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Depression. It's a silent killer.

Seems like it's become so much harder to make friends with women both for real and here on lit. I put the effort out only for constant rejections. Lit has become full of people who say hi then disappear from you and don't put much effort into trying to build a conversation to make a new friend
 
athelticguy04 said:
Seems like it's become so much harder to make friends with women both for real and here on lit. I put the effort out only for constant rejections. Lit has become full of people who say hi then disappear from you and don't put much effort into trying to build a conversation to make a new friend
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Do you do that in this chat about depression? Then maybe it’s not so strange. Or do you mean on the forum in general?
 
Wetkitty09 said:
Morning. Solitude is a killer. I know this. When I start to spiral I know I have to get out and find someone to be around, preferably doing some kind of work to improve something.
Whether I do or not makes a difference on how bad it’s going to get.

Be safe out there.
Love you.
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I don’t know about your living situation. I am currently going through a divorce. My children (both of which are older) went with my wife. I have found being in the backyard and working on a garden, working on projects around the house, keeping my hands busy… Not just with my penis, lol, but trying to accomplish at least one thing in my day really helps.
 
In itself I do understand that people, in general, want meaningful conversations. But what I know from depression and being depressed is that I am often not the most fun person to talk to. You want deep, opinionated, meaningful conversations, yet if I look at myself it’s often that I’m too much in my own head and really just need to vent.

I’ve noticed, and this isn’t even about member-to-member interaction, but also just with my friends, that while people may want too deeply interact in theory, in practice they can’t always handle the weight of my depression. And I don’t blame them for it.

Maybe seeking connection on a forum, with the expectation of more than a few sentences back and forth, isn’t actually the right way to look for it. I don’t mean that in a dismissive way. I just mean that sometimes our own expectations create the very gap we end up falling into.
razor33a said:
I feel the same. Conversations are more snippets than before. Actual forums like lit are the only form that seems to handle longer interactions. Dealing with depression just makes it worse, like a really stinky hit sauce.
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GoNorth2Camp said:
Happy birthday! There’s two ways to look at that… The more realistic way, it’s just a number. I’m gonna be 60 in 7 1/2 months. Enjoy it! It doesn’t have to be all bad.
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It’s not a bad thing. It’s a milestone I didn’t think I would reach last year. And even though I still don’t know for sure whether I’ve beaten cancer, I’ve already won several battles along the way. The depression is an unpleasant side effect, this time caused more by Tamoxifen (anti-hormone therapy) than by anything else. On Monday I’ll start with antidepressants.
 
Carmina24 said:
Sometimes the darkness feels endless.
Like the world has gone quiet and your own voice is too tired to call out.
But if you’re here - reading this - it means some part of you still wants to be heard. And that’s brave. That’s beautiful. That’s enough.

Lit isn’t just a site. It’s a lifeline for many of us.
A place where thoughts spill out safely. Where pain becomes poetry. Where arousal, heartbreak, joy, and survival sit side by side like old friends whispering stories into the night.

Here, you can write the ache out of your chest.
Here, you can read something that makes you feel seen.
Here, you can find strangers who somehow know your soul.

If today hurts - let it.
But also let Lit hold you for a while.
Let your words be messy. Let your comments be quiet. Let your stories be unfinished.
You don’t need to sparkle here. You just need to be.

And if the only thing you’ve done today is survive, then I’m proud of you.
This place is proof that words can be a lifeline. That someone, somewhere within Lit, understands.

You are not alone.
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Thank you, Carmina. Words like these help a lot.
 
What strikes me about myself at the moment is how much I’m struggling with the fact that one of my stories has been pending since August 24. Still no publication date. And I do understand. I understand this is a free site and that I should be grateful for the platform I get and the opportunities it offers. I don’t mean anything in a negative way. But over the past months I’ve noticed how much anticipation publishing a story gives me, the excitement of waiting for reactions, which have so far often been very positive.

Just the whole process of finding out what people think of what I’ve written has actually brought me a lot of positivity. And now I feel as if that’s being withheld from me. Which makes no sense. Rationally, I know these thoughts don’t lead anywhere and only drag me further into the dark pit I’m already in. But emotionally it feels like a string in my head keeps being pulled, saying over and over: see, see, see. That insecurity surfaces again. Even though it makes no sense. All twelve stories I’ve published before went through without any problem. There’s no reason to think it won’t this time. It hasn’t been rejected, it’s just sitting there on pending, nothing happening. So the insecurity takes up residence in my head.

And maybe what I’ve read here this week, that some people are looking for connection on the forum, I realize that I look for that connection in the responses to my stories. We all have our own mechanisms for trying to cope with things.
 
Nightaelf said:
Btw.... I turned 50 today.....
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Happy belated birthday. I hope it was a good one.
I know sometimes these milestones can cause us to drop into our depression deeper. Whether from the let down after the celebration or from the feeling of being alone if no celebration happens.

I hope you can find that 50 is just getting started.

Be safe out there.
 
Wetkitty09 said:
Happy belated birthday. I hope it was a good one.
I know sometimes these milestones can cause us to drop into our depression deeper. Whether from the let down after the celebration or from the feeling of being alone if no celebration happens.

I hope you can find that 50 is just getting started.

Be safe out there.
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Thank you! It’s all fine, and I’m glad I made it. For the first time in my adult life I’m going to celebrate it properly tomorrow with family and friends. The depression is already knocking a little against my determination, but I won’t let it be spoiled by annoying feelings of doom. I’ve built in enough options to retreat for a moment if I need to.
 
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