Do you ever feel real emotions for someone you've met on here?

[ncheelsmilf]

Well you've just made a friend here. If I ever stop caring about others, then I'll also stop being me. If you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please message me any time. In my experience discussing an issue with someone else who's also been through it is very therapeutic.

Thank you thank you thank you......... I don't know what else to say.... Therapy is highly under rated

 

[LustfulIntentions2]

Your words are exactly what I am (and was) going through. It is a two-edged sword but I hope that you (and I both) can open yourself again to others in a way that rewards you. Probably why I am still here, why I still smile when people give me compliments or when people like you are so kind and wonderful to me. My rational brain and my emotional heart are and always will be at war.

Well you've just made a friend here. If I ever stop caring about others, then I'll also stop being me. If you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please message me any time. In my experience discussing an issue with someone else who's also been through it is very therapeutic.

Just dropping a note in here (and totally butting in) to say that I have been reading this back and forth and want to say I appreciate how open and brave you have both been here.

I've had my share of experiences developing very deep feelings for people here, and I know how challenging it can be, for all the reasons you've listed.

 

[SunshineSam218]

You're not butting in at all! I find it helpful when others share issues here that I'm struggling with as well. I'm all too happy to know that I may be paying it forward by helping others the same way.

I'll add this in here, but you do seem very sweet. You remind me a lot about myself too. I'm naturally caring and I always go out of my way for people to make sure their okay and give them a shoulder to cry on if they need it. Please continue to be you. I admire how caring you are hun.

 

[HoneyMeadows]

All of my emotions are real. I wouldn't be me without them. I've heard people say they have an online life and an "IRL" life...for me they're both the same. There are real people on the other end of these messages and that shouldn't be forgotten.

So yes, I do have real feelings for my friends. Yes they run deep. Yes that leaves me open to heartache, but if I wasn't open to that then I wouldn't be open to making friends. It's a double-edged sword but so worth it when you click with someone

 

[ncheelsmilf]

Just dropping a note in here (and totally butting in) to say that I have been reading this back and forth and want to say I appreciate how open and brave you have both been here.

I've had my share of experiences developing very deep feelings for people here, and I know how challenging it can be, for all the reasons you've listed.

Awww thank you!!!

 

[ncheelsmilf]

Picture removed by moderator, in violation with the Forum Rules. Please DO read the Forum Guidelines regarding posting pictures in the forum. Thanks!

I love that!

 

[LustfulIntentions2]

I'll add this in here, but you do seem very sweet. You remind me a lot about myself too. I'm naturally caring and I always go out of my way for people to make sure their okay and give them a shoulder to cry on if they need it. Please continue to be you. I admire how caring you are hun.

I’ll just go ahead and echo this. I think one of the things that’s been really hard to see over the last few years in American culture is how much decency and kindness have really just been tossed over the side. I like to do my best to be mindful and empathic, and so it really doesn’t sit well with me.

 

[theeonanist]

I have no doubt, and what you went through is what my main concerns are now. I not only want to protect my own heart, but I also don't want to break anyone else's. The dilemma is that I'm a naturally outgoing, friendly, and caring person. I genuinely enjoy the company of most of the people I've interacted with here so far. If I'm too closed and withdrawn, I miss out on that pleasure. If I'm too open and vulnerable, then I risk receiving a lot of pain. I sometimes find my rational brain going to all out war with my overly emotional heart.

Oh Brianna! My heart goes out to you. I have only just found this thread and had no idea.

I’m in a similar situation to in that nothing, but nothing is going to change in my real life. Other than being sexless, my marriage and my wife are perfect. I’m here to plug that gap, initially, I’ll admit, to find women to get off with, but as any fool knows what missing is more than a mediated mutual masturbation session can offer. It’s everything around sex. Intimacy, desire, closeness. The connection.

The connection is what starts to plug the gap. But it’s also where the danger lies. It is a tightrope because as you rightly say it’s breaking other peoples hearts I’d never forgive myself for. Back and forth in my PMs and a nice orgasm hits the spot sometimes, but the relationships I really care about are those I spend time on. And these are not primarily driven by the desire for virtual or otherwise sex with them. It’s based on a connection made on threads and maybe some pms. If the PMd get flirty and develop great, but it’s not at all necessary that this happens not to feel a huge affinity with the right people.

I put you and me in that category. I treasure your friendship above any amount of e-boning. And if I were to say or write something that caused you hurt or to want to stop ever interacting with me I would be totally gutted in real life.

I’m not sure I added any value to the thread but that’s how I feel.

 

[PiccoloGattino]

………….

……………

 

[theeonanist]

You are without a doubt, the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate and understanding man I've ever met, and your friendship is priceless to me!

I truly appreciate your empathy, but I've worked out a lot of prior issues. I found this thread when I was initially overwhelmed by everything that was happening. The tightrope comparison is apt, and I'm in a good place here where I've found both my balance AND my people.

However, I'm the all time champ when it comes to carrying guilt and worry Because I'm not shy about expressing myself, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm rather flirty here, I'm well aware that can easily be misconstrued as something which it is not. It's the reason I worry about unintentially hurting someone I care about. I guess this thread is my safe place for working out things like this.

It’s fantastic that you’ve found a balance. I hope it continues and there’s nothing shaking the rope, to overstretch the analogy.

I’m a little more guarded than you. I do my best to have my say in the big Playground threads but in reality I’m much better in smaller conversations. And because I will not endanger my marriage I can’t let myself get too close, in that I will never let a relationship become anything other than meditated by the internet. I’ve too much to lose.

 

[theeonanist]

Same here. My husband is my soulmate, and I'm here with his knowledge and blessing because he understands and accepts my need to explore. We both agreed on what the boundaries should be, and no matter how much I like someone here, I will not put our marriage at risk. I will say this though. If we were both single, I'd be all over you in a heartbeat!

You are so sweet. The feelings entirely mutual

 

[PiccoloGattino]

I can't even begin to imagine you ruining ANYthing. The world is a better place because you're part of it.

Well I did. Because I was impatient and I guess I wanted him more than he wanted me…..I should of just been happy with what he could give, at least he would still be here.

 

[Dom70]

Well I did. Because I was impatient and I guess I wanted him more than he wanted me…..I should of just been happy with what he could give, at least he would still be here.

I am sorry that happened. Sometimes we do get impatient. Sometimes, as you said, we need to be happy with what can be given at the time. That sucks...but...needs to be done occasionally (unfortunately) due to circumstances usually. I am quite sure you will be wanted my dear...

 

[Lady2020]

Yes...

 

[theeonanist]

Well I did. Because I was impatient and I guess I wanted him more than he wanted me…..I should of just been happy with what he could give, at least he would still be here.

I don’t agree Kitten. I think you would have been hurt even more if you hadn’t had forced the issue. If he was never going to give you the “more” that you wanted, you’d have been in a longer relationship where the two partners are ultimately looking for different things. It sucks being bereft of someone you care so deeply about but maybe it’s better in the long run than the resentment you might have felt for him after a longish relationship in which you were both going in different directions.

And I wonder in terms of the lack of men knocking on your door, I serious don’t believe you have any trouble attracting male attention, not with those hips. I wonder if it’s the case that you’re measuring up all potential men against your ex. If so I’d advise against this. You’re not going to be able to replace him. Go out and have fun for the funs sake. Don’t worry about where it may or may not lead to.

Just have fun. You’ve got this, you amazing woman

 

[javajug]

Update: I've met so many cool and wonderful people here that I'm delighted to be friends with and comfortable being fun and flirty with as well. Now I'm worried (because that's what I do, lug around my Catholic guilt and worry about things) that at some point, we're going to reach one of my self-imposed boundaries and I'll have to say no. I really do NOT want to hurt anyone here if it reaches that point. Everyone I closely interact with (hopefully) understands my position, and I will be as gentle as humanly possible when I inevitably have to decline going futher. Please just know that I DO care about you and I hope you can forgive me in advance.

Here's how I see it. We all have boundaries. And if we really care for each other, then we respect those boundaries. Without question. Without judgement. With total love and admiration and joy and bliss. Because our boundaries are part of who we are. And each of us is totally beautiful.

So, when you find yourself at your boundary, you have nothing to apologize for. And there is nothing to be forgiven. And the people who love you will tell you exactly that.

 

[theeonanist]

FAO PiccoloGattina

I don’t think it’s going to feel like it did with him and until you’re until completely over him no one is going to be good enough and you’re clearly not over him.

You need to move on, because he probably has.

Get out there and sample some other guys. You have half of lit drooling over you right now. Try a few of them. Try as many as you want. They won’t be him. They’ll never make it as good as when you were with him, but down the road you will see that each guy brings something different. Then one day one of them will be amazing. A different kind of amazing, but amazing.

I promise.

 

[javajug]

I don’t think it’s going to feel like it did with him and until you’re until completely over him no one is going to be good enough and you’re clearly not over him.

You need to move on, because he probably has.

Get out there and sample some other guys. You have half of lit drooling over you right now. Try a few of them. Try as many as you want. They won’t be him. They’ll never make it as good as when you were with him, but down the road you will see that each guy brings something different. Then one day one of them will be amazing. A different kind of amazing, but amazing.

I promise.

This all day long. So well said...

 

[Moochienanu]

I don’t think it’s going to feel like it did with him and until you’re until completely over him no one is going to be good enough and you’re clearly not over him.

You need to move on, because he probably has.

Get out there and sample some other guys. You have half of lit drooling over you right now. Try a few of them. Try as many as you want. They won’t be him. They’ll never make it as good as when you were with him, but down the road you will see that each guy brings something different. Then one day one of them will be amazing. A different kind of amazing, but amazing.

I promise.

This is so much easier said than done and isn’t helpful advice for every person. I know from personal experience that heartbreak from relationships here (yes, even entirely online), can be devastating.

Being told you’re pretty and that there are plenty of fish in this sea is just like sinking knives into already bleeding bullet wounds to help staunch the seeping. You don’t want other fish, you want your fish, and sometimes, it feels like that one really was it… and it’s slipped away.

It’s been much more helpful, in my experience, to simply listen to the hurt person. Try to understand that they aren’t ready yet to “get out there,” and be supportive of that decision.

You are right, eventually time helps, but it’s also important to grieve a loss before moving on - whatever that grief looks like is up to the person experiencing it.

 

[SassySheDevil]

This is so much easier said than done and isn’t helpful advice for every person. I know from personal experience that heartbreak from relationships here (yes, even entirely online), can be devastating.

Being told you’re pretty and that there are plenty of fish in this sea is just like sinking knives into already bleeding bullet wounds to help staunch the seeping. You don’t want other fish, you want your fish, and sometimes, it feels like that one really was it… and it’s slipped away.

It’s been much more helpful, in my experience, to simply listen to the hurt person. Try to understand that they aren’t ready yet to “get out there,” and be supportive of that decision.

You are right, eventually time helps, but it’s also important to grieve a loss before moving on - whatever that grief looks like is up to the person experiencing it.

And for however long it takes.

 

[jack_burton_me]

I don’t post often…

But this keeps resonating with me…

Yes, I have felt real emotions for people I have met on Lit. Sometimes it takes a while to develop them, sometimes it burns like a two ended match. Given the mutual circumstances, I don’t have the illusion that things will last forever, but sometimes it feels that way.

Heartache hurts. That’s why it’s called ache. The heart wants what it wants and some times there’s no rhyme nor reason. Not like we have some magic 8 ball that can show us the way - although it WOULD be nice.

Sometimes there is disappointment. I’ve felt it, too. Eventually, I had to consider that maybe it wasn’t me, it was them. Maybe they were incapable of giving more than what they did and didn’t know how to deal with it or speak it out into the universe. Nobody’s perfect. Myself included. Regardless of the outcome, there will be another day, another opportunity to see the sun and be someone else’s sunshine. Who’s to say that the next person won’t be even better, even if we don’t expect it.

Sorry, just felt like letting all that out….

 

[theeonanist]

I really disagree with this. I know it's well-meant, but it's extremely patronizing.

It certainly wasn’t meant that way, and I’m sorry you inferred it. Maybe because I was replying to a pm here rather than the pm. Maybe that was the mistake because some context is missing. Idk. I’m only speaking from my experience and of course I’m not in her shoes now. I look back from a place of calm. So yes perhaps it does sound patronising. But I have been in Kitten’s shoes (not the heels obviously) and more times than I’d like to admit. Yes Moochie, it does fucking hurt like a twisting knife. It almost destroyed me. But I only got over it when the I began to see the replacements I sought for my lost love as people in their own right with their own thoughts and feelings rather than the ones I was trying to project onto them

TPH has an excellent line in her signature which I’ll paraphrase “I’m not responsible for the person you’ve conceived me to be”

It’s pertinent because we build people up online. We get infatuated when someone sparks our interests, pays us some attention makes us start feeling the validation we seek. It might be the furthest thing from the truth but we hang our star on it because we don’t want it to be any other way.

By way of illustration I’ve fallen for a woman who ticks all my boxes she perfect but she’s a Jordan Peterson addict. I’m still trying to process this because that man has some views that are utterly abhorrent to me. The woman was not who I built her up to be. She’s much more complex and as such more fun. But lesson learned? You bet.

I’m not sure if I’ve made this any clearer, so I’ll stop here.

 

[theeonanist]

This is so much easier said than done and isn’t helpful advice for every person. I know from personal experience that heartbreak from relationships here (yes, even entirely online), can be devastating.

Being told you’re pretty and that there are plenty of fish in this sea is just like sinking knives into already bleeding bullet wounds to help staunch the seeping. You don’t want other fish, you want your fish, and sometimes, it feels like that one really was it… and it’s slipped away.

It’s been much more helpful, in my experience, to simply listen to the hurt person. Try to understand that they aren’t ready yet to “get out there,” and be supportive of that decision.

You are right, eventually time helps, but it’s also important to grieve a loss before moving on - whatever that grief looks like is up to the person experiencing it.

I’m sorry you read that as “you’re pretty, there’s plenty more fish in the sea” because that’s not what I meant in the slightest. The point was that looking for replacements is not a solution and moving on from that is the next step and I agree with Sassy that it can be as long as it takes.

 

[SmartIsSexy64]

Yes, I have definitely felt real emotions, and sometimes they are reciprocated. Sometimes there is a brief connection, sometimes it lasts, and sometimes you just keep trying even when you know you are careening down a one way street.

Relationships are difficult, and in some ways, relationships forged online are even more difficult. There is no nuance, no voice inflection, no body language. Some much of how we communicate in an intimate setting is nonverbal.

I consider myself reasonably literate and educated, but in the times I feel a connection I am always questioning what I say, what words I choose....and do I need an emoji. It's hard to find someone whose desires mirror your own, and it's extremely hard to explore that in text format.

Am I going to offend? Am I going to bore? Am I being too cliché? Do I sound too pompous? Sure - the easy answer is "just be yourself", but the problem is that "myself" is a complex individual with my own quirks and desires. What barriers do I drop? What barriers do I ask her (in my case) to drop?

So, yes, I have felt emotions for people here, I DO feel emotions for people here. Yet on Lit it always seems that relationship status reads "it's complicated"

 

[Moochienanu]

It certainly wasn’t meant that way, and I’m sorry you inferred it. Maybe because I was replying to a pm here rather than the pm. Maybe that was the mistake because some context is missing. Idk. I’m only speaking from my experience and of course I’m not in her shoes now. I look back from a place of calm. So yes perhaps it does sound patronising. But I have been in Kitten’s shoes (not the heels obviously) and more times than I’d like to admit. Yes Moochie, it does fucking hurt like a twisting knife. It almost destroyed me. But I only got over it when the I began to see the replacements I sought for my lost love as people in their own right with their own thoughts and feelings rather than the ones I was trying to project onto them

TPH has an excellent line in her signature which I’ll paraphrase “I’m not responsible for the person you’ve conceived me to be”

It’s pertinent because we build people up online. We get infatuated when someone sparks our interests, pays us some attention makes us start feeling the validation we seek. It might be the furthest thing from the truth but we hang our star on it because we don’t want it to be any other way.

By way of illustration I’ve fallen for a woman who ticks all my boxes she perfect but she’s a Jordan Peterson addict. I’m still trying to process this because that man has some views that are utterly abhorrent to me. The woman was not who I built her up to be. She’s much more complex and as such more fun. But lesson learned? You bet.

I’m not sure if I’ve made this any clearer, so I’ll stop here.

I’m sorry you read that as “you’re pretty, there’s plenty more fish in the sea” because that’s not what I meant in the slightest. The point was that looking for replacements is not a solution and moving on from that is the next step and I agree with Sassy that it can be as long as it takes.

I think I understand now what you’re trying to say, but I still disagree. It is no solution to simply jump into more relationships after ending one that left your heart broken, which still seems to be what you’re suggesting.

I was trying to point out that it’s okay to grieve the loss of a relationship without “seeing what’s out there” to help fill the void. It’s healthy to need time and put energy into yourself without another person before you “sample some other guys.”