Endless Curiosity

[Endless_Night]

Define relationship. I’ve probably mentioned working in a nightclub through most of my twenties. It is a date-y environment; I am reasonably attractive.

I’ve dated lots.

The more pertinent relationships, I’ve shared. No details really, unless somehow relevant to my current situation.

Why haven’t I shared more? No particular reason. My SO just isn’t particularly interested in my dating history.

 

[ViciousTease]

Define relationship. I’ve probably mentioned working in a nightclub through most of my twenties. It is a date-y environment; I am reasonably attractive.

I’ve dated lots.

The more pertinent relationships, I’ve shared. No details really, unless somehow relevant to my current situation.

Why haven’t I shared more? No particular reason. My SO just isn’t particularly interested in my dating history.

Like "date" dates? The whole dating thing fascinates me. I've been on very few actual dates. Married twice, engaged to two others that didn't make it to the alter, but very few dates. It always seemed to turn into a relationship early on and then it was out with friends or Netflix* and chill.

*Back in my single days, that was Blockbuster and chill. And by Blockbuster, I'm talking VHS. Maybe even the big tub of microwave popcorn if he was trying to impress me. If we stopped by the Whataburger next door, I would question his motives.

 

[Endless_Night]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

I do know someone who started an out-of-state relationship and failed to mention they were still married. People being what they are, that isn't the surprising part. The real kicker is that they moved to be with the new love, without disclosing the current marriage! Instead, they said they were divorced, and set about making that so without the new roommate's knowledge.

The - dare I call them crazy person - subsequently married and divorced the new love, never (at least to my knowledge) disclosing the lie.

That is some messed up stuff right there....

 

[Endless_Night]

Like "date" dates? The whole dating thing fascinates me. I've been on very few actual dates. Married twice, engaged to two others that didn't make it to the alter, but very few dates. It always seemed to turn into a relationship early on and then it was out with friends or Netflix* and chill.

*Back in my single days, that was Blockbuster and chill. And by Blockbuster, I'm talking VHS. Maybe even the big tub of microwave popcorn if he was trying to impress me. If we stopped by the Whataburger next door, I would question his motives.

Okay. Dating might have been a euphemism.

And, I'd question the quality of his decision making abilities if he stopped at Whataburger. Ugh!

Seriously though, when I say "dating" I mean going out to a restaurant for dinner, or maybe drinks and appetizers, or possibly a lunch date.

 

[ViciousTease]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

I do know someone who started an out-of-state relationship and failed to mention they were still married. People being what they are, that isn't the surprising part. The real kicker is that they moved to be with the new love, without disclosing the current marriage! Instead, they said they were divorced, and set about making that so without the new roommate's knowledge.

The - dare I call them crazy person - subsequently married and divorced the new love, never (at least to my knowledge) disclosing the lie.

That is some messed up stuff right there....

LOL I had a friend from work ask me to do his taxes for him (something I do on the side). He asked the live-in girlfriend/baby mama to get him something from the car and while she was outside quickly asked "how big of a deal" it would be if they filed married filing jointly since they were living together. Before I could answer that question he added, "you know, since I'm still married to my first wife back in New York." The girlfriend doesn't know about the first wife or kids he left behind. Really? I mean ... really? Some people are just total whack-a-doos.

 

[Endless_Night]

LOL I had a friend from work ask me to do his taxes for him (something I do on the side). He asked the live-in girlfriend/baby mama to get him something from the car and while she was outside quickly asked "how big of a deal" it would be if they filed married filing jointly since they were living together. Before I could answer that question he added, "you know, since I'm still married to my first wife back in New York." The girlfriend doesn't know about the first wife or kids he left behind. Really? I mean ... really? Some people are just total whack-a-doos.

So...you're saying this is not uncommon?

And, I have to admit to some curiosity. How on earth did you respond?

 

[ViciousTease]

So...you're saying this is not uncommon?

And, I have to admit to some curiosity. How on earth did you respond?

I told him that his current marriage makes it illegal and that I cannot knowingly commit tax fraud. I offered to file for him as Married filing separately, listing the first wife. He decided to take have someone else prepare his taxes. Whack-a-doo.

ETA: I later advised the girlfriend to file her taxes separately because "you don't want your finances mingled with his unless you're actually married. It can bite you in the ass later on." I filed her taxes that year. He and I are no longer friends.

 

[Endless_Night]

I told him that his current marriage makes it illegal and that I cannot knowingly commit tax fraud. I offered to file for him as Married filing separately, listing the first wife. He decided to take have someone else prepare his taxes. Whack-a-doo.

Presumably he thought he could find someone else willing to commit tax fraud?

Wow. That is all.

 

[UnchainedWordist]

Morning Vixens and Gentlemen

 

[Inspirinious]

I told him that his current marriage makes it illegal and that I cannot knowingly commit tax fraud. I offered to file for him as Married filing separately, listing the first wife. He decided to take have someone else prepare his taxes. Whack-a-doo.

ETA: I later advised the girlfriend to file her taxes separately because "you don't want your finances mingled with his unless you're actually married. It can bite you in the ass later on." I filed her taxes that year. He and I are no longer friends.

IMHO you did the right thing, legally and morally.

 

[ViciousTease]

Morning Vixens and Gentlemen

Good morning to you, too.

IMHO you did the right thing, legally and morally.

Thank you, Inspi.

 

[Mindfondler]

Seriously though, when I say "dating" I mean going out to a restaurant for dinner, or maybe drinks and appetizers, or possibly a lunch date.

Ah... that's different then! I went on lots of dates: probably 80 or 90 of them (I lost count). None of them ended up as a relationship (or even a "relationship"), though — except for the last one.
.

 

[ViciousTease]

Ah... that's different then! I went on lots of dates: probably 80 or 90 of them (I lost count). None of them ended up as a relationship (or even a "relationship"), though — except for the last one.
.

That is ... well, it's beautiful.

 

[Mindfondler]

That is ... well, it's beautiful.

It didn't feel that way during the serial dating phase, I can tell you!

I'd quite like to go on dates again, but without the pressure of expecting any relationship out of them. That was the thing that spoiled them for me: I'd have wonderful conversations with lovely ladies, but then I'd be faced with the expectation of having to make a move or be consigned to oblivion. That's the point where I'd transform into a tongue-tied imbecile.

With the benefit of long hindsight, I find it quite hilarious to reflect back on those awkward times.
.

 

[BlackCashmere]

LOL I had a friend from work ask me to do his taxes for him (something I do on the side). He asked the live-in girlfriend/baby mama to get him something from the car and while she was outside quickly asked "how big of a deal" it would be if they filed married filing jointly since they were living together. Before I could answer that question he added, "you know, since I'm still married to my first wife back in New York." The girlfriend doesn't know about the first wife or kids he left behind. Really? I mean ... really? Some people are just total whack-a-doos.

Omg...horrible guy...

 

[BlackCashmere]

It didn't feel that way during the serial dating phase, I can tell you!

I'd quite like to go on dates again, but without the pressure of expecting any relationship out of them. That was the thing that spoiled them for me: I'd have wonderful conversations with lovely ladies, but then I'd be faced with the expectation of having to make a move or be consigned to oblivion. That's the point where I'd transform into a tongue-tied imbecile.

With the benefit of long hindsight, I find it quite hilarious to reflect back on those awkward times.
.

Dating is way too stressful...

 

[ViciousTease]

It didn't feel that way during the serial dating phase, I can tell you!

I'd quite like to go on dates again, but without the pressure of expecting any relationship out of them. That was the thing that spoiled them for me: I'd have wonderful conversations with lovely ladies, but then I'd be faced with the expectation of having to make a move or be consigned to oblivion. That's the point where I'd transform into a tongue-tied imbecile.

With the benefit of long hindsight, I find it quite hilarious to reflect back on those awkward times.
.

I just love the idea of dating. Of being courted. I know, I'm a dork.

I have always thought of myself as the girl next door type. Not unattractive, but not someone you would notice. My relationships always just developed from friendships. That's not a bad thing, of course, but I assumed that meant I'm the kind of girl you have to get to know before you could find me attractive. The stupid insecurities of youth. If I'd only had the confidence then that I do now. I keep trying to persuade the husband to "date" me. He thinks it's silly. If he didn't have to do it to get me, why should he do it now? It's a fair question.

 

[Mindfondler]

I just love the idea of dating. Of being courted. I know, I'm a dork.

There's nothing wrong with that! Mrs MF uses the word "courting" to describe our dating activities. I think that's a better word in many ways: softer and not tainted by the "rules of dating" (you know, that "first base" / "second base" thing that's often cited with spurious authority).

I have always thought of myself as the girl next door type. Not unattractive, but not someone you would notice. My relationships always just developed from friendships. That's not a bad thing, of course, but I assumed that meant I'm the kind of girl you have to get to know before you could find me attractive. The stupid insecurities of youth. If I'd only had the confidence then that I do now. I keep trying to persuade the husband to "date" me. He thinks it's silly. If he didn't have to do it to get me, why should he do it now? It's a fair question.

That's the idea in relationship manuals of going out for a "first time date" with your spouse, where you start afresh and pretend that you don't know each other beforehand, isn't it? I don't think that's silly per se, but I don't think I could manage it with Mrs MF without repeatedly falling about with giggles. Given that we're both prone to bouts of giggles, that might not lead to the type of evening that we were hoping for.
.

 

[ViciousTease]

There's nothing wrong with that! Mrs MF uses the word "courting" to describe our dating activities. I think that's a better word in many ways: softer and not tainted by the "rules of dating" (you know, that "first base" / "second base" thing that's often cited with spurious authority).


That's the idea in relationship manuals of going out for a "first time date" with your spouse, where you start afresh and pretend that you don't know each other beforehand, isn't it? I don't think that's silly per se, but I don't think I could manage it with Mrs MF without repeatedly falling about with giggles. Given that we're both prone to bouts of giggles, that might not lead to the type of evening that we were hoping for.
.

I'm giggling reading that. Y'all are too cute!

I don't know if I could pull off the first date thing either, but it's worth a shot. The next time I get him out to a bar, I may slip him my phone number and suggest he call me so we can go out sometime. If it works, I'll report back.

 

[Endless_Night]

It didn't feel that way during the serial dating phase, I can tell you!

I'd quite like to go on dates again, but without the pressure of expecting any relationship out of them. That was the thing that spoiled them for me: I'd have wonderful conversations with lovely ladies, but then I'd be faced with the expectation of having to make a move or be consigned to oblivion. That's the point where I'd transform into a tongue-tied imbecile.

With the benefit of long hindsight, I find it quite hilarious to reflect back on those awkward times.
.

Too funny! My issue was always how to turn down the second or third date without hurting feelings. On occasion I would find myself absolutely agonizing through the last half of the date. Gah! So awful.

If I was going to sleep with you (euphemism alert!) I was going to do it right away.

I get bored quick, so it always seemed best to move things along.

 

[Mindfondler]

Too funny! My issue was always how to turn down the second or third date without hurting feelings. On occasion I would find myself absolutely agonizing through the last half of the date. Gah! So awful.

In retrospect, I'd say that the best option is to get on with it and say right away: there's no way of sweetening the pill. It always hurts to get turned down, but one recovers and moves on. I had the peculiar experience of getting from first date to second date very frequently (maybe 80% of the time) but just as often getting blanked after the second date, despite not apparently doing anything wrong. I blame the "dating rules" for that.

If I was going to sleep with you (euphemism alert!) I was going to do it right away.

Interesting! I was a slow burner. I ended quite a few sequences of dates because I knew that possibility was about to appear on the agenda, and I didn't want that. Looking back, I probably could have communicated that better.

I get bored quick, so it always seemed best to move things along.

So, no lazing around on hilltops on summer days, no slow walks along the beach, no gazing upwards at the wonder of the starry skies?
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[Endless_Night]

< So, no lazing around on hilltops on summer days, no slow walks along the beach, no gazing upwards at the wonder of the starry skies?
.

Oh, no! All that stuff. Just not until I'd decided they were a keeper.

Oddly, on Lit my approach is completely different. I am, occasionally, open to the possibility of play, but here I move slowly. Perhaps because I'm only looking for a very specific dynamic.

 

[ydahecnot]

Oh, no! All that stuff. Just not until I'd decided they were a keeper.

Oddly, on Lit my approach is completely different. I am, occasionally, open to the possibility of play, but here I move slowly. Perhaps because I'm only looking for a very specific dynamic.

My takeaway: "Open to the possibility of play"

 

[Endless_Night]

My takeaway: "Open to the possibility of play"

Hahahahahahahhaha!

 

[Trekka]

Have you told your partner about all of your past relationships? If so, was it full disclosure or just the highlights? If not, what keeps you from sharing?

Yes and full disclosure -- it was a fun way to start. Brutal honesty. "So there are these websites I go to...."