Depression. It's a silent killer.

[Nightaelf]

I think for a lot of the people who stop by to see what this thread is it gets uncomfortable fast to see us with out the mask so many of us show the everyday world. I understand for many of them they don't have a great frame of reference for trying to understand whats happening, but I think all that is actually right here in the posts and in just talking to us.

Its got to be kinda scary though when you've thought "Oh, they're just sad. They can fix that by doing X, Y, and Z.", then arriving here and finding out we all spend varying amounts of time essentially under siege from our own brains and brain chemistry. For some they will keep trying to shove us into the just fix it box. Others will read and discuss and learn that we are all an amazingly strong lot. We, more often than not, fight the fight that lets us get up in the morning and be a part of the world. We find ways to cope (hopefully healthy, but too often not) when we can't make that fight. We hope that life will let us learn to use any resource we can, therapy.... meds..... this thread... to help us in that fight.

I don't often post in this thread, but I do check in from time to time. Everyone here has helped me in bad times just by being in this thread and sharing.

Exactly this. Sharing here isn’t about looking for free therapy, it’s about connection. People underestimate how powerful it can be just to feel heard and not alone.

I also think this thread can be an opportunity for people to deepen their understanding of others, even if they just happen to stumble across it. It’s normal to think it could never happen to you, and that’s not arrogance. But it’s good to know there’s a place to turn to if things go wrong, even for a moment.

That’s why it matters that we not only share our own stories, but also stay open to those who’ve never experienced this struggle themselves. There are really no better therapists than people who are trying to overcome their own struggles. Most of us already have professional help, but that doesn’t make the value of this space any less. Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone, that someone else has walked through the same fire and kept going, can make all the difference.

 

[Nightaelf]

September is Suicide Prevention Month.
If you are struggling know that help is available.

I know from personal experience and several failed attempts that a lot of times all you need is someone that listens.
You don’t want answers or solutions, just someone who is there, that listens, that takes you serious.

Of course it’s a lot more than than that, and not so simple. But its a start.

Please be there for someone.
Listen.

And please ask for help if you need it.

There have been several times when I was on the verge of ending it all, but there was always something that reminded me there were still things worth living for. That darkness inside me never completely goes away.

Last year I got very sick. I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and that’s when I discovered that my will to live is actually so much stronger than my will to die. Now I’m fighting for my future, and I know I will have one. Different from what I once imagined, but with a new dose of determination added to my emotional baggage.

It’s a paradox that being sick is what gave me the will to live.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning. I am so happy to see the support from so many people here. The simple act of lending an ear without judgement is more powerful than anything.

Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Bloodandglitter]

On June 28th, I sat in my desk chair with a shotgun pointed below my chin. I couldn’t work up the nerve to pull the trigger

On the week of July 25th (my birthday), I made plans to hang myself from an overpass that morning. In my distorted thinking, I thought I was a “mistake” and that I should “correct the mistake” on the anniversary of my birth.

What saved me, besides finding the right meds, were people on this very site who cared enough to reach out when I posted dark messages, and published a poem that served as a suicide note to Literotica.

Please, be an angel for someone. And if you need one yourself, reach out and let one find you!

I hope you are in a better place now. If you need another friend or just someone to talk/chat to, please just let me know.

 

[James_Bassytian]

Not really. I see my dr in a couple weeks so I will ask then. Some of the meds I have are working so that makes me a little relieved. I am thankful I have my own office with a door!

That's good to hear. I doubt your job is anything like mine, but I know work can be stressful. I come close to the "fuck this, I'm out!!" point some days.

 

[James_Bassytian]

I’m truly moved by what you’ve shared. It’s brave of you to write this so openly, and I’m glad you’re still here. Thank you for sharing and for reminding us how much we need each other.

Thanks, I wouldn't write about that on any other thread. The meds are helping, but I still need to undergo talk therapy, which I'm on a waiting list for.

I hope you are in a better place now. If you need another friend or just someone to talk/chat to, please just let me know.

Thank you, I will keep that in mind! I make the same offer to you!

 

[Bloodandglitter]

Thanks, I wouldn't write about that on any other thread. The meds are helping, but I still need to undergo talk therapy, which I'm on a waiting list for.


Thank you, I will keep that in mind! I make the same offer to you!

Aww thank you. I should be back in therapy but since my therapist retired I haven't found as anyone as wonderful as he was. He changed my life for the better.

 

[James_Bassytian]

Aww thank you. I should be back in therapy but since my therapist retired I haven't found as anyone as wonderful as he was. He changed my life for the better.

That sucks, finding a good doctor of any kind is hard these days. My physician DIED two years ago, and I haven't found anyone who comes close to being as good as he was.

 

[Bloodandglitter]

Oh how horrible! I went thru my share of psychiatrists until I found a really good one after my first dr left. I had one that, (no lie!), googled what meds she could prescribe for me! She went on Google right in front of me! I was floored.

I hope you find a good doctor that listens to you well and helps you feel better.

 

[James_Bassytian]

Oh how horrible! I went thru my share of psychiatrists until I found a really good one after my first dr left. I had one that, (no lie!), googled what meds she could prescribe for me! She went on Google right in front of me! I was floored.

I hope you find a good doctor that listens to you well and helps you feel better.

Yeah, he was almost 80 and had been practicing for almost 50 years, it was what he loved to do. That's rare anymore.

Good God, that's very professional, I feel like I need to switch jobs after reading that!!!

I hope you find a great one as well!

 

[Bloodandglitter]

Yeah, he was almost 80 and had been practicing for almost 50 years, it was what he loved to do. That's rare anymore.

Good God, that's very professional, I feel like I need to switch jobs after reading that!!!

I hope you find a great one as well!

Wow. It's always nice to find a doctor that really likes what they do and cares for their patients.

Lol yes! I was dumbfounded and it was the last appointment with her. Thankfully I had enough meds to get me through to my appt with my new dr, who I really like.

 

[James_Bassytian]

Wow. It's always nice to find a doctor that really likes what they do and cares for their patients.

Lol yes! I was dumbfounded and it was the last appointment with her. Thankfully I had enough meds to get me through to my appt with my new dr, who I really like.

That's good. Wow, though, I wonder if they taught her that at whatever school she went to. That is a frightening thought...

 

[Bloodandglitter]

That's good. Wow, though, I wonder if they taught her that at whatever school she went to. That is a frightening thought...

I just couldn't believe it. I was stunned. I have never seen any kind of dr do that

 

[ZinJ]

I had depression since my teens (even struggled with suicidal thoughts). It got a little less intense in by my late 20s, but then flared up around covid. Then work management changed and the replacement is an awful man who's still sadly in the same job, even if I did file a complaint about his behaviour towards me (like him getting upset at me for being too sick to work when I got food poisoning, among other things). HR practically strong-armed me into "quitting" and I was too fed up and just left. Despite being mostly jobless now, I actually feel myself getting better now that I'm not in a toxic workplace struggling with constant anxiety. Hope the next permanent job I find won't be as bad.

 

[James_Bassytian]

I just couldn't believe it. I was stunned. I have never seen any kind of dr do that

Before long, we’re going to have brain surgeons with Youtube vidoes pulled up in the operating room as a guide.

I had depression since my teens (even struggled with suicidal thoughts). It got a little less intense in by my late 20s, but then flared up around covid. Then work management changed and the replacement is an awful man who's still sadly in the same job, even if I did file a complaint about his behaviour towards me (like him getting upset at me for being too sick to work when I got food poisoning, among other things). HR practically strong-armed me into "quitting" and I was too fed up and just left. Despite being mostly jobless now, I actually feel myself getting better now that I'm not in a toxic workplace struggling with constant anxiety. Hope the next permanent job I find won't be as bad.

There isn’t much that’s worse than a toxic work environment. I hope you find something better soon!

 

[Wetkitty09]

I had depression since my teens (even struggled with suicidal thoughts). It got a little less intense in by my late 20s, but then flared up around covid. Then work management changed and the replacement is an awful man who's still sadly in the same job, even if I did file a complaint about his behaviour towards me (like him getting upset at me for being too sick to work when I got food poisoning, among other things). HR practically strong-armed me into "quitting" and I was too fed up and just left. Despite being mostly jobless now, I actually feel myself getting better now that I'm not in a toxic workplace struggling with constant anxiety. Hope the next permanent job I find won't be as bad.

Morning. I was amazed at the feelings of relief I had when I left a toxic job. I’d had crappy jobs in the past but the last one was the worst. I had started therapy and was a bit more in tune with my mental state and actually noticed the feeling of freedom and relief when I finally left.
I know it’s a hard decision in this economy to leave a job, no matter how toxic, but your life and mental health are more important than any employer’s bottom line.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning. I came across some questions that I want to ask to open up some discussion.
If you’re not interested that’s fine but please keep all comments positive.

Question 1. What constitutes a perfect day for you?

I look forward to seeing your answers.

Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Wetkitty09]

I’ll go first.
I’ve actually had this day.
The day that everyone (my kids) woke up in a good mood and got themselves ready to start the day without my having to fight with them. They got on the school bus on time.
That evening after a calm dinner and homework session. Everyone relaxed together in the living room. Each doing their own thing but all together.
The memory of the bliss of that day has kept me going more often than one might think.

 

[razor33a]

I can't remember a "perfect day". Even a decent day is coated in pessimism about the tomorrow or what didn't get done today. I tend to phrase it more as a "less fucked up day". Eeyore sums me up normally.

 

[Orwellian69]

I don't know any of you good folk. I do know how important it is to share feelings etc. I'm no shrink or anything but my inbox is open if anyone wants a vent or anything.
Look after yourselves.

 

[James_Bassytian]

Morning. I came across some questions that I want to ask to open up some discussion.
If you’re not interested that’s fine but please keep all comments positive.

Question 1. What constitutes a perfect day for you?

I look forward to seeing your answers.

Be safe out there.
Love you.

Interesting idea, I like this!

A perfect day for me is a day when I get to stay home all day, no one calls or bothers me in any way. Just a day entirely to myself where I can write, eat, write some more, take a small break, write again (I've been bitten by the writing bug BADLY), and... you get the idea!

 

[Wetkitty09]

Interesting idea, I like this!

A perfect day for me is a day when I get to stay home all day, no one calls or bothers me in any way. Just a day entirely to myself where I can write, eat, write some more, take a small break, write again (I've been bitten by the writing bug BADLY), and... you get the idea!

Thanks Bass for answering the question. I hope you have many perfect days.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning. I’ll have another question tomorrow. I’m going to give this one another day to marinate.

Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Beholders_Eye]

Morning. I came across some questions that I want to ask to open up some discussion.
If you’re not interested that’s fine but please keep all comments positive.

Question 1. What constitutes a perfect day for you?

I look forward to seeing your answers.

Be safe out there.
Love you.

One of two things:
1. A day playing golf
2. A day masturbating

(Just being honest...)

 

[ZinJ]

Morning. I came across some questions that I want to ask to open up some discussion.
If you’re not interested that’s fine but please keep all comments positive.

Question 1. What constitutes a perfect day for you?

I look forward to seeing your answers.

Be safe out there.
Love you.

Perfect day for me would be if I'm all alone in the house, writing with nothing but silence around me. At least that's one of the perfect days for me, anyway.