funny sayings

[Jensman4swinging]

Nice legs what time they open

 

[bone251]

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

 

[sbrooks103]

While I was living in Texas a little ways north of the Dallas/Fort Worth metro area, the former long time Denton County sheriff got picked in a near by county for speeding, then failed the breathalyzer.

The Denton newspaper published the story and included a portion of the recording the DPS trooper made during the arrest. For nearly every statement the Trooper made, our former Sherrif answered with:

"Well Bless my heart".

Was he really saying, "Well fuck ME?"

I'm a little surprised that the Trooper didn't let him go as professional courtesy to a former Sherriff. Maybe nobody in the law enforcement community liked him?

ps. I lived in TX for over 20 years and heard many an older person, usually old ladies use the "Bless your heart" a lot. Never took it as anything but a polite expression. I guess I was clueless. Of course my ex wife, born and raised in TX, always said tha phrase, right up to the day she told me she'd been having and affair with someone else and we were getting divorced. Hmmm makes me wonder.

I've always seen it used after saying something critical, then adding, "Bless her heart."

 

[sbrooks103]

"did you hear about the guy who killed both his parents and begged for the court's mercy because he was an orphan?" - That's the classic definition of the Yiddish word "chutzpah."

 

[sbrooks103]

He was just ants at a picnic

I always thought that was, "as welcome as ants at a picnic."

 

[sbrooks103]

My husband deals with idiots by saying things like 'That guy's so cheap he'd skin a turd for a penny', 'don't get into a battle of wits, you don't have enough ammo', and my favorite; 'I would love to stay and listen, but the 'give a fuck' part of me already left...'

The one I use is trying to have a battle of wits with the unarmed.

 

[cyberking001]

'Tis better to remain silent and let people think you are a fool,
rather than to speak up and let them know you are.

 

[yukonnights]

The one I use is trying to have a battle of wits with the unarmed.

The only downside to that is when I have to say; 'I think I'm trying to have a battle of wits while unarmed.'

 

[yukonnights]

'Tis better to remain silent and let people think you are a fool,
rather than to speak up and let them know you are.

yep, this right here is why I write and delete more of these comments than I post

 

[shewantsmore]

Uk saying a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush ,old old saying

 

[yukonnights]

Uk saying a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush ,old old saying

I got a bug in my bush once. That was bad, but 2 birds down there would be...well, it'd be about as bad as it sounds.

 

[bone251]

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

 

[Polranny]

He's a well-balanced lad, deep chip on each shoulder

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Il n’y a aucun plaisir plus subtile qu’être appeller un idiot par un imbécile.

There is no pleasure more subtle than being called an idiot by an imbecile.

- Anatole France

 

[bone251]

How many guys can participate in a gang bang before it's gay?

 

[bone251]

People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.

 

[needit700]

hey baby how about a ......

never mind I'll jerk off.

 

[needit700]

there's nothing more overrated than a

bad fuck and noting underrated as a good shit.

 

[MetaBob]

Opinions are like assholes everyone has got one

There are many variations to this. My favorite:

Opinions are like assholes; everyone has one, and they're often full of shit.

 

[lovecraft68]

I always liked "he folded faster than Superman on laundry day"

 

[bone251]

Hear about the girl that tried to get pregnant?

She blew it!

 

[UsuallyPresent]

The first time I heard that one, I fell off my dinosaur.

That's so weak it can't swim against the current in a bathtub.

Two people can keep a secret if one of them dies.

Lincoln's famous phrase, "And this, too, shall pass."

I never realized stupidity was contagious. (heard in a public meeting)

The IQ of a committee is the average of all the participants divided by the number of feet under the table

Death by C. R. I. - Cranial-rectal insertion (head up their butt)

Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge lets you dodge!

 

[jehoram]

Nice legs what time they open

By appointment only, buddy.

 

[Handley_Page]

The modern (military) aircraft is a complex thing demanding a bit of careful thought, both in operating and maintaining it.
The following is a genuine comment by the techies:
" a failure in the Seat-Stick interface".

 

[UsuallyPresent]

The modern (military) aircraft is a complex thing demanding a bit of careful thought, both in operating and maintaining it.
The following is a genuine comment by the techies:
" a failure in the Seat-Stick interface".

Given this, realizing that a common safety check performed before boarding a military plane aboard a carrier is checking for leaking fluids.

The rule is the opposite that people expect - those looking for them WANT to find them before getting aboard. It means they still have at least some critical fluids!