to point out that it is an encouraging sign that you say he was apologetic and it scared him too. That is good.
Cascadia gave fantastic advice.
I'll go ahead and begin by commiserating here for a second and say it has happened to me too, twice. I've a reason for bringing my personal experience in here, because I'd like to highlight that this can happen for dynamics other than DDlg as well. When I was first getting to know a Dominant from loooong ago, the first phone call we had we were discussing titles and such and he was pressing for Master, it was how he identified. I had not been back to this lifestyle sincerely since my first Master died more than a decade prior. It had taken me a long time to call him as such. Well, i acquiesced and found myself at his prompting asking me to kneel (the first time I'd done that since the very last time I ever saw my Master alive) and ironically it was the second time only we had done THAT because it was sentimentally significant to us both and reserved for things that he needed me to hear with absolute clarity. and he asked me to repeat something. I had such a strong emotional reaction that I knew had NOTHING to do with the person to whom I was speaking that I jumped up (literally put the phone down and walked away. When I was calmer I came back and said something along the lines of "nope. That is not happening. I'm sorry. I thought I could do that because it was important to you, but I can not. I'm sorry. I can do Sir, but I can not do Master. Not now." We had maaaaannnnyyyyy other conversations over the course of the months, but that was a very defining moment for me.
tldr; that subspace trigger can absolutely come from an action, a word spoken by the lower case of the slash, or the upper case side of the slash.
The second time was the first time I spoke with my now Daddy/Master/Beloved. I will not go into the details, but it was the first time I learned I HAD a littlespace. I had been struggling for months and months to know if I did. It kinda took both of us by surprise. The next day we both had to sit down and evaluate what we were going to do with that... for both of us. Neither one of us expected it, neither one of us intended it.
Over the months we have worked on identifying the trigger and for us it turned out to be really the combination of the timber of his voice, the physical position, eye contact, and specific words used.
What to do to prevent it? Cascadia's advice was right on.
If babygirl was what set it off then yes, be upfront about petnames not being okay until you are "there" in your relationship.
If it is the timber of his voice in general (and you can test that) then maybe you should hold off on voice calls until you are *there*.
If you are prone to it, but want to keep communicating with him, then try to see if he can be aware of what is going on with you and try to head it off at the pass. Keep conversations going a bit in a direction that engages the intellect.
I think the most important thing to note now for me, were I you, would be to determine what I'd feel comfortable with if that were to happen again. Meaning: if I talk to this person and if it happens again do I need space? Do I need to pull myself out of it? Do I need him to help pull me out of it? Do I want to just sit in it quietly and be allowed to exist there for a little bit (with his consent) but not push it further?
It scared you. That is alright. Fear is not necessarily a red flag. It may well be! It may WELL be. I'm not advocating ignoring it... but sometimes fear is just that... fear. So my question for you, which you need to answer for yourself, not for us... WHY did it scare you? Did the connection scare you? Is it real? What if it is? (in my case it was). Is it that you were unprepared? Well, would you like to find ways to get more prepared and then see where that leads you? Was it that you felt foolish? Were you scared of your own "babbling" a kind of "what the hell how did I just turn into a puddle of goo! What is wrong with me!?" reaction? If so then maybe you need to talk about it and get more comfortable in the fact that however you react in that space is okay and safe (or should be) and wont be judged.
So my #1 advice after all of that is to spend some time quietly with yourself and ask... why did this scare me? Is it something I really do need to address? or is it something that we will walk through and see where we go, together.
~Faithfully His;
Angie
Bluebird369
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2019
- Posts
- 72
Casandia and little bird thanks for your advice, you both raised some good questions, and I'm going to try and work on finding answers, maybe it was a combination of it being to soon and fear of lost of control, and I felt like a idiot! When I was trying to impress him and just play it cool!I'm sorry that you had an experience that made you feel uncomfortable. That is never nice. I'd first off like to point out that it is an encouraging sign that you say he was apologetic and it scared him too. That is good.
Cascadia gave fantastic advice.
I'll go ahead and begin by commiserating here for a second and say it has happened to me too, twice. I've a reason for bringing my personal experience in here, because I'd like to highlight that this can happen for dynamics other than DDlg as well. When I was first getting to know a Dominant from loooong ago, the first phone call we had we were discussing titles and such and he was pressing for Master, it was how he identified. I had not been back to this lifestyle sincerely since my first Master died more than a decade prior. It had taken me a long time to call him as such. Well, i acquiesced and found myself at his prompting asking me to kneel (the first time I'd done that since the very last time I ever saw my Master alive) and ironically it was the second time only we had done THAT because it was sentimentally significant to us both and reserved for things that he needed me to hear with absolute clarity. and he asked me to repeat something. I had such a strong emotional reaction that I knew had NOTHING to do with the person to whom I was speaking that I jumped up (literally put the phone down and walked away. When I was calmer I came back and said something along the lines of "nope. That is not happening. I'm sorry. I thought I could do that because it was important to you, but I can not. I'm sorry. I can do Sir, but I can not do Master. Not now." We had maaaaannnnyyyyy other conversations over the course of the months, but that was a very defining moment for me.
tldr; that subspace trigger can absolutely come from an action, a word spoken by the lower case of the slash, or the upper case side of the slash.
The second time was the first time I spoke with my now Daddy/Master/Beloved. I will not go into the details, but it was the first time I learned I HAD a littlespace. I had been struggling for months and months to know if I did. It kinda took both of us by surprise. The next day we both had to sit down and evaluate what we were going to do with that... for both of us. Neither one of us expected it, neither one of us intended it.
Over the months we have worked on identifying the trigger and for us it turned out to be really the combination of the timber of his voice, the physical position, eye contact, and specific words used.
What to do to prevent it? Cascadia's advice was right on.
If babygirl was what set it off then yes, be upfront about petnames not being okay until you are "there" in your relationship.
If it is the timber of his voice in general (and you can test that) then maybe you should hold off on voice calls until you are *there*.
If you are prone to it, but want to keep communicating with him, then try to see if he can be aware of what is going on with you and try to head it off at the pass. Keep conversations going a bit in a direction that engages the intellect.
I think the most important thing to note now for me, were I you, would be to determine what I'd feel comfortable with if that were to happen again. Meaning: if I talk to this person and if it happens again do I need space? Do I need to pull myself out of it? Do I need him to help pull me out of it? Do I want to just sit in it quietly and be allowed to exist there for a little bit (with his consent) but not push it further?
It scared you. That is alright. Fear is not necessarily a red flag. It may well be! It may WELL be. I'm not advocating ignoring it... but sometimes fear is just that... fear. So my question for you, which you need to answer for yourself, not for us... WHY did it scare you? Did the connection scare you? Is it real? What if it is? (in my case it was). Is it that you were unprepared? Well, would you like to find ways to get more prepared and then see where that leads you? Was it that you felt foolish? Were you scared of your own "babbling" a kind of "what the hell how did I just turn into a puddle of goo! What is wrong with me!?" reaction? If so then maybe you need to talk about it and get more comfortable in the fact that however you react in that space is okay and safe (or should be) and wont be judged.
So my #1 advice after all of that is to spend some time quietly with yourself and ask... why did this scare me? Is it something I really do need to address? or is it something that we will walk through and see where we go, together.
~Faithfully His;
Angie
But now that I know my triggers are real and strong I can sit up some ground rules.
littlebirdjoy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2019
- Posts
- 767
*offers hugs*
honey, you are in a wonderful position. The good thing is that this happened long distance. Of all the possible situations you could have faced this, this was the best possible outcome.
I for one am proud of you for facing it, recognizing it, looking for help, and then looking inward and taking responsibility. I look forward to the time that you come here flailing and smiling and saying WOW!! Guess what just happened?! and telling us how right and good such an experience with the right person in the right time felt <3
~Faithfully his,
Angie
honey, you are in a wonderful position. The good thing is that this happened long distance. Of all the possible situations you could have faced this, this was the best possible outcome.
I for one am proud of you for facing it, recognizing it, looking for help, and then looking inward and taking responsibility. I look forward to the time that you come here flailing and smiling and saying WOW!! Guess what just happened?! and telling us how right and good such an experience with the right person in the right time felt <3
~Faithfully his,
Angie
Bluebird369
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2019
- Posts
- 72
*offers hugs*
honey, you are in a wonderful position. The good thing is that this happened long distance. Of all the possible situations you could have faced this, this was the best possible outcome.
I for one am proud of you for facing it, recognizing it, looking for help, and then looking inward and taking responsibility. I look forward to the time that you come here flailing and smiling and saying WOW!! Guess what just happened?! and telling us how right and good such an experience with the right person in the right time felt <3
~Faithfully his,
Angie
Aw thanks! As my bubba would've said "from your lips to God's ear"!...
AnaE
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2020
- Posts
- 10
Very hard to find this genuinely as a lot seem to come off quite creepy or not naturally. Have known a couple of guys where I'd say it was this kind of set-up but it never needed like discussion or explaining it just sort of happened and clicked into that kind of dynamic. I know online things are different and have to explain to get the connection established maybe, but just something I thought of when reading and thought would post for those who are interested.
littlebirdjoy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2019
- Posts
- 767
Welcome to the site AnaE. We talk often about how easy it is to "fall into" a dynamic. You are right. There are mixed opinions about it. In some cases it is good and right and wonderful and just feels organically awesome. However, there are also some ethical implications. There is a reason that many people sit down and have "the talk" being open and forthright and *intentional* about discussing wants, needs, expectations, limits, and negotiating for these things before entering a BDSM relationship of any stripe. Whichever route you take so long as all parties involved are alright with it, then that is wonderful. We are so glad you are here. Welcome to the conversation. Welcome to Lit!
~Angie
~Angie
sweettalk4u
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2018
- Posts
- 877
Being open and honest with each other is the key to any successful relationship. D/d is well suited for this. I just had an awesome one. It was online and only until she found her man but it was fantastic. However, my new is not as a Daddy but is even better! You never know til you try.
crazyangel7
Experienced
- Joined
- May 29, 2018
- Posts
- 30
This is a side of me that I've never fully admitted, I've been admitting things lately because for the longest time I've been shy. This year I've been noticing a lot of things about myself. One thing is for certain is that I love older men and I do find Daddy Doms interesting. I'm learning a lot about the lifestyle and been reading a lot about it on the internet lately.
I've chatted with a few Doms and Daddy Doms in the past and only met a handful of them who I trusted and opened up to them. Others I felt a instant bad vibe from them because they wanted to control me almost immediately and told me what to do with only a few minutes of speaking to them. They didn't want to know anything about me or asked a single thing about me. I want to be able to feel comfy with the person who I'm going to open up too, especially if I'm going to be experiencing sexual things with them or even dirty talking. So the moment "red flags" go off I no longer want to speak to them.
This is a side of me that it's completely new and it's all exciting at the same time. I never knew this was a side of me up until a few years ago and now I'm feeling really comfortable about it. The more research I read about Daddy Doms, I'm feeling very comfy about the whole thing. Older men, is something else I'm beginning to discover about myself and I love the way they speak to me or teach me about new things. It's all very very exciting. This is just something I wanted to share about myself.
I'm not sure I am quite as far in my journey. But I definitely relate to your sentiments.
Cumlover999
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2017
- Posts
- 594
My husband just recently got to know this side of me..
I found out about this a while back, and am sorry to say I didn't think he would like it, so in my desperation to live out this fantasy I made some really bad choices.
Now I feel like I have come home to my safe space. My big daddy Dom is caring and nurturing.
But my love for being little is a lot about domination, and taking away my options.. something I struggle a lot with.
But maybe the thing I love the most about my husbands way of getting me in to little space is so subtle, just a little glance and im there.
I found out about this a while back, and am sorry to say I didn't think he would like it, so in my desperation to live out this fantasy I made some really bad choices.
Now I feel like I have come home to my safe space. My big daddy Dom is caring and nurturing.
But my love for being little is a lot about domination, and taking away my options.. something I struggle a lot with.
But maybe the thing I love the most about my husbands way of getting me in to little space is so subtle, just a little glance and im there.
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Lost_Yonder
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2008
- Posts
- 16,927
by way of a bump...
Lost_Yonder
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2008
- Posts
- 16,927
Nothing says Daddy quite like the look of care and concern mixed with desire and longing...
Beth87
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 26, 2010
- Posts
- 6,981
i miss it 
Smoothshavendad
Here to have fun
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- Nov 14, 2017
- Posts
- 17,467
Beautiful thread
Lost_Yonder
Literotica Guru
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