Endless Curiosity

[Azuldrgon]

Hold up! If the Dom doesn't have power, then there has been no power exchange, therefore, no submission.

I am tired of this saying "the submissive is really in control". No. No we aren't, and if we are, then there is no submission, only a roleplay. I am not the only submissive having trouble with people who spout this. Our submission is real. We don't want power. When we enter a relationship, yes there are conversations taking place between us - our expectations of one another, our limits - and trust me, Doms have limits just like submissives.

Entering that relationship means I am giving up my power. All of it. I hold no power, I don't any power or control. What would be the point of submitting if I still held all the keys to the kingdom?

And, don't even get me started on "submission is a gift that is bestowed on the Dom"... that's another thing that irks me.

okay, my answer has pushed some buttons. I apologize.

Maybe what I do is roleplay. Maybe I am just an RP Dom with certain partners. Okay, I'll own that.

But not every relationship is like that. The fact that you two post this is cool because I never was a sub. All I know is based on what I have experienced and the fact is I have never experienced domming someone in real life compared to cyber or phone play. I never claimed to be an expert.

So point taken. Why do you think I never talk about this in the first place?

The point is I emphasized the communication aspect and the importance of limits. It's hard to have someone totally submit otherwise.

Point taken....white flag raised.

 

[Farawyn]

Communication is key all over.
The only one I cannot communicate is before coffee.
Impossible.

 

[Endless_Night]

Wow. Lots of strong opinions here on the D/s dynamic.

I have to say my experience throws in far more with Azul's than any other I've heard expressed. And if we are strongly disagreeing, I will say that is absolutely difficult for me to submit or be submissive, partner independent. Not doubt that isn't other peoples' experience, but it doesn't diminish that it is mine in any way.

Isn't the whole premise of BDSM these days that there is no 'twue' way? Certainly we are all entitled to our own experiences and the views. Whether they agree with or own or not.

 

[Azuldrgon]

Communication is key all over.
The only one I cannot communicate is before coffee.
Impossible.

That I can agree with you on.

 

[Endless_Night]

okay, my answer has pushed some buttons. I apologize. >

And, whoah. No need to apologize. Your answered resonated with me better than any description I've ever read.

And the EC is about sharing your own personal view point.

 

[Farawyn]

Wow. Lots of strong opinions here on the D/s dynamic.

I have to say my experience throws in far more with Azul's than any other I've heard expressed. And if we are strongly disagreeing, I will say that is absolutely difficult for me to submit or be submissive, partner independent. Not doubt that isn't other peoples' experience, but it doesn't diminish that it is mine in any way.

Isn't the whole premise of BDSM these days that there is no 'twue' way? Certainly we are all entitled to our own experiences and the views. Whether they agree with or own or not.

We are all entitled.
I don't mind disagreeing.

 

[Endless_Night]

We are all entitled.
I don't mind disagreeing.

Differing opinions aren't an issue )), but we like this to be a space we're people are allowed to express themselves honestly, without being told those views are incorrect.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

It seems the shop has been left untended again. So, don't mind me while I loot the place.

We all have our own sexual preferences, kinks, fetishes, and what have you. Did you come by yours honestly, or were they inspired by a partner?

Bonus: what is the preference?

Most of mine came along honestly in the sense that I was actively exploring what turned me on, and if it did, I explored it. Mostly through erotica, and sometimes porn. Porn typically ruins fantasy for be more than it enhances it so I avoid it a lot. There are a few things that I've been curious about, but really fell for because of a partner, mainly cheating fantasies and rough play.

If I were to list all my preferences, I feel I'd have to cross reference the time of the month and the players involved. I've learnt I like a lot of variety in life.

In no particular order:
Rough play
Control/dominance/reluctance
Group sex
Swinging
Bareback/pregnancy fetish (this is one I adopted from a partner because he was SO into it)
Cock worship (same dude as above)
Cheating fantasy
Edging
Mutual masturbation
Voters
Vouyerism
Exhibitionism

 

[Farawyn]

Differing opinions aren't an issue )), but we like this to be a space we're people are allowed to express themselves honestly, without being told those views are incorrect.

I didn't tell him he was incorrect.
Nor ask for an apology.
I told him I disagreed strongly.

I won't darken your thread again.

 

[Endless_Night]

Most of mine came along honestly in the sense that I was actively exploring what turned me on, and if it did, I explored it. Mostly through erotica, and sometimes porn. Porn typically ruins fantasy for be more than it enhances it so I avoid it a lot. There are a few things that I've been curious about, but really fell for because of a partner, mainly cheating fantasies and rough play.

If I were to list all my preferences, I feel I'd have to cross reference the time of the month and the players involved. I've learnt I like a lot of variety in life.

In no particular order:
Rough play
Control/dominance/reluctance
Group sex
Swinging
Bareback/pregnancy fetish (this is one I adopted from a partner because he was SO into it)
Cock worship (same dude as above)
Cheating fantasy
Edging
Mutual masturbation
Voters
Vouyerism
Exhibitionism

What is voters? Or, is that a typo?

LOL! This is another one of those things I haven't heard of isn't it?

 

[barefootgirl69]

okay, my answer has pushed some buttons. I apologize.

Maybe what I do is roleplay. Maybe I am just an RP Dom with certain partners. Okay, I'll own that.

But not every relationship is like that. The fact that you two post this is cool because I never was a sub. All I know is based on what I have experienced and the fact is I have never experienced domming someone in real life compared to cyber or phone play. I never claimed to be an expert.

So point taken. Why do you think I never talk about this in the first place?

The point is I emphasized the communication aspect and the importance of limits. It's hard to have someone totally submit otherwise.

Point taken....white flag raised.

I've been on both ends of RL and LDR and will agree that each relationship is unique and individual based on who is involved. No two are the same, there's no true way. But, talking to someone about limits doesn't give me power over my DOM, even if you consider that I 'have the power because of my limits'. It's a conversation that should always be ongoing, open communication is paramount in any relationship.

And, EN, if you have trouble submitting to someone, there is no shame. I don't think I've met a submissive yet who submits sexually to everyone, or even in everyday life. Some are more submissive, sure, but that is simply "them". Nothing right or wrong about it. I certainly have no problem reminding someone he isn't my Dom if need be.

As for being incorrect... if people are allowed to share opinions, and if they are incorrect... I'm not going to sit by and watch truth flutter out the window.
That's just my opinion.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

What is voters? Or, is that a typo?

LOL! This is another one of those things I haven't heard of isn't it?

Haha

I don't even know anymore. Definitely a typo, but those who vote are ridiculously hot in my eyes. Even if we have differing political views. *ESPECIALLY if we have differing political views.

I wonder if my vagina is more powerful than FOX news?

 

[Endless_Night]

Haha

I don't even know anymore. Definitely a typo, but those who vote are ridiculously hot in my eyes. Even if we have differing political views. *ESPECIALLY if we have differing political views.

I wonder if my vagina is more powerful than FOX news?

Hahahahaha! I have no doubt your vagina is more powerful than Fox News.

And that mental picture is going to have me laughing all day!

 

[Endless_Night]

I've been on both ends of RL and LDR and will agree that each relationship is unique and individual based on who is involved. No two are the same, there's no true way. But, talking to someone about limits doesn't give me power over my DOM, even if you consider that I 'have the power because of my limits'. It's a conversation that should always be ongoing, open communication is paramount in any relationship.

And, EN, if you have trouble submitting to someone, there is no shame. I don't think I've met a submissive yet who submits sexually to everyone, or even in everyday life. Some are more submissive, sure, but that is simply "them". Nothing right or wrong about it. I certainly have no problem reminding someone he isn't my Dom if need be.

As for being incorrect... if people are allowed to share opinions, and if they are incorrect... I'm not going to sit by and watch truth flutter out the window.
That's just my opinion.

The truth by whose definition?

My Dominant controls the play, but I control whether to allow him the play. In my view, and in his, that ultimately puts me in control. Our view, clearly, is not yours, but I don't see where either view is wrong, or why either needs to be corrected as not being the truth.

*shrugs*

Not an issue, and I wouldn't have said anything except it seemed responses to Azul's expression of experience were confrontational. If that happens too much people won't feel safe expressing a personal, but possibly unpopular, view on the thread.


Yeah. The difficulty in submitting is more in the nature of a huge annoyance than a shame, but I appreciate the reassurance.

 

[UnchainedWordist]

Interesting dialogue. Hmmm.

 

[Bjerget]

Not an issue, and I wouldn't have said anything except it seemed responses to Azul's expression of experience were confrontational. If that happens too much people won't feel safe expressing a personal, but possibly unpopular, view on the thread.

I was going to write the same thing, this seems like it escalated really fast. Also no one gets to say what is right or wrong for someone else. Seems a little pretentious, to me.

 

[Lunation]

So, not only was the discovery of playdough an accident, it was done by a soap company who originally marketed it as a "wallpaper cleaner." Could you imagine accidentally inventing playdough and thinking, "yeah, this will make the walls *more* clean."



*is now in a wikipedia black hole about playdough, will return when I have learned ALL*

 

[aussiegeekygal]

So, not only was the discovery of playdough an accident, it was done by a soap company who originally marketed it as a "wallpaper cleaner." Could you imagine accidentally inventing playdough and thinking, "yeah, this will make the walls *more* clean."



*is now in a wikipedia black hole about playdough, will return when I have learned ALL*

Similar story to 3M strips.

I actually hold a patent on a product I discovered accidentally for an entirely different use. Science, bitches!

 

[Lunation]

Similar story to 3M strips.

I actually hold a patent on a product I discovered accidentally for an entirely different use. Science, bitches!

That's so cool!

...but does it clean wallpaper?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

That's so cool!

...but does it clean wallpaper?

Hahaha. Only if used very incorrectly

 

[Lunation]

Hahaha. Only if used very incorrectly

"Very incorrectly" is how I do everything.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

"Very incorrectly" is how I do everything.

My kind of man

 

[Azuldrgon]

Some yard work and a shower later and I am better.

My apology was for starting a confrontation. I am not like that normally and when it began to escalate, I chose to try to descalate it. Whether I am right or wrong is immaterial

It is what it is. It happened, it's over....let's play with playdoh.

 

[emsway]

So, not only was the discovery of playdough an accident, it was done by a soap company who originally marketed it as a "wallpaper cleaner." Could you imagine accidentally inventing playdough and thinking, "yeah, this will make the walls *more* clean."



*is now in a wikipedia black hole about playdough, will return when I have learned ALL*

Yay!


Wait, where am I again?

Similar story to 3M strips.

I actually hold a patent on a product I discovered accidentally for an entirely different use. Science, bitches!

Whoa. Impressive!

 

[JennyNo1]

Wowee. I take a couple of hours off for some obedience training (for the DOG, pervs!!), and look what happens! One thing I'm noticing back on the D/s topic (Sorry, Lunation) - could it be that everyone is saying the same thing but coming from different perspectives here? A sub and Dom initially often discuss limits and boundaries, after which point the sub may give their power to the Dom, up to those limits. At that point the Dom has the power, up to the limits. Before that and beyond that, the sub has the power. They in fact, exercise power in transferring that power to the Dom. It's obviously not a black and white subject; there's a lot of gray area, and one where we should hopefully agree that we can have different ideas without anyone taking their play-dough and going home.

Back to you, Lunation.