Discreet Bi Women...

[urperfectenemy]

I am very bi-curious. I have been with women before I got married. I met my spouse at a time when I was falling apart and was afraid I would never get back together (not because of my sexuality but because I had lost everything in life). Now its 16 years later, we have three small kids and I am completely miserable. My spouse knows about my being bi but he thinks I am gross. He also no longer finds me attractive and no longer has sex with me.

So what are my options? He refuses to let me explore, he thinks I am gross, so i guess that is out. Ignore this part of me and conitue to cry and hurt, or try to leave. Outside of this I do love my husband and I love my children.

So does this make me a bad person for wanting to step outside without my spouse? And really...who would want to be with someone who would go out w/o their husbands knowledge.

harmony,
if your husband does not treat you with the respect that you deserve as his childrens mother and his wife, then you need to really consider if you are willing to spend the REST of your life with this man. you say that he thinks you are gross, wont even touch you now, and is not that attracted to you anymore. so, what i suggest is talking to him about the possibility of a trial separation. you all can separate and possibly go to marriage counseling. and that might help, or you can just separate and get on with your life. but i do not suggest going behind his back to act on your bisexual desires. if you did that, you would just cause more hurt in the end, for you and for him. make sure you know what you want out of life before you jump head on into muck that you cant get out of. that is the only advice i can offer you hon.
Missy

 

[harmony1972]

harmony,
if your husband does not treat you with the respect that you deserve as his childrens mother and his wife, then you need to really consider if you are willing to spend the REST of your life with this man. you say that he thinks you are gross, wont even touch you now, and is not that attracted to you anymore. so, what i suggest is talking to him about the possibility of a trial separation. you all can separate and possibly go to marriage counseling. and that might help, or you can just separate and get on with your life. but i do not suggest going behind his back to act on your bisexual desires. if you did that, you would just cause more hurt in the end, for you and for him. make sure you know what you want out of life before you jump head on into muck that you cant get out of. that is the only advice i can offer you hon.
Missy

No, I know. I could not go outside my marriage, behind his back. I am a children of a marriage like that. We currently sleep in different rooms since he is working 14 hour days starting at 4:00 am. He sleeps at different hours, so in some ways we are separate. He isn't into counselling, but I go. Thanks for the advice.

 

[urperfectenemy]

No, I know. I could not go outside my marriage, behind his back. I am a children of a marriage like that. We currently sleep in different rooms since he is working 14 hour days starting at 4:00 am. He sleeps at different hours, so in some ways we are separate. He isn't into counselling, but I go. Thanks for the advice.

harmony,
i hope that something will be situated soon. no one deserves to live like that, and be treated with such disrespect. in the mean time, if you need someone to talk to, you can message me.

 

[MsNouriche]

Actually, I saw two additional options: Not doing anything at all, and seeking permission to have relationships with women on my own.

So, just to clarify, you're suggesting we (married, bi women) have sex with women, and tell our spouses those women are our "best girlfriends," but not that we're having sex with them?

I cannot clarify something I never suggested.
"From what I know.." so I have no doubt there are other options/perspectives that I have not thought about. Like everyone else on here, including you, I was stating my opinion.
"So many of you are tormented over it." by this I mean the women who are not at a place where they can not do anything at all. For those who can choose to do nothing at all, in my opinion, that means they are no longer at a place of torment. Or never were tormented by it.
"..without it being about breaking up a marriage.." No where in my post do I suggest that privacy means to lie or edit the truth. I find it to be clear whether or not you agree is all part of why this is a forum.
Of course, there is the possibility that you were just being sarcastic.
"Give yourself a break ladies, relax."
MsN

 

[SweetErika]

I cannot clarify something I never suggested.
"From what I know.." so I have no doubt there are other options/perspectives that I have not thought about. Like everyone else on here, including you, I was stating my opinion.
"So many of you are tormented over it." by this I mean the women who are not at a place where they can not do anything at all. For those who can choose to do nothing at all, in my opinion, that means they are no longer at a place of torment. Or never were tormented by it.
"..without it being about breaking up a marriage.." No where in my post do I suggest that privacy means to lie or edit the truth. I find it to be clear whether or not you agree is all part of why this is a forum.
Of course, there is the possibility that you were just being sarcastic.
"Give yourself a break ladies, relax."
MsN

I wasn't being sarcastic, I was trying to understand your point of view.

I'm still not clear on what you're suggesting with the "best girlfriend" thing - assuming the couple was not open on this subject, would the husband know his wife and her best friend were physically intimate, or not, in your mind?

 

[BooSFL]

Just wanted to pop my head in and speak up. I was bicurious, married with children, and afraid to do anything about it. I finally did, experiemented with other curious women....

My wife and I had spoken about trying a FFM, she was curious about being with a woman but had never acted on it. While she is a very good, caring lover she was very limited in experience when we met 16+ years ago. I always felt she would do it if the opportunity came up. It's not that she is uptight about sex, she just didn't sleep around- 2 high school BF's before we met.

A year or so ago we met a GF of hers at a club for a party. Well, during the course of the evening the GF had a nice buzz going and was complimenting my wife, telling her she had a nice figure, was pretty, ect. Then she asked her if she had ever kissed a woman, when my wife said no but had thought about it her GF leaned in and kissed her, stroking her hair. It was so sexy seeing her and her GF kiss. When they stopped her GF asked her what she thought about it, she said it was nice and that she was a good kisser. She told us she was bi and had been with women before. I had always had my suspicions that her GF was Bi and my wife told me it was my wishful thinking. They kissed some more and her friend began carressing her body, her hands running over my wife's breasts. When they broke their kiss her GF turned to kiss me, I stopped her and asked my wife if she was OK with it. She said yes and the GF and I made out some, it pretty hot kissing her and carressing her body, then my wife joined in again. Her friend wanted to come home with us that night and my wife would have but she felt her GF had too much to drink to make that decision clearly. We wound up driving her home, we weren't going to let her drive after drinking, and went home and had some very passionate sex. The next day I asked my wife how she fely about what had happened and she said she found it to be very erotic and didn't feel jealous about her GF and I kissing. She also said she was happy that I asked before kissing the other girl, she felt that showed my respect for her.

Afterwards her friend was a little distant, even though my wife told her it was fine, either way- whether they would just be friends or something more. Unfortunately, she would never open up about why whe acted wierd afterwards and that pretty much the end of the friendship. I always found it strange how she came on to us and then pulled back.

On the upside that experience really seemed to open my wife to acting on her fanatasies but it is hard to find a nice, normal and safe girl to join us.....so still looking

 

[Macy02]

it'a good

........On the upside that experience really seemed to open my wife to acting on her fanatasies but it is hard to find a nice, normal and safe girl to join us.....so still looking

It's good that you and your wife can be open and discuss it. It would be great if more peopel were willing to discuss things openly and honestly.

Macy

 

[SassySuzie]

No longer curious...

Hi...I'm new here and haven't posted much. I finally explored my bi-side after being curious since forever...and I was 44 when I finally did it. I decided I didn't want to live the rest of my life, not knowing what it would be like to make love with a woman. Since that experience I've come to the conclusion that I really love sex with men, especilly kissing.....and, I really love sex with women too. I feel more emotionally drawn to men in that whole sense of "being in love with someone," and great sort of best friend affection for the women I've been with. I had to experience this though, in the context of a threesome as I knew my then husband would never consent to being left out of "the fun," so to speak. Now, I am free to do and be whatever I want. And I do. I have a couple of men in my life who are thrilled with the bi-side of me, whether they get to participate, or not. Being who you are, is the key to being happy.

 

[Macy02]

welcome suzie

Hi...I'm new here and haven't posted much. I finally explored my bi-side after being curious since forever...and I was 44 when I finally did it. I decided I didn't want to live the rest of my life, not knowing what it would be like to make love with a woman. Since that experience I've come to the conclusion that I really love sex with men, especilly kissing.....and, I really love sex with women too. I feel more emotionally drawn to men in that whole sense of "being in love with someone," and great sort of best friend affection for the women I've been with. I had to experience this though, in the context of a threesome as I knew my then husband would never consent to being left out of "the fun," so to speak. Now, I am free to do and be whatever I want. And I do. I have a couple of men in my life who are thrilled with the bi-side of me, whether they get to participate, or not. Being who you are, is the key to being happy.

Welcome Suzie.

Though I haven't had the experience (yet) I am curious....but you know, I don't really consider myself bi-sexual. My preference is definitely MEN - though because of my curiousity I would welcome a chance to be with a woman. It's complicated I guess.

Anyway my dh and I have been talking more and he is trying to be understanding-though I don't think he really understands my desire to experience "everything" (at least once). The good news is I don't think anything really freaks him out any more-he just wonders how he managed to marry such a "kinky" (his word) woman. I don't think I'm that off the wall -especially after what I've seen online, but I suppose plain old vanilla would not describe me.

Well everyone have a great day.
Macy

 

[Macy02]

Good Morning

Hi all,
Board has been quiet.

I'm not usually up at this time of day, but since I am I just wanted to drop in and say hi. hope everyone has a great day.

Macy

 

[Macy02]

Happy Thanksgiving weekend

Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday weekend.
Macy

 

[Minouners]

It might seem like this thread is quiet but I figure I'll give my story.

So I just told my bf 2 days ago that I was bisexual. Any advice on what I should do from now? I've only told a selective few people and don't plan on telling my parents because like a lot of the others, they would disown me and the way I look at it, I'm with my bf, they don't need the added stress and disapointment.

This is new for me so any suggestions would be great. Thanks!

 

[Minouners]

To add something, we live in a house where the basement is rented out to this really gorgeous young woman and I must say that I fancy her.

My bf knows this and always jokes around that I'll be doing stuff with her. Is he insecure or just enjoying the fact that I love women?

 

[Macy02]

To add something, we live in a house where the basement is rented out to this really gorgeous young woman and I must say that I fancy her.

My bf knows this and always jokes around that I'll be doing stuff with her. Is he insecure or just enjoying the fact that I love women?

I don't know if he is insecure or not...not knowing him....but I will give you the advice given me here by some wonderfully wise folks....

COMMUNICATION. Communication and communication. Talk to him if you are worried that he might be insecure. You may just be surprised....
Macy

 

[SassySuzie]

I don't know if he is insecure or not...not knowing him....but I will give you the advice given me here by some wonderfully wise folks....

COMMUNICATION. Communication and communication. Talk to him if you are worried that he might be insecure. You may just be surprised....
Macy

It is true...communication is the key. People should be able to be and do whatever they want as long as it's not harmful to others...it's very exciting to be able to be adventurous and live your life the way you feel you should. Good luck!
~Suzie~

 

[aussie_ella]

Two cents' worth

Hi all,
I've been reading a few posts in this thread and I guess I come from the 'other woman' side of the fence. I would describe myself as a gay girl, but I do fantasise about, and sleep with, men on occasion. The vast majority of women I've been with had never been with a woman before, and a couple were married. So, that being said, I suppose my experience is centred on establishing that relationship with women who are curious, and how it works from my side!
Mainly the problem is how friends, boyfriends/husbands, family will react, and that's something I just can't help. I went through it with everyone when I came out, and still do every time I meet someone new. The sex is always amazing, especially that first kiss, so I guess it's just the external stuff, the stuff that shouldn't matter but does.

Anyway, good luck to you all. I've read some sad posts and my heart goes out to all you grrls. I wish it wasn't so hard....

 

[Minouners]

It is true...communication is the key. People should be able to be and do whatever they want as long as it's not harmful to others...it's very exciting to be able to be adventurous and live your life the way you feel you should. Good luck!
~Suzie~

Thanks for the advice guys. We usually have great communication so I'm sure we'll be able to deal with this one. I'm just worried that I'll turn into a full blow lesbian

AH well, dems the breaks sometimes lol

 

[aussie_ella]

Thanks for the advice guys. We usually have great communication so I'm sure we'll be able to deal with this one. I'm just worried that I'll turn into a full blow lesbian

AH well, dems the breaks sometimes lol

And what's wrong with that???? LOL

Seriously, how many lives do you think you'll live?
It's so hard having to re-frame all the dreams you had growing up about kids, marriage, where you'll be in the scheme of things, fitting into society's mould of how you SHOULD be. I hear you. Just don't be afraid of going after your happiness. No one else can make you happy. And if you feel floaty and giddy and beautiful with the woman next to you, what is wrong with that? It's just the truth, and nothing is more sacred than that.

xx

 

[Surrek]

Bi curious

I´m a happily married 36 year old, but I keep wondering what it would be like to have sex with another woman...

 

[Macy02]

welcome

I´m a happily married 36 year old, but I keep wondering what it would be like to have sex with another woman...

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Welcome. You are not alone.

I hope that this board can be helpful for you. The people here are kind and knowledgable if you have questions ask and if you have comments we'd love to hear them too.
Macy
[/FONT]

 

[angela146]

My first time on this thread...

I'm bi and married.

FWIW, it's helpful for me to make a distinction between being bisexual versus biamorous. In my case, I enjoy sexual pleasure with close woman friends but I don't get the "swept off my feet", hunger, craving, yearning feelings with women.

Hence, I would put myself in the realm of bisexual but not biamorous.

As far as being discreet, my husband knows and we have had three-ways in both directions. With other people, we have kept it on a need-to-know basis.

 

[Macy02]

good morning

My first time on this thread...

I'm bi and married.

FWIW, it's helpful for me to make a distinction between being bisexual versus biamorous. In my case, I enjoy sexual pleasure with close woman friends but I don't get the "swept off my feet", hunger, craving, yearning feelings with women.

Hence, I would put myself in the realm of bisexual but not biamorous.

As far as being discreet, my husband knows and we have had three-ways in both directions. With other people, we have kept it on a need-to-know basis.

Welcome Angela.
You are so lucky to have support from your husband. While I am bi-curious I like your distinctions. Maybe one day we can all just "be" - ok maybe, I'm a dreamer......
M........

 

[angela146]

Welcome Angela.
You are so lucky to have support from your husband. While I am bi-curious I like your distinctions. Maybe one day we can all just "be" - ok maybe, I'm a dreamer......

Labels can be a real pain, but on the other hand, it's important to figure out what your feelings are and what you want/need from a relationship.

Sometimes you don't really know until you've been there, but you can sort of get an idea by seeing how you react to women, or how your emotions change when you think about being with a woman.

 

[Macy02]

lol

Labels can be a real pain, ....

That just made me giggle, probably because it is true.

But your other point is well taken. I know for myself I am not looking for an exclusive ff relationship. I have a husband and plan on keeping him. I'd just like to find a woman to explore with, being friends would be nice too.

m.........

 

[Macy02]

Post 100

Ok I just have to make one more post - my 100th!!!!!!

Have a great day everyone.

Macy