Dawgs, Women and smiles

[STUDDOG]

Toni those are great sweetheart....thanks beautiful for those smiles........

I do hope I don't get a blow job like Irving though


kisses babydoll

STUDDOG


Marriage

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just lying there, the phone rings. Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver.
Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation. “Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye, bye.” She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, “Who was that?” “Oh” she replies, “That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with YOU!”


OOPS

 

[Raindear816]

snoring story

Good mornin' Studdog you handsome hunka man! have a wonderful day



Once there was a lady, Theresa, who could not get a decent night's sleep due to the infernal snoring of her husband. She loved the man very much and could not imagine sleeping in another bed, especially since they were only married for a couple months.

She called her friend, Amy who told her of a 'fool-proof' trick to solve the snoring problem.

"It's quite simple really, tell 'Joe' to invite the guys over for poker. You will go out with the 'girls'.
" You know he'll be wasted when you come home; so help him to bed, then tie a firm bow around his balls after he passes out and I guarantee, he won't snore one bit!"

Theresa did just what her friend Amy suggested, but during the night, their 'hound dog' began to snore as well. So Theresa, gingerly did the same for "Rover".

She slept thru the night w/o waking up until morning! She decided to go and make a lovely breakfast for her sweet hubby. Only, she forgot to "undo" the bows!

Her hubby woke up, looked at his balls, then at Rover and his genitals, and said:

"Buddy, I have no clue what happened last night, but I'm pretty sure you and I were the entertainment!"

 

[Annabelllee2003]

She married and had 12 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again her husband died.
She remarried and had 5 more children and once again she lost her 3rd husband.

Alas, she finally died.

Standing before the coffin, the preacherprayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this lovely woman and said,"Lord, they are finally together."

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means with her first, second or third husband?"


Her friend replied."I think he means her legs."
---------
Afternoon my dear Studdog!

Got me laughing and now I've a good start for the rest of the day!

And thank everyone else posting on this thread.
We have to laugh, eh?

 

[STUDDOG]

Re: snoring story

Good mornin' Studdog you handsome hunka man! have a wonderful day



Once there was a lady, Theresa, who could not get a decent night's sleep due to the infernal snoring of her husband. She loved the man very much and could not imagine sleeping in another bed, especially since they were only married for a couple months.

She called her friend, Amy who told her of a 'fool-proof' trick to solve the snoring problem.

"It's quite simple really, tell 'Joe' to invite the guys over for poker. You will go out with the 'girls'.
" You know he'll be wasted when you come home; so help him to bed, then tie a firm bow around his balls after he passes out and I guarantee, he won't snore one bit!"

Theresa did just what her friend Amy suggested, but during the night, their 'hound dog' began to snore as well. So Theresa, gingerly did the same for "Rover".

She slept thru the night w/o waking up until morning! She decided to go and make a lovely breakfast for her sweet hubby. Only, she forgot to "undo" the bows!

Her hubby woke up, looked at his balls, then at Rover and his genitals, and said:

"Buddy, I have no clue what happened last night, but I'm pretty sure you and I were the entertainment!"

Hi beautiful.....thanks for the smiles......big kiss and hug

STUDDOG

 

[STUDDOG]

She married and had 12 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again her husband died.
She remarried and had 5 more children and once again she lost her 3rd husband.

Alas, she finally died.

Standing before the coffin, the preacherprayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this lovely woman and said,"Lord, they are finally together."

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means with her first, second or third husband?"


Her friend replied."I think he means her legs."
---------
Afternoon my dear Studdog!

Got me laughing and now I've a good start for the rest of the day!

And thank everyone else posting on this thread.
We have to laugh, eh?

Hi Anna.....that's so funny......thanks for that ...I'm glad your smiling....that makes me smile in itself....and you keep that smile all day....it looks great on you....

Big kiss and hug

STUDDOG

 

[STUDDOG]

Ask Another Doctor

The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, "You aren't that good in bed either!"

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"

"I was in bed."

"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"

"Getting a second opinion"



Wedding Night

A small tourist hotel was all a buzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years...

I thought he meant his money!!"



Kids Seem To Like Her

After completing his examination, the doctor took her husband aside. "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither, Doc." Said the husband. "But she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her."



3 women in a bar...

3 women are sitting in a bar discussing the size of their pussies. The first woman says;"mine's so big that my boyfriend can fit his whole fist in there!"
the second woman replies with;"that's nothing. mine's so big that my boyfriend can fit both fists up there".
The third woman smiles to herself as she slides down the bar stool.


Sweetheart Present

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstorm and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note :

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love"

"PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."



Revenge

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly she got in her divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up on the shore. Ten-fold she rubs the lamp and out pops a magical genie. The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting on a pile on one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private bach. In an instant it was granted, but then genie then reminds her again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the women informs the genie that she wants to make her last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. “No problem,” said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. “For my last wish, I’d like to give birth to twins.”

 

[STUDDOG]

The Sins of Leroy

Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided
that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well
Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy
you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for
one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He
finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.

Dear Jesus,
I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.

Your Friend,
Leroy

Now, Leroy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (brat), so he
ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.

Dear Jesus,
I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.

Your Truly,
Leroy

Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest, so he tore it up and tried
again.

Dear Jesus,
I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle?

Leroy

Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his
mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of
almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and
went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the
way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally
found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Leroy went inside and knelt
down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Leroy finally got
up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of
a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home, hid it
under his bed and wrote this letter.

Jesus,
I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike!

Sincerely,
You know who




Which Way?

The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the squad got there is was too late and the man had died.

While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had precipitated the heart attack.

The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming, but I guess he was going."



You May Feel A Little Prick

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, "You must be a dentist"

The guy, surprised, says "Yes ...how did you figure that out?"

The girl says, "Easy ... you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, "You must be a great dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?"

The girl says, "Easy... I didn't feel a thing!"

 

[STUDDOG]

What The Ribs Are For

A little boy goes to the drugstore for some condoms. He goes up to the
pharmacist and asked him, "Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed
condoms are?"

The pharmacist replied, "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?"

"Sure do" replied the boy, "They keep you from getting venereal
diseases."

"Yes, that's true," said the pharmacist, "but do you know what the ribs
are for?"

The little boy thought for a moment, then looked up at the pharmacist
and replied, "Well, not exactly, but they sure do make the hair on the
backs of them goats stand up."



Hang On For Dear Life/Wife


Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called 'rodeo'.

His friend said, "No what is it?"

"Well, you mount your wife from the back, reach around her and cup her breasts with both hands. Then you say, 'Boy these are almost as nice as your sister's'.

Now see if you can hang on for eight seconds."



Tips for Red Necks

IN GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of her
finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to
go out with you since I read that stuff on the fillin' station bathroom
wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer,
it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Unless you are the groom, kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds
may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not give a blow job while traveling in a funeral procession.

 

[1sexylady]

Hey Sexy Studdog....here is something for you....

 

[Annabelllee2003]

These are cute - just a little smile for the day!!
***************************************
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"

The woman says, "I'll miss you."
_______________________

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,
"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"That I married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________

He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you real bad."
She said, " Well, you succeeded."
______________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
_____________________

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
______________________

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
----------------------------
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb....
----------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because
they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.......

Whoosh....immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!
-------------------------------------------

To Studdog!

 

[1sexylady]

Licking and pawing at a cute Studdog...

{{{{{{{{{STUDDOG}}}}}}}}}}

 

[STUDDOG]

Thank you Anna......big smile and I hope you had a great weekend.

And Sexy....Your so beautiful and you better stop the licking and pawing girlfriend.....giggle
The picture was great.....we need all the young hearts on bikes


STUDDOG

 

[STUDDOG]

Men Are Like...

Men are like a deck of cards....


You need a heart to love them
A Diamond to marry them
A Club to beat them
And a spade to bury the bastards





Indecent Exposure

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.

"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."

"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"




Redneck Letter

Dear son,

Im writing this slow cause i know you cant read fast. Your pop read that all accidents happen within 20 miles of home so we moved. Can't send you the address as the last arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them so they wouldnt have to change their address.

That coat you wanted, aunt billy-mae said it was too heavy with them buttons, so we took them off and put them in the pockets.

Your sister had a baby yester morn. Don't know if its a boy or girl so dont know if youre an aunt or uncle.

Three of your friends went off the bridge last week. One was drivig the other two were in the back. The driver lived, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned, they coulnt get the talegate down.

Please write back. It you dont get this letter, let me know and i will send another one.

Love, ma




Things You'll Never Hear At A Nascar Race


"None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth."
"Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race."
"Dating your own sister? Man, that's sick!"
"My God, this is a splendid Merlot!"
"Hey, you with the large chest. Out of the way! We're trying to watch a race here!"
"Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my atache case."
"What a coincidence, Hank. All my friends are boycotting Hooters, too!"
"These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert!"
"Whew! No more beer for me, fellas."
"And now... Singing our National Anthem, international recording artist, Boy George!"

 

[tigerjen]

bumping it up for Studwoofie!

 

[STUDDOG]

bumping it up for Studwoofie!

Thank you beautiful.....I'm coming by the Cafe and kiss you....maybe chase you some....Lord!!! you New York women are so beautiful... I know!.....but I still like to say it


You still wearing them ripped Jeans.....wooooooo....Big kiss Jen

STUDDOG

 

[tigerjen]

Thank you beautiful.....I'm coming by the Cafe and kiss
you....maybe chase you some....Lord!!! you New York
women are so beautiful... I know!.....but I still like
to say it


You still wearing them ripped Jeans.....wooooooo....
Big kiss Jen

STUDDOG

kissy kissy to you sweetiepie.......and its CONNECTICUT

I know you like to say "New York" but say CONNECTICUT
from time to time ....please ?

 

[STUDDOG]

kissy kissy to you sweetiepie.......and its CONNECTICUT

I know you like to say "New York" but say CONNECTICUT
from time to time ....please ?

Ok....I will say CONNECTICUT for you Sexy......as my fingers tear a bigger rip in them biker jeans..... Turn around and let me rip the other side also sweetheart....it's a cheeky day


BIG KISS JEN

 

[tigerjen]

Ok....I will say CONNECTICUT for you Sexy......as my fingers tear a bigger rip in them biker jeans..... Turn around and let me rip the other side also sweetheart....it's a cheeky day


BIG KISS JEN

Next thing I know you'll be calling me "sweetcheeks"

*giggles*

 

[Raindear816]

[color=orange-red] Happy Belated Birthday STUDDOG hunny! Hope it was a blast, and that this year will hold special and sexy memories for you!kisses ![/color]





Marital Aides.....

A frustrated wife decided her sex life needed spicing up so she went shopping and picked up a pair of crotchless panties.

She went home and donned the new panties and selected a short skirt to go with them. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him sipping a glass of wine.

She slowly spread her legs..."Would you like some of this?"

"No way !! Look what it's done to your knickers !!"

 

[STUDDOG]

Next thing I know you'll be calling me "sweetcheeks"

*giggles*

And yes Sweetcheeks.....You got the package and I'm the mailman....special delivery...to sweetcheeks


Big kiss and smile sugarbritches

STUDDOG

 

[STUDDOG]

[color=orange-red] Happy Belated Birthday STUDDOG hunny! Hope it was a blast, and that this year will hold special and sexy memories for you!kisses ![/color]





Marital Aides.....

A frustrated wife decided her sex life needed spicing up so she went shopping and picked up a pair of crotchless panties.

She went home and donned the new panties and selected a short skirt to go with them. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him sipping a glass of wine.

She slowly spread her legs..."Would you like some of this?"

"No way !! Look what it's done to your knickers !!"

Thank you sweetheart...how have you been?....I hope you also have a wonderful day and year....full of smiles
big kiss and hug beautiful friend....

STUDDOG

 

[tigerjen]

And yes Sweetcheeks.....You got the package and I'm
the mailman....specail delivery...to sweetcheeks


Big kiss and smile sugarbritches

STUDDOG

*giggling* you never fail to make me giggle .....you are
too cute!!

 

[STUDDOG]

*giggling* you never fail to make me giggle .....you are
too cute!!

Giggling you say!!!.....wait till you see the mailman open your package and make his delivery wait a minute!!...don't giggle then...that might be a bad time......it might destroy my ego..

kISSING JEN THROUGH THE RIPS......


Your New York City local mailman
STUDDOG

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Premature Solution

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well. When I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit me really hard where it counts most and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

 

[STUDDOG]

Re: Premature Solution

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well. When I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit me really hard where it counts most and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

LMAO......THANKS BEAUTIFUL....NEEDED THAT SMILE


One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was
very attracted to him, and during her questions
about his life she asked him what he did about
sex. "What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said,
"Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree!"

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all
wrong! I'll show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes, dropped to the ground
and spread her legs wide.

"Here," she said, "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer,
and then gave her an almighty kick in the
crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.

Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell
did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees first!"