Dawgs, Women and smiles

[tigerjen]

Hummmmmm honeybuns!!!! are we getting intimate Jen? cause
your making me want to kiss your buns......slowly through the rips......

Isn't life wonderful and all because I have a lizard tongue...

Hey Jen...woof woof....you sexy thang you!!!!!

I love that tongue of yours!



woof woof

 

[Icey*Fire]

~~Morning STUDDOG
You may have seen this before,,but I just had to post it..I thought it was pretty funny.

~~HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?~~

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you are inside worrying about a stupid burned out light bulb??

BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring thats not up tp code.

DASCHUND: I can't reach the stupid lamp.!

TOY POODLE: I'll just blow in the Border collies ear and he'll do it. And by the time he finishes rewiring the house my nails will be dry.

ROTTWIELER: GO AHEAD! MAKE ME!

SHI-TZU: Puh-leeeeze,dah-lings, Let the servants do it....

LAB: Oh let me!! Pleeze , let me change the light bulb.Can I? Can I? HUH Can I?

MALAMUTE: Let the Border Collie do it..you can feed me while he is busy.

COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

DOBERMAN PINCHER: While its dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

MASTIFF: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.!

HOUND DOG: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

IRISH WOLFHOUND: Can somebody else do it? I have a hangover.

POINTER: I see it, there it is,,right there....

GREYHOUND: It isn't moving. Who cares.

 

[STUDDOG]

I love that tongue of yours!



woof woof

LOL.......BIG HUG MY SWEET WONDERFUL FRIEND....AND A KISS

 

[STUDDOG]

~~Morning STUDDOG
You may have seen this before,,but I just had to post it..I thought it was pretty funny.

~~HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?~~

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you are inside worrying about a stupid burned out light bulb??

BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring thats not up tp code.

DASCHUND: I can't reach the stupid lamp.!

TOY POODLE: I'll just blow in the Border collies ear and he'll do it. And by the time he finishes rewiring the house my nails will be dry.

ROTTWIELER: GO AHEAD! MAKE ME!

SHI-TZU: Puh-leeeeze,dah-lings, Let the servants do it....

LAB: Oh let me!! Pleeze , let me change the light bulb.Can I? Can I? HUH Can I?

MALAMUTE: Let the Border Collie do it..you can feed me while he is busy.

COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

DOBERMAN PINCHER: While its dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

MASTIFF: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.!

HOUND DOG: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

IRISH WOLFHOUND: Can somebody else do it? I have a hangover.

POINTER: I see it, there it is,,right there....

GREYHOUND: It isn't moving. Who cares.

THANK YOU BEAUTIFUL....THEY ARE SO FUNNY....I BELIEVE I'M A HOUND DOG......LOL

BIG KISS AND HUG KAT.....

 

[Raindear816]

original post by STUDDOG

Sweetheart....I'm sorry your past few days have been sad...big hug Ashleigh....but I'm glad I helped make you smile....

BIG KISS AND HUG MY FRIEND.....

STUDDOG
__________________

Thank you studdog hunny, things are lookin up, the sun is shining, i think i may lounge for today. thank you for the jokes, you really are providing a cathartic service to all who read your posts,
and some of us have some dry cleaning issues with you dear... you make us laff so hard, we pee our pants!
Hugs and Kisses to you precious!

 

[tigerjen]

LOL.......BIG HUG MY SWEET WONDERFUL FRIEND....AND A KISS

woof woof

 

[~Elizabeth~]

original post by STUDDOG


Thank you studdog hunny, things are lookin up, the sun is shining, i think i may lounge for today. thank you for the jokes, you really are providing a cathartic service to all who read your posts,
and some of us have some dry cleaning issues with you dear... you make us laff so hard, we pee our pants!
Hugs and Kisses to you precious! [/B]

You too, girlfriend? He never ceases to have me in stitches! Just thinking about it is enough to put a smile on my face.

See------>http://www.smileygram.com/images/smiley_animated_biggrin.gif

 

[STUDDOG]

original post by STUDDOG


Thank you studdog hunny, things are lookin up, the sun is shining, i think i may lounge for today. thank you for the jokes, you really are providing a cathartic service to all who read your posts,
and some of us have some dry cleaning issues with you dear... you make us laff so hard, we pee our pants!
Hugs and Kisses to you precious! [/B]

Hi Rain....big kiss and hug....thank you and I will send money for your dry cleaning ....LMAO......
You have a great day sweetheart and you might want to cut back on liquids

STUDDOG



The Difference between Dogs and Cats

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide
me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide
me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god!

 

[STUDDOG]

woof woof

Nibble nibble and lick lick.....

Big kiss Jen

 

[STUDDOG]

You too, girlfriend? He never ceases to have me in stitches! Just thinking about it is enough to put a smile on my face.

See------>http://www.smileygram.com/images/smiley_animated_biggrin.gif

Hi babydoll.....hummmmm....you referring to when you seen me naked I guess....I thought you would never stop laughing....and that comment about the "one hung high" was so crude....you need a spanking girlfriend....


Hey E.....big deep kiss and loving hug.....yea! yea!...I'll keep my clothes on!!!!!!!!!!!

STUDDOG




An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln." protested the barkeep.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

 

[STUDDOG]

Actual Instruction Labels...


ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head.
ON TESCO''S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS CHILDRENS'' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURY''S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts.
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.




Love Is Blindness

A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in.
"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"

"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here."



A lady walks into her doctors office ...

A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.
She yells, "Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?"

The doctor asks, "Well, how long does the hair grow?"

The lady replies, "From here to my penis, but that's a different story!"

 

[STUDDOG]

Funny Bumper Stickers

List of the Funniest Bumper Stickers In America

1. Constipated People Don't Give A shit.

2. That is so five minutes ago!!

3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.

10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

11. If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

26. Illiterate? Write For Help

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off

28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit

30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

34. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... [Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]

40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

44. Ax Me About Ebonics

45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

46. Boldly Going Nowhere

47. Cat: The Other White Meat

48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde

49. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That

50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?

53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

55. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.

58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.

64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

 

[STUDDOG]

The Dial

A woman went to her plastic surgeon to discuss her frown lines. The surgeon brought out a dial.

"If you see any wrinkles, just twist this dial and it will stretch your skin."

The woman tried the dial and it was working great! But after three years with the dial, she had to see the surgeon again.

"Doctor, I don't know what's wrong; I keep twisting the dial but I just can't get these bags out from under my eyes."

The Doctor said ", I'm sorry but, those aren't bags under your eyes, those are your breasts."

"Oh," she said. "That would explain the goatee."




Powder Viagra

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"

The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.

"Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

"How did it go?" the doctor asked.

"Terribly, doctor, terribly."

"Did it not work?"

"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."

"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"

"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."



The Angry Wife

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.

"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning, with beer on your breath, and lipstick on your collar?"

"There is," he replied. "I'd like some breakfast."



Illnesses

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were
spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne
and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,"Ewww
- what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only
affected my toes."

The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued
undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again
wrinkled up her nose. "What's wrong with your knees?"
she asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing
continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?"



Periods and Paychecks

Whats the difference between a womans paycheck and her periods?
Well...:
They come once a month,
They get her stressed,
And if one don't come...SHES IN TROUBLE.



A Long Life?


A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Hi babydoll.....hummmmm....you referring to when you seen me naked I guess....I thought you would never stop laughing....and that comment about the "one hung high" was so crude....you need a spanking girlfriend....


Hey E.....big deep kiss and loving hug.....yea! yea!...I'll keep my clothes on!!!!!!!!!!!

STUDDOG

A spanking you say? Well darlin, if you think you can catch me, you just might try to give it to me.

Keep your clothes on? My, that is a disappointing thought and certainly no fun at all...

 

[STUDDOG]

A spanking you say? Well darlin, if you think you can catch me, you just might try to give it to me.

Keep your clothes on? My, that is a disappointing thought and certainly no fun at all...

Hummmmmm.....not a spanking sweetcakes!!.....I'm thinking a much deeper thought......

The spanking comes later.....I need my sugar fix first.....

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Hummmmmm.....not a spanking sweetcakes!!.....I'm thinking a much deeper thought......

The spanking comes later.....I need my sugar fix first.....

Oh, care to share what that deeper thought might include?

Later is good for me, gives me time of find my favorite paddle. Oh and speaking of sugar....

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Hummmmmm.....not a spanking sweetcakes!!.....I'm thinking a much deeper thought......

The spanking comes later.....I need my sugar fix first.....

Oh, care to share what that deeper thought might include?

Later is good for me, gives me time of find my favorite paddle. Oh and speaking of sugar....

 

[STUDDOG]

A spanking you say? Well darlin, if you think you can catch me, you just might try to give it to me.

Keep your clothes on? My, that is a disappointing thought and certainly no fun at all...

Hummmmmm.....not a spanking sweetcakes!!.....I'm thinking a much deeper thought......

The spanking comes later.....I need my sugar fix first.....

 

[tigerjen]

Nibble nibble and lick lick.....

Big kiss Jen

Get ya-self to the Cafe for your daily sugar fix!!!

 

[1sexylady]

Wow seems like I haven't seen you in ages....

Hugs to a very handsome and sexy Studdog.......{{{{STUDDOG}}}}}

 

[STUDDOG]

Get ya-self to the Cafe for your daily sugar fix!!!

Woooooooo I just love a bossy women Jen!!!....I'll will be there shortly for my sugar fix.....

 

[STUDDOG]

Wow seems like I haven't seen you in ages....

Hugs to a very handsome and sexy Studdog.......{{{{STUDDOG}}}}}

Hey beautiful.....Lord!!! I don't get to see you much anymore Sexy
woman.....big kiss and hug....I figured some smart guy done run off with you to an Island and started a sugar factory using your lips...lol


Glad to see you sweetheart....big kiss and hug.....and a damn pinch for being gone so long

 

[1sexylady]

Hey beautiful.....Lord!!! I don't get to see you much anymore Sexy
woman.....big kiss and hug....I figured some smart guy done run off with you to an Island and started a sugar factory using your lips...lol


Glad to see you sweetheart....big kiss and hug.....and a damn pinch for being gone so long

Oh God I wish.....damn I wish..lmao

 

[tigerjen]

Woooooooo I just love a bossy women Jen!!!....I'll
will be there shortly for my sugar fix.....

heehee i saw you there at the Cafe today sweetie!!!

hope you enjoyed your sugar fix!



at least someone enjoys my bossiness....heehheehhehe
I know certain people where I work don't like it....but I
know my job well and do it well and so be it!

 

[Raindear816]

Southern Talk

(((((((((((STUDDOG)))))))))))))))))))
Hope you are having a fanfuckintastic weekend!

Southern Talk

1. BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

2. JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

3. MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

4. IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

5. RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

6. ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

7. FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

8. Y'ALL -- noun. A degree of rotation.
Usage: "There are three degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll,and Y'all."

9. BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

10. TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

11. TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime."

12. HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

13. RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

14. TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

15. RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

16. LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

17. FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

18. DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

19. EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

20. BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

21. JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"

22. HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

23. SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

24. HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"