General Board folks you'd like to see here

[A Desert Rose]

So bdsm is something that is bad for you and you really don't want what is bad for you, but you NEED it?

LOL exactly. Reference my quote above.

 

[Cheyenne]

LOL exactly. Reference my quote above.

What quote?

You people are confusing me!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Not at all. But thanks anyway.

These quotes, Cheyenne.

 

[cellis]

someplace.....

I think she is very special....

 

[s'lara]

So bdsm is something that is bad for you and you really don't want what is bad for you, but you NEED it?

There are those of use who want BDSM in our lives because it provides a satisfaction or serves as an outlet like nothing else can. To move beyond the want, to a place that where the urge is disruptive and all encompassing, we enter into a space that defines "need."

We (BDSM'ers) have diverse needs or eerily similar needs. A particular kind of masochist may need pain which supercedes their want for it. A want is manageable, even dismissed at times. A need is not so easily set to the side. If the need prevents you from concentrating or functioning in a manner consistent with your normal routine, i'd say it was a rather large necessity. However, the same situation (need outdistancing a want) can be applied to those in vanilla life. Just change certain variables (smoking vs. caning).

Yes, some of us have a need for things we may not voluntarily want. By that standard, those outside of BDSM struggle with the same issue. Not so different at all.

lara

 

[FungiUg]

So bdsm is something that is bad for you and you really don't want what is bad for you, but you NEED it?

Oh no! BDSM's bad for me? eeeeek! Runs of to cry

Um... some of us "need" BDSM like we "need" sex. Yes, it's possible to do without it, but no one enjoys the experience.

It's very unlikely you will find someone who "needs" it but doesn't "want" it. Unless there is a cycle of abuse thing going on, which I wouldn't really include in BDSM anyway.

Mostly it's all about power and fantasy fulfilment. In a controlled fashion. Kind of like how threesomes are a controlled version of the need to bonk everybody! So unless there's some element of abuse involved (which is bad for EVERYTHING, not just BDSM), I don't think BDSM would be bad for anybody.

And let's face it... what would life be if we couldn't fulfil our fantasies?

 

[anne22]

Yes, some of us have a need for things we may not voluntarily want. By that standard, those outside of BDSM struggle with the same issue. Not so different at all.

lara

I think I might have something helpful to add to this discussion (now that we've wandered so far off topic anyway).

I have only been exposed to the D/s lifestyle for about 2 years, 1 year spent actively working with my Dom to decide what's right for Him, what's right for me and how best to meet each others' needs.

Late last year, I was taking an extended vacation where I had extremely limited contact with Him and during such, I started to have what could be called mild panic attacks. Since the beginning of our relationship, I'd not been without His loving hand for even a week before, and I was devastated. Not because I was dependant upon Him in an unhealthy way, but because no one was *controlling* me, expecting things of me. I felt lost, and out of control in a bad way. I had literally given myself to Him so deeply, that to be without Him for such a long time was nearly devastating. I didn't know what was happening to me, I didn't know how to make it stop. All I could think about was getting myself back to the place where only His pleasure mattered to me again.

Well, I must admit I acted quite badly and when I returned I really let my emotional river flood in His direction, demanding to know what He'd done to me and how I could stop being what I called "addicted". How could I have let myself become so tied to something that, up until then, I considered to be only a temporary sexual phase?

I learned some hard lessons about my need during those few weeks that I spent away and recovering from being away. Now.... I've gone away since then and not been hyperventilating LOL, but that's because we have an understanding now about things. I understand and embrace what my submission means to me, and He gives me small things that I can do to help myself if the need becomes overwhelming while I am away from Him.

To try to make an already long story shorter.....I *needed* something in that experience (while on vacation) that I didn't *want* to need. I wanted to control my submission, not the other way around. It was at *my* will, *my* disposal, and I wasn't prepared for the intense feelings that hijacked my body when I thought I could, and tried, to turn those feelings off at my discretion.

Understanding and embracing is the key I believe. People who need certain amounts of sleep or those who require several hours of "alone time" each day/week are really no different from those of us who feel *sexual* needs. I don't feel that anything about BDSM, D/s, or anything else people may call it, is unhealthy, just a matter of preference and feeling fulfilled in the sexual/life choices we make.

Sorry for such a long response
annie

 

[Cheyenne]

Yes, some of us have a need for things we may not voluntarily want. By that standard, those outside of BDSM struggle with the same issue. Not so different at all.

lara

Now that makes more sense- thank you.

 

[Lancecastor]

Chey, the first time you cum while he's spanking you...it'll all become crystal clear for you.

Oh, and ask him to post the pics...I love pics of a woman's face just as she cums.

It's a hobby.

 

[Cheyenne]

Chey, the first time you cum while he's spanking you...it'll all become crystal clear for you.

He will never hit me if he wants to be able to walk the rest of his life. Won't happen.

 

[Lancecastor]

He will never hit me if he wants to be able to walk the rest of his life. Won't happen.

It's not "hitting"...it's spanking...increases bloodflow to the pelvic region, thereby increasing orgasmic response.

 

[Cheyenne]

Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm orgasmic enough "as is."

 

[A Desert Rose]

Lance?

I wonder, did someone tell you that penis AVs were somehow sexy?

 

[Lancecastor]

I'm orgasmic enough "as is."

Not if you haven't tried it you're not.

 

[anne22]

Re: Lance?

I wonder, did someone tell you that penis AVs were somehow sexy?

I must agree, this one is much better than the one you had for a few days there. Yuck!

Hi ADR. I must admit to stalking you a bit myself. Nice to meet everyone!

annie

 

[Lancecastor]

I'll make a note that the two of you are AntiPenis.

 

[anne22]

Oops, I think I must have misunderstood ADR's last comment.

I *like* your new AV, and I was attempting to comment that I *didn't* like your last one. Sorry

annie

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hmmmm there is a general board on lit? why am i always the last to know these things?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Lance?

I must agree, this one is much better than the one you had for a few days there. Yuck!

Hi ADR. I must admit to stalking you a bit myself. Nice to meet everyone!

annie

You're too kind. And thanks for stalking me.

Nice to meet you, too.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'll make a note that the two of you are AntiPenis.

Oh, I'm not AntiPenis. I love them... especially, doing what they are supposed to do.

Penis AVs just do nothing for me, that's all. And like that matters anyway.

 

[Lancecastor]

I think the real problem is...not enough pussy avs.

Would you care to be the trend-setter?

 

[Kajira Callista]

there ya go

 

[DVS]

I've thought about posting to this thread, but it has mutated so far off topic. I wonder if it will ever go back, or should I post about both topics, in hopes they will somehow murge into one down the road a bit?

Don't get me wrong. I find both topics very interesting. I think both have a need to survive, and I want them to. And now, we're rating AVs?

I don't have the need for this, myself, but I can be as co-dependant as the next guy and allow others to want and need.

So, I shall return later to see how things have progressed, or further regressed, whatever the case may be.

Oh, just for the record...I don't NEED to return, I just want to. I'm curious is all. Really.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I've thought about posting to this thread, but it has mutated so far off topic. I wonder if it will ever go back, or should I post about both topics, in hopes they will somehow murge into one down the road a bit?

Don't get me wrong. I find both topics very interesting. I think both have a need to survive, and I want them to. And now, we're rating AVs?

I don't have the need for this, myself, but I can be as co-dependant as the next guy and allow others to want and need.

So, I shall return later to see how things have progressed, or further regressed, whatever the case may be.

Oh, just for the record...I don't NEED to return, I just want to. I'm curious is all. Really.

hi DVS

 

[DVS]

hi DVS

Hi, sweetie. You've become a chameleon, when it comes to AVs. I was just here, and you had another AV up. Now, slightly an hour later, yet another. Have a plethora of AVs, at the ready?