Do Kink and promiscuity always go hand in hand?

[sub2femdom]

DVS, Great posts!

I am one of those who didn't understand my sexuality when I got married. My wife and I both knew we had kinks and intended to explore them together, but years later, and with the help of big pharma, her libido has disintegrated and her kinks gone, while mine have manifested tenfold with the onslaught of availability of knowledge and experience that the internet brings us.

So, yes, I'm promiscuous, not as a kink, but as an insatiable (for now) exploration and endless search for partners to experience those kinks with. Each experience is unique based on the person, their level of kink and enthusiasm for it, and the specific kinks they are into.

I'm having a wonderful time and I'm even okay with the negative connotations that go with it, because that makes it all the more taboo, which is a turn on in itself. Let the slut-shamers of the world scream, it gets me off!

Again, great posts, thanks

 

[Hipshot1554]

I'm sure you can be kinky and monogamous, with the right person.

 

[srgreene]

For me they don't...but I'm increasingly starting to realize I may be in the severe minority on this. How is it for everyone else? Or if this is a dumb question just ignore. I'm sleep deprived and posting in the middle of the night. Lol

Jane, i don’t know that we are in the minority, but while I was quite promiscuous in my youth, I was never into kink. I liked p-i-v, and freely offered it, but more or less that’s as far as it went. Of course, I had experiences beyond the routine, I would say, but that wasn’t what I was seeking.

It’s a reasonable question to ask.

 

[LauraWilling]

When I became sexually active it was wanting others to like me. I had no idea about anything kinky. But as I got older and like my work I was introduced to more things some would call kinky. Being a submissive and always wanting to please more kinks seemed to evolve. Just like my work. Serving beer in a topless club, then dancing topless, modeling for photographers and so one.

I went from naive to BDSM sub and shared wife later. I can't speak for others, but for me it was an evolution, I believe.

 

[Hipshot1554]

Nothing wrong with sharing a willing woman with a friend....

 

[Lucia_slt]

It depends on the kink.
Most of the kinks that push my buttons are the ones I want to do with my girl.
On the other hand, wanting to be a cheap cock slut is a kink for me and it definitely includes promiscuity as I want numerous men using me. btw, a question goes in here - is it promiscuity if it implies your main partner participating?

 

[sweettalk4u]

Ordinarily the answer would be no. But it depends on the situation. Now if the dominant orders it as a task that’s different. First of all he or she would know if that was something you were capable of or something they wanted you to learn. If you are only interested in fetishes and not a relationship promiscuity is more likely I think

 

[ElectraRex]

For me they don't...but I'm increasingly starting to realize I may be in the severe minority on this.

How is it for everyone else?

Or if this is a dumb question just ignore. I'm sleep deprived and posting in the middle of the night. Lol

You're not alone, Jane. I'm a kinky fuck and I've been monogamous for 11 years.

 

[eroticspank]

For me they don't...but I'm increasingly starting to realize I may be in the severe minority on this.

How is it for everyone else?

Or if this is a dumb question just ignore. I'm sleep deprived and posting in the middle of the night. Lol

I would say it depends. I know some people who are members of S/M clubs or groups where they go on Friday nights and play with one another. While sex is allowed in the club, it was very rare and most of that involved people who are already together, married or in relationships. They may "play" with other people in the club like flog or spank a sub, but there was no kissing, penetration or sex of any kind. It was not some kind of rule, it just rarely happened.

I was a member for about a year and talked several couples in the club. They were all monogamous and loved kink. They liked the club so they could practice BDSM without getting their own dungeon and they met a lot of fun people.

I am okay being with just one woman and being Kinky.

The problem is when you are with a partner who is not into Kink. Many times the kinky person has to go outside the relationship because he or she can't find it in the relationship. They don't tell their partner and a affair starts. The enjoy the kink, don't want to get rid of their relationship so they keep both.

ES

 

[runsilent]

I guess I would have to define promiscuous. If you aren't attached or in some relationship yeah fuck like bunnies and leave the splatter all over the place. If someone thinks you are in a one on one relationship than being promiscuous is wrong.

Kinks. If everyone is agreement than just great. Agreement means not doing something behind the SOs back

 

[Tinkerbe11]

Definately not. Two totally different things. Are some kinksters ‘promiscuous?’ By definition ‘
demonstrating or implying an unselective approach; indiscriminate or casual’ almost certainly but I would guess no more than any other group of sexually acting adults.

 

[SweetHeartbreak]

For me they don't...but I'm increasingly starting to realize I may be in the severe minority on this.

How is it for everyone else?

Or if this is a dumb question just ignore. I'm sleep deprived and posting in the middle of the night. Lol

Me Neither... Maybe because we are women and "hard wired' to protect the tribe. I caught my soon to be ex watching "bend over boyfriend" with my best friend on HER daughters bed (who was pretending to sleep while my husband was seducing my friend) To protect the KID, I grabbed them both, took them in the bed room and made him masturbate in front of my friend and myself. I took one for the team... it wasn't MY idea. I was protecting the child.

 

[eroticspank]

Me Neither... Maybe because we are women and "hard wired' to protect the tribe. I caught my soon to be ex watching "bend over boyfriend" with my best friend on HER daughters bed (who was pretending to sleep while my husband was seducing my friend) To protect the KID, I grabbed them both, took them in the bed room and made him masturbate in front of my friend and myself. I took one for the team... it wasn't MY idea. I was protecting the child.

Interesting story and good job on taking one for the team. But I think this is what I was talking about regarding the whole promiscuity thing. "Bend over Boyfriend" is a beginner Female to Male strapon video. It is the type of video you watch with your partner when you are both interested in that type of play. However, some guys can't go to their wife with this kind of video, or some wives would not approve, so when they find someone who will they go for it even if it means it will endanger their relationship.

In this case, it is up to the guy to communicate to his partner his wants and needs. When you are in a relationship it is important for both partners to communicate wants and needs...especially in the bedroom regarding kink play. You both are into Kink so you both have specific Kink interests, talk about them, understand them, and satisfy them. That is the fun part of a Kink relationship.

ES

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't think they are connected at all, although it may depend on how you define "kinky." In my view, a person can be kinky based solely on what's going on in the person's mind. Promiscuity, however, is determined by conduct. By the standards of a normal American middle-aged man I have not been particularly promiscuous, but I'm definitely kinky. I enjoy many kinks and fetishes but have acted out only some of them. Part of the appeal of being a Literotica author is exploring my kinks and fetishes in writing.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

I don't think they are connected at all, although it may depend on how you define "kinky." In my view, a person can be kinky based solely on what's going on in the person's mind. Promiscuity, however, is determined by conduct. By the standards of a normal American middle-aged man I have not been particularly promiscuous, but I'm definitely kinky. I enjoy many kinks and fetishes but have acted out only some of them. Part of the appeal of being a Literotica author is exploring my kinks and fetishes in writing.

I agree 50%, I think they are connected one tends to encourage the other. However I agree with it starts with definitions. Literotica is great because it allows for exploration of many and when you put thoughts to text/speech it shows your interest in them or your disinterest.

 

[SweetHeartbreak]

All he had to do was share his sexuality with me. HE assumed I would recoil in horror. He did not know I had would be fine. It is a shame... truly. TRUST is key, all around the board.

 

[eroticspank]

All he had to do was share his sexuality with me. HE assumed I would recoil in horror. He did not know I had would be fine. It is a shame... truly. TRUST is key, all around the board.

As men and women the biggest thing we do that is wrong is to ASSUME. It usually happens when there is no communication. He was certainly wrong. (I am not saying you did anything wrong just discussing this in general.)

I really feel like are brains are wired that way. Example: Your husband does not come home from work. You are at home waiting for him. After about an hour or two with no communication, you begin to wonder where he is. All the while you make up stories in your head as to what happened and it usually is a bad scenario. Sure you may try to call or text to see where he is but IF there is no communication many people assume the worst.

When it comes to the bedroom and confessing our fantasies or desires many of us do the same thing and assume the worst like mentioned above. So we end up not telling our wives or they end up not telling their husbands. I know this is unfair and the wrong thing to do but it happens.

If there is or has been an atmosphere is sharing and talking about fantasies, then bringing up strapon play, Cross Dressing, Rape scenarios, or whatever are much easier.

For me the hardest part was actually talking/discussing about it with my mate. I would say 70% of the time if you are talking about it the first time and the other person is vanilla an explanation/discussion is needed. Why do you like Pegging? What is the turn on? I am afraid I will hurt you. I am afraid you may be interested in men instead of women.....etc, etc. Well she is my partner/wife/gf, she deserves to know these things and understand my desires. I want her to have no fears and understand me. Once I got over that, I found it much easier to share my desires. In some cases she will not completely understand but when she sees the pleasure in my eyes she begins to see how it works. And it make take some time.

Many years ago I actually did have my wife(now ex) recoil in Horror and run out of the room when I tried to share with her a fantasy. I understand that not all women are like that and I learned from that experience. Still it is not easy, but as mentioned above TRUST is very important.

ES

 

[Bramblethorn]

All he had to do was share his sexuality with me. HE assumed I would recoil in horror. He did not know I had would be fine. It is a shame... truly. TRUST is key, all around the board.

Recently I met somebody who was worried that their therapist might freak out if they brought up their BDSM interests. They were trying to work out the best way to raise the subject... and then the situation resolved itself when they bumped into the therapist at a kink event.

 

[HomerSimpson123]

Recently I met somebody who was worried that their therapist might freak out if they brought up their BDSM interests. They were trying to work out the best way to raise the subject... and then the situation resolved itself when they bumped into the therapist at a kink event.

Wow. Really?

 

[sub2femdom]

Many years ago I actually did have my wife(now ex) recoil in Horror and run out of the room when I tried to share with her a fantasy. I understand that not all women are like that and I learned from that experience. Still it is not easy, but as mentioned above TRUST is very important.

ES

Trust doesn't cure all though. What if you reveal a taboo kink that the spouse finds so horrifying that they tell everyone, even file for divorce. Now you are outed, divorced, and in the case of a lot of men, flat broke and even barred from seeing their children.

Telling all can be absolutely disastrous. I nearly drove my wife away, by only telling her the tip of the iceberg. I cannot and will not tell her all, even though I trust her in every other way. Just not this one.

Sure, I married the wrong woman, at least from a sexually-compatible point of view, but we sure seemed to have a lot of the same kinks early on. Mine evolved, her's devolved. It happens.

I guess in the world of do-overs, I would get it out of the way on the 2nd or 3rd date. Just lay it all out, because frankly, if it horrifies her then, it probably won't land any easier in the future.

 

[JaneRamsey]

I guess in the world of do-overs, I would get it out of the way on the 2nd or 3rd date. Just lay it all out, because frankly, if it horrifies her then, it probably won't land any easier in the future.

I was was just going to suggest that. I've always done that with pretty much everything, dated few people because right off the bat I would see something I wouldn't like long term, then BAM, met Mr. Ramsey

 

[Lascivity]

I think people in the scene can sometimes seem more promiscuous, just because of context. But actually, generally speaking, I've found vanilla people to be waaaaay more promiscuous in general. Hugely so.

 

[eroticspank]

Trust doesn't cure all though. What if you reveal a taboo kink that the spouse finds so horrifying that they tell everyone, even file for divorce. Now you are outed, divorced, and in the case of a lot of men, flat broke and even barred from seeing their children.

Telling all can be absolutely disastrous. I nearly drove my wife away, by only telling her the tip of the iceberg. I cannot and will not tell her all, even though I trust her in every other way. Just not this one.

Sure, I married the wrong woman, at least from a sexually-compatible point of view, but we sure seemed to have a lot of the same kinks early on. Mine evolved, her's devolved. It happens.

I guess in the world of do-overs, I would get it out of the way on the 2nd or 3rd date. Just lay it all out, because frankly, if it horrifies her then, it probably won't land any easier in the future.

I agree. Telling all does not always work. And in my case, as I mentioned above, it ended up in divorce.

I think it is really important WHEN and HOW you bring up your kinks. That is why I feel many people are on sites like this or Fetlife to meet their partners. The thought is they will understand if they are on these types of threads. Still it is important to talk and do so early as you mentioned.

ES

 

[BlueEyesInLevis]

Interesting question

 

[IreliaObsession]

No, im kinky as fuck and homewrecking my favorite fetish and have never cheated in a relationship, despite substance use at parties to the level that you hear people use as excuses constantly.